So I had to set up a booth at a business event this month but that's not really the story. The story is they didn't give us parking passes so I carried a folding table, a monitor, a poster stand, and a whole box of hats and stickers half a mile through downtown. 82 degrees. August. By myself. In the clothes I was supposed to look presentable in all night.

I get there completely drenched. And I already had to talk in front of people that night which I hate. So now I'm standing there like great, I have two problems tonight. My lifelong fear of public speaking and the worlds sweatiest pits.

My mom was my entire setup crew. At one point I almost broke my leg loading the table into the car and she just goes "yeah that's good."

Right before I had to go talk I was practicing what I was gonna say in a mirror and got completely distracted because I thought I kind of looked like Pedro Pascal. Stood there way too long thinking about it.

Anyway the event happened and it was fine. But mostly I just think about that walk.

- In my (extremely crowded, cannot even breath) morning commute, I was standing across a woman who was blaring Rihanna's 'work' on repeat for the next hr, loudly mouthing it extremely animatedly and slowing becoming it. I want to be on what she's on ! Also, I hope she's doing okay. 

- To the dude I ended up staring at for a good 10 minutes while I zoned out thinking about having cake for breakfast, I'm sorry for creeping you out.

- The questions that keep me up at night "Am I as intelligent as people seem to think I am ?", " Am I as dumb as I think I am ?", "Is that shade of lipstick too light for my skin tone ?", Am I as dumb as people actually think I am ?, "Did I turn the gas off ?" 

- a platter of pickled vegetables are placed on our table. "The pickles taste off, its too vinegar-y" "oh wait, that's just my hand cream"

I've always cut my own hair because I can never get a professional to do it properly for me. In turn, every friend I've had has asked me about it.

I was the primary hairdresser for my old roommate, for my ex, for myself, the animals if necessary, and currently for my best friend and my partner.

I always joke around and say something like "can't you find a real hairdresser yet? this is unpaid labour." all whilst I'm having the time of my life cutting their hair.

I love dying my friend's hair. I love giving my friends the haircuts they've actually wanted. I love being able to have fun conversations with them whilst I'm working on it. I love buying all the supplies to do it and the cleanup afterwards.

Maybe I should become an actual hairdresser. Or maybe I just love my friends. Oh well.

So as usual I cycle 50 minutes back from school on my e bike, and I hate the people that use a phone while cycling. As I approached a long straight road I saw a girl with a phone. I was too shy to confront her so I looked behind me, And I saw a big truck with six of those big horns. So I waved to the truck driver and he waved back, then I kind of signaled to the driver that the girl was on her phone and he did a thumbs up. Then I signaled to the driver to honk and pointed to the girl, he laughed while doing another thumbs up. He honked and the girls phone flew out of her hand and bounced on the ground. I even swerved a bit because of how loud it was my ears are still kind of ringing. The phone was in two pieces, I don't know if it was the case but it didn't look good. And we were going about 25kmh that's about 15,5 mph for my Americans here. I just laughed and she screamed something, she was probably just mad.

​

I think I terrified a complete stranger yesterday.

I was grabbing coffee in the morning and saw a guy drop his wallet. I yelled Heyy and jogged over to give it back. He looked super relieved, thanked me, and walked off.

A few hours later, I was at a bus stop. A guy sitting on the bench had his hood up, listening to music. I sat next to him and accidentally spilled half my soda right onto his shoes. He yanked his hood down to glare at me—it was the wallet guy. He looked at me like I was hunting him down. I just mumbled an apology and sprinted onto the first bus that pulled up.

Then around 9 PM, I walked into a small fast-food joint to get fries. I grabbed a table in the back turned around and he was sitting at the very next table with his girlfriend.

Before I could even sit down, he stood up, pointed at me, and shouted to his girlfriend, "THAT’S HIM! HE TOOK MY WALLET, PISSED ON MY SHOES, AND NOW HE’S HERE!"

I didn't even try to explain that it was just soda. I just turned around, walked out the door, and went straight home to question my own existence.

I was staying up late last night trying to get some work done and felt pretty exhausted. I couldn't decide between a 2-in-1 coffee packet, a 3-in-1, and a flavored one I found in the back of the pantry.

My sleepy brain decided the most logical move was to dump all three into a single giant mug with just enough hot water to dissolve the powder.

It tasted like warm chocolate-flavored mud, but I drank the whole thing out of spite. Ten minutes later my heart was pounding like I was about to sprint a marathon, and I spent the next two hours sitting completely wide awake on my bed, staring at the wall. Definitely not repeating that experiment tonight.

I was making dinner yesterday and cut up a cucumber and left a few pieces on the counter. My cat walked into the kitchen, saw one of them and immediately backed away like it was something dangerous. She stared at it for a few seconds and then ran out of the room. I moved the cucumber and she came back a minute later like nothing happened. I have no idea what she thought it was. She eats cucumber sometimes.

I went to the shop around the corner yesterday to buy some sour cream for our baked potato dinner. As I stepped out of our apartment building, a family crossed my path: a father followed by his daughter who looked like she was 7 or 8, and then the mother. The parents both had shopping bags slung over their shoulders and were just silently walking.

The daughter caught my eye. She was making a face and chewing. It looked like she really didn’t enjoy what she was eating; her eyes were pinched shut and she was grimacing. That’s when I noticed what she was holding in her hand: a leaf of kale. I then noticed she had an additional stalk tucked under her arm.

This girl was just walking down the street eating raw kale by the handfuls, and she had more at the ready! I didn’t want to be rude and stare, so I just turned and walked down the street in the opposite direction the family was heading in, got my sour cream, went home, and made dinner. I love my weird neighborhood.

when i was about 5-6 years old i took a thumb tac and scratched my name onto the living room tv. i guess i was just really excited that i was learning how to spell and just wrote my name across the TV. i have no idea why i thought about doing this at all.

this resulted in my parents taking away my baby bottle which to be fair i was already old enough to not be drinking out of it anyways ahaha.

I was brushing my teeth last night, staring blankly ahead.You know that brain-dead state you get into right before bed? I blinked, spat into the sink, and looked back up. For a fraction of a second, my reflection didn’t move. It was still staring down at the sink.Then, it quickly snapped into place to match me.It was so fast I thought I was hallucinating. I stopped brushing. I stared at myself. I did a quick test and blinked hard. Nothing. Everything looked normal again.I know it was just a trick of my tired eyes, or maybe my brain misfiring for a millisecond. But I slept with the closet door closed last night just in case.

This is a story from when I was travelling solo in Shanghai, China.

I was taking a day trip to Suzhou, with a bullet train. The train terminals work the same way as an airport, you need a ticket (time + train no. + seat no.) and a passport (foreigners) or ID (chinese) to get through the gates.

When I got off at Suzhou, this man in front of me was denied exit upon scanning his ID. When the staff asked which train, when and where he boarded - he couldn't answer any of the question. All he said was 'I don't know, I just hopped on'

Under the comment section of an uncompleted comic I finished reading was a commentor who was theorizing about what might happen next. However, the details they were talking about were very wrong, like as in they were practically making up a story of their own. I asked if they had posted their comment under the wrong comic but then they suddenly began arguing with me and started claiming things that I never said. I didn't take it in a offended way but in a flabbergasted way. It was as if they were arguing with someone else and had accidentally replied to my comment instead, so I asked if that was the case, but they claimed it was not and continued "arguing" with me. I kept asking where in my comment I said such things so they replied with "quotes" which were quoted from no one because I hadn't commented those things. It was honestly the strangest argument I had with someone, which I can't even call it an argument because it was so one sided lol. The entire time I was like, huh??? The "argument" basically went like this:

Me: "Did you post this comment under the wrong comic? The details you're talking about aren't in this comic"

Commentor: "You said [insert random quote not from me]"

Me: "What are you talking about? When did I say that?"

Commentor: "You literally said in your comment that [insert quote not from me]. I know you're getting frustrated by [character] but you just don't under their purpose and meaning in the story. The author made him that way and there's more chapters to go. THAT'S WHAT I'M POINTING AT"

Me: "What are you talking about???"

The conversation went back and forth like this where they kept on ranting on about something while supposedly quoting me.

I'm still confused about whether they actually thought I said those things or if they had been arguing with someone else along, but even if the latter was the case, they were replying to me, so how would the person they were arguing with be arguing about? Idk lol. Has anyone else had an interaction like this?

I have had the same old-ass pair of oven mits for at least a decade. They barely protect my hands and I've seen up holes in them a few times.

So the other day I noticed they are both the right hand mitt. Not a right and a left. I never knew this before?

Did I have two pair at one time? I dont remember that.

I'm still so confused

The biggest mistake of my life is that I never developed the habit of drinking alcohol, but I did develop the habit of loving someone... and I am still suffering the consequences of it today. 💔

I live in an apartment in Boston. The closet where I keep my trash is located immediately adjacent to my front door. If there is anything smelly in my trash, I can smell it immediately when I come in through the door. It's an infuriating way to arrive home after a long day of work, especially for a sensitive-nosed person like me.

I got in the habit of just leaving empty food and drink containers in my fridge, rather than adding them to the trash right away. I figured that it would help cut down on the trash smell if I just added them to the trash when it was time to bring the trash out. And it worked!

...But sometimes I forget to add the fridge trash to the regular trash, and it starts to add up...

My friend Jiho recently stayed at my place for a few days. Jiho is from Korea, and he is OBSESSED with saving money. He has no qualms about inviting himself to stay with me. I don't mind-- he's a great cook.

I was driving Jiho to the train station after his stay, and he was quiet. I looked over at him, and noticed him furtively looking at me. He looked away quickly.

A few minutes later, he murmured, carefully: "Lots of people use their refrigerators for food... but I think your refrigerator is a trash can..."

I was forced to admit to Jiho that yes, my refrigerator is in fact a trash can.

We started packing our things to leave the beach and I realised that my floatie was gone. I look around and it was nowhere to be found. And then I saw it. A lady was using it in the water. I knew it was mine, because this lady had been sitting next to us and she didn't have a floatie. Also, it's a pretty different floatie. I decide to wait a little for her to come out, so I could get it back, but she wouldn't. She was way too far away and just enjoying life IN MY FLOATIE 😭

I didn't know what else to do and decided I couldn't be bothered, plus I really had to go, so I left, but I was pretty annoyed. Since when is it normal to just take people's things? My God, the audacity of some people! I'm still pretty pissed, sorry

So I've lived in my place for 22 years and nothing like this has happened, other than the 4th of July. Why now? Why Skrillex? Is he still a thing? I mean, good for him?

Don't get me wrong, he's what turned me on to EDM, but that was like 15 years ago. Im so confused. I mean, we're older now so maybe he only wants to play shows that end at 10 (noise ordinance)?

I listened for a little while but didn't hear Bangarang so I went back inside.

Edit: show's over at 9, and I know my elderly neighbors appreciate that... "afterparty" at Showbox Sodo for those who have the energy lol

but that doesn't slow me down from putting in the consistent work necessary to develop a tiny pleasure into a full blown addiction.

The mountain of multi colored twisty ties used to seal the cake pops can still fit in one hand so I don't have a problem. Yet.

I've never met or seen the baker. It's a self-serve cake pop cart and I know the baker exists because somebody has to be making these!

Before I went the first time, I did some research to verify it was in fact real and I saw a few videos and heard the baker's voice. She was real so the goodies had to be real.

Ghosts can have voices but I really don't think they can generate enough energy to produce something so detailed as these cake pops.

Now that I'm really thinking about it, one would probably have to be an upper level executive entity to pump out SIX different flavors every few days, right?

I know I'm on multiple cameras when I go to pick up my drug of choice and that doesn't bother me. Maybe it should but it doesn't.

One day I started to get a little self conscious about how many cake pops I was buying and consuming. My partner assured me it wasn't that bad and asked if I was going that day. I wasn't planning on it.

They said they had a $20 bill rotting in their pocket so they took the car and went to re-up the cake pop supply.

It started to bother me that we drive the same car and the ghost baker would definitely know it by now that we've come by twice in one day.

Something I do like about this situation is that she would probably prefer selling the cake pops vs judging us for how many we are buying. We can't be the only ones turning into regulars because those things are fkn GOOD. Like, REALLY GOOD.

I have 4 left and haven't checked today's flavors yet.

It's my neighbor's birthday today and they would probably like some cake pops. That neighbor is a jerk but it'd be a nice gesture.

Today my husband asked what I want to do and I said I want to go to the mall. He complained that it will be busy on a weekend so I said I am happy to go on my own. Then he said let's go together. We had some shopping to do anyway. We took our kids and went on our way, got our errands done and while at the mall we stopped at some stores where I just wanted to look at some things for no reason. My husband asked what I was looking for, and I happily said 'nothing'. For the first time in our many years of marriage he just accepted that I wanted to window shop and tagged along. Usually my husband is an in-and-out get-what-you-need-fast kind of guy when we go shopping, and we're often rushing. I know he's like this so if my plans are more leisurely I head out on my own. On our way to our car he remarked that the mall isn't busy at all and we walked out arm in arm quite pleased.

once upon a time my mom and i took my daughters to pet smart so they could see the animals and my mom needed cat food so she put some cat food in her basket. when we went to the check out lane, i was scrolling on my phone while my mom was checking out. suddenly i hear the cashier start to say "oh im sorry. im so sorry i had a long night. i was up with my friends playing videogames and by like 2am i was like 'come on guys really?!! lets end the night!'" and something along the lines of but theyre wild rebels and forced him to continue the long tiresome night of playing videogames until dawn. this apology was all because he was tossing the cat food in to the bag instead of neatly stacking it. which neither my mom nor i would have noticed or cared about. but truly, i appreciate the feeling of the need to over explain the reason as to why he continued to toss the cat food into the bag in a messy fashion as he told his valid story. i of course looked up from my phone out off curiosity as he was telling my mom about his wild night and inability to stack cat food. and although i thought the story was precious because it was awkward af and i wanted to lol because it was silly and i appreciate things like that, i decided not to lmao since he looked to me for my approval and understanding about him being too tired to deal with cat food and i just smiled said it sounded like a late night. the end.

My office mate has seen which is kind of embarrassing and I sit normal after she comes in. I feel like I'm more productive when I sit criss cross apple sauce. No shoes either just socks, I feel like I should have more shame than I do, I don't want to be shamed though.

got in my building elevator yesterday on 8 and this dude is standing in the corner holding a literal bare lightbulb with both hands. like gripping it real soft like it was a bird or something.

​he didnt hit a floor button or nothing, just stared straight at the metal doors.

​at 5 some girl got on, looked at him once, and slowly backed into the opposite corner. nobody said a word the whole way down.

​doors open at the lobby, he walks out, places the bulb on top of the fire extinguisher on the wall, turns to me, winks, and just walks out into the rain.

Being sitting on the couch for an hour trying to figure out what was his quest?

Halloween my freshman year of college. I'd just left a party and was waiting outside of a dorm building for my friend.

A guy walked up and kept asking if I wanted a boyfriend. He did it in a very strong accent, and I first thought he was in character ( Halloween, so he was in costume)

I tried to turn him down politely, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. I stepped away and pretended to take a call, and then ended up sitting on a short wall once he seemed distracted.

Finally, he came back over and I said "No means no, walk away now." And he did! He walked off into the empty streets.

I looked around to make sure he was gone, and rubbed my eyes saying, "JESUS CHRIST!"

And there he was.

"How may I help you"

A frat boy in robes and a fake beard just appeared out of nowhere. No friends in sight. No sign of where he came from.

I think about this night frequently.

Both 21 and college students. He came to my college for a summer program and I was staying on campus. We matched on an online dating application. I deleted the app. He found my Instagram. Asked me on a date. First date - we played cards at a cafe for like an hour and a half. Then we took a walk. Went to the lake. Sat at a bench. Held hands. Caressed. Went out for dinner. He brought the best in me. Pulled in to the driveway of my dorm. We kissed and made out and he said he wants to see me again. He planned our second date:

So this was the best date I’ve ever been on....he planned out everything. He booked the tickets, brought me flowers, opened doors, and, after the movie, drove me somewhere in the Green Mountain forest dark starry zone. On the drive there, I played Silver Springs in his car, which felt embarrassingly on-the-nose even at the time. I KNOW he smiled. Oops. At one point we tried to guess each other’s Chipotle orders. He guessed mine almost exactly right except for one thing, which I remember being disproportionately impressed by. feminine adornments by Julie. I think I might've listened to it like 67 times since this past week... that's one of his favorite songs. That's what HE says. In retrospect, the whole evening felt almost suspiciously cinematic. Like someone had written a date specifically designed to make me fall in love with them.

But, unfortunately for Spider-Man, I have absolutely no idea what happened in this movie. (Those Juicy sweatpants sure did look funny.)

I remember sitting next to him in Screen 4. I remember being so nervous that I could feel my own heartbeat. I remember trying very hard to act like a normal person who was simply watching a movie and not like a person experiencing a minor psychological emergency because a very cute boy was sitting approximately three inches away from her.

I remember his hand lol. He was holding mine, and during all the cutesy and cutesy-adjacent scenes, he would rub his thumb over the back of it. Very casually. Almost absentmindedly. As if this were a completely normal thing to do and not something that would completely obliterate whatever remained of my ability to pay attention to the screen.

So while Spider-Man was presumably doing whatever Spider-Man does, I was sitting there thinking: he is rubbing his thumb over my hand.

And then: HE IS STILL RUBBING HIS THUMB OVER MY HAND.

And then, occasionally: oh my god, he is holding my hand.

I have no idea what the plot was. I couldn't tell you a single line of dialogue. If you asked me what happened in this movie, I would have to invent an answer based entirely on the poster. (Later my friend randomly asked me who "Mary Jane" was and I thought he was talking about the candy cigarettes.)

But I remember how it felt.

And if he kissed me with such tenderness and care, of course I’d want to pick all the marigolds (his favorite flowers) of the entire county for him.

I remember being nervous and happy and a little stunned that someone could make an evening feel so intentional. I remember the flowers. I remember the movie theater. I remember his hand wrapped around mine. I remember the drive, the darkness outside the windows, the kiss in the dark at the observatory, and watching The Summer I Turned Pretty with someone I was beginning to think might become very important to me.

That same night, I also remember the head pats and the caressing. Oh. God. I remember just lying on his chest, thinking, this is going to hurt and that he might leave me.

Maybe that's what I like about movies, anyway. Sometimes you don't remember the movie. Sometimes you remember the person you watched it with, and the exact shape of the evening around it.

Anyway, 5 stars because I was not, in fact, watching Spider-Man.

I was falling for a boy in Screen 4.

(I really hope this isn't a White Nights by Dostoevsky situation in which I fell for the idea of this date rather than him lol. Although, to be fair, he was so nice to me. Forehead kisses on the first date??????? OH. MY. GOD. Evil evil evil. So who can really blame a girl for getting a little carried away…………and yes I DID in fact fall in love with him for that night. But I guess when that happens, as a final act of love, you also learn to let go because the truth is sometimes that’s the right thing to do. I was there. I felt it. I got to see him. I loved him. And maybe that's all I'll get to keep from this beautiful thing. Anyway. I respect him and myself, and I think letting go is probably the kindest thing I can do now. Maybe one day I'll look back at this and laugh at how dramatically I narrated the entire thing. Maybe I already am. But I hope I never become so cynical that I stop believing that an evening like this can matter just because it didn't last. So this is where it ends, I guess. Five stars anyway. 

Love is a gentle thing / yours is thicker than a velvet ring or whatever that one song says.)

This will be fairly gross, so if you’re not interested in hearing about culinary abominations and their effects by my younger dumber self, do turn back now.

Now years back, protein shake ads felt like they were almost constantly on television. Not sure if that’s accurate or just what I kept noticing. I was fairly young at the time of this story, and didn’t quite understand that a protein shake wasn’t a bunch of separate distinct dishes blended together.

After seeing these ads for a while, one day it occurred to me that it would be a lot more time efficient, and somehow I got the idea that it would be healthier and easier on my system if I could consume the elements of my meals all at once. And so "Stew" was born. I called it "Breakfast Stew", "Lunch Stew", or "Dinner Stew" depending on the meal.

How did I make stew, you may ask?

Well (I BEG YOU DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME) I would take a water bottle. Think the little plastic ones from drink coolers at grocery stores. And I would break up as much as I could of everything in my plate into tiny pieces and use my fingers to shove it down the water bottle. I continued to do this until it was as full as I could get it, Then I would shake it for like 5 minutes and…. well I can’t say I ate it or drank it. It was such complete slop that I had to manage something in between. I made sure to make a show of talking about how delicious and healthy it felt to eat. In reality I was stopping myself from gagging but convinced myself I was feeling the burn and it would go away eventually and in would come the muscles. Or something like that.

Unfortunately, the day came where I mixed fish and apple, and it was not just a gag. There were a lot of things I had miraculously handled to this point. Cod and Red Delicious however, was a different story. Now despite the cleanup and all the trouble it caused, I attempted to make stew again shortly after and got myself stuck being watched by my family in case I decided to make stew again (I had been asked to stop but would slip food into a water bottle under the table when no one was looking).

TLDR: Thought protein shakes sounded like a bunch of stuff blended together and made homemade ones based off of this notion. Managed to eat them for longer than I should have.