r/OCPoetry • u/DuskGray • 1d ago
Feedback Please When
Brush dipped deep in paint
Orange streaks round and round
Now carefully add the tail
If we get married
We’ll adopt a cat
Make sure it’s a tabby
Call him Grif
She added the eyes
Added a face
Took a paintbrush straight from her case
Our hands held each other
Coated in red and blue and green
My wrist did its work
Next came the brown of the spine
Then was the white of the pages
If we get married
We’ll read to each other
Share the books that made us
Revisit the stories that transformed us
The Star Wars and the Dragonriders
Dune and the Witchers
She passed bristles through drywall
Breathed more life into the slate
From the bottom where there were feet
To the top where it ended at a head
Thrice she drew the same thing
If we get married
We’ll adopt a child
Maybe two, maybe three
If out of the womb isn’t possible
Then out of foster care they will be
Out came the thinner brush
Orange hairs stroking the wall
Black was the paint
Writing words unknown
A mystery box to be unlocked
A story yet to be told
If we get married
Let’s tell our own stories
Build brand new worlds
Of dystopian futures and boys with powers
Family legacies of eternal vampires
Gang wars in the middle of cyberpunk streets
And new races of people the world has yet to meet
Let’s publish a book or ten
The wall was getting full
Not much white left to fill
A canvas of imagination
A backdrop of ambition
A stage of dreams yet to materialize
But the curtain will fall
And life will go on
Maybe some day
Maybe…
“How about ‘when?”
That last gap in the painting might as well have been painted
As my heart exploded and the paintings came alive
As my eyes soared to my love staring back at me
She got her brush ready
And she wrote one final word
Filling the white
Completing our work and opening a door to another
Another that would last till death do us part
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u/Doter_Gabriel 1d ago
Your poem made me smile. It really is a wholesome poem and I think that it is beautiful. We are allowed to dream and have wishes for the future, even when we don’t know if it will come true. It gives us hope. And belonging. So thank you. I think the love described in this poem is beautiful and this seems like such a cinematic scene if you think about it. It’s a really cool narrative poem almost. I think ever line describes something beautiful. Thank you for your poem and for making me feel something :)