आज त्यो पाना पल्टाउन पुगेँ

जुन पानामा तिमी नि रहेछौ

र सँगै म र मेरा आँसुका थोपा

तिम्रो कुनै पानामा के छु र म?

के होलान् तिम्रा पनि आँसुका थोपा?

छैनन् मेरा मनमा अब भन्न केही

रहेनन् मेरा मनमा अब बाँकी केही

पानासँगै पल्टिए तिम्रा तस्बिर,

हाँसिरहे छौ तिमी जसरी मसँग हाँस्थ्यौ

ती पल्टिएका पाना नि आज त अनौठा लागे

लेखिएका शब्द एकाएक अन्जान लागे

मनका नजिक रहेका ती पाना

आज हातमा हुँदा पनि अनौठो लाग्यो

च्यातिएका पानासँगै

सायद मेरो मन नि च्यातियो.....

युगौँदेखि जताततै चुहावट मात्र छ।

थाह्रो भैँसीको कल्चौँडो जसरी कुन्नि कसले पौरन खोजेको खोज्यै छ मेरा औँलाहरू। खै, के चुहाउन खोजेको हो यो कम्पनबाट! टुप्पाहरू आस्तै–आस्तै राता हुँदै छन्। हातका ससाना आलु-बम्बहरू फुटेर नङ्ग्राबाट आखिरमा सेत्सेतो जस्तो देखिने धमिलो कर्म चुहियो।

भित्ताको आड छोडेर हातले दुईतिर कानैनेरि गोमन समाएँ। टाउको र पुच्छरको गाँठोले पछाडि आँख्ले डोको बेरेको छ। त्यो गोमनको ढाड चाहिँ मेरो निधारमा ढाडस बनेको छ। चिप्लेला जस्तो पनि गर्छ, तर घोटेको घोट्यै छ खप्परमा। डसेको डस्यै छ पछिल्तिर।

समीपमा कन्सरीबाट दुईधारे झरना चुहिएको छ।

अगाडिबाट राता गुच्छा गर्दनमा बेरेको एउटो मान्छेजस्तै देखिने आकृतिले एक्कासि नमस्ते पो गर्छ। उसको जिब्रोबाट चाहिँ मलाई देखेर थुक चुहिएको छ। तर थुक अलिकति सङ्लो–सङ्लो छ। निधारमा फेरि अघि मैले मारेको जुकोजस्तै एउटो रातो धर्को चुहिएको छ।

उसको भुँडी ताछेर छाउने भए मेरो झुप्रो र गोठलाई पनि धेर हुन्छ। उसको दौराले त मेरा पाँचवटा छाउराका छवटा पुस बित्छन्। बाह्रवटा बैशाख बित्दा हुन्। उसको एउटो श्रावण पनि बित्छ कि नाइँ!

खैर, मेरो मुखबाट नमस्ते चाहिँ चुहियो।

“भगवान्‌ले कृपा गरुन्!", उसको मुखबाट मेरो लागि धर्म चुहिएको छ।

सुरुवालमा पहेँलो दाग देखेँ। उतिबेलै पछाडि एउटा बन्दुक भिरेको मान्छेले दाँत कोट्याइरहेको देखेँ। मेरो मुखबाट भोक चुहिएको छ। लालाबाला सम्झन्छु। हृदयमा डाँडै खसेझैँ पहिरो चुहिएको छ। आँखाको तिरैतिर लेदोसहितको बाढी चुहिएको छ।

अचानक एक छाक मासु खाने कागज उसको कोटबाट चुहियो।

लालाबाला फेरि सम्झिएँ। समाएँ। अनि मङ्सिरमा मेरो हातबाट पनि एउटो कागज पेटिकामा चुहियो।

उता देश चुहिएको छ। यता मेरो छानो। म बाल्टिन थापौँ भने त्यो पनि चुहिने छ।

एक मुरि धानको बोरा बोकेर खेतबाट निस्कन्छु। बाटैमा खै कतिको मुखमा चुहिन्छ। मेरो भकारीसम्म आइपुग्दा एक पाथी मात्र चुहिन्छ।

समयसँगै आस चुहिन्छ। आससँगै उमेर चुहिन्छ। उमेरसँगै आकाशबाट एउटो भैँसी चढेर कुन चाहिँ हो धर्तीतिर चुहिन्छ। अनि म फेरि त्यसैको काखतिर चुहिन्छु।

उता मेरा लालाबालाको निधार चाहिँ खै कसले चुहिने बनाएको छ। चुहिएको चुहियै छ।

युगौँदेखि जताततै चुहावट मात्र छ।

I fell in love with you,

not with your beauty.

I loved you,

not your looks.

I wish you were

a unique page in the book of my life...

But you turned out to be the page

that I didn't read,

but tore out and separated from the book.

I never thought,

you would become the most beautiful part of my story,

but unfortunately...

you became that chapter,

that I will remember,

but never want to read again.

— Dicer

I am writing a novel basically romantic novel ho chapter 5 jati samma sakeo but already 230 pages bhaisakyo planning to write till chapter 12 but yei taal le ho bhane over lamo hune raixa first novel bhayera ni hola needed suggestion regarding this and if someone is williing to review it for free please you can help me out .

पीपलको रुख हाँसिरहेछ

चैते वतासले जिस्काईरहेछ

चुलबुले पातहरु नाचीरहेछ

कटुशे चाँचर गाउँदैरहेछ

साँस फेर्न भनी बसेँ चौतारामा, म भौतार...

भौतारिने यो मन पनि साँस फेर्दोरहेछ ।

★ सची

Life has given so many difficulties,
Sometimes from fame, sometimes from family,
Sometimes from the changing moments of loved ones…
A person, while fighting,
**Has learned to fight with himself.**

Some dreams were snatched away by time,
Some were silently broken by loved ones,
And the hope for tomorrow,
Is slowly fading away.
Now there's no complaint from anyone,
Nor any questions for anyone…

I’m just watching in silence,
Not knowing which turn in life
Tomorrow will decide.
But one thing my heart still says
When even after enduring so much, breath is still there,
Then perhaps the story isn’t over yet…
Maybe this darkness is just
The last wait for some dawn. 🖤

Why should I be
Afraid of a nightmare
If my good dreams
Are just dreams
Just like those worst ones

Everything is flowing
Like a mixture
Of objects in the water
The water going to sea
From so many rivers
They're meant to meet somewhere
Or at least at the end

And sometimes through the dreams
So how and where
Everything connects to me
My soul or only me?

And why I see those things
While I'm conscious
In my unconsciousness
Why?

Should I always wonder?
And I
Would I find out why?
Why?

And all the paths
Someday
At the end of this journey
Or after it
In the next trips
Somewhere else...

#Some_High_Time_Thoughts ✌️
AviMan( );

I was recently called selfish.

I asked,

“How?”

The answer was:

“You are.”

And maybe...

maybe I am.

Selfish for staying awake all night just to console her.

For giving up what I had just to see her happy.

For helping with her assignments while leaving mine unfinished.

For worrying the whole day because she was somewhere

I couldn't reach.

For letting my time disappear

when I could have been somewhere else.

For being there even for the smallest things,

even when no one asked me to.

For learning things I never knew

just so I could teach her.

For giving pieces of my future just to make hers a little brighter.

And somewhere between being there for her,

I stopped being there for myself.

I put everything aside and chose her

again and again.

So perhaps they were right.

I am selfish.

Selfish enough

to put everyone else before myself.

Selfish enough

to give without being asked,

to stay without being needed,

to worry without being told.

Selfish enough

to sacrifice my future

just to help build hers.

Yes, I am....

I started writing this in Nepali than i thought, i might not give justice to words in Nepali.

I feel like i might have lost my writing at end. suggestions are appreciated.

You make it soo easy. You make all Lana Del Rey songs make sense. The way you talk about women, a literal gentleman, the man of his words. You're so strong yet so emotional and that's my favourite part about you. That you're not afraid to express how you feel. I really hope we have kids just like you. My eyes, your lipss awww. They'd be the cutest. The way you show kindness ughhh melts my heart every time. The way you care and that you exist. uhuhuhu. idk who and where u are but meet me someday, k?

Speaking in itself is the d*ath for me. I have never crossed through the feeling of helplessness in my life. Now a days it's a different story. Wanting to talk to people having someone who would understand my feelings. My feelings are intense. How could you say 'The grief will last for few days' How can people be so insensitive. People assume I am fine because I don't talk about it often. I don't talk about it to anyone because no one cares to listen and care. Who would I go to and share? At the end I don't have anyone I could rely on. Somehow it breaks my heart but I will handle it by myself as always.

As the strands of hair cover my eyes while trying to look at my leg, bleeding and tattered, the only notion I felt was that of life humming in my ears with a tone of mockery and laughter.

The rain pours down as if wanting to stop me from stepping into the river, cold and shivering I walk nevertheless. But the river thrashes and screams, humming a tone of fury and anger.

As the snow covers my body leaving only my head above, I felt the coldness sink inside of me as if wanting to freeze my life, humming in my ears with a tone of sigh and slander.

The Eternal Hum continues, for as long as my breath does and my breath hums forever.

म जादैछु प्रिय ,

तिम्रो पर्खाइमा तीन याम बित्यो ,

खडेरी मन भिज्यो ,

समय काल बदलियो,

सबै सकियो,

तर तिम्रो बटो हेरिरहेकि म, भने

उहि , तिम्रो सम्झनामा रमीरहे,

मलाइ थहा छ प्रिय ,

यो बाटो भविष्यमा

तिमी अवश्य फर्कने छौ

धर्ती र वर्षाको मिलन झै

हाम्रो मिलन हुनेछ

भन , कहिले आउछौ प्रिय ?

आज आउछौ , कि भोलि?

कि लाग्छ , केहि दिन् अझै?

पर्खिदै छु प्रिय

समय दिएँ तिमिलाई

प्रतिक्ष्यामा तिम्रो ,दिन गन्दा गन्दै,

अब त म ,

आफैलाई चिन्न् न सक्ने भएछु

के , तिमीले सक्लाऊ ,

मेरा चाउरी परेका गाला

सुम्सुम्याउन पहिले जस्तै?

मेरा फुस्रा हात्

समाएर चुम्न फेरी पनि?

के सक्लाऊ अब

मलाई आफ्नो भन्न अब फेरी पनि?

ढिला भयो प्रिय ,

अब न आऊ

तिमीलाइ दिन अब म सङ्ग केहि पनि छैन ,

कि लग्छौ मेरो लाश्?

आफु सङ्गै?

सजाएर राख्छौ कि फूलले?

न आऊ अब , धेरै ढिला भैसक्यो ,

मेरो , अन्तिम सास गइसक्यो

माफ गर प्रिय ,

तिमी आउने आशा सगैं

म मरिसके ।

Apparently, I was born with a sister,

but somehow got assigned to a princess.

Golden ratio—

your face clearly missed that class,

yet somehow you make hearts collapse.

You live in a delusion,

still unable to accept

that I'm taller

and obviously more good-looking than you.

You may devour a whole nation

and still be hungry,

but one thing can fill that hunger—

our love, our care,

and obviously our money, money.

One small argument,

and suddenly you're ready to disown me,

as if I wasn't your brother

five minutes ago.

The way you hold on to an argument,

even Anna from Obsession

would tell you to let it go.

We could argue over the smallest things,

hold grudges against each other,

yet somehow, when I needed help,

you were still the one reaching out.

Even the world's finest creations

seem unfinished beside you—

not because you're perfect,

but because you somehow make

imperfection look beautiful as hell.

You do what you want,

say what you want,

and somehow still make it look right.

We fight over nothing

to win absolutely nothing,

making each other go crazy,

getting separated,

and somehow neither of us

really knows how to stay apart.

Hardly an hour later,

we're together again.

You guide me along paths

you've already walked,

protecting me from the mistakes

you've already experienced.

But silly me

never ever listens to what you say.

You teach me lessons

that no notebook in the world contains,

telling me not to be confined,

not to be overwhelmed by the world.

You support me.

You encourage me in everything,

even in writing this.

You give me the light you didn't have,

just so I can find the right path.

I could have never said this aloud

That's why I'm writing this up.

I truly love you, sis.

मानिस जन्मँदा एउटा सुन्दर नाम पाउँछ,
त्यही नामले उसलाई संसारमा चिनाउँछ।
कोही ठूलो नामको हुन्छ, कोही सानो,
कोही धनी, कोही गरिब भनेर चिनिन्छ।

तर जीवनभर हामी धेरै कुरा गर्न चाहेर पनि गर्दैनौँ,
“मानिसहरूले के भन्लान्?” भनेर डराउँछौँ।
आफ्नो खुसी दबाउँछौँ,
आफ्नो इच्छा मार्छौँ,
अरूको सोचलाई आफ्नो जीवनभन्दा ठूलो बनाउँछौँ।

तर एकपटक सोचौँ त—
जुन मानिसहरूको कुरा सुनेर हामी बाँचिरहेका छौँ,
उनीहरू पनि एकदिन यही संसार छोडेर जानेछन्।
न उनीहरूको कुरा साथ जान्छ,
न हाम्रो डर, न हाम्रो इज्जतको घमण्ड।

अन्तिम यात्राको बेला
न धन साथ जान्छ, न रिस, न अहंकार।
जुन नामले जीवनभर चिनायो,
अन्त्यमा त्यही शरीरलाई लास भनिन्छ।

जब अन्त्य सबैको एउटै छ भने,
किन यति धेरै रिस?
किन घृणा, झगडा र अहंकार?
र किन “मानिसहरूले के भन्लान्?” भनेर
आफ्नो जीवन आफूले चाहेजस्तो बाँच्न डराउने?

बाँचुन्जेल कसैको मन नदुखाऔँ,
तर अरूको डरले आफ्नो खुसी पनि नमारौँ।
माया गरौँ, माफी दिऔँ,
र आफ्नो मनले चाहेको राम्रो जीवन बाँचौँ।

किनकि अन्त्यमा नामहरू फरक भए पनि,
माटोमा सबैको परिचय एउटै हुन्छ। 🕊️

We were the stars in heaven–once. It was a fleeting dream, really.

 but it was undoubtedly us.

 You, with your lips on a frown, your soul on the mantle.

 And even then, even there you ran– drifted so far, not even light could catch you in your flight.

 So much cowardice, or wanderlust ,as you would put it.

 I would call it my home, and your eyes would look at me, pity shining right through my soul ,blinding me , and you would say that I am the saddest thing you've ever seen.

 Swiftly, softly, I would blink here, give a twinkle there, and watch you in your pursuit as long as the tide danced for the moon.

Rain!
Is it a blessing? Or
Is it a Curse?
Rain!
Does it resonate with happy or Sad?
Good or Bad.
A child dancing in the rain.
A child drowned in the sorrow given by rain.
Rain!
Is it good or bad?
Is it happy or sad?
Rain!
Some are waiting for it.
Some are praying against it.
Rain!
Some enjoy it.
Some need it.
Some hate it.
Rain!
Is it good or bad?
Is it happy or sad?
Rain!
What is it?
Rain!

I work a demanding job. I run the entire house — I arranged the maid, the cook, found a rental that would give my wife the best conditions to study, so that not one hour of her time gets wasted. She’s preparing for a competitive exam and this is her last attempt. She doesn’t earn right now, and that’s fine, we decided it together. I also send money to her parents when they ask, for a loan they took for her education before we married. I’ve never once said no to that.

My own parents have never asked me for a single rupee. They live far away, they have health problems, and I think about them every day. I can’t be there. That’s a weight I carry quietly.

What I wanted in return wasn’t money. It was small things. That she’d call them sometimes. That she’d sit with my mother when we visit. Just thoda mann rakhna. Instead she’s flat about them. Polite, but nothing more. When I bring it up, it becomes a fight, so mostly I stop bringing it up.

She says my parents have expectations and she never asked for anything from them. Maybe there’s truth in that. Maybe the pressure feels bigger from her side than it looks from mine. She’s also under enormous stress with this exam, and I know that.

But here’s the part I can’t say to anyone: my parents are unwell, they’re far away, and I feel like I’m the only person in my own home who thinks about them. That’s a specific kind of lonely.

I’m not asking whether I should leave. I love her and I’m not going anywhere. I just wanted to put this somewhere, because holding it alone is starting to get heavy.

⭐

We can’t get star,
We can only gaze it from afar,
Admiring its beauty.
The elegance it holds.
The ultimate sophistication in simplicity that it holds.
We can’t even get close to star
We can’t get Star

You are a star

I almost had stopped,

Wandering

A new life I had been dreaming,

Yes I almost forgot worrying,

And once again vehemently, I’m screaming

Sage I was looking for ,I almost had found

Glimpse of crested bliss ,high above the ground

Mended by whisperings, and heraldic sound

But then again its hurting ,the same old wound

Aloofness no more, there was a cambric

No mandatory doses, I’m not feeling sick

All insipid approaches, flew away with a prick

So far I lost elevation, at the preliminary peak...

#Some_High_Time_Thoughts✌

AviMan();

To realize that they are going to outlive their youngest child

To realize that all the time and money they put on their youngest one was for absolutely nothing

To see their own offspring hanging on the ceiling, like a cold lifeless carcass

Do they think parents ever get over it ?

The wet dry throats inside
Screaming like a hungry cry
For the hunger of peace in mind
And did he really quit his show?

Didn't he know
The crowd is waiting for him
How could he quit
Without showing the crowd
All the pages of his mind

Didn't he know
To take care of all the things
How could he quit
Without revealing answers
To questions rising out

The wet dry thoughts inside
Rage and fear in the eyes
But still fighting with demons
And did he really quit the war?

...
#Some_High_Time_Thoughts ✌️
AviMan();

In a world full of hatred,

all I was trying to do was fill myself with love.

In a world full of rudeness,

all I was trying to do was fill myself with kindness.

There you came,

A little boy, a grown-up man,

and all I wanted then was to fill your world.

To fill your world with my love,

To fill your world with my kindness.

And there you are,

Trampling, clutching all my kindness and love,

Stepping over my leaf, which I had laid for you.

Laid for you just to cover the thorns in your heart,

and all you did was pluck and plough those thorns into me.

He had the guts

To free himself from the emergency ward

He threw his life away from that building

But the nature didn't wanted to kill him so he survived

He wasn't afraid to take those steps again

But he thought he could try to live once more

He went to all the places and spent his days as like earlier

It was not bad, it was going well

But he had seen the death

He knew the state of peace

It was much better than being sick in reality

So he tried to be there again

Then he searched for the paths

to reach his destination

And one day he found a way

to stop every function

And he decided to go

And he stopped the flow of life in wires of his body

hanging himself in rope

Putting pressure in those wires

He stopped to think , he stopped to breathe

He stopped the function of hope

And those people he faced

Most of them knew it's gonna happen

Some made fun of him

Some taught him lesson

Though, he never really heard anyone

Few thought it's a prank

Few claimed its a game

Few of them shocked, and some crying

And there was me, who had no idea

That now it's not the same

The other day, while I went there

In our checkpoint where we met

Hey lad how you're feeling now?

With no heat in your body

Have you found your state of peace?

Were you afraid?or you had no fear?

To take those steps you took to disappear

I was confused in this confusion

However, it's our nature to forget the one who doesn't exist anymore

There are millions of trees in this forest

It doesn't matter if some are cut

It's will still look the same

We'll forget that once we had him around us

Or maybe he's still with us

He don't talk, he don't appear

But his soul is roaming in this breeze

What if he could feel us through this rays of sunlight?

And feel every frequency of our existence?

...

#Some_High_Time_Thoughts

धेरै दिनपछि
फेरि ऊर्जा हराएजस्तो छ,
मनभित्रको उज्यालो कतै
बिस्तारै निभाएजस्तो छ।

आज साँच्चै रुन मन लागेको छ,
तर किन हो
त्यो ठ्याक्कै भन्न सक्दिनँ म।
दुःख त धेरै छन् मनमा,
कुन दुःखलाई पहिले समेटूँ,
कुन पीडालाई शब्द दिऊँ,
सायद त्यही नै बुझ्दिनँ।

परीक्षाको तनाव त छँदै छ,
तर कुरा परीक्षा मात्र कहाँ हो र?
कहिलेकाहीँ त
आफ्नै जिन्दगी हेर्दा
जिन्दगीसँगै वाक्क लाग्छ,
आफ्नै बाटो हेर्दा
हिँड्नै मन नलाग्ने हुन्छ।

जाऊँ भने कहाँ जाऊँ?
मनका कुरा कसलाई सुनाऊँ?
यो सहरमा
आफ्नो भन्ने मान्छे को नै छ र?
हजारौँ अनुहार छन् वरिपरि,
तर, म छु नि भन्ने
एउटा मान्छे कहाँ छ र?

भीडमा पनि एक्लोपन,
शान्तिमा पनि हजारौँ आवाज,
बाहिरबाट सामान्य देखिए पनि
भित्रभित्रै
कति कुरा छन् आज।

अबका केही वर्ष
मेरो जिन्दगीका महत्त्वपूर्ण वर्ष हुनेछन् रे,
यिनै वर्षले
भोलिको बाटो कोर्नेछन् रे।

तर मलाई कहिलेकाहीँ
यी केही वर्ष नै
छोड्न पाए हुन्थ्यो जस्तो लाग्छ।

सकिन्थ्यो भने
समयलाई अलिकति पछाडि फर्काउँथेँ,
जहाँ भोलिको चिन्ता
आजको टाउकोमा राख्नुपर्दैनथ्यो,
जहाँ हरेक निर्णयले
यति ठूलो अर्थ राख्दैनथ्यो।

किन यति धेरै तनाव?
किन यति धेरै डर?
नआएको भोलिको पनि
आजैदेखि किन यति भर?

चिन्ता आउँछ,
सोचाइ बढ्छ,
मनलाई सम्झाउँछु
तर मन फेरि
त्यहीँ फर्किन्छ।

कहिलेकाहीँ लाग्छ
म धेरै सोचिरहेछु,
कहिलेकाहीँ लाग्छ
सोच्नकै लागि पनि
मसँग अब ऊर्जा छैन।

न भाग्न खोजेको हुँ,
न हार्न खोजेको हुँ,
बस्,
अलिकति थाकेको हुँ।

धेरै कुरा सम्हाल्दा सम्हाल्दै,
आफैंलाई सम्हाल्न बिर्सिएजस्तो,
सबै कुरा ठीक पार्न खोज्दा
आफैंभित्रै केही छुटेजस्तो।

सायद त्यसैले
आज रुन मन लागेको हो।

कारण एउटा मात्र कहाँ हो र,
दुःख पनि कहाँ थोरै छन् र,
धेरै साना-ठूला पीडाहरू
जम्मा हुँदै गएछन्
एउटै भारी बनेर।

आज त्यसलाई
बोकेर हिँड्न मन छैन।

आज केही प्रमाणित गर्नु छैन,
केही जित्नु छैन,
भोलिको योजना पनि बनाउनु छैन।

आज बस्
यो थाकेको मनलाई
एकछिन शान्त हुन दिन मन छ।

र यदि आँसु आए भने,
आउन दिऊँ।

किनकि सधैँ बलियो भएर
बाँचिरहनु पनि त
सजिलो कहाँ रहेछ र।

भोलि फेरि
ऊर्जा फर्केला कि नफर्केला,
थाहा छैन।

तर आजका लागि
यति मात्रै काफी छ,

म थाकेको छु,
मन पनि भारी छ,
म भित्रैदेखि टुटेको छु।

र आज
मलाई रुन मन लागेको छ।