I've been able to do this state shift for a few months now and there is a song that plays and triggers that rolling feeling for me so it's almost like it's on demand it's crazy - it was probably developed thru association but still so freaking cool. Anyway, I've come across one other person in our travels who said he could experience this as well. Curious to see if others have similar experiences 🙌

Had time off today so spontaneously decided to pop 400ug at 1pm. What’s there to do solo with little preparation ?

Looking to understand more what 100mg or 150mg dosages will be like? Is it like 4-ACO-DMT your trip just gets deeper and more introspective?

Just tried salvia and it was definitely interesting, but not really the experience I was looking for.

Technically my second time, but the first time was 5x and I felt basically nothing. This time I tried 40x and put on a space exploration video to set the tone ig.

I smoked almost the whole gram in parts before really feeling something. At the peak for maybe 4 minutes, it felt like the planets on screen were circling around me and I had this weird gravitational pull. Really cool and unlike anything I’ve felt before, but I was still fully conscious and aware that I was sitting in my room.

Nothing close to the complete “other reality” experiences I’ve read about. I’m wondering if I somehow have a high tolerance, or if I’m simply smoking it wrong. I tried two different pipes, one glass and one wooden, and tried following the steps I kept seeing online, but obviously I could still be doing something wrong.

I was considering 80x next, but I don’t wanna just assume stronger = better if my technique is the actual problem. Anyone with more experience know what might be going on?

This is a long read but I'm putting it here in case it is of any use to anyone.

Trip Report 30/08/2026

A Bad Trip – Chaos, Frustrations, Introspection

Dose:

4.5g of Psilocybin Mushrooms “McKennaii” Strain.   The McKennaii strain is marketed as being a “strong” strain, and are more potent than regular Golden Teacher.    Therefore this would be classified as a heroic dose of shrooms. .  Consumed via the Lemon Tek method.

Some THC/CBD (hash) was also used around 3 hours into the trip. The intention was not to use any hash and stay purely with mushrooms. But the reasons for it will be made clear in the trip report

Solo trip at home.

Intentions

The intentions were to let the trip unfold itself. Allow the mushrooms to guide the narrative.  To see if more spiritual information would surface regarding the Solar Eclipse that I viewed earlier this month.   Another intention was a request that the shrooms would give me something that I can verify to help prove that that there are external elements at play when perceiving elements and acquiring information and ideas during the trip.

The other intention was to document the trip. Not being a recreational trip. My intention was to work with the substance to discover more about it, the headspace it puts you in and as always, more about myself.  Psilocybin very frequently turns everything inwards into introspection.

Finally to have an enjoyable time, and a good day! 

Come Up

With Lemon Tek, come up is faster, but with the higher dose, it was faster still. Within 15 minutes I was already getting mild visuals.  This is much faster than normal for me.  The wood panel effect on the wardrobe had started moving slightly. The darker and lighter sections appeared to become thinner and then thicker.  There was also shimmering around the edges of the wardrobe, like a flashing effect.

Negatively I was also feeling my stomach being a little uneasy.

28 minutes in, the come-up was getting brutal. Nausea was kicking in, and general feeling of wellbeing was declining.  Visuals were getting more intense, including closed eye visuals.  The desire to just force myself to vomit was increasing in order to just feel better. So I just laid there, breathing exercises and reassured myself that the bad feelings are temporary until I hit the stabilised phase.

Then the visuals suddenly became chaotic.

There were colours flashing everywhere. Behind my closed eyes I was seeing flashing squares and faces appearing for fractions of a second before instantly changing into something else. I couldn’t focus on any one thing long enough to examine it or find meaning in it.

Everything was moving at an incredible speed.

The difficult part of the come-up seems to be that your perception starts changing faster than your brain is able to comfortably process. You’re trying to catch up with what you’re seeing.

Around this stage I became aware of what felt like an entity above me while I was lying down. It seemed to be watching over me and helping me in some way.

What I mean by an entity appearing.  It’s like you can almost visualise something hanging over you. And there is a feeling of it being a more solid thought than just an idea.  It’s like a sixth sense where you feel a presence somewhat.

I couldn’t work out exactly what it was doing.  The feeling reminded me somewhat of ASMR videos where someone is gently looking after you or pampering you. Another entity appeared as well.

There’s a lot to actually unpack here.  Were these actual spiritual entities looking out for me as I am coming up into an alternate state of consciousness?  Were they actually and literally standing over me looking after me, checking that I’m OK? Or was that just how I perceive it by my 3 dimensional brain?  That’s the language I would understand.   Or was this just a product of my own imagination as I attempt to reassure myself?

Even during come up and the struggles with feeling sick, and generally unwell and out of breath.  I was recording voice notes to explain what was happening the best I could.  But it’s always difficult to experience something mentally, go deep into it, channel into it, and then have to come out of it, and bring it down, and talk about it, and operate a device to record it.  This brings you back out of the experience.   It’s getting the balance right.  Because memory is also extremely unreliable. So much happens that just gets lost.  So as per every other trip report, so much happens that just is not possible to record.  Especially as there are just no words to describe everything in accurate detail.

45 minutes in and physically, I still felt horrendous! 

Talking and recording notes was making me out of breath.   I was trying to focus on what was happening in the non-physical.  Eyes closed, going deep into meditation.   This helps disassociate from the physical discomfort.  But during the come-up, you’re still hanging onto your physical self.  It’s hard to let go, especially if physical discomfort is heavy.

Your body is screaming at you that something isn’t right. You feel hot. Then cold. You feel feverish. You feel nauseous. You’re uncomfortable and slightly out of breath.

Of course part of you clings to that.

It’s like your physical body is saying, “This is bad.”

At the same time, another part of you wants to let go completely and enter the experience.

I was also reaching out spiritually for support, asking for reassurance and for whatever entities I was experiencing to make sure I remained physically okay.

At one point the dream catcher in the room seemed to be waving at me, almost encouraging me to carry on.

This was unpleasant, but it wasn’t unexpected. I’d experienced this type of come-up before on a heroic dose. I reminded myself that I was okay and that this difficult stage would pass.

Eventually it did.

Stabilised Phase

Over an hour after dosing, finally things started to settle. The nausea was easing, although speaking still took effort.

With the physical discomfort subsiding, the experience starts improving.  Gone are fuzzy lines, chaotic visions and clarity comes through.   With eyes closed, It felt like I was inside an empty room, quieter room and peaceful. It felt spiritual and divine, like I’d finally made it up to where I needed to be.

Open eye visuals were pretty heavy with the entire physical room moving and what you would see with closed eyes super-imposing on top of physical vision.   Shadows were moving around and the whole room seemed to be breathing and shifting.

I noticed something else happening too.  The boundary between a thought and something physical seemed to become weaker.    Its hard to explain. But look at an object, such as a pen. It’s physically there.  Now close your eyes and think of a pen.  It’s there in your mind.  Completely different and separate. This separation was becoming less.  I had a thought and it almost felt like I could physically pick this thought up and throw it away.   I knew I couldn’t. I wasn’t disillusioned but its just how it felt.

Destabilised Phase

Unfortunately the calm, the physical side effects did not last long, and I found myself actually deteriorating again.   Something that has not really happened before on a mushroom trip. Not to this extent anyway.

But thoughts were coming in fast.  Too fast. It was chaotic.  The nausea was back, and I was feeling overwhelmed.

My physical senses also seemed hugely heightened. Everything was coming at me at once. I had to consciously slow things down and settle myself rather than allowing the sensory overload to overwhelm me.

My normal playlist of chill music felt too fast, too much. I had to go for slower more melodic music to help keep myself grounded and relax.

Again, I was aware of entities standing over me and checking on me. They seemed to be looking after me physically.

Again, part of me wondered whether this was actually happening or whether my mind was presenting the reassurance in a three-dimensional form because that was the easiest way for me to understand it.  I don’t think it was literally people / spirits standing over me.  But that’s how it felt.  And if that’s how my mind chose to present reassurance, I was happy to accept it.

One of my intentions for this trip was to stop questioning everything and allow the experience to take me where it wanted.

So if the mushrooms wanted to show me support in that form, why fight it?

I wasn’t questioning it because I wanted to reject it. I was questioning it because I wanted to understand the bigger picture.

I noticed my teeth chattering slightly.  So it’s a conscious thought to really focus on yourself to discover whether you are too hot or too cold.  When everything else is on over drive, and what feels like thousands of thoughts racing around the brain all at once, its easy to ignore yet another one which is “I’m cold”.

Except I wasn’t, because the room temperature was  around 25.7°C. I had a fan running. It wasn’t too hot or too cold.

I was consciously reminding myself that I was safe.

Eventually I stopped the music and allowed myself to experience things without any soundtrack.  Without music, things felt different.

The raw sounds of the room became part of the experience. The fan was making a repetitive “wop, wop, wop” sound.

Memories began appearing extremely vividly.

It gives ways also to audio hallucinations too.  At one point I heard something which sounded like someone clearly saying, “Wait a minute.”

There were flashes of sounds, almost like little fragments of audio arriving from nowhere.  Voices, the odd words. Coming fast and hard to understand.

Then the nausea returned.

The emotional tone shifted slightly negative and I opened my eyes. Almost immediately, the physical discomfort came back with it. I became sweaty and uncomfortable again.  I was seeing not so nice visuals.  Including a dark witch type figure at the side of the wardrobe.

I needed to use the toilet.  Needing to pee a lot is a common effect of mushrooms.

Everything was moving and wobbling around me. The visuals were interesting and actually quite nice, but the physical stimulation was still too high and it took a lot out of me to just get up to go.

Everything was chaos.  I was beyond visuals now.  I didn’t even notice them.  Just my brain was running at what seemed like a thousand miles an hour.  Thoughts coming in too fast.   With not feeling good, and seeing and feeling some negative things.  I opted to change the room, change the trip.  So I wanted to go outside from the bedroom and sit in the garden.   

I wanted to calm down.

I felt as though I might be able to be sick without ruining the trip now, but I wasn’t sure.

At around 1 hour 22 minutes, I felt more stabilised, but there was still a lot happening.

I decided I needed to change my mindset.

Outside

1 hour 30 minutes in.  I headed for outside, to sit in the garden.  Initially it felt much better .  I had gone to my normal playlist, but for some reason the music sounded like it was playing much faster.  Uncomfortably much faster .   This was something I’d never experienced before. Normally my mushroom music feels calming and slow, but now it seemed to be running too quickly.  It wasn’t working for me in the same way. 

The entire garden was moving.  Everything was warping and breathing.

I focused on my tree outside.  I love it when the tree changes to a repeated pattern of tiles, like a wallpaper.    From there, you’ve made what I believe to be a spiritual connection and you can start perceiving entities as they start popping out, not through pareidolia with the shape of the leaves, but actual video style images and videos of faces, cats, and unknown entities.  I wasn’t really getting that at this point as I was struggling to hold any sort of focus.

My head was not in the right space at all. I could not hold my thoughts to it for long at all.  I was uncomfortable sitting outside.

I cannot overstate just how much my head was spinning at this point.  This was not euphoria, and wow!   Everything was turning inwards about me. 

I thought maybe time to watch a movie which I had prepped in advance. A comedy.  Because I was not having a good time.    Or maybe watch an ASMR video to try and calm down somewhat.   I’m not actually a fan of ASMR videos when baseline but they actually can have a good effect during trips.   I also wanted to go to sleep. I felt exhausted already.   I just wanted out of my own head.

I wasn’t connecting to anything spiritual or gaining any insights.  It was just all too chaotic and going too fast.  I felt rubbish for not keeping up with things.

After only 15 minutes outside.  I just wanted to go back to bed.   Despite the fact that the bedroom had become quite a negative place, with not feeling well, and seeing some less favourable visions.  I just had this huge drive, wanting me to go back into that room.  Despite the fact I was sat outside in nature on a lovely sunny day. 

I recognised that this was probably part of the experience.   The trip felt as though it was forcing me to look at negative things.  It felt like the mushrooms were saying, “You need to deal with your negativities. You need to deal with the bad things.”

Part of me wanted to get rid of the nausea by sticking my fingers down my throat and forcing myself to vomit.  For some reason, this even started to feel like it might be part of a ritual or process.  But there was a growing sense that this difficult experience was happening for a reason.

Back to the Bedroom

It’s now been 2 Hours 25 Minutes.  I haven’t been sick.  I was still deep into the trip and the chaos was continuing. 

I wanted to do everything and do nothing at the same time.  I was stuck in thought loops of what to actually do without actually doing anything.  Then not knowing what to do.   I should be stabilised by now, and enjoy a trip with insights, thoughts.  But I was off the rails here.  I didn’t understand anything that was coming into me. Its too fast, too chaotic, too much of it.   

This led to thoughts of “What on earth am I doing?” 

Theres an expectation that with psychedelic experiences, that spiritual stuff, wider realities, expanded consciousness makes things clearer.   Not at all! Not this time!  With closed eyes I’m seeing so much going on and none of it made any sense whatsoever.  It would jump from one to another; I couldn’t lock onto anything.   I couldn’t hold onto a single thought.

I immersed myself into some ASMR just to try and calm the mind down a bit.  I needed to stop my own expectations here and potentially mark this one down as a bad job.  You can’t come out of every trip with amazing insights or achieving knowledge you couldn’t have possibly known before.  But being a heroic trip, I had expectations and intentions I wanted to achieve. 

All I’ve done is make myself ill and put myself through a bad time.

I did consider using some cannabis as it may help me focus.  The problem is that cannabis is a double-edged sword. It might help focus, but it also risks pushing you straight back into being extremely high as it can really ignite the psilocybin.  There are also potential for becoming paranoid, jittery and scared.

I started wondering whether this entire trip was pointless.

One of my intentions had been to come away with something useful. Something which would demonstrate that this was more than me sitting alone on a Sunday afternoon with a large amount of drugs in my head.

And I wasn’t getting anything.  I was questioning whether there was any meaning at all.  I’m working with psilocybin to explore and document higher and alternate states of consciousness yielding potential external influence.  I call myself a psychonaut.  And I’m getting nothing!   Maybe it is all just a load of rubbish. This is just the brains reaction to a chemical, and a bad reaction to a lot of it.  I’m not a psychonaut; I’m a junkie on drugs on a Sunday afternoon by himself at home!   I need to stop doing this shit.

3 Hours in

We are now 3 full hours into the trip.  Lemon Tek can begin a come down after 4 hours.  And I have still not stabilised at all, other than for a brief moment earlier.

Three hours into the trip, I wanted to do everything. And I wanted to do nothing. I couldn’t hold my attention on anything. And I couldn’t hold my attention on nothing.

I spent some time with my cat.  Sat on the stairs.  Cats can be calming.  Didn’t work.  Within 2 minutes I wanted to do something else.  Then I didn’t know what I wanted to do.  I considered trying outside again in the garden. Then I wanted to stay inside. Then I wanted to be asleep. Then I wanted to be awake.  Then I wanted to watch the movie I had planned. Or maybe watch more ASMR to try and calm down a bit more.  All these thoughts within a second going round and around in a thought loop.   Then I wanted to do something completely different.  Everything kept ripping me out of whatever I was doing.  I’d start something then be like, “no I want to do something else now.”  This was the main frustration of the trip.

I remembered previous experiences where I was able to put on beautiful music, look at the visuals and simply disappear into them.

I couldn’t do that this time.  Everything kept interrupting everything else.

At one point I noticed that I was wearing my sunglasses on my head.  I had no idea why they were there. Had I gone outside? Had I put them on earlier? Had I been wearing them the entire time? I had absolutely no idea. That made me laugh.

It was one of those completely stupid things which suddenly became hilarious.

I made the choice. Smoke a very small amount of hash. Just to see if that would calm things down a bit. But not a lot, just to gauge it.  Then sit with the laptop and watch the movie Airplane! With Leslie Nielson. From 1980.   Because its hilarious and just thinking about this movie which I have seen several times before was making me smile and laugh.

The Movie (Airplane!)

Twenty-two minutes into the movie and I was laughing so hard. I was laughing at everything, even things that weren’t funny. I’ve seen it before. I was laughing at because I knew something was going to happen. I was laughing at what I thought might happen. I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe.

For those 22 minutes the movie held my attention perfectly.  It was amazing!  

Finally, something positive from this trip! 

It felt good. It helped break the thought loops. The loops of not knowing what to do, being frustrated with myself, judging myself. I felt some relief from the internal chaos.

I also realised I needed to stop beating myself up.  Part of my mind was saying:

“I’ve achieved absolutely fuck all on this trip.”

I’d taken what was effectively a heroic dose, and after several hours I felt like I’d gained no spiritual insights, no connections and no great revelation.

But another part of me was saying that perhaps this was the point.  It’s a journey.

Perhaps the meaning only becomes apparent afterwards. I started questioning myself quite harshly.  Was I simply an idiot who had decided on a Sunday afternoon to take 4.5g of mushrooms because I thought it was some sort of divine experience?

Or was there something more to it?

The strange thing about mushrooms is that they seem capable of making you look at both possibilities at the same time.

One side of my mind could say, “This is divine.”  The other could say, “Mate, you’re just a fucking junkie taking mushrooms for no reason.”

The hash seemed to help me focus a little.  It did help and I did continue with more of it during the rest of the trip. Not heavy amounts but just a little to help the focus and remain calmer.

The cannabis definitely helped, But I was still doing everything internally at once.

I wanted to go back to ASMR. I wanted to finish the movie. I needed to pee. I wanted to do something.  Maybe go outside again?  Play a video game?  And I was aware that I was probably still stuck inside the same thought loop.

The thought loop was essentially:

“What am I doing?” And then thinking about what I was doing instead of simply doing something.

Yup, the thought loop was back. Not quite as intense though.

Back Outside  - Finally Stabilised!

4 Hours 40 Minutes into the trip.  The psilocybin should start wearing off now.  This should actually be come down.  But the use of cannabis does extend a trip.

But it was OK.  Something finally shifted!

I was sat outside and the chaos subsided.  I was finally able to focus on what was underneath it all. It was incredible.   I finally stabilised!

I was sitting outside, eyes closed. Still had plenty of closed eye visuals. But instead of it just being chaos. It was still a noise, with lots going on. But it was a case of just observing and noticing the odd thing popping out of that noise and then going down a thought pattern and almost a narrative of that vision, and it finally made sense and I could finally hook onto it.   I had no regrets about smoking the cannabis. The combination of the mushrooms naturally coming down and the cannabis seemed to have helped settle things.

I was actually apologising either to myself or to the shrooms “sorry for not coping before” and I got back that apologies and empathy is not required.  The entities in this what feels like an academy / spiritual training do need any sort of apology for getting things wrong, or things getting out of hand. It’s all part of it. In fact those feelings can hold you back.

Where I say academy. I have felt this before.  And yes, I felt like a student.   Amid all the chaos, this was where I’d finally managed to slot myself.  You see, psilocybin expands your consciousness to more, and potentially beyond our physical realms.  But where that is to, can be different for different people.  Consciousness is so multi-dimensional that there are so many places you can settle.  For me, on this trip and a previous one. It becomes obvious that the space the psilocybin takes me to, is some sort of training academy for spirituality, psychic ability and even about myself through severe introspection. 

Finally, after hours of just utter chaos, I had found a path, a place, somewhere to settle.

The important thing wasn’t forcing some huge revelation.  It was appreciation.  I needed to look at the flowers moving and warping and simply think: “Wow. Look what I get to see. It’s incredible, its beautiful” That mindset seemed to tune me in better.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I wasn’t suddenly in some euphoric moment.  The chaos didn’t disappear.  But it became manageable.  And once it became manageable, I started appreciating the chaos itself.  I knew I would miss it when it was gone.

I also want to be clear that this wasn’t some sudden breakthrough into spiritual euphoria.  I was still fighting the same thought loops.  I still wanted to do something else.  I still had the urge to change direction constantly.  But somehow, I was more comfortable with it.

I felt as though I had accomplished nothing.  And at the same time, I felt accomplished.

Then came the obvious thought:

Isn’t that up to me? We judge ourselves. Our accomplishments are whatever we decide they are.

The Dragonfly

While outside, I saw a red dragonfly flying around the pool.  This was significant to me because I associate dragonflies with a close loved one who passed away some years ago.

I started thinking about the possibility of a dragonfly being a spirit or ancestor reaching out to someone.

It is believed by many that seeing a feather, butterfly, or animal that is associated with a loved one after they have passed is them reaching out to you from beyond.   In my case, my friend liked dragonflies.  So, I questioned if this is right or not.   Of course, what came back, was not a simple yes or no.  It’s more nuanced than that.

However, there is a way to know.   The object, or insect or animal that you see would have the same aura as your loved one if it is truly from them.   Obviously not everyone can see auras, and it also came back that even those who do see Auras are only seeing part of it.  Theres so much more to an aura and so many more colours to one that we can’t see it all. So fully identifying it isn’t particularly easy. But listen to your gut instinct. If it feels like its from them, then it is.   Coloured Auras are simply a visual representation of spirit which we perceive because we are visual beings. So that’s what we understand.  But in reality, its not colours, its not visual. It’s an entirely different sense altogether.   Don’t think too hard, don’t try and look for it.  Just clear your mind, and you’ll will just know.

I realised that the more appreciation, love and positive emotion I put into the experience, the quieter the chaos seemed to become.  It felt like rising above it.

When I was caught in sickness, negativity and unpleasant feelings, everything became chaotic.

The Eureka Moment!

And suddenly the difficult first part of the trip made more sense.  It all made sense now!  That draw back to the bedroom where I had been experiencing negative things was because the mushrooms wanted me to experience that.  They wanted me to drive out negative energy that I apparently have.   Mushrooms want you to face things.  They want you to deal with any negativities or problems in your life.  By expelling this negative energy allows you to feel appreciation and love for everything else.  That takes away the chaos.   That brings you into the light. It brings clarity.

I got it wrong.  Change the room, change the trip. I was trying to cover over the negative stuff by trying to positive stuff! Watch a funny movie, go outside, listen to nice music, watch some ASMR.   This is ultimately why the chaos and thought loops and not understanding anything would not subside, or if they did, it was only temporary and I would not stabilise.  

That’s why I was drawn back to the bedroom when I went outside the first time. The mushrooms were telling me to go back and face it.  Deal with it.  Overcome it. Not run from it.

One of my intentions was to follow the lead of the mushrooms and I didn’t!

A lesson learnt!

So I did achieve something!

The chaos was the result of all this negative material. I needed to experience it.  Exhaust it.  And move through it.

Maybe this wasn’t necessarily spiritual at all.  This is just therapy!  It’s a therapy session!  You need to exhaust your negative energy before you can get clarity.   You need to feel love and appreciation to connect with spirit.  You cannot do that when you have negative energy in you.

It’s clear people deal with accumulated negative feelings in all sorts of ways.  Some people lash out. Some people bottle it up. Some people use destructive behaviour.  When people are violent, they are simply trying to get rid of their negative energy. It’s the wrong way to get rid of it, as it only invites more.

So what do I mean by energy? On previous spirit quests, energy is defined as neutral. There is no positive or negative.  So why suddenly am I talking about negative energy?    There is no such thing as positive or negative energy, energy just is.

It’s because we use the word “Energy” too loosely.    It’s a word in our human vocabulary that kind of describes something that is non-physical.  During closed eye visuals we see flashes of light, and other colours we wouldn’t normally see, and we interpret this as “energy” 

But when we talk about energy as positive or negative energy. We’re not talking spiritual energy.  At least not a higher level of spiritual energy. Like Source Energy.   We are talking about something more human, more rooted physically.  Emotions, Pain, Anger, Sorrow.  Things we carry in physical life.     There is a none-physical element to it in our consciousness but its closer to humanity than it is to spirit.   I guess an easy way to describe it, is that there are different types of energy.  In reality they’re nothing like each other, but our three-dimensional brains can’t comprehend that.   Essentially the further out you go, higher up you go, you lose the concept of positive or negative energy. Energy is just pure love and just is.

Part of our human experience is experiencing and dealing with positive and negative energy and, well you have to get rid of the negative energy in order to better connect with spirit. 

Come Down.

5 hours 20 minutes into the trip. I had gone back inside again had food and finished watching Airplane!.    It was still funny, although not as crazy funny as the first 20 minutes.  The psilocybin has mostly faded with just mild visuals left.   I had been levelled down onto a mild cannabis high.   I was feeling far more relaxed.

But strangely, I was also feeling sad.  Sad that the mushroom trip was over.  This is despite the fact that I had spent hours feeling unwell, and my head spinning in absolute chaos.   Because despite that, I felt so appreciative to the mushrooms for the experience I had.  It was a journey, it was a ritual.  And I come out stronger and more knowledgeable for it.

But there was a sadness knowing I was leaving and headed back to baseline.  A feeling of missing the shrooms presence and that headspace I was in, despite it being unpleasant at times.

As I came back to baseline, its interesting that the memory of the trip is somewhat different to the actual experience of it.

After the trip

Reflecting back on the trip despite it being challenging and as some would call, a bad trip.  It actually felt really meaningful.   Experiences with psilocybin do run deep into the psyche and leave a lasting mark. 

I would say that only 2 hours out of the 6 were pleasant and started to get some insights which were documented here. 

Despite not achieving all the intentions. Nothing came up about the solar eclipse, despite rewatching a video of it. I was in a very different place to where I was during that event.

This was a right of passage, a learning experience.  Introspection and I felt happy for it and glad I experienced it, even if it wasn’t a good trip.

People who are not experienced with psilocybin should not do a heroic trip like this because of the challenges it presents and how uncomfortable it is.  This is my third heroic trip and by far the worst one.  So never think no matter how experienced you are, that you will handle a mushroom trip. Each trip is different.

Yesterday, I had a mushroom trip that felt like it reminded me of who I am—that I am part of nature, not separate from it.

During the trip, I became overwhelmed by images and thoughts about how humans are destroying the natural world. I saw data centers, trees being cut down, and the damage we are doing to the Earth. It filled me with anger and grief. I cried, and at one point I found myself apologizing to nature because I felt like I had forgotten my connection to it.

I also experienced intense thoughts about religion, government, and society. It felt as though these systems keep people trapped in a way of living that disconnects us from ourselves and from nature. I felt like we were rats running inside a system designed for us, constantly chasing things, working, consuming, and eventually dying. During the trip, I had the thought that true freedom meant letting go of our attachments to everything on Earth and having a pure heart, so that when life ends, we can finally move forward and be free.

I saw what felt like the entire history and vastness of life—animals, dinosaurs, human beings, aliens, and even forms of life from other universes. Whether they were visions, symbols, or something else, they felt incredibly real and meaningful in that moment.

More than anything, the trip made me feel like I had remembered something I had forgotten: my connection to the Earth. I felt an overwhelming message to protect the trees, protect nature, and protect Mother Earth. At one point, the feeling of connection became so powerful that I felt as though I had become God—or had become one with everything around me.

Then I began returning to my body and ordinary reality.

That was one of the hardest parts.

I felt deeply frustrated that I was back here. I didn't want to return to the world as I normally experience it. I felt angry at the government, angry at my religion, and angry at almost everything around me because I could suddenly see my friends, my family, and myself as being trapped inside this system.

The experience left me with grief, anger, love for the Earth, and a profound sense that I had remembered a part of myself that I don't want to forget again.

Before I begin this trip report, I want to emphasize that you must conduct more research than I did and please avoid making the same mistakes as me. I had been on antidepressants for a little while, and I never really liked how they made me feel. I felt numb and had no emotion, so I decided to hop off of them about a week before this trip. If you know anything about Prozac, you should know that a week is nowhere near long enough to wait before taking any other substances that could possibly interact with it. I was really stupid, I got really lucky, and I seriously could have killed myself. Even still, this was the most profound yet horrifying trip of my life.

(I would like to make it clear that all of these timestamps are partially guessed based on what my friends told me and pictures I had taken on my phone throughout the night.)

T+0:00 Taking the Pills

After my Dollar Tree shopping spree, where I had bought three 15 count bottles of 15mg pills, I drove the 30 minute drive back to my designated trip spot. After taking some time to meditate and keep myself from getting too nervous, I decided that I was ready.

It was about 11:00 PM when I first started taking them. My dosage was going to be 30 15mg pills, or 450mg total, so I got my jar of applesauce and was putting the pills on 5 at a time. My mental headspace was incredible at the time, so I had absolutely no fear of having a bad trip. My setting was also exactly what my dream setting would have been: my current girlfriend, who was my crush at the time, and my 4 best friends.

Without this setting, I think that this trip would have ended much, much worse for me.

I had absolutely no problem chowing down on these pills, although taking 30 pills really made me feel like a loser. In my mind, I was just looking for a cheap trip, and I had heard and read some profound trip reports about this substance, so I did not let that thought bother me for very long.

T+0:45 The Onset

After about 45 minutes of feeling nothing but a slight dizziness, I decided it would be a great idea to take another 15 pills. This upped my dose to 675mg, which, since I weighed about 160 lbs, I assumed to be a middle third plateau trip instead of the high second plateau I had initially planned on.

T+1:00 Oh, Shit.

This was the moment I knew I had fucked up. Not necessarily in the freaking out kind of way, but in the way where I knew I was in for a crazy ass night.

I became stuck to the couch. Moving my head felt like it took all of my energy away from me. The body feeling was indescribable. Numb, orgasmic, pure bliss.

On the other hand, sentences were becoming nearly impossible to string together. I was slurring my words so badly that it would take a couple attempts of talking for my friends to understand me. This did not freak me out, however. I kind of expected this, as well as the robotic movement kind of feeling, so I just tried my best to talk slowly and force the words out.

After about three tries of trying to tell my friends I had to urinate, I managed to form a sentence comprehensible enough for one of my friends to finally understand me. My friend, who we will call “E,” proceeded to help me get up and slowly stumble to the bathroom.

T+1:15 Early Visuals

After “E” helped me back to the couch, we sat there talking about random things, although I was not doing much of the talking. As we were talking and listening to Pink Floyd (people are so right music is fucking amazing on this shit), I noticed one little orange, neon looking square floating across my vision. It would eventually fade away before another one formed.

This went on for a while, but minute after minute, the visuals were getting stronger. More and more of these squares would appear, so I decided to close my eyes. With my eyes closed, my vision was flooded with these squares, so I decided that was not the best idea at the time as it was too overwhelming and I opened my eyes again.

Other than these squares, there were no other strange visuals besides some blurriness and shakiness, as if I were really drunk.

T+2:00 Smoke Sesh

A couple of my friends were rolling up some joints, so I decided I wanted to smoke too. Sadly, I did not have the energy to get up and go outside to smoke with them, so one of my friends stayed in the house with me and we ripped an indica cart together.

This brought my heart rate down as well as some of the nausea, so I began to become more comfortable with the trip. With the weed added on top of the DXM, I felt so heavily sedated that I decided I would go try to lay down and get some sleep.

As I lay in bed with my at the time crush, I got this overwhelming wave of emotion. An overwhelming sense of guilt unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life. I felt like such a loser for taking 45 cough medicine pills in front of her and just started bawling my eyes out.

Luckily for me, she was asleep right after I took them and did not have to witness any of this fucked up night, but I still felt like a loser because of the fact she watched me take the pills.

T+3:15 The Peak

I do not think I ever fell asleep, although I do not recall anything from that room except for me sobbing.

After crawling to the door and leaving the dark room into the light, I heard my friend “E” freestyling over random trap beats, which honestly was probably the funniest thing I had ever experienced.

I again had to urinate, but movement was even more impossible, so I had “E” and my other friend, who I will call “A,” practically carry me to the bathroom and sit me on the toilet.

I remember looking at myself in the mirror and seeing just how fucked up I looked. Cross eyed, pale, and with the inability to smile. I was not sad or scared at the moment, smiling just took too much energy for me to feel like doing it.

After being transported back to the couch, it felt like my body was vibrating. Waves of what felt like electricity rushed through my body until it felt like I got thrown against the wall in the corner of the room. I didn’t experience any physical pain, but I felt the sensations of my face pressed against the wall and my feet resting on the cold hardwood floor.

I was so disoriented and confused that I thought I had freaked out and run into the wall. But instead of that, I turned around to see me and all three of my friends sitting on the couch.

I have never had an out of body experience this vivid in my life, and I was convinced I had actually died.

I sat down next to me on the couch after calming down a little, and the next moment I looked over and my so called physical body was gone.

I asked my friend “C” what the fuck had just happened to me, and he looked at me like I was crazy. I had not moved from the couch, and he thought that I was just zoned out.

After taking some time to breathe, I decided that the trip was getting a little too strong and that I needed to lay down for a little longer.

My friends kindly moved so I could have the long end of the couch to lay down, and this is where the first wave of really bad sickness came in.

I had my friends carry me to the bathroom, where I threw everything in my stomach up and then went and laid back down.

Throwing up, I thought, would make me feel better, but it just fucked up my mental state even more. My heart was beating out of my chest, and I was breaking out into cold sweats.

I felt so genuinely uncomfortable that I wanted to just sit there and cry, but I figured it would pass, so I decided to keep my composure.

When laying back down, I felt the same vibration as before. I kind of freaked out because I still had not fully processed what had happened about 15 to 30 minutes prior to this, but that did not matter because this was about to be so much more mind bending than the out of body experience could have ever been.

T+3:45 The Package

The floor opened up below me and everything in the room disappeared. For a second I was floating, this feeling gave me a rush of euphoria and I was convinced I was some sort of God. Before I got to enjoy this for too long, I began to fall, faster than I have ever moved in my life. I felt like I was falling through an empty void. I do not know how long this actually went on for, but it felt like days. I remember thinking to myself in this moment that maybe I was falling down to hell. I tried to feel for my heartbeat, reaching my “hand” over to my chest and neck, but I had no physical body.

When this void finally ended, I was in a factory.

This was not your normal factory, however. It was purely made of blacks and blues, full of packages and rollers. There were no lights besides a slight blue glow
emanating from the rollers and boxes.

At this point, I had no recollection of who I was in the real world, but in this world, I was a small package, a message to be sent to the gods.

As I glided across these factory rollers, I was very at peace with my life as a box, although to me at the time, this was the only life I knew of.

It felt like I had spent at least months being transported on rollers through different dimensions, meeting different Gods and entities, before I finally fell off of one of the rollers.

This fall sent me back into the same void that brought me here, and eventually, somehow, I made it back into my physical body on the couch.

T+4:00 Unable to Speak

At this point, my friends were going to go out for another smoke sesh and asked if I wanted to join them this time.

I opened my mouth, but no words came out.

This really freaked me out because I was genuinely trying to talk, and nothing was even close to coming out besides maybe a light groan or exhale.

I gave up on trying to talk and lay back on the couch while my friends were getting ready to go smoke.

Eventually, it got to the point where I could not tell if I was breathing or not, which made me freak out. But at this point, I was unable to yell for my friends or move to tell them something was wrong, so I lay there and hoped that this stupid drug was not going to kill me.

After about 5 minutes, I figured out I was breathing because I had not passed out yet.

Even with me finding this out, I felt this wave of impending doom that something really bad was going to happen.

I started spiraling down this mental hellhole that I was going to die and all my friends were going to come back inside from smoking and see me dead on the couch.

I watched in despair as my friends left me alone. I do not blame them. They probably just thought I was tired and on the comedown, but this made me feel more lonely than I had ever felt before in my entire life.

Before I could get too deep into my own thoughts, however, a bigger issue came along.

T+4:15 A Seizure

My legs started uncontrollably spasming, and before I could do anything about it, I had blacked out.

Luckily, as I woke up from this, I saw out of the corner of my blurry vision my friend standing in the kitchen.

I forced all my energy just to say one word.

“Water.”

He got the memo and brought me a bottle of water.

At this point, I was foaming at the mouth, I had urinated myself, and I was so confused and disoriented that I ended up spilling half of the water on myself.

After struggling to drink the water, I decided I was going to lay down and just stay in the bedroom for the rest of the night.

After about thirty minutes, with ten of those being spent struggling to wash up and change my clothes, I finally passed out.

T+12:00 Present

Waking up the next morning at around 11:00, I had never felt so sick in my life.

I tried to eat a light breakfast and threw everything that was left in my stomach up.

I felt too terrible to drive myself home, so I had my friend “C” drive me home.

I tried to eat lunch.

I threw up.

Then I tried to eat dinner.

I threw up.

I was still heavily disoriented and very confused, and it felt like my IQ had dropped 50 points. It just made me feel stupid and dizzy.

As the week went on, my eating never got better. I had genuinely not eaten any food in 6 days. I really should have gone to the ER, but I did not want them to find out what I had taken.

After the 6 days of throwing up and not eating or drinking anything other than Sprite and water, I ended up losing around 18 lbs.

The thing that made me most upset about this is the fact that I was severely anorexic for about 3 years and had just recently been recovering and gaining weight.

Before this trip was the most I had ever weighed in my life, and I was really proud of myself for getting there from the low of 85 lbs I weighed.

This has sent me down another spiral of loving the fact that I was losing weight, and attempting to gain that weight back has never been this difficult.

Luckily now, though, I am almost fully recovered. I still have slight balance issues and some panic attacks, but I gained back about 10 of the 18 lbs I lost, and that makes me feel a lot better about myself.

To wrap things up, please, please, please do not do stupid drugs. But if you do, do not be stupid and mix drugs without doing extensive research on the effects beforehand.

I know this was a long report, but I hope this information helps someone who went through a similar experience to me, or saves somebody from mixing drugs with SSRIs or any other bad combination of drugs.

Thank you, and please stay safe.

What is it?
What are your thoughts on it?
And to me the most important question I would prefer to be answered… how do you actively live it/practice it?

I am a fairly controlling person, in the way of which if I think something should be done in a certain way because it’s more efficient I get uncomfortable when someone doesn’t do it that way especially when they seem to be struggling to complete the task while not doing it the way I said to do it, if that makes any sense to any of you?

Anyways because of that type of mental state being a constant for me it’s hard not to get upset frustrated mad or depressed about life, people, day to day etc.

I feel as though if I figure out what the joke is and I can implement it into my everyday life I’ll lead a happier freer life which has to be on the body and soul right?

When we talk about difficult psychedelic experiences, it is important to make a distinction.

On one hand, there are difficult experiences caused by poor practices: taking too much, using psychedelics in inappropriate places, mixing them with alcohol, medications or other substances, or not taking set and setting seriously.

But difficult experiences can also happen in appropriate places, with good set and setting and with the necessary precautions. These are the experiences we usually call “bad trips.”

Many people, especially beginners or people with little experience, spend a lot of time trying to avoid these experiences. They develop all kinds of internal and external tools: medications to try to stop the trip, movies, games, distractions, changes of environment or different ways of trying to control what is happening.

However, if someone continues exploring psychedelics, at some point they may encounter one of these experiences. And when it happens, they may encounter horror, darkness, the feeling of being trapped in hell, time loops, fear, anxiety or aspects of themselves that are extremely difficult to look at.

Many people reach this point and stop. After encountering that horror, they may be deeply affected and stay away from psychedelics for a long time or forever.

But these so called “bad trips” can also be seen in another way. They can be an encounter with our darker side, a kind of X ray, a photograph or an amplified movie of who we are and what we carry inside.

When something appears that we do not like, our first reaction is often to reject it. We fight against it, we feel attacked, we want to escape and we feel trapped.

These experiences can invite us to look inward and begin recognizing our darker side, our shadow: what we do not like, what we feel aversion toward, what makes us uncomfortable or even what disgusts us. They can become an opportunity to look more deeply into ourselves and give us information that we can later work with, including in therapy.

Using Psychedelics as Medicine

When we use a psychedelic as medicine, with the intention of receiving help, there is an important idea: everything can be the help. If we see the devil, it can be the help. If we see angels, they can also be the help.

But how do we receive that help? How do we recognize it while it is happening?

Apart from taking care of set and setting, before taking a psychedelic it is important to know what kind of help we actually need. This is where language becomes important.

An intention and a request for help are not the same thing.

The intention answers the question: “Why am I doing this?” For example, “My intention is to take mushrooms to receive help.” The intention is already an important layer of depth because we know why we are entering the experience.

But we can go one layer deeper: “What help do I need?” This is where the request for help begins. It is no longer only “I am doing this to receive help.” Now the question becomes: “What do I need help with?”

One way of finding that request is to ask ourselves: “If I were dying, leaving my body and going into the great mystery, what would I want to be feeling and carrying inside myself in that moment?” The answer may be very simple, maybe even a single word: peace, love, reconciliation, joy.

Then comes the next question: “What prevents me from feeling this right now?” Imagine that I would like to leave this world feeling peace. Then I can ask myself why I cannot feel that peace now and what is preventing me from feeling it. From there, I can formulate my request for help: “Please help me to…”

There is something powerful in asking for help. Saying “Please help me to…” is an act of humility. It is also an exercise in trust and in recognizing that there is an invisible force that listens to us and wants to help us. This is what we call faith.

The help always comes in the way we need it, not necessarily in the way we want it. So everything can be the help if we are able to recognize it as such.

If we have asked for help and something appears during the experience that brings fear, rejection, discomfort or disgust, we can recognize the possibility that this too is the help.

And what do we do while it is happening? Nothing. We do not reject. We do not desire. We do not analyze. We do not try to remember.

This can also be a way of looking at our shadow, at what we do not like, what we feel aversion toward, what truly disgusts us or makes us uncomfortable, while recognizing the possibility that it is part of the help we asked for.

Expectations, Fear, the Mind and Control

There are things that we often give a very negative meaning to: expectations, fear, the mind and control. We often talk about them as if they were things that needed to be eliminated. But they are also there to be recognized, embraced and then let go.

We can be creative with them.

Expectations, for example, may have brought us to the psychedelic experience in the first place. We expected to receive something, discover something or experience something. Those expectations may be part of the reason we decided to take a psychedelic. We can recognize that, thank our expectations for bringing us here and then let them go.

Fear has also helped us. Fear has made us take care of ourselves, made us cautious and helped us recognize danger and protect ourselves. We can thank fear too and then let it go.

The same applies to the mind. We hear constantly that we need to “get out of our minds,” as if the mind itself were something negative. But because of our minds we create, think, solve problems and receive many other blessings. We can recognize that and thank the mind too.

The same can be done with control. Instead of immediately fighting these things or trying to remove them from ourselves, we can recognize them, see how they have served us, thank them and then let them go.

Creativity During a So Called Bad Trip

This same act of creativity can be used while living through an experience that we would normally call a bad trip.

When something appears that we immediately interpret as horrible, we can try to look at it from another perspective.

If fear appears, we can recognize that fear has also protected us. If our need for control appears, we can recognize what control has done for us. If our mind is desperately trying to understand everything, we can recognize everything our mind normally does for us.

And if we entered the experience asking for help and something appears that causes enormous fear, aversion, discomfort or disgust, we can ask ourselves: “What if this is also the help?”

This does not mean that the experience will stop being difficult. It does not mean that this way of looking at it is an antidote that will make fear, anxiety, terror or whatever else we are feeling disappear.

That may happen, or it may not.

This creative act may change something in that moment and help us experience what is happening differently. But we can also recognize something differently and still feel enormous fear. The experience can continue to be extremely difficult.

The point is not to use creativity as a way of avoiding what we are feeling.

This act of creativity can also be very useful during the days following a difficult experience, during integration. We can remain with the idea “I had a bad trip,” but we can also look again at what happened and explore different ways of relating to it.

Not to deny that it was difficult, not to say that something horrible was beautiful and not to force ourselves to find something positive in it.

We can look at what we saw, what we felt, what we rejected, what frightened us, what disgusted us, what made us uncomfortable, what part of ourselves appeared there and what information we now have about ourselves. This can give us material to work with during integration or in therapy.

Sharing, Letting Go and Silence

After a psychedelic experience, it is also important to be able to share what happened and then let it go.

Sharing the experience just after it happened or the following day can help us express it and then let it begin to settle organically. A sharing circle can have exactly this intention: to express and to let go.

It is not about immediately trying to understand everything that happened or analyzing every image, feeling or moment of the experience. We share it, express it and then let it go.

Talking about the experience in this way is like planting a seed in the earth.

Then comes silence.

Ideally, after sharing the experience, there are about two weeks of silence around it. We do not keep telling and retelling what happened. That silence is the water we give to the earth so that the seed can grow.

If we keep taking the seed out of the earth to look at it, the sun burns it and nothing grows.

It is the same with a psychedelic experience.

If the next day we start telling and telling what happened, repeating the experience again and again to different people, we can sabotage this process. We planted the seed, but we keep digging it up instead of allowing it to remain in the earth.

When we constantly talk about something that was sacred to us, it can become trivialized.

This is especially important when we feel the need to publish the experience in search of approval, recognition or validation from other people. We can also tell a deeply personal experience to someone who has no context for understanding it, only to have that person tell us that we are crazy or that everything happened simply because we took a drug.

Talking about the experience is the seed being planted in the earth. The two weeks of silence afterwards are the water we give to the earth so that the seed can grow. If we keep taking the seed out of the earth, the sun burns it and nothing grows.

The So Called Good Trips

The experiences that are the opposite of what we call bad trips also need to be taken seriously.

An experience full of joy, beauty, love or euphoria can bring enormous benefits. But if during these experiences we lose our center and simply allow ourselves to be carried away by overwhelming joy or euphoria, we can also come out of the experience with an inflated ego.

We can become more narcissistic and begin feeding a spiritual ego. The days afterwards can then become deceptively more difficult.

I say deceptively because we may believe that everything is perfectly fine. We may feel that we have understood something enormous, that we have reached some special place or that we are particularly connected, while at the same time we may be separating ourselves from others and feeding our own ego.

The spiritual ego can be extremely subtle and very difficult to recognize in ourselves.

A Note on Discernment and Safety

All of the above applies to navigating internal psychological space within a safe setting. However, keep these boundaries in mind:

• Distinguish lections from real danger: Surrendering to the experience means allowing your unconscious to surface, not enduring boundary violations, poor settings, or unsafe guides. Safety always comes first.
• Know when medical help is needed: True medical or psychiatric emergencies (such as prolonged psychotic episodes or physical distress) require professional medical intervention. Seeking help is self-care, not a failure of the process.
• Adapt the language: Concepts like an "invisible force" or "mystery" do not require spiritual beliefs. If your perspective is strictly rational or psychological, this mindset simply means trusting your brain's natural ability to self-regulate and process heavy information.

i feel like i can really understand what they are saying even tho i don’t speak the language. it’s rly hitting for me and i feel so connected to it.

Hey all,

I did shrooms yesterday for the first time (gandalf, about 4.2 g but taken in two doses).

Can I discuss my trip here and ask about yours - or if not, then which thread can you recommend to discuss this in?

I asked them if they could tell me something/educate me. I was told no, that they aren't teachers. They said you need Ayahuasca for that. I was told we are here to have fun. So I said okay.

The energy was very youthful. It was fun and I was laughing a lot.

Later on, I was taken back to uni days when I studied philosophy. I was trying to ask the mushrooms if they know more and they just don't want to tell me on this particular trip. I was told we only know as much as you do. Then I was wondering if that was 'me' speaking or 'them'. I was told but why are you asking that - we are the same. We are you and you are us.

Any insights?

i remembered my dad "raping" me while i was tripping but now i can't remember the memory sober and i dont even know if it was real help

Can Someone send me some recipes or a free cookbook site to me with meals for cooking with psilocybin mushrooms so I dont taste it(ik im a pussy)and it hits hard. Ive looked online and can't find any really good ones so im coming here for anyone's help🙏🙏

Today I took shrooms, I've done it plenty of times in the past and I didn't think today was going to be any different. It was the tenth trip I've taken and possibly the most profound yet.

I didn't expect anything to be different than it had been before, I took 3 and 1/2 grams of a strain called bluey vittons and while this is a higher dose it's not the first time I've taken this much. I took a dose of the same size and strain last weekend two weeks before that I took 4 grams of penis envy and two weeks before that I took 7 grams of synthetic gummies. I felt prepared for today and it actually did start out like any other trip so I thought I was in the clear.

I took them and about 45 minutes to an hour later I'm in it. I'm thinking about life and petting my cat and looking at pretty colors and I continue on in this manner for three hours which usually is the point where I start to wind down but that didn't happen today. Today at the three hour mark issues in my life start to be the only thing that I can think about, and simultaneously I start to think that the entirety of my existence is an illusion and that I've been around for a very long time trying to make order because I'm actually just insane and alone in eternity telling myself a story of reality when it isn't actually there.

And suddenly I'm in Hell, and I don't mean that figuratively I mean I'm in a place that is quickly replacing and melting in and out of reality that I can firmly say is hell, and it's nothing like I thought. It was chaos without order, endless expenses of yellow smog over an abyss, it looked like the album cover on a Tool album. And the visuals are changing constantly too that's just the one that made the biggest impression. I'm hearing a discordant cacophony of nose and screaming and anguish and all the while the problems in my life are coming to me again and again and all I want for it is to stop.

Now before I get into this next part I have to express that I've never had thoughts like this before and I am not going to act on them but in that moment of wanting things to stop I came incredibly close to killing myself. I was about to grab a knife and cut long ways down both of my arms because for all I knew in that moment is that I've just uncovered that nothing is real and I'm falling into hell and I don't think there's any going back so I might as well just not think about anything anymore.

As I was having these thoughts the world was darkening and I was losing my grip on reality more and more and my perception was strobing but I stopped with two thoughts that at this point I feel did not originate from within myself.

The thoughts were that if I died I'd just be running from my problems and leaving everyone in my life behind with more hurting, the second thought was that if I were right and I were some endless being deluding myself and I killed myself then even if I forgot why I was hurting I wouldn't stop hurting, I'd just be scared and confused and hurting while falling through the chaos of hell.

I feel like anyone who takes psychedelics can understand what I mean when I talk about a higher power and I fully believe in the benevolence of a higher power that is God, and I really think that these thoughts were revealed to me by God. As they are revealed to me I start sobbing uncontrollably, I'm sobbing so much that I get a bloody nose and suddenly I'm covered in blood which actually helped pull me back into reality.

At this point I'm just scared, I'm no longer thinking about hurting myself but I open up ChatGPT which I never use but just want anything to hear how scared I am, and it came back with a mantra to help of "this is the mushrooms, this is a drug, this will pass, I am safe."

I move out into my living room because my room is covered in blood and I just have to repeat the mantra to myself again and again while I'm sat out there for another hour just regaining my grip on reality while crying and praying about the wrongs that I've done in life. Then I reach out to my best friend who I've been growing distant from because I've been selfish and ask him to be with me and ask him to let me fix things.

And unfortunately he couldn't come because he's out of town but that grounded me back to reality enough that I stopped losing parts of myself and slipping in and out of the chaos of hell. It took another 40 minutes to be okay again and firmly in reality and he had to talk to me to make sure I was okay. Even now things are still fuzzy but I've eaten and cleaned up. Looking back, while I'm glad for some of the revelations I had and glad to know what I have to do in my life, I have never been so scared.

I didn't know that the trip would last for 7 hours when it's usually only half that time, and because of the headspace I fell into all I was doing was fighting it. I think now that had I not fought so hard or had I been in a better headspace then I wouldn't have fallen outside of the order that God tames the chaos into in the reality we inhabit and wouldn't have been flung flying out into hell.

Now that I do know I can say for certain there are a lot of things I need to change and I'm not going to be tripping again until I've fixed a lot of things that are broken right now and when I do again it will probably be a lower dose with someone present.

tl;dr: took a dose and strain of shrooms that I've taken before thinking it'd be like before and fell into actual hell while losing my grip on reality

Okay, so I did mushrooms a while ago. It was 4g of a mix-blend (2g of PE, 1g of APE, and 1 of some other I don't remember). Before anyone says anything, yes, I know it was a heroic dose. But this wasn't my first time doing mushrooms. I have done 6.5g before which was an amazing experience (different blend). This one, not so well.

So, I remember the experience becoming very overwhelming very quickly. I had these strange visuals of yellow patterns forming and sliding upwards when I closed my eyes. It was scary, honestly.

But then, I don't remember what happened. My memory is very, very hazy on what I saw, or experienced. It felt almost like a blackout. I have almost no memory of it. It seems like I lost my consciousness. I felt like I was mumbling something. I felt like a weird sort of detachment, as if my brain/mind was trying very hard to detach itself from the thoughts that were passing through. And I couldn't even comprehend what the thoughts were. To give an analogy, it was as if my brain/mind is standing at a train station and a train (i.e., my thoughts) is passing through the tracks so quickly that it's almost a blur. You can't make out the shape of the train or the colour or anything - just a haze. I remember feeling that I have lost my mind. Like I have gone insane. Hell, I was convinced that my brain has become a mush. I remember thinking the paramedics will be arriving soon and how my family will react to my death, or to my condition of being brain-dead.

When the blackout was subsiding, I remember trying really hard to get out of it. I was trying to notice tiny little things like the corner of a painting or the outline of a leaf just to get back to the ground, to be in touch with some sense of reality because it was very scary to be in that blackout.

Has anyone else experienced this? Was this an ego-death? I am honestly confused.

I'm planning to take Kanna (Sceletium tortuosum / Zembrin 50 mg) with blue lily powder sublingually. Is sublingual the recommended route for this combo, or what you recommend? I'd love to hear about your experiences, as well as any recommendations. Thanks.

I once did a shroom trip with an (friend) that I though was an friend and when I was off them I started to see that off the high and the trip I’ve done psychedelics more then 20 times and can vouch that life is litterally seasons of emotions anyways any help or insight I can do to release this past trauma I usually have good trips and good interactions with people but that one experience I can tell put a shield on my ego and emotions.

Hey everyone, wanted to share an intense and strange trip I had recently on 4-HO-MET. I'm writing this report after breaking down what happened to my body in a chat with an AI assistant, which helped me make sense of the scientific side of the fainting episode and the heavy confusion I experienced.

​**Background & Context**

​**Dose**: \~40mg 4-HO-MET (25 liquid drops)

​**Combos**: A few hits of weed (after a 5-day tolerance break), plus a heavy pizza eaten right before.

**​Set & Setting**: At a friend's house. Present: one old close friend, one regular friend, and 4 people I didn't know at all. Everyone was high. Zero sober trip sitters.

​**Prior Psychedelic Experience**: Took full tabs of LSD years before (always felt super lucid, sharp, and intellectually brilliant). I also have a personal history of a vasovagal syncope triggered by intense physical pain years ago.

**​The Trip**

**​21:40 - Ingestion & Come-Up**

Dropped the 25 drops (\~40mg) around 9:40 PM. About 30 minutes in, I started noticing the initial visual shifts—mainly alterations in depth perception when looking at objects close to me.

​**The Peak & The Presyncope Moment (\~T+0:45 to 1:00)**

Right as the heavy dose peaked, my body load spiked rapidly. Suddenly, my hearing became super muffled (like being underwater) and my field of vision started narrowing into a tunnel and going dark. Having experienced a vasovagal syncope in the past, I recognized the feeling of my blood pressure crashing.

​I instinctually walked outside and laid flat on a garden swing sofa. The moment my head was down, my vision and hearing snapped back almost instantly—classic cerebral blood flow restoration. But the physical reaction was intense: I immediately broke into a profuse sweat, ripped my shirt off, and ended up throwing up 2 or 3 times right after. Spent the next hour with a lingering light nausea.

​**The Cartoon World & Social Disconnect** **(\~T+1:00 to 3:00)**

Once I sat back down, the visual trip was peaking hard. Waving shadows, shifting depths, and visuals intensifying the more I stared at things. Mentally, however, my normal rational and logical thought process had completely disappeared.

​Everyone around me was tripping and laughing hysterically, but everything they were saying sounded entirely disconnected, random, and meaningless to me. It felt like being inside a cartoon where all the dialogue was nonsensical noise. Because my ability to process linear logic was gone, I couldn't follow the conversation and was terrified of speaking up or making a joke, fearing I'd sound completely incoherent and they would laugh at me. The presence of people I didn't know, combined with having no sober anchor, made me close off and just observe from my chair. My close friend was right next to me being supportive, but he was very high too, so the atmosphere still felt surreal and alienating.

​**Comedown (\~T+3:00 to 4:00+)**

Around the 3-hour mark, the peak started giving way. Mind clarity started returning, conversations began making sense again, and the visual distortions dialed down. By hour 4, I was pretty much back to baseline, just digesting the sheer weirdness of the night.

​**Reflections & Personal Takeaways**

​Looking back at it and discussing the mechanics of what happened:

​**The Fainting Reaction**: The heavy dose come-up, the blood diverted to my stomach for digesting a heavy meal, and the vasodilating effects of THC after a short break combined to trigger a vasovagal response. Laying down flat immediately was just my instinctual reaction to restore blood flow to my head, and it prevented me from actually passing out.

​**Weed Synergy**: For me, adding THC completely wiped out my short-term memory and replaced the mental clarity I usually get on LSD with heavy cognitive disconnect and subtle social anxiety.

​**Setting Factors**: Tripping around unfamiliar people without a sober person present turned out to be a tricky environment for me once my rational thinking dissolved, making me over-analyze the social dynamic instead of relaxing into the euphoria.

​Has anyone else experienced a similar vasovagal/presyncope response or this level of cognitive disconnect on heavy doses of 4-HO-MET or other tryptamines? Would love to hear your experiences!

I had both 2C-B and ketamine and mixed up the bags, accidentally taking around 0.3g thinking it was K. Within seconds I realized it wasn't. I lost feeling in my body, my mouth disappeared, and I figured it was the 2C-B. At first I thought it was DMT somehow. The whole thing lasted about 5-6 hours.

The world changed completely visually, unlike anything I'd ever experienced. The elevator down felt like a portal to another world. I wandered around the park for a bit, then it started raining and there was this mist cloud and an eerie silence. I grabbed a swing and just swung for half an hour until I felt like I was losing it completely, then went back upstairs and lay down and rode it out.

At some point I was watching generations of my ancestors arguing and cursing each other while I tried to calm them down. Every time I tried to grasp the trip I got hit hard and it turned dark. Every time I just observed without attaching it was incredible.

Okay so crazy question, are psilomethoxin and harmala alkaloids dangerous together? Yes, I'm talking about the church mushrooms. Let's say for all intents and purposes that the mushroom really contains 5MeO-4HO-DMT. Is that potentially fatal when combined with an RIMA like B. Caapi or Syrian Rue?

I know combining Syrian Rue and 5meodmt is like real deal danger, but harmalas combined with psilocybin is relatively safe. Just out of curiosity I thought I'd ask the community because I can't find the answer to that question specifically.

Hello community, I noticed that the majority of trip reports on datura are experienced and reported by men. And they all tend to have a very negative experience. So I wondered, since this substance is knowingly more feminine, if women have a different experience with this plant. I'll be very happy for reports! ♥️✌️

Second trip ever. First was 1.16g of the same Golden Teacher two weeks earlier — light, structured closed-eye visuals, full control over where I put my attention.

This time 3g. Almost no visuals. Instead my mind turned into dough.

Thoughts wouldn't hold shape — like trying to stand up wet clay, it collapsed back flat every time. No structure, no identity, no boundary between my body and the room. If I tried to picture myself I got a spread of waterlogged clay.

At the peak I was reduced to a pair of eyes observing, with almost no power to comment on anything — and not even the observer was me.

But here's what I can't place:

I could still pull myself back to lucidity for a few seconds whenever I needed to say something to my partner, then I'd sink straight back in.

So — is that ego dissolution, or something short of it? Does the full thing mean that thread is gone entirely?

First two hours were heavy nausea that coloured everything. It broke after I asked my partner to hold me.

Second half: full-body spasms I chose not to suppress, crying, a very strong sense of being born, and two moments that turned out to be the actual content of the whole thing.

Full write-up in the comments.

I have the powder and did some macrodosing up to 600mg, which where i laid down and i think i slept and had vivid dreams that i didn’t know it was a dream or a trip i was only aware after i woke up that it was the iboga effect.

I don’t know if that what iboga trip looks like, i want to have a mild trip but I’m not sure how many g i should take of the root bark powder.

I also cried on a song few hours after the strange dreams then i was feeling grateful and now i feel as if anger emotion is all over me and i try to not have thoughts and just sit with the feeling.

I acknowledge i have a lot of suppressed anger and it’s a heavy feeling and please tell me something to reassure me.

I appreciate you’re insights🧡

If Joe Dispenza — and others — have reportedly been able to heal their bodies through meditation, even in situations that doctors considered extremely unlikely or impossible, why couldn't a person potentially use meditation, focused intention, or what some people describe as “energy” to influence other physical characteristics?

I'm talking about things like height, weight, acne, or even eye color. These are topics that come up quite often, and realistically, almost everyone has at least one physical characteristic they would like to change.

I'm not necessarily saying that meditation has been scientifically proven to do these things. What I'm wondering is: where exactly is the boundary between what is possible and what is considered impossible?

If the mind can genuinely influence physical processes in the body to the point of promoting healing, why couldn't it potentially influence other biological processes as well — especially when we're talking about characteristics that the body is already capable of changing under certain circumstances?

For example, during pregnancy, breast size can increase significantly. This shows that the body has biological mechanisms capable of changing its own structure. Similarly, hormonal conditions can affect growth and, depending on the circumstances and age of the person, influence height. Some women also report changes in how their eye color appears during pregnancy, potentially due to physiological or hormonal changes.

So my question is: if the body already possesses the biological mechanisms required to change certain characteristics, why do people so categorically say that the mind, meditation, or other mind-body processes cannot influence them?

Again, I'm not claiming that visualization or meditation can magically change someone's body. I'm questioning whether we actually know the limits of the mind's influence on the body, or whether some things are simply considered impossible because we don't currently have convincing evidence that they can happen.

What I find particularly interesting is that there are many reports of people experiencing unexpected improvements or even recoveries from serious illnesses through meditation, spirituality, or other mind-body practices. Yet when the subject shifts to changing physical characteristics such as height, acne, weight, or eye color, the response tends to be much more categorical: “That's impossible.”

Why should one be considered fundamentally more plausible than the other?

Ultimately, I'm interested in the distinction between “scientifically impossible” and “not scientifically demonstrated.” If the mind can have a significant influence on the physical body, what are its actual limits?