r/OnlineDating Jan 20 '24

RULES Update...Read before posting or commenting!

46 Upvotes

As the amount of spam, nonsense posts, unnecessarily rude comments, etc. has increased and we've been banning 15-20+ users a day, we felt it was a good time to review some of the rules and guidelines for posting and commenting here. PLEASE note, like in most other large subs, violating these rules typically results in a permanent ban...they are clearly posted here, please do not send us a modmail after the fact saying you did not know the rules, we spend countless hours moderating the sub, we don't need to work even harder because you couldn't take a few minutes before posting to read the rules.

First off, since this is a common modmail issue we get: NOTICE FOR NEW USERS: We use automod to filter out new accounts and those with low karma due to the number of new accounts being used to create rule-breaking posts. If you are a new user or have low karma and your post or comment does not appear you likely do not have enough karma or enough days on reddit. Please wait until you have been on reddit and built up karma.

NEW!: After reviewing the results of a poll users of this sub took, the majority wanted a length limit on posts, with the two most voted options being 600 characters and 1,500 characters. Therefore, we are going to implement a 1,200 character posting limit and we will adjust this as needed in the future. The purpose of this sub is for people to ask questions about online dating, not to write lengthy unreadable novels or to use this sub as a diary. 1,200 characters should be plenty to summarize the question, while keeping it short enough and to the point that others actually read it. Do NOT circumvent this rule by continuing a post in a comment, posting a screenshot of a question, linking elsewhere to a lengthy question, etc. Doing so will result in a ban.

With that said when posting here, there are a few things you should think about:

A. First, is this post relevant to online dating, this is a place of encouragement and support for online dating users, not a place to bash online dating, ask about things irrelevant to online dating, or go off on a rant, post question after question after question in a short period of time, etc.

B. Second, will this post help the community. This is a community-minded forum, not your personal soap box or diary. Posts should be questions that are beneficial to the community and help others learn...posts that are simply rants, have no purpose, serve no point, appear more like a diary entry or don't ask a relevant question shouldn't be posted here. Posts should form a question that users can answer.

C. Third, please do not ask nonsense, silly or unanswerable questions. Questions should be things random strangers can give an informed opinion on...asking why a match hasn't replied, why you can't get matches, why someone blocked you, etc. should be avoided as no one here can answer why a random stranger isn't interested in you.

D. Fourth, this is not a dating sub, a make friends sub or a profile review sub. This is not the place to seek dates or friends or to have your dating profile reviewed.

When commenting here, there are a few things you should think about:

E. First, please be respectful with your comments. Other users may have different opinions, but please be considerate. This is especially true for top-level comments...please do not antagonize people who have posted a top-level comment just because you disagree with it.

F. Second, we try to be fair and equal to everyone, however we seem to have a number of users who call users names, call another user sexist or misogynist, etc. This is not acceptable.

G. Third, comments should give an opinion relevant to the post or answer the question in the post. Comments which don't directly answer the question should be avoided.

In addition to the above, some of more important rules to remember are as follows:

  1. The purpose of this sub is to discuss online dating...issues with apps, questions about app or dating experiences, questions about profile setup, questions about dating experiences, etc. It is NOT a sub to find dates or to post your dating profile. This sub would be cluttered as could be if everyone were to post looking for dates, additionally, it's unlikely many people on here would be anywhere near you geographically anyway.

  2. Similarly, do NOT post referral links, surveys, affiliate links, ask for referrals, promote yourself, spam, etc. This is not the place to ask for or post your links to join a dating site, referrals to a dating app, etc. This is not the place to promote yourself, your business, your app, your subreddit, your website, etc. Absolutely no surveys, school surveys, research questions, research polls, school research, etc. No questions pertaining to starting a new app/website, research for a new app/website, etc.

  3. Please be considerate of others and their opinions. It's understandable that different users may have different views and that is fine, but there have been a few "troll" accounts that have gone around doing nothing but posting rude comments for no real reason. This will not be tolerated. Be considerate of others, avoid foul language, do not antagonize or call others names and avoid being rude to others. Additionally, while it is wonderful if you make friends here, please be mindful of other users privacy...many post on here for opinions and comments, not to make friends or find a date. Please do not ask posters to "DM" you or provide you with their contact information, etc. Many users are not interested in corresponding outside of the sub and that should be respected.

  4. Posts here are open to all users to answer. Please do not attempt to limit what users may answer. Posts that state "women only," "men only," "older daters only" etc. are not acceptable.

  5. No guides, articles, tips and tricks, unnecessary links or how-tos. This is not the place to post guides, opinion pieces, advice, tips and tricks, articles, essays, advice columns, etc. This is not the place to simply link to a news article or other website. Additionally, posts should not be needlessly long or appear more like an essay than a question.

  6. No nonsense, silly or unanswerable questions. Posts here should ask a question that a random stranger would be able to answer. Questions that a stranger can not be reasonably expected to answer such as "Why did my match block me?" "Why didn't my date want to meet again?" "Why don't I get matches" "Should I use dating apps?" "What is the best app to use?" "Is OLD a good idea?" etc. should not be asked.

  7. Similar to #6, posts should be a question which have some purpose or point. While complaining is one thing, if your post is better suited for r/rant, it will probably be removed. Posts which are nothing but venting or ranting or appear more like a diary entry may be removed.

  8. Similar to #7, if you don't have good experiences with or don't like online dating, fine. However, as this is r/onlinedating, we like to have a welcoming and open atmosphere towards online dating, not to scare people away from it. Posts saying that online dating sucks, is terrible, shouldn't be used, that people should "get outside and get off online dating," etc. should not be made. Likewise, repeatedly making these types of comments also is not acceptable. An occasional comment here or there that is critical about online dating is fine, but this is a sub to support and help people who use online dating, not to discourage them.

  9. No antagonizing users who post top level comments. If someone posts a top-level comment and you have a differing opinion, please respect their comment. You can post your own top-level comment, however 'picking a fight' and antagonizing someone else for their own opinion in a top-level comment should be avoided.

  10. No "one and done profile reviews" or help make my profile posts. In general the idea of the sub is to be a place that others can learn from and a place that benefits others and not just the OP. In that spirit and because of the number of people that have been posting "profile review" posts or asking for help creating a profile, in general these are not allowed. These posts clutter the sub, are beneficial only to the OP and in many cases it is the only post the OP makes here.

  11. This is not an AMA or sex sub. This should go without saying, but this is not an AMA sub for you to brag about how you got 500 dates in a month, etc. There are other subs dedicated to AMA's. Likewise, with the nature of online dating it is understandable that some sexual things may be mentioned in a post, however this should be limited to brief basic relevant details...there should be no in-dept sexual discussion nor should the post read more like a fantasy novel then a post relevant to the sub. Posts should be closer to PG then to R.

  12. No politics. This is not a political subreddit...and unfortunately any time anyone asks a question even slightly political related everyone acts like children with rude, crude and unnecessary language toward the political views or party they don't support. Further many posters are asking thinly veiled questions which appear designed more to stir the pot than for anything actually related to online dating. As such, no political posts, no political comments, no putting down parties or views you don't agree with.

  13. Moderator Discretion. This is not one we wanted to add, but due to the number of banned users who modmail us and argue that what they did doesn't perfectly fit one of the rules we are going to add that the mods here have discretion as to if a post or comment is allowed or not and to ban or warn users.

Sorry for the length, but with the amount of posts and comments we've had to remove, we want to be clear what is acceptable here. If you have a question, please ask. With all that being said, WELCOME! Thanks for stopping by. And if you feel something violates the rules, remember to hit the REPORT button!


r/OnlineDating 12h ago

Would you be understanding if a man still lives or has their parents around in the same house?

20 Upvotes

If a man is in his late 20s still lives with his parents, would that be a turn off for you? What happen if the man is solely responsible for all financial responsibilities or they took over the house mortgage. Like in Asian culture, they consider taking care of their parents as a moral duty.

The housing shortage and high price on rent in certain city like LA, New York, DC and is discouraging people on getting their own place.


r/OnlineDating 21h ago

Does anyone else think it's werid to text all day everyday before meeting url?

33 Upvotes

I've met I really great guy online and we have arranged out first date, but it's over a week away.

And now he's constantly texting me all day everyday. But the thing is we are getting in amazing over text. Almost like texting a boyfriend.

But I just find this so weird because we have never met irl. So all this texting is just imaginary fantasy. Because I've been on plenty of dates where conversations were flowing over text and when we met in irl we didn't click at all and it was a terrible date. So I just don't want to build a fake relationship in my head (our theirs) over text. So I prefer minimal texting until we actually meet.

Anyway I have made it clear that it's too much texting and they have backed off and will wait for me to message them first.

Am I right that it's weird to be texting each other like we are in a relationship when we have never met?

Or am I just over thinking this and I should just text them?


r/OnlineDating 11h ago

do you really have to send likes to get any action?

5 Upvotes

all this talk that guys need to send max like every day to get a date but if women have a flood of guys sending likes doesn't it get flooded? would it be better for the women to actually send out likes to guy they actually want since men get few to no likes whatsoever?

every time I send a like I rarely get a match. the incoming likes I get has been like 80% of the dates I go into although most are just not my cup of tea. but hey everyone's gotta shoot their shot I guess.

Since women get induated with a lot of likes, mine will get buried so what's the point.


r/OnlineDating 1d ago

I struggle to be flirty after matching ?

3 Upvotes

So I find that after I match with a guy, and we start talking, they will be flirty immediately. Aka with compliments, pick up lines, and what not. I accept these ofc with gratitude and I appreciate it. But I feel bad that I don’t give the same attitude back. It’s just not my personality to show such affection to someone I don’t know. I feel like i really start to like someone when I see their personality. Is something wrong with me ?? Why do I struggle to give compliments 😭


r/OnlineDating 22h ago

If I (male, 30s) don’t get any dates within a week of using an app and send bunch of likes, should I give up?

0 Upvotes

This is not a nihilistic post but a genuine question. For example, match.com you can search your are and age and see like 500 profiles. Let’s say I send 100 likes and 10 messages. A week later if nothing lead anywhere, is there a point in continuing to try?


r/OnlineDating 1d ago

Question about not wanting kids

6 Upvotes

This can be for anyone, but geared mostly towards women. I see a lot of profiles stating that they don't have and/or don't want kids, which I completely understand. The question that I've always had is how often does that mean not interested in kids whatsoever or you don't want any of your own but it's ok that I have one?


r/OnlineDating 1d ago

Should I lightly say “Thought you disappeared on me there 😅” to someone whose response time is getting longer?

7 Upvotes

I’ve been speaking to this guy since April and been 5 dates. We are in our early 30s. We live 80 miles apart and individually been on holidays for the summer and no 6th date is set up

Frequency: He really isn’t a frequent texter and he said even with friends it is like this. I noticed before he’d take a day, then a two now it’s three days before he responded. But I remember he replied to me even when camping or hiking and now idk where he is over the weekend and took him too long

Quality: the good thing about him is when he replies it’s really quality replies. He’s engaged, curious about me with balance of flirting

Dates: I would say he’s given me the best dates. It’s always activity+food and recently when he stayed over activity+food+drinks. It’s museums, walks to a nice viewpoint, karaoke, amusement park.

But am I allowed to say that? Reply to his messages and then add that in between a casual “btw I thought you disappeared on me there 😅 we have been speaking like we’re writing letters in the 90s”


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

Does she like me, or does she just enjoy talking to me?

3 Upvotes

I matched with a girl on Tinder at the beginning of the month. We’ve been talking pretty regularly on WhatsApp, with long conversations, voice messages and personal stuff. She also asks how I’m doing and shares things about her life.

The problem is that after almost three weeks, we still haven’t met in person.

She works/studies a lot and says her career is her priority. She told me Thursdays are usually the easiest day for her, but plans keep coming up. I’ve suggested meeting several times, including one weekend when she said she had no plans, but nothing ever happened. She never suggests another specific day herself.

She still seems interested in talking to me, but I’m starting to wonder if she actually wants to meet or just enjoys the conversation.

She also told me that a previous relationship ended partly because her partner felt she never had time for him, and she says she likes the lifestyle she has now.

Would you keep talking and see what happens, or take the lack of effort to meet as a sign that she isn’t interested enough?


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

Unexpectedly unmatched on Hinge after talking for a month

19 Upvotes

ETA: We were talking through text, not just through the app. I meant voice messages were sent within the iMessage thread. They were minutes long back and forth, not surface level. I have never talked to someone this long without meeting them; I was trying to be understanding of his circumstances

I (33F) recently reactivated my Hinge account after a long hiatus. I matched with “J” (31M) a little over a month ago. We had a lot in common upbringing/mindset/intellect-wise, clicked, and I was looking forward to seeing how things progressed.

A couple days after we met, he told me that he had just experienced a loss in his family among other things. In spite of that, he remained positive and would initiate contact via voice messages/texts almost daily. He would compliment me and we would have good convos. I feel like I tried to be there for him as much as a new potential romantic interest could be. I understood he was going through a lot but he never mentioned meeting up someday. I hinted I’d like to talk on the phone sometime; he didn’t take me up on the offer but still talked to me often.

Ambiguity makes me anxious so I sent a thoughtful voice message asking for clarity on if he was interested. He said that he was. I thought we were having mature discourse, but he went MIA for a day. Turns out he unmatched me. Was I misreading the signs the whole time or did I just fuck everything up? He didn’t seem like the type to ghost and this kind of hurts. Feedback appreciated.


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

New to apps (M54): Does profile effort predict anything in real life?

6 Upvotes

New to dating apps (M54). Hinge makes everyone answer three prompts, but most of the profiles I'm seeing treat them as a formality: a few words, a stock line, done.

I get it, writing about yourself is hard. But for those who've been on a while, does the effort someone puts into their prompts actually predict what they're like in person, or is it just a sign of who's comfortable writing?


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

How do I convey that I am willing to travel on my dating profiles?

10 Upvotes

I live in a small rural town. We're talking less than 5000 people. It's also more of a "settle down here" place so even when trying to get out more and use hobbies to increase my social circle, there just isn't a lot of opportunities. So apps are kind of the only realistic avenues I have at the current moment, even if they aren't the most fruitful.

Unfortunately, I know that distance can be pretty big deal for some people. Does anyone have suggestions on how to signal that you are willing to travel a bit? I'm looking for a natural way to phrase it where it doesn't sound forced (or desperate lol). I don't want a long distance relationship, but I only live about 1.5-2 hours away from a few larger cities and don't mind hypothetically traveling that distance if I am seeing someone.


r/OnlineDating 3d ago

Do extremely attractive men lower their standards on dating apps just to get laid then ghost..?

190 Upvotes

I’m kind of coming off the comments of a different recent post I came across about someone saying they automatically swipe left on extremely good looking people.

The way things are going for me in dating, I’m pretty sure I’ll be alone for the rest of my life 😅


r/OnlineDating 3d ago

Unexpectedly caught feelings for someone I met on Feeld – how do you navigate this?

7 Upvotes

I recently met a woman on Feeld and, unexpectedly, I’m starting to want to date her seriously.

We’ve been on a few dates now and the chemistry has been pretty insane. We align heavily in terms of general interests, sexual interests and physical touch; she’s repeatedly told me that the qualities I have are exactly what she’s looking for in a guy so I think feeling may be mutual. Both of our profiles also say we’re open to seeing where things go.

The thing I’m struggling with is that I know she’s still active on Feeld (while I’ve mostly stopped using it because I’m interested in her). Her profile is very sex-forward and I know she’s getting a lot of attention.

I’m wondering how people navigate this when someone you meet on Feeld starts feeling like someone you could genuinely see yourself having a relationship with, while they’re seemingly still active in a very sex-oriented dating environment.

For those who’ve had a Feeld connection turn into something more serious, how did you approach that transition from: “We’re having fun and maybe fooling around” to “I’m genuinely interested in building something with this person”?


r/OnlineDating 2d ago

My style is not a kink

0 Upvotes

Hi so looking for others opinions, or anything really to see if I'm alone in this. F/23 have been online dating on and off and I am alternative in my music taste and style. Think tattoos, some piercings (ears), colorful hair, and black clothing only. I do always state that I'm looking for a relationsship and actual dates so I'm not interested in hookups. I do get a good amount of matches but about 60-70% are only interested in hookups and some even start convos with "step on me", "mommy" or along the lines of wanting a "goth girl".

Is it my specific style that attracts this? This is not a kink and I am not a kinky person. I might be opinionated but I am so not dominant. I'm just a girl.

This is not a rant, I've come to terms with having to block and unmatch a lot but is this common? Am I alone in this?


r/OnlineDating 4d ago

I don’t think men are involuntarily celibate. I think their celibacy is becoming increasingly intentional.

135 Upvotes

I read through women’s dating profiles and find myself increasingly bored and checked out by the whole thing:

- The obsession with mindless, empty consumerism…travel, restaurants, food, etc. I’m immediately suspicious of any woman who describes herself as a “foodie who loves to travel.” Eating food and traveling around the world are not hobbies and we all saw how well that lifestyle worked out for Anthony Bourdain. 😬

- The obsession with true crime TV. Can someone please explain this one to me? My god it’s boring.

- The obsession with pet animals. We get it. Your apartment smells, and somehow I’ll probably end up taking care of the thing if we were to date.

- The laundry list of demands: “Make me laugh,” “Be a man with a plan,” “Take the lead,” etc.

At a certain point, I wonder whether a lot of men aren’t struggling to date and have sex with women so much as voluntarily opting out of the whole thing.

Hell, I know I am. I get more than enough matches. I make plans and cancel them all the time. And when I actually do make it out on a date, I almost never have any desire to follow up for a second one.

And of course, that’s not to suggest that men are anything to write home about, either. Between sports gambling, fantasy leagues, spending entire weekends glued to football, disappearing into video games for hours, and making the gym their entire personality.

At this point, though, the lifestyle of a monk is starting to seem increasingly appealing to me.


r/OnlineDating 3d ago

No Face Dating?

0 Upvotes

Would it be weird to set up a dating profile with no pictures on it to avoid family members or people I may know from seeing it and then sending photos in the dms 🤔? NO im not in a relationship and trying to cheat nor am I trying to hide how I look.


r/OnlineDating 4d ago

Why do women put "I won't message first 😆" on their dating profile?

141 Upvotes

Actually one of the most cringe sentences I can read in a bio. I immediately swipe left. Shows 0 effort and all kinds of red flag personality traits. They always put a laughing emoji too like loll leave a message at the tone loser. How does someone actually write that and think it helps them in any way? It's always only that in their bio too, or a couple sentences...


r/OnlineDating 3d ago

Question: If you add someone and they start sending new pics where they look a bit older or different, what to do?

0 Upvotes

Are you supposed to let them know or just quietly unmatch?

Assuming you haven't talked very much yet


r/OnlineDating 5d ago

Turned off by all the “good morning” and “how was your day” texts by men before first date- how to gently stop them

132 Upvotes

It feels like everyone got comfy doing endless instant messaging instead of meeting. Guys want to chat morning, noon and night, at a level reserved for a bf/gf relationship- not being even having date one.

It’s turning me off.

It’s not helping us get to know eachother. It’s a bunch of boring filler talk.

How can I get gently tell them it’s working agajnst them?


r/OnlineDating 4d ago

She hasn’t initiated a conversation in a week, but she still sends me snaps. Should I message her?

0 Upvotes

I’ve been talking to a girl I met through Snapchat/Instagram, and we had been having a pretty good conversation. There was some flirting and she seemed comfortable talking to me. At one point, we also talked about studies and what she wanted to do.

About a week ago, I stopped messaging her. I honestly wanted to see whether she would initiate the conversation herself if I didn't always make the first move.

She hasn't initiated a proper conversation since then.

However, she still sends me snaps. So she's not completely disappearing or cutting contact. She just hasn't actually started a conversation with me.

Now I'm confused about what that means.

Is she just casually sending snaps because that's what she normally does, or could it mean she's still interested but expects me to start the conversation?

Should I message her after a week, or should I continue waiting and see if she eventually reaches out?


r/OnlineDating 4d ago

At what point do you give up (and get suspicious) when someone can't meet up?

21 Upvotes

I've been talking consistently to a guy from an app now for coming up on 4 weeks

At the beginning of every week he says he should be free at the weekend, but by Friday he starts laying the ground work for having to work all weekend as he has a big deadline coming up. If he works again this weekend then that's four 7 day weeks he's supposedly done.

I asked him to video call today to prove he's real, said he was still working (at 7pm) and he'd let me know if he's up to it when he gets back, he never messaged, but I know he'll message tomorrow to start the whole charade again.

He's been jumping the gun a bit and talking about a long term relationship with me, and I keep reminding him you can't have a relationship with someone you haven't met.

I think I've kind of answered my question in typing this to be honest, but I'm new to online dating and not totally sure whats normal or usual. I just can't work out what's going on?

Is he:

A) already in a relationship and just wants to message people on the side for a bit of fun

B) a scammer playing the long game

C) generally just has no intention to ever meet me

Or D) some other option?


r/OnlineDating 5d ago

Has anyone found “don’t want children” to be false after meeting someone?

30 Upvotes

I want kids and respect if others do not, so I choose to pass on people whose profiles say they don’t want kids

But I’ve had female friends and family both tell me to not let that be a barrier to meet someone, as people can change their minds

But im 35M and it seems disrespectful and a waste of time to get to know someone when the assumption is they are certain about something as huge as wanting or not wanting kids

So, what gives? Do a lot of people (I’m really asking about women) really say they don’t want kids and then change their minds down the road? Seems like something most women think seriously about considering it is life-altering to bear children

Thanks for the input


r/OnlineDating 5d ago

To men who lie about their height, how many inches do you add to your height on your profile profiles?

28 Upvotes

I’m a F30 who is 5’8”. When I first started online dating, I would go out and match with men who were 5‘8”, but of course, I soon realize that men who have their height as 5’8” tend to be a lot shorter. Many were 5’6” or 5’5” And I would have to hunch down a bit when a friendly goodbye hug was exchanged.

I’m good with dating someone who is my height, but not shorter. So my question is, how much do you all add to your height ? If somebody says 5’9” are they being honest or are they 5’7” or 5’6”? It’s been my experience that men who list their height at 6 feet or 511 tend to be honest and not lying about it. It’s the 5’9”s that I’m a little nervous about.

Before you eviscerate me, please know that a bit of chubbiness, baldness or other things that would be deemed unattractive don’t bother me. The height does as I’ve always been a tall girl. By the time I was 13, I was 5’6” and taller than most women and many men out there.


r/OnlineDating 5d ago

Hinge punishes free users

115 Upvotes

I’ve been using hinge for 3 days now. Ngl I think the app sucks. It’s expensive as fuck and they intentionally give you one rose just to pigeonhole you into buying 3. Hinge wants to sell you profile visibility for 20 an hour. Why am I swiping if you’re going to intentionally shadowban my profile? They tank your number of free likes especially after you wait all night to start liking again. You get significantly less likes than the day before.

I think they punishing free users for not paying to be seen by “ideal profiles or potential matches.” Ngl I’d actually buy a rose if I could just buy 1 not the obligatory 3. Obviously people are paying but is there any legitimate return on investment? I can’t legitimately justify the purchase to myself.

ETA: now where does it say in my post I want the service to be free? No where in here. Stop being dense. Reread the title before shilling for match.com 🙄