Only Child

[u/gaughan6277]

Hey all,

Reaching out as I’m going through a tough time.

I’m a late 20s only child. My mom suddenly passed away from a stroke last year, and was taking care of my dad. He is in his early to mid 60s, a veteran and has stage 4 metastatic lung cancer. He has been in and out of the hospital around 20 times in the last year since she passed and he’s gotten to the point they are recommending home hospice for him. He gets it but is also hasn’t fully processed the situation so it’s a lot for me to handle.

I am lucky to have a great group of friends, a good job and a supportive gf, but gosh this last year has been a roller coaster dealing with a lot of this seemingly on my own.

Posting in here to get advice on how to deal with the situation and for support as I deal with these trying times.

[u/bozofire123]

Fuck dude I’m sorry. That’s all I can say. I’m around the same age as you and fortunately have both my parents but everything else in my life sucks so I feel like I gotta get like with a solid external support

[u/Intrepid-Guide504]

mid aged only child who was primarily on my own A LOT with just my alcoholic mom. married now with 2 kids. i find the loneliness comes and goes. i wish i had an instant answer for you, i find it comes in seasons and waves. i do have a dream though, wouldn't it be great if we somehow could create a type of non-profit where onlies are put in like families? or that at least the non profit provided some type of support as needed, things you need as an only child that a family typically would provide during hard times. or things like amazing holiday gatherings, etc. at times I have found God has really helped and I would point you there 100%. at times my faith has been profoundly helpful and healing. but i am human and sometimes i ask God why so many of us are alone like this when others have so much. I know nothing is perfect in life. so, all this to say, the loneliness you feel is normal. you might be lonely, but you are not alone. we are all here thinking of you today. God bless.

[u/Successful_Pizza6529]

Sorry for your loss.

[u/gimpy_in_pnw]

Ooffffffff. I could have written this about eighteen years ago if I’d known of Reddit at the time. I lost both of my parents in my 20s, and gosh, I sometimes look back at that time and wonder how I survived it. These will probably be the most difficult days/weeks/months of your life, or at least they were of mine so far (I’m 47m).

It sounds like you have as good a support system/community around you as you could hope for. Just make use of the people that really show up for you. I remember feeling guilty at times in asking others for help, like my situation was a burden no one asked to be a part of, but just let people help when and where they can. Some will surprise you, others will disappoint, you won’t know until the moment comes.

Try not to ignore your own care too much, also. I ate terribly (when I did eat) and didn’t exercise for the months around my Dad’s final descent and lost at least ten pounds. You won’t be as effective as you need to be as a POA or MPOA if you’re poorly nourished and weak.

I’m sorry you’re going through this also. It’s plainly a terrible experience.

[u/Such_Literature_2397]

you must thinking about yourself right now because its will effect yourself in the future