🐻,

If someone told me a year ago that my story with you would somehow end up feeling like it came from the storyline of Obsession, I would’ve laughed. Except this isn’t funny.

Honestly, I don’t even know what got into me. You weren’t my type. I didn’t even like you like that in the beginning. Yet somehow, you came into my once peaceful life, lovebombed the fuck out of me, made me feel like I was the most wanted person in the world, and then pulled away the moment you got what you wanted, which was for me to feel the same.

It was like watching your own version of the One Wish Willow unfold in real time. And the worst part? I fell for it. I fucking fell for it. Then you told me you “weren’t ready.”

And that confused the fuck out of me.

Because you were the one who came into my life. Uninvited. Unannounced. I was perfectly fine before you showed up. You disrupted everything, made me feel things I never intended to feel, gave me memories I never asked for, and then suddenly decided you weren’t ready.

But instead of being angry at you, I tried to understand. I kept making excuses for you. Maybe you were scared. Maybe you had your own issues. Maybe the timing was wrong. Maybe you genuinely cared but just couldn’t give me what I needed.

And at some point, I started turning all of that inward. Maybe something was wrong with me. Maybe I was too much. Maybe I wasn’t enough. Maybe if I had done something differently, you would’ve stayed.

So I became obsessed with figuring you out.

For months, I kept thinking about you. And stalking you. Even though stalking you was practically useless because you barely have any social media presence. So naturally, my completely sane solution was to stalk your mom instead. Yes. Your mom.

And every time I saw your face in one of her posts, I cried. I cried when something reminded me of you. I cried when I remembered the good memories. I cried over conversations that probably meant nothing to you but meant everything to me. I cried because I couldn’t understand how someone could be such a huge part of my life and then suddenly become a stranger.

For months, I couldn’t bring myself to block you. Because seeing your name in my story viewers, even if it was literally just a fucking view, made me feel like there was still some tiny thread connecting us.

Pathetic, I know. But I couldn’t accept that everything ended the way it did. I kept waiting for an explanation that was never coming. I kept looking for meaning in things that probably had none. I kept reopening a wound just to check if it still hurt.

And it did.

For seven fucking months. Seven. Months. I spent seven months trying to move on from a stupid three-month talking stage filled with nothing but your bullshit. Three months of knowing you. Seven months of recovering from you.

And looking back now, I genuinely cannot believe how long I let myself live inside a story that you had already left. But then something finally clicked.

I woke up.

And suddenly, everything I had spent months romanticizing looked completely different. All the things I used to excuse became red flags. All the things I used to overthink suddenly became obvious. All the questions I spent months trying to answer suddenly didn’t matter anymore.

You weren’t some complicated mystery I needed to solve. You were just someone who treated me like shit. And I was so desperate to understand why that I forgot to ask myself a much simpler question: Why the fuck did I let you?

That clarity felt exactly like one of Nikki’s “wait, what the fuck?” moments. Like waking up from a seven-month delusion and realizing, Oh. You really were full of shit.

And now? When I think of you, I don’t miss you. I feel resentment. When I hear your name, I don’t feel butterflies. I feel disgust. The memories that used to make me cry don’t hurt the same anymore. Some of them just make me angry that I ever allowed myself to believe they meant more than they did.

Maybe that’s what moving on actually looks like. Not forgetting. Not forgiving. Just finally seeing someone for who they were instead of who you desperately wanted them to be.

Sometimes, you come to mind. In sudden flashes, in long stretches. Sometimes you linger; most of the time, you’re just a thought that passes through and disappears into the abyss (abyss?). But somehow, you’ve occupied a permanent little space in the back of my head—frequently forgotten, but never really erased.

When a lyric escapes your earphones and finds its way straight to your heartstrings; when the scenes I talked about from your favorite movies come up in HD; when your joke makes the crowd laugh, but none of them sounds like the summer I turned pretty (nu raw hahahah)—do you think of me? Or does this list of little things still end with my name like it used to?

Trying to conclude this feels almost as impossible as trying to conclude you. I can bury it under try-hard one-liners and jokes tucked neatly inside parentheses, but the truth is, there’s no neat ending to this.

You’re just somewhere in the back of my mind; not always, not even often, but never completely gone.

Never force a relationship.

Sometimes it's better to move on, than to hold on to a person who doesn't understand who you truly are. Unfortunately there will be times where your absence will teach you what your presence cannot.

You need to stop breaking your own heart in trying to make a relationship work that clearly isn't meant to work to begin with.

You can't force someone to genuinely care about you.

You can't force someone to be faithful to you.

You can't force someone to be the person you need
them to be.💯💔

The truth is, sometimes the person you want the most is the same person you would be best without.💯

You have got to understand some things are meant to come into your life, just not meant to stay.

Everything that you do to show love, you have to be careful, not to lose yourself by trying to fix what should never been there in the first place. You can't get the relationship you need from someone who's not ready to reciprocate the love you give to them.

I know it's hard when you meet someone and your heart feels, that's the person you could spend an eternity with, and you start to accept that they are not that person you thought they needed to be.

And no matter how many times you cry yourself to sleep at night, you will eventually heal from your previous relationship and find the one you have always longed for. Your future will now bring an understanding of why things didn't work out in your previous relationships.

One thing I have learned throughout the years, is “It is better to be single than to be in a relationship settling for less.”💯

If they see you as an option, then they don't deserve to be a priority in your life.💯

Take my advice and never chase someone who's not chasing you.💯🙌
Ct: Professor Syed Zaheer hussain Kazmi

Para sa aking Silver Springs,

Pinag uusapan namin yung high blood, stroke and bices kanina. Naisip kita. Magbagong buhay ka na kasi sobrang prone mo sa stroke. Mawala na sana yung addiction tendencies mo. Ewan ko kung bakit nag aalala pa rin ako sayo. Ganun siguro ata talaga. Hanap-hanap ka pa rin ng puso at nervous system ko.

I miss you but I won’t reach out. Alam kong ayaw mo nun. And once you’ve made your decision, it’s final. Ayoko na rin mamilit.

Miss na kita. Sobra. Matulog ka na nang maaga ha. Para makatulog din ako nang maaga.

Dear you,

I still think about how often we seemed to miss each other. Not physically, but in the way we understood things. We could have the same conversation and somehow walk away from it carrying completely different versions of what happened. Maybe that’s why everything between us always felt harder than it needed to be.

I know there were times I pushed too much. I asked questions when maybe you were already tired of answering them, and I kept trying to make sense of things even when you had probably already decided you didn’t want to explain any further. I can admit that now. I know I didn’t always handle things well.

But I still wonder if you ever understood why I was trying so hard in the first place.

I wasn’t always asking because I wanted more from you. Sometimes I just wanted to know where I stood. Sometimes I wanted to know if what I was feeling was something I made up on my own or if you felt the confusion too. I think I kept trying to explain myself because I wanted to feel like you understood where I was coming from, even if you didn’t agree with me.

You would listen. You would respond. Sometimes you would say you understood. And I never really knew if you meant it.

That still bothers me more than I want it to.

Did anything I said ever stay with you after we stopped talking? Did you ever think about it later and understand me a little differently? Did you ever realize that maybe I wasn’t trying to make things difficult, I just didn’t know what to do with something I couldn’t make sense of?

I know I misunderstood you too. I know there were things I took personally that probably weren’t meant that way, and things I made heavier than you intended them to be. I’ve had to accept that.

I just wish I knew if you ever thought you might have misunderstood me too.

Maybe that’s why we kept hurting each other without really meaning to. I would react to the distance I felt from you, and maybe you would react to the pressure you felt from me. Then I would notice you pulling away and try harder to understand, which probably only made you want more distance. We kept responding to each other’s reactions until neither of us really knew what the other person was trying to say anymore.

And I still don’t know if you ever really heard me.

Not whether you heard the words. I know you did.

I mean, did you ever actually get what I was trying to tell you?

Or were you just being kind enough to let me finish because you wanted the conversation to finally be over?

I hope it wasn’t that.
I really do.

Because I can make peace with the fact that you didn’t always understand me.

I think what still hurts is not knowing whether you ever really wanted to.

but you’re so pretty it hurts

crush ka lang eh. crush ka lang naman. i see you at work. you barely look at me. we never talked ever since i confessed. i’ve been avoiding you so much. if i’m going to somewhere and i see you there, lumalayo naman ako. wala naman akong intention lumapit kasi i wanna move on so fucking bad.

i haven’t been wearing my glasses na nga eh kasi i don’t want to see you. i don’t want to see you from afar in your gorgeous black outfit. i dont want to see you smile. i dont want to see your pretty goddamn eyes. thank god napalipat ako ng station sa work kasi i don’t even wanna hear you talk. i don’t want to hear you laugh. i don’t want anything from you

pero the universe just finds a way to make me suffer kasi nagkakasalubong tayo eh. sa jeep on the way to work. sa sm. sa cr. sa uncle johns. saan pa ba? lumalayo na ko pero wala pa din.

so now i’m just back here. again. hoping you talk to me and hoping maybe if you do talk to me, maybe it will be different. maybe if the universe wants us to talk and be friends again, maybe it will be different.

pero i don’t want to hurt myself like that again. whatever happens, happens. kung wala, wala. bakit aasa pa ko na may chance tayo just becausd the universe keeps meeting us up.

hindi moko gusto. you don’t even want me as your friend anymore. so why should i stay having these feelings for you.

i want to move on so bad. bakit ba ang ganda mo.

L,

Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako titigil sa kasusulat sa'yo. Pero, ito ang alam ko—hindi ako sobrang lungkot. Hindi na. Ito pa ang isang "pero"—pero may kulang pa rin.

Gumising ako ngayong umaga na magaan ang pakiramdam. As usual, first thought kita. Pero nakakapanibago na hindi ako nakaramdam ng sobrang lungkot. Alam mo kung ano naramdaman ko? Longing, yearning—whatever that is na gusto kita makasama at gawin lahat ng girlfriend duties para sa'yo, pero hindi ko magawa.

Gusto lang kita mahalin, 'yon lang. Gawin ang mga bagay na magpapagaan sa buhay mo. Puwede kita ipagluto para hindi ka mag processed food nang madalas, puwede ako tumulong sa paglilinis ng tinitirahan mo, puwede mo 'ko yayain gumala kung gusto mo kasama. Puwede kita samahan kung stressed ka at gusto mo lang manigarilyo.

Ang daming "puwede" na hindi ko magawa kaya imbes na malungkot, nag yearn na lang. Hindi ko alam na mas mabigat 'yon. Ang lungkot puwede mo sapawan ng masayang side quest. Pero paano kung masaya ka nga sa side quest, pero naiisip mo na mas masaya kung nandito 'yong taong gusto mo? Paano kita makakasama?

Pagod na mag yearn,

M***

What I feel for you is wrong.

Not because you're committed to someone else.

But mainly because of two things:

First, it seems that you don't feel the same way about me. What I feel for you is true, and I genuinely care about you. Recently, we would talk for almost a whole day, and those little moments made me hopeful. I don't know. I'm not sure what you truly feel, and perhaps that's part of what makes this so difficult for me.

Second... this kind of love isn't allowed by God.

I've thought about this so many times. At first, I was ready to face the consequences. I reasoned with Him. I questioned Him. I was even angry. I asked Him, Is it really a sin to love someone you love? But as I kept getting hurt, I started wondering if perhaps these were signs that I needed to let go..that maybe I was holding on to something I wasn't meant to have.

I've written you numerous letters in this sub, about everything I've wanted to tell you. All the things I couldn't say to you directly. And I know you'll probably never get to read any of them because you don't use Reddit.

Maybe I can't unlove you instantly.

Maybe I don't even know if that day will ever come.

But I know that I have to set myself free.

Free from the hope, the questions, and the pain. Free from this prison that I created for myself by holding on to something I should not have.

I don't want to keep suffering. I don't want to keep crying anymore.

I think it's time for me to choose myself, to let go, and to finally allow myself to heal.

I’m writing this because saying these things out loud feels terrifying. For a long time, living one day at a time was how I kept myself safe. It kept things manageable so I’d never have to face the weight of big choices, or the fear of making another mistake I couldn't undo.

​When you walked back into my life, you brought all the things I had been running from: real weight, high stakes, and an intentional, steady commitment. And honestly? It threw me into a panic. I’ve caught myself hiding behind self-doubt, telling myself you deserve someone "better," someone who has her life entirely figured out, or someone who can give you a different future. Part of me was trying to save you from me before life could hurt either of us again.

​I see things so differently now than I did when we were younger. Life experience has made me a bit jaded, but it has also taught me to clearly value what actually matters. That’s why, for a long time, being single became my preferable choice. The peace was a gift, and the solitude felt like an acceptable trade-off to protect that quiet. Now, I find myself wondering if I can hold onto that sense of peace with you around—and if I can offer you that same grounded, quiet value in return.

​I’m starting to see that I’ve used my own feelings of unworthiness as a shield. I’ve carried so much shame over the past, thinking I wasn't ambitious enough, independent enough, or good enough for you. But hearing you acknowledge how you pushed me back then helped me realize something crucial: you aren't looking for a resume or a perfect situation. You’re choosing me, flaws and all. And invalidating your choice, just because I'm scared, isn't fair to either of us.

​I still have real fears. I’m scared of the health risks, aging, and the weight of making life-altering choices about a family. I’m deeply bound to my parents, and after 45 years, staying close to care for them as they grow older is a core part of who I am. I cannot and will not leave them, and I need to know that any future we build has space for that duty.

​I need you to know that I am still very much a work in progress. I don't completely know what I'm doing, and the intensity of what I feel for you frightens me. But I want to stop letting fear make my decisions. I don't want to just take your love—I want to show up for you, too. I want to be your safe place where you can finally drop your guard, just like you’ve been mine.

​I don't have all the answers for the next ten years, but I’m tired of running. I’m here, I love you, and I’m finally trying to let myself accept that I am worthy of being loved by you.

I never thought I'll get the chance to call you my bby and you calling me that too. I know di pa naman tayo but I can feel that we're getting there. I don't want to be ahead of myself - I'm just happy with just the thought that I have a fighting chance for you to be my girlfriend.

If di mag work, bakit??? Chz.

Masaya ako na ang consistent natin with each other. Na kahit busy alam kong parte ako ng araw mo, na interesado ka sakin at sa mga ginagawa ako at ganun rin ako sayo.

Masaya ako na may mga nilulook forward na rin tayo na mga bagay bagay in the future lalo na yung travels at mga hang outs natin pag uwi mo ng pinas.

Ang lalim na ng nararamdaman ko para sayo, lodicakes.

Pag mamahal na ba to? Bby, sayo na ko.

Hi, she’s not coming back, she’s living her own life with the memories you built together. Hindi ba yun naman talaga yung gusto mo, yung somehow magkapapel ka sa buhay nya. And you did it!

All the little things you gave her, she kept it diba. A small part of you would always be in her mind. Yung fully booked na card, lifetime nya yun magagamit, oks na yun maalala ka nya somehow sa birthday nya pag ginamit nya yung discount hahaha. Yung first official f1 merch nya sayo galing yunn. Tsaka ikaw yung unang nagbigay sa kanya ng totoong bulaklak, that’s something. Atleast for a good few years alam mong naging malaking part ka ng buhay nya, and okay na yun.

It’s just sad that she was your karma after all the bad decisions you made in life. Atleast you got separated on a good note. She will always remember how you took care of her. Sabi nya nga sayo diba she was thankful for everything, itinaas mo yung standards nya. And just trust her that she will take care of herself.

You don’t need to find another one like her, you don’t even need to find something today or the next few years.

Just focus on yourself, fulfill the last promises that you told her. Be better, be accountable, be mature, fix your shit. No need to bring other people into this.

Maybe just maybe, faith would play games and let you two meet again. But that’s not the end goal, be someone she would be proud na sasabihin nya “yun yung naging first boyfriend ko”.

Then again meeting her again would not be the goal, it’s just an extra or plus points na lang yun in the future.

It’s been 3 months, I know you still miss her, and love her to the point na isang text or tawag nya lang you’d come running to her. Pero don’t be the one to reach out, don’t be the one who ruins the inner peace she’s building.

Alam kong alam mo na kung anong kailangan mong gawin, you just need to act on it. Just force yourself to do those things, and maybe then you’d get the momentum you’re looking for.

I haven’t met you yet, but sometimes I wonder what it will feel like when I finally do.

I wonder if I’ll recognize you immediately, or if you’ll just slowly become someone I can’t imagine my life without.

When I find you, I want to love you gently. I want to know your little habits, listen to your stories, remember the things you casually mention, and make you feel safe enough to be completely yourself.

I want to be there when life is difficult and celebrate with you when everything feels right. I want the late-night conversations, the stupid jokes, the quiet moments, the random errands, and all the ordinary things that somehow become special because they’re with you.

Maybe, somewhere along the way, I’ll look at you and think,

You’re mine.

Not in the sense of owning you. You could never belong to me.

I mean mine in the way two people choose each other. In the way your hand fits into mine. In the way we become each other’s safe place. In the way, after everything life throws at us, we still say, I choose you.

I don’t know your name yet.

I don’t know your voice, your smile, or the way you’ll look at me.

But I hope when we finally meet, I get to love you in all the ways I’ve only ever imagined.

And I hope you’ll look at me one day and think the same thing.

There you are. I’ve been waiting for you.

I fucking hate you.

And honestly, I don’t even know if “hate” is enough to describe what I feel right now. Maybe I’m angry, disappointed, disgusted, and completely exhausted from giving you chances you never deserved.

I caught you once, and somehow I still gave you another chance. I still tried to understand you. I still convinced myself that maybe there was something worth saving, that maybe this time you would finally be honest with me.

Then I caught you again.

I feel stupid for trusting you. I feel stupid for believing your words. I feel stupid for thinking that maybe, just maybe, I actually meant something to you.

And no, I don’t wish you well. I don’t wish you happiness.

I just want to be angry cos you hurt me. You lied to me. You made me question myself when the truth was that I had every reason to doubt you.

But this time, I’m done. No more explanations. No more chances. No more trying to understand a person who clearly had no problem hurting me.

Fuck you, Anthony.

Luv, I'm in the car, and the engine hasn't been running for a while.

I feel like you're done with me. It hurts.

Just so you know, I'm still doing things for you, hoping that someday it’ll be us.

I'm not doing it because you asked, but because I hope. Hope for myself, for the version of me with you in the future.

I hate you. I love you. I miss you.

Hey E,

Remember when I told you that I am privileged I had met you? That if there's one minute detail (good or bad) about you or me that might have changed in this lifetime, maliit ang posibilidad na magkakilala tayo. We wouldn’t be having all the conversations we’re having right now. It might never have led me to you...

Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter like unrequited love. I've told you many times how much I feel for you. Lagi akong busted hahahahaha. Ang pinakahuling tanong ko was when we were kind of drunk. May pag-asa pa ba? Wala kasi sabi mo, siya pa rin.

I lost. Suko na ako hahahahaha. Ano ba kasing laban ko sa 9 years? But I gained a friend. And I am so so so grateful that at least we have that.

You don't know how much you've helped me, especially during the times I feel like I'm about to betray myself. You listened to every rant I said. You read every single poem or prose I wrote. You encouraged me to believe that I can change. You saw me at my worst and sometimes, my best. Kumakalma ang nervous system ko kapag kasama kita. I like it when we're sharing memes or whatever funny thing we saw sa internet. It felt so natural and safe to show my vulnerable self to you. While Oscar Wilde argued that there is no friendship between men and women, I don’t believe it’s entirely true. Ours is a living proof.

So I want to borrow this line from Love, Rosie...

"No matter where you are, or what you're doing, or who you're with, I will always, honestly, truly, completely love you."

I want to keep this friendship until it lasts. I always wish that you will find happiness every single day of your life. And perhaps, I might get married in the near future and see you there kasi sabi mo mag-attend ka. Tatawa na lang tayo while eating, dancing or whatever.

Sa ngayon, let's enjoy! We have the rest of our lives to figure out the meaning of life.

Sincerely,
The Elizabeth
(ALAM MO NAMAN KUNG BAKIT, SA SUSUNOD HINDI NA AKO KAKANTA AT BAKA UMULAN HAHAHAHAHA)

Luv, now I understand. I see what you're saying. I realize why you needed to step away.

What you read and see isn’t a true reflection of my feelings for you. It's more complex than that, but now I get you.

I'm sorry. I should have done better.

hey.

hope things are good on your side.

i just wanna say, i realize i had lost myself.

i was so fucking desperate and pathetic and keep falling in love way too easily.

i keep wanting some things and just assuming people want the same things.

then i test people to try to know everything.

i know i did that to you, and i'm sorry, that's really the cause of all this anxiety.

anyways, it feels weird not to say hi when i see you're playing. i feel like i'm being mean by ignoring you. you know it's really fucking hard to just ignore someone you care about.

if there's anything i know for sure at least is that we both wanted to play. we can still do that and just have a good time. i don't see a reason why that's off the table. i just really miss that.

i know it sounds cheesy but i've changed like a lot since we talked. i feel like i've found myself again. it's so crazy like you will be meeting a completely different person.

Hi i hope all things are ok with you. I just want to say that i miss you and i would like to go again on dates with you. Ever since you moved to the metro for work i can’t find a time and opportunity to catch up with you. So i am writing this letter hoping i could say everything that i couldn’t say before.

Ever since we are in college I really admire you more than a friend. I know that we are very close and I can feel that sometimes we were more than friends. Remember when we had our OJT together? It was memorable for me because we were always together and i can’t forget how you always rant and even cried on my side. I saw you as a whole in that moment and i knew you were special. You are different from any woman i met, you think different, smart, and you are always a step ahead.

I’m sorry that i cant admit my feelings for you before and even now. Its just that i feel that it really isn’t the right time for the two of us. Considering our situation we both have dreams and priorities back then. Even now i know we are still chasing those dreams so i really can’t admit my feelings for you. I want to court you and prove myself to you, I really do because i can see that you are the best partner that i can see. But right now is still not the best time because of the circumstances we are in. Currently i don’t have a job and my family is my priority first. I also understand that you are the breadwinner of your family.

So many things i wish i could have done but were not possible. If you can read this i want to ask you, Will you wait for me? I am just waiting for the right moment for both of us and if God will allow i will confess and show my love to you to the best that i can. I hope we can catch up and do dates again. I Appreciate every moment and every message we share. Praying for you always

Tomorrow should have been
our eighth year together,
another September night
where I would hold your hand
and tell you how lucky I was
to still have you beside me.

But tomorrow came,
and you didn't.

And somehow,
September feels different now.

September 2
was supposed to be ours,
but September 10
is the day my world learned
what it meant to lose you.

Almost a year has passed,
yet somehow
my heart still waits for you
like you only stepped away
for a little while.

I still remember the first night
I saw you.

Those beautiful eyes
caught my attention
before I even knew
how much of my life
you would become.

And your voice—
God, that voice.

I would give anything
to hear it again,
even just once,
even if all you said was my name.

I miss your smile.
I miss your laugh.
I miss the way your eyes looked
when you were happy.

I miss you
in ways I never knew
a person could miss someone.

And strangely,
it's on the lighter days
when I miss you the most.

When life becomes quiet,
when the weight gets a little easier,
I find myself wishing
you were here
so I could tell you about it.

I miss our little things.

The nights after work
when we were both exhausted,
when stress had taken everything
out of us,

we'd buy that little cup of ice cream,
crush some Oreos into it,
and somehow
that was enough.

No expensive dinner.
No perfect night.

Just you.
Just me.
Just us.

I didn't know then
that those ordinary moments
would one day become
the memories I'd give anything
to live again.

I miss those little kisses
before we closed our eyes.

I miss your arms around me
at the end of the night.

I miss falling asleep
knowing you were there.

I miss the comfort
of your presence—
the kind you don't realize
is holding your whole world together
until suddenly
it's gone.

Tomorrow,
we should be celebrating
eight years of us.

Instead,
I'll be celebrating
the love that still remains
after you've gone.

Because losing you
didn't erase our years.

It didn't erase
the first night I saw you,
the sound of your voice,
your beautiful eyes,
our ice cream and Oreos,
your kisses,
your hugs,
or all the nights
we fell asleep together.

Those moments are still mine.

And maybe that's what love does
when someone leaves too soon—

it turns memories
into places we can visit
when we miss them.

So tomorrow,
I'll close my eyes
and find you there.

I'll see those eyes again.
I'll hear that laugh.
I'll remember your voice.

And for a moment,
maybe September 2
will feel like ours again.

Eight years.

A lifetime of little moments
that I would trade everything
to have one more time.

I don't know
how to stop missing you.

Maybe I never will.

Maybe loving you
means carrying this ache
for the rest of my life.

But if missing you
is the price of having loved you,

then I'll carry it.

Because I would rather
hurt from having known you
than live a life
where I never did.

Happy eighth anniversary, my love.

September will always be ours.

And I will always miss you.

Nababalot na naman ako ng lungkot, gusto ko lahat ibuhos ‘to. Pero gusto ko rin na habang binubuhos ko ‘to ay nandito ka sa tabi ko, hawak-hawak at yakap-yakap mo ako.
Ambigat at ang sakit umiyak nang mag-isa.
Dinggin sana ng langit ang puso kong lumuluha — sana katabi kita, sana kasama kita..

- ♾️

Luv, you are my good morning because I miss wishing you a beautiful day.

I feel incomplete without sending you a message or greeting you.

It's instinctive, and not doing so leaves me longing.

I terribly miss you...

I missed you, missed your smile, your laugh, your cute face, your cry, your sad face, your everything. Yet I can't reach that anymore. You are gone, you no longer need me but here I am hoping that you still reach out to me, even to the point that you use me for whatever reason -- just to see you again.

How I wish it is.

​

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ngayon ko pa sinusulat to. Siguro kasi may mga bagay talagang kahit ilang beses mong sabihin sa sarili mong tapos na, may parte pa rin sayo na gustong magsalita.

Hindi ko naman to sinusulat para bumalik ka. Hindi rin para guluhin ka. Siguro gusto ko lang ilabas yung mga bagay na matagal ko nang dala.

Naalala ko pa yung mga panahong ang dami nating gustong gawin pero hindi nagkaroon ng tamang pagkakataon. Yung simpleng pagkikita na parang ang dali sanang ulitin, pero hindi pala ganun kadali. Isang beses lang kitang nakita, pero somehow, enough na yon para magiwan ng memory na hanggang ngayon hindi ko basta mabura.

Ang weird isipin na minsan, hindi naman feelings ang problema. Minsan pera. Minsan timing. Minsan distance. Minsan yung buhay mismo ang nagsasabi na, “Hindi ngayon.”

At siguro isa sa mga bagay na matagal kong inisip ay kung tama ba yung mga pagkakataong pinili kong hindi gawin yung gusto kong gawin.

Kahit yung simpleng bagay na halikan ka.

Hanggang ngayon, napapaisip pa rin ako kung tama ba na hindi ko ginawa. Baka dapat ginawa ko. Baka hindi. Baka kung ginawa ko, iba ang naging memory natin. O baka wala rin namang magbabago.

Hindi ko na malalaman.

And maybe thats what hurts the most about some people...not necessarily losing them, but losing all the possibilities of what could have happened.

May mga “what if” na walang ending.

What if nagkaroon tayo ng mas maraming pagkakataon?

What if mas naging okay ang finances?

What if hindi naging komplikado ang timing?

What if nagkita tayo ulit?

What if that one moment had gone differently?

Ang daming what if, pero wala namang rewind button ang buhay.

And eventually, kailangan mong tanggapin na may mga taong dumadaan sa buhay mo na hindi mo naman talaga makukuha yung buong story na gusto mo kasama sila.

Siguro iyon yung mahirap tanggapin.

Kasi hindi naman ibig sabihin na dahil hindi nag work out, fake na lahat. Hindi ibig sabihin na dahil hindi tayo nagkatuluyan, walang halaga yung mga naramdaman ko.

They were real to me.

Ikaw, naging real ka sa akin.

And for a while, you were someone I genuinely wanted to see again. Someone I wanted to spend more time with. Someone I wondered about when I was alone and started thinking about all the things that could have been.

Hindi ko alam kung naaalala mo pa ako. Hindi ko rin alam kung may significance pa ba sayo yung mga bagay na para sa akin ay naging memories.

And honestly, okay lang kung wala na.

Maybe I'm finally learning that closure doesnt always come from the other person. Sometimes, ikaw mismo ang kailangang gumawa nun.

Kaya siguro sinusulat ko to.

Not to ask for another chance.

Not to make you feel guilty.

Not even to tell you that I still want you.

Gusto ko lang sabihin na minsan, kapag tahimik ang gabi, naaalala pa rin kita.

At kapag naaalala kita, hindi lang lungkot ang nararamdaman ko. May konting saya rin, kasi kahit sandali lang, kahit hindi naging ganun katagal, naging parte ka ng buhay ko.

And maybe thats enough.

Maybe some people are not meant to stay. Maybe they're meant to leave you with a memory, a lesson, a question, or a feeling you carry for a little longer than you expected.

Ikaw yung taong hindi ko alam kung chapter ba, unfinished story, o isang “what if” lang.

Pero siguro hindi ko na kailangang malaman.

I just hope youre okay.

I hope life is treating you better now.

And I hope someday, kapag naalala mo rin ako, hindi puro mali yung maalala mo. Sana maalala mo rin na may isang taong, kahit hindi naging perfect, naging sincere sayo.

As for me, I'll keep moving.

Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan kita maaalala. Maybe one day, magiging ordinary memory ka na lang. Maybe one day, hindi ko na iisipin kung ano kaya ang nangyari kung naghalikan tayo that day, kung nagkaroon tayo ng mas maraming pagkakataon, o kung naging mas madali lang sana ang lahat.

But for now, I'll let myself wonder.

Just for tonight.

And then I'll put these words somewhere you will probably never see them.

But finally said.

—Someone who still remembers