Thanks for the feedback on my first attempt! I have expanded on Roman's motivations, added some worldbuilding, made the query less voice-y, and tried to flesh Seven's character out a bit more.

Society as a whole may have accepted new era demons, but Roman knows better. He isn’t going to forgive them for his family’s death, even if it was one of the vicious old era demons who killed them. The sole exception is his younger brother, who he is trying his best to raise despite the boy having come back to life as a new era demon himself over a decade after the slaughter. Roman’s love for his brother conflicts with his job of hunting old era demons, a mission that earns him the community’s distrust, but he maintains his life with a fine balance.

Seven upheaves it all.

A fragment of the abomination that created demons and threw the old world into ruin, Seven has a sunny outlook and no more autonomy than your average gun. Roman’s boss orders him to go with him on a mission to see if another, more dangerous fragment has resurfaced. 

Roman meets Seven with ire, which she returns with a genuine enthusiasm for the world around her. Her warmth wears down on his defenses over the course of the trip, during which they supposedly find no trace of the other fragment. Rather than take his leave of her, Roman volunteers to train Seven when they return home. The more time he spends with her, the more he wishes he remembered how to be a kinder person, wants to do better by his brother, and tries to introduce Seven to the world she can only watch from a distance. Yet when the seemingly missing fragment resurfaces with a massacre, her light starts to fade as she blames herself for its actions. After years of wallowing in hatred, Roman must try to give Seven something to live for before she can sacrifice herself in a fight he knows she can’t win.

STARGAZER, complete at 80,000 words, is a standalone adult romantic fantasy with horror elements and series potential. It will appeal to fans of the nuance and slow burn of SOMEONE YOU CAN BUILD A NEST IN, the fresh starts and platonic relationships of RECIPES FOR AN UNEXPECTED AFTERLIFE, and the themes of finding hope and meaning in an uncaring universe from EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE. 

[REDACTED] a journalist and international communications student at Taiwan’s [REDACTED]. Her experiences struggling with mental health and belief that it is always worth fighting through the darkness to build a better future went into this novel.

Hello, All! I'm preparing to get back into the trenches, and all the words in my query are jumbling together. I would love some feedback on this query before I start sending it out to agents, as I want to give this book its best foot forward. Thank you in advance everyone:)) Now onto the query:

--------------------
Greetings!

I’m excited to share THE INHERITORS, a first–person POV crossover SFF novel, complete at 113,000 words. 

At its heart, it's Mulan in space, inspired by current commercial favorites like Red Rising, Fourth Wing, and The Poppy War. THE INHERITORS would sit comfortably on the shelf alongside Megan E. O’Keefe’s The Blighted Stars and Emily Tesh’s Some Desperate Glory. 

Twenty-year-old ARDEN VALERA has spent her life keeping her head down. As an alien from the human-led Galactic Coalition that conquered her people generations ago, being overlooked is usually a good thing. It even keeps her out of the Draft.

Her brother SILAS isn’t so lucky. He can barely walk without assistance, let alone survive a year at one of the Coalition’s brutal military academies, but his name is drawn anyway. So Arden does the only reasonable thing a good sister would do: she secretly takes his place.

Now Arden has one year at Fortis to convince the Coalition that she’s Silas. Getting caught means exposing the family she crossed the galaxy to protect, and subjecting all of them to execution. Unfortunately, keeping a low profile proves difficult when a cadet discovers her secret and winds up dead. 

Instead of getting arrested, Fortis’s factions fight to claim her, and Arden is backed into a role she never wanted: first as a promising soldier, then as a spy. ENDER, a suspiciously well-connected faction sponsor, knows she isn’t Silas and offers to keep quiet if she makes herself useful. His first assignment: spy on JAX MIRREN, the infuriatingly capable son of one of the Coalition’s most notorious generals—and, inconveniently, the man responsible for training her.

But Jax isn’t the traitor Ender claims. He becomes one of the few people Arden trusts with her life, and by the time she realizes she was Ender’s real test, she’s already betrayed him. 

Then comes the Culling: sixty thousand cadets, one alien moon, three weeks to survive. Arden realizes it isn’t an exam, but an execution designed to eliminate anyone the Coalition can’t control. And when they kill someone she loves, everything strange Arden has spent a year ignoring finally becomes impossible to contain. 

Arden crossed the galaxy willing to die to keep her brother alive. But grief makes something far more dangerous of her— and if she survives the Culling, hiding who she is may become the least of her problems. 

THE INHERITORS, while able to stand alone, is the first in a mixed–POV five book series.

{BIO}

Thank you for your time and consideration. I would be thrilled to send you the full manuscript! 

End of Query

Hi again! After some great feedback on my previous attempt at this query, I’ve adjusted the structure to end the blurb around the 2/3rds mark in my book. I’m still having trouble balancing my voice with short, concise sentences. My main issue has been keeping the blurb understandable while still including everything important, so if you have any tips, I'd really appreciate them! Thanks!

Dear [AGENT],

I’m excited to introduce WISHDEATH (101K words), a multi-POV, YA dark fantasy standalone with series potential. With gothic influences and a touch of dark academia, WISHDEATH has the magic and mystery of Ava Reid’s A Study in Drowning, and the arcane, academic setting of Lili Wilkinson’s Unhallowed Halls.

They were dead, and it was all Virtue’s fault.

Virtue and her twin brother, Caspian, have the second sight—the extremely rare ability to see through faerie glamour. Virtue has always thought of her sight as a way to keep people safe from the vicious Fair Folk, even though their own family is sure the twins are hallucinating their encounters with the folkloric creatures. But when Virtue fails to stop the deaths of their father, sister, and brother—all murdered at the hands of the fae—she believes that her sight is a curse, causing misfortune wherever she goes.

When she and Caspian transfer to Greybrooke Academy, tucked deep in the English woods, Virtue hopes for a fresh start, but finds that she can’t escape the fae for long. An ancient artifact that uses the energy of living beings to grant wishes is stolen right in front of her, and after she and Caspian are brought to the secret faerie school hidden underneath Greybrooke, they learn that not only is the power of the artifact real, but it’s incredibly dangerous. Racked by guilt after not being able to stop the theft, and believing that the thief might turn the power of the artifact on her and Caspian, Virtue dives head-first into an investigation mounted by the faerie school, even though her resentment for the fae is still strong.

Following a lead, they interrogate the Seelie Court’s faerie rulers, and Virtue and the team of investigators find that, when used, the artifact could wipe out all life on Earth. As Virtue’s determination and guilt increase, she’s told that their only other lead is the warrior Queen of the dangerous Unseelie Court, and that Virtue might be the only one who can become a druid and travel into their territory unharmed. With the twins’ kinship fracturing, Virtue chooses to keep her treacherous journey from Caspian, and the thief—alongside their dark coven—begins to inch closer and closer to them both.

I’ve been an avid fairytale fanatic since I was young, and that love has only grown as I've learned more about my Scottish and English heritage. I’m based out of [HOMETOWN], spend most of my time at the library chatting with my writing group, and I’m always accompanied by a cup of tea (or several). I’m active on my Substack (tag), where I rave at length about creative writing. WISHDEATH is my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
[MY NAME]

(Major content warnings: On-page depictions of PTSD, panic attacks, murder, gore, body horror, suicide ideation, domestic violence, self-harm, child abuse, and themes of death/mortality.)

Hi everyone,

After some feedback here and from my writing group, this is my third attempt. I still have not started querying yet. But trying to perfect the query blurb has been an enlightening process and given me some insight into what my manuscript may have been missing. Adjustments have been made. Open to other comp title suggestions based on the blurb below. Any and all feedback welcomed. Thank you for reading!

----------

Dear Agent,

I’m seeking representation for my debut novel, The Quantum Center, a 70k word speculative fiction blending sci-fi and alternate history in a braided narrative probing the nature of free will, the soul, and reality itself. For fans of Sea of Tranquility and Cloud Cuckoo Land.

For expert programmer Will Stearns, the corporate world had lost its lustre, and working at a university’s quantum computing lab seemed like a path towards meaningful work. On day one he’s shown their secret breakthrough: infinite computing power. Then, to his horror, he’s told to find an interesting application for it. Will recruits River, a cosmologist, to run her big-bang simulations, but a tiny mistake in the code results in a perfect simulation of the universe. Their team is plunged into an existential debate that becomes intractable when they find the planet Earth inside the simulation is populated with actual people.

Alternating chapters follow these researchers as they grapple with the scale and ethics of this development, and four individuals inside the simulation across a thousand years of history. Here, civilization is advancing centuries faster than our own as the inhabitants decipher the technological secrets held within probes—devices the researchers have placed into the simulation in order to observe it. We meet a poet during the Islamic Golden Age who finds probes that fell from the sky; an inquisitive teenage girl in Song Dynasty China who dreams of a world changing invention; a young astronomer in renaissance Italy participating in a SETI-esque experiment; and a nineteenth-century computer scientist crossing the Atlantic to begin a new chapter in her life. All of them, like Will, are navigating their own paths toward a life of meaning.

Will is convinced nothing within the simulation is real, but when he suspects that the spirits of people who die inside are leaking into the real world, his position shifts. Then an employee at a tech megacorporation reveals that he knows far more than he should about all their secretive work. The blowback throws their team into chaos. Amidst the overwhelming pressure of all this, and through River’s influence, Will begins to question his assumption that doing meaningful work is the only path towards a fulfilling life.

I am a self-taught musician, engineer, and entrepreneur.

Thank you for your consideration,

Name

The feedback on my first two attempts have been incredibly helpful, so I wanted to run my tweaked version again by the insightful people in this sub. Thanks in advance! (For reference, my second attempt is here)

Letter:

Dear [Agent],

I am currently seeking representation for SWEET EVERYTHINGS, my debut upmarket novel complete at 87,000 words. It combines the morally compromised narration of R.F. Kuang’s Yellowface with the dark humor of Jen Beagin’s Big Swiss and the unsettling obsession of Emerald Fennell’s Saltburn. [Insert personalization of why I’m sending it to that specific agent]

Kelsey Harper is living the modern Zillennial American dream, with an impressive career trajectory and a cute apartment in Williamsburg. Her love life isn’t exactly worth writing home about, but that’s beside the point. That is, until she starts thinking about Jack Cooper, the man from eleven years ago who set the bar impossibly high for every romantic prospect who came after him. The only man who ever made her feel anything beyond humdrum complacency or momentary lust. Jack Cooper: tall, handsome, British – need I say more?

This sends her down a spiral of what-ifs. What if she had ended up with Jack Cooper? What if she was meant to be with him all along? What if she tried to win him back? Lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice. But that doesn’t stop Kelsey from constructing her own lightning rod.

She devotes herself to the scriptures of Jack Cooper, studying everything he’s ever posted online: his daily observations, his grievances, even his wine preferences. She reshapes herself into the twenty-year-old woman he fell for all those years ago, getting down to the precise weight, even nailing down the exact perfume notes and lipstick shade. Meanwhile, she secures a transfer to her company’s London office and relocates her entire life to Jack’s city.

Just like that, she’s back in his orbit, reveling in her second chance at the life she believes she was meant to have.

But even the most meticulously devised schemes are only so perfect. Keeping Jack means keeping him in the dark about how their love story came together, through thoughtful orchestration, not fate. As the secrets holding them together begin to surface, Kelsey is forced to confront the uneasy reality of how far she is willing to go to secure her happy ending. 

Heed caution: this is not a love story. 

[Bio]

First 300 words:

At thirty-one years old, Kelsey could trace a startling number of joys and devastations in her life back to Jack Cooper.

Jack Cooper, the subject of her wildest dreams and mildest fantasies. 

Jack Cooper, good on paper but even better in bed. 

Jack Cooper, the perpetual one-that-got-away.

Jack Cooper, who was walking toward her. 

Seated at the two-top she’d deliberately chosen beside the window, Kelsey continued to rummage for the pen that had fallen to the depths of her canvas tote. Around her, Cloud Nine Café hummed with the low murmur of conversation, an occasional laugh, the hiss of the espresso machine, Dainite rubber footsteps across the hardware floor. 

“Kelsey Harper?"

Kelsey responded without looking up. “That’s me, yes.”

But it wasn’t the barista barking out her order.

It was Jack Holy-Shit-It’s-Him Cooper, standing right in front of her.

Enough time had passed for both of them to build lives and careers. But not long enough for her to forget the precise blue of his eyes. They were uncanny, like radiant sea glass plucked from the Atlantic, the very ocean that separated them. 

Eleven years couldn’t let her forget that blue.

A whole lifetime couldn’t let her forget.

“Jack Cooper?” Kelsey felt the name catch in the back of her throat. Three syllables she had carried around in the private chambers of her mind for over a decade, as easy to summon as her own name.

Jack Cooper shook his head in disbelief. As his mouth stretched into a smile, Kelsey rose to her feet as if some invisible marionette string had been tied from the corners of his lips directly to her knees. 

He paused a moment before gently and cautiously enveloping her in a hug. Their skeletons aligned precisely as they had eleven years ago, her forehead colliding with his collarbone. 

He smelled different, though. At twenty-three, Jack had smelled of cedar. His present cocktail of scents lingered somewhere deeper, perhaps in the sandalwood family.

Thank you all very much for your time!

#

Alix E. Harrow’s The Everlasting meets James Islington’s The Will of the Many—

My first novel, All Which Devours (80k, Fantasy, Adult), takes place in an early modern fantasy world governed by an Aristotelian magic system. Niamh, a rural warrior woman, is forcibly apprenticed into an early modern magical academy with virtual professors. She brings only her mother’s necklace. She longs to go home; duty prevails. 

But the sixth and highest way of magic is the will; her homesickness diminishes her will. Her magic fails her, both in classes and at an exhibition match against the aimless but admiring Jean-Paul. Because of her loss in the fight, her necklace is stolen and broken. Despairing from losing her only heirloom, she contacts home, only to find out her mother will soon die. This breaks her. She goes home. 

But her mother lives, saved by the true version of the sixth way: bondedness. Niamh discovers that Marcus has been teaching magic wrong and has allied himself with an ancient, looming evil. With the rest of the world deliberately cut off from the power to defeat Marcus, Niamh must return. She must find allies—but in making friends, she begins to have feelings for Jean-Paul. She must navigate friendship, love, and Marcus himself, all while teaching the truth of the sixth way. Humanity may depend on it; Niamh wants to go home. 

[Agent-specific paragraph w/biographical information]

Thank you for your consideration, 

—NAME, (Pen name TBD) 

#

300-word sample:

Unlike any uniform in the history of the Academy, hers came with a book, wrapped in a parchment. 

She absently flipped through it. Every page was blank—and yet full of life. Somehow a presence came through, strong yet gentle, kind yet fierce. It might have been righteous, or it might have been furious, but it compelled her. She slipped it into the right pocket of the black underrobe. 

Troubled by the book, she grabbed at the parchment. Program of Studies, it said, with all the information a first-year apprentice might need. It may as well go on the inside pocket of her blue outerrobe. Affording it a glance, she resigned herself to its procedures with a heavy sigh—then on it appeared, in uneven scrawl, scratched in a blackened stain, a simple curse. 

DIE, TRAITOR

Seeing this, she kept it far from her heart.  

#

At the cobblestone heart of the Academy, Colin slumped, slouching forward in his chair, and stared at nothing. He let his hand fall limp. The Opening Day apprenticeship celebration would be a fine diversion, if he could ever get to it. Even now he heard the music more faintly than he would like, felt its rhythm course through his veins, tasted the buttery pastry handed him last year by Miss Viola Krause, whose dark, flowing hair brushed against his shoulder—

He pulled himself back and regarded the table. Again. On it was a large stack of the first-year Program of Studies. Anyone stuck with his job on opening day could recite it within an hour. Of the hundreds of first years, dozens wanted the cursed thing read to them. Did they not learn maps wherever they came from? Could they not read a clock? The big one in the courtyard commons was loud enough.

#

First attempt

Hello r/PubTips! I've been silently reading in this subreddit for almost two years, and it's been a lifesaver in terms of calming my nerves and not feeling alone on this writing journey. So, first of all, thanks to everyone here for making this such a cool, informative space!

I want to share how got an agent a) because I love reading these myself and b) because it's a little different from most stories I see here.

So, I started querying my manuscript (literary dystopia) in May 2025. (This was the second novel I'd written and queried; first got three full requests that ultimately led nowhere.) I sent it out bit by bit to about 40 agents. Apart from the occasional rejection (and by occasional I mean 3-4), I heard nothing.

So, in the summer, I entered a few writing contests: Bath, Caledonia, International Debut Novel Competition. I went to a conference in London, where I booked two one-to-ones with agents, and they both confirmed that the query was working and I should keep sending it out. I was all the more frustrated that, by September, I'd still got nothing other than about 10 rejections.

All in all, I sent the ms to about 70 agencies and got about 15 rejections. By November I was sure this manuscript was dead. I was ready to give up and started planning my next novel.

Then I got a call. I was one of 12 winners of the Irish Writers Centre's International Debut Novel Competition! The prize: the opportunity to pitch your project (in-person and on Zoom) to agents and editors from Ireland, the UK and US. There were really cool people there - all the big Irish and UK agencies, some boutique agents, editors from Big 5 imprints, US agents as well as really prestigious indie presses. I pitched to 20 people and ended up with 8 full requests from agents and editors. One of the agents I pitched to had actually asked for the full so she could forward it to her colleague, who was looking for just this genre.

In the aftermath, I sent out another batch of queries, this time with the competition win in the first line, and got another two full requests. So it seems that these kind of things can absolutely move the needle.

Anyway, this was in December. By the end of January, I had an offer from the colleague who'd been forwarded the ms. I had another interested agent who asked for time to think over the weekend and ultimately declined and two more who were still reading the ms and might have offered too, but I knew 100% I wanted to go with the agent who'd offered, so I cut the waiting period short and signed with her.

Still hasn't quite sunk in that I'm agented now, to be honest, and it's been almost 6 months. We're going on submission soon.

So, my stats would be:

Queries sent: 67

Full requests from queries: 0

Competition entered: 3

Competition won: 1

Full requests from pitches after competition win: 8

Offer of representation: 1

Timeline: 1st query in May 2025, competition win in November 2025, signed with agent end of January 2026.

I'm hoping this might give those of you in the process of querying some hope. It takes time and it sucks, but it also just takes one person. Or one competition, I guess. I haven't seen many posts around competition wins on here, but I would definitely recommend to enter them. I think, especially now, agent inboxes are being flooded, so any chance to make you stand out is welcome.

Good luck to everyone querying! 💜

Hello! It's fall (Sorry, southern hemisphere pubtippers)! Finally one of the brief months in publishing when people supposedly do work! Let us know what you're up to and what your plans are this month. Boasting and whining are equally welcome here.

Hi lovely folks of PubTips. Would appreciate any and all feedback on this. Many thanks for your time:) Also, currently struggling with adding a secondary modern comp/debating a few titles, so if anything comes to mind immediately, I'd be keen to hear it.

-

I’m seeking representation for THE ACOLYTE, a dark fantasy novel with gothic elements for adult audiences, complete at 83,000 words. A blend of DUNE’s Bene Gesserit sisterhood and the breaking of indoctrination seen in THE TOMBS OF ATUAN, this is a character-forward exploration of a cloistered female environment with series potential. This novel will appeal to fans of THE KNIGHT AND THE MOTH by Rachel Gillig.

Serving an ancient goddess on a remote island temple, Soren has no hope of ever becoming more than a lowly acolyte. At twenty-three, she prays, attends to her chores, suffers through divine office, and sits in private revelation, attempting to commune with a goddess who has never once spoken back. She would give anything to rise in the congregation’s ranks, become a revered member of the Sistren Order, and finally undertake a missionary expedition to the mainland. 

However, Soren has spent her life on the Isle of Vi plagued by grotesque visions of demons and wraiths, banshees and half-rotted creatures she couldn’t name if she tried, and they aren’t going away anytime soon. According to Vi's elders, Soren’s mother died from the same madness. Soren has endured torturous (and endless) attempts at “healing” to avoid the same demise. When Soren’s condition unexpectedly worsens, her best friend is elected to join the Sistren Order without her, and Soren's fickle connection with the divine grows too obvious. Her years-long effort to buck her fate comes to a frantic head: breaking her covenant with the goddess and taking her own life. 

Instead of finality and the endless dark, Soren is revived and wakes on Vi, but the Isle seems to have changed. Her hallucinations are speaking to her, touching her, begging her to wake up from what must surely be a nightmare, and they know far more about her than they should. There are doors in the temple that she’s never seen, runic carvings she’s never catalogued. When one hallucination—a devil, by the looks of him—insists she has been imprisoned on Vi for the same gift she considers a curse, Soren must fight to uncover the truth of her abilities from the High Mothers who have raised her, loved her, and lied to her. 

(bio)

Hello everyone! I've done substantial redrafting on my own for this query, but I'd like to see where the community thinks it's at. Any and all advice is welcome!! I am currently in the process of querying, and after quite a few rejections, I thought getting some outside perspectives would be a helpful next step. My biggest concerns are the length, pacing, and overall hook/grab of the query (including bio). Thank you kindly for taking the time to read and critique!

Dear [Agent],

Love. Guilt. Revenge. 

Iris Sabaean is a ghost of who she once was. For years she has killed rebels within the Sanctuary for the Ascendants, the beautiful and ruthless immortal race that banished mortals there, all for the sake of her younger brother. 

And then, a year ago, an Ascendant murdered him. 

After reluctantly rescuing a fellow assassin on his first assignment in exchange for the name of her brother’s killer, Iris discovers she has been selected for a dangerous ritual designed to find the Ascendant Convenor’s lost heir. Alongside twelve other mortals, Iris is escorted to train for the ritual at the very garrison where her brother’s killer is stationed. 

At the garrison, Iris intends to keep her head down, hunt down her brother’s killer, and then abandon the ritual to go after the Ascendant Convenor. But the Commander overseeing the ritual is as fastidious as he is enigmatic, and Cypress, the assassin she saved, is determined to get under her skin. The other trainees she intended to abandon slowly revive a part of her she thought lost after her brother’s death—especially Evalina, whose stubborn kindness makes Iris question the person she has become.

When her hunt for her brother’s killer backs Iris into a corner, her magic erupts to save her life, revealing to the Commander that she is the lost heir. But the Commander doesn't turn her in. Instead, he offers to keep her secret and teach her to control the magic that exposed her. With nowhere else to turn, Iris reluctantly accepts, only to uncover a lie the Ascendants have buried for decades: the rebellion is alive and fighting to end the Convenor’s tyrannical rule. War is afoot, and the heir the Ascendants are searching for is the weapon they believe will win it. 

But the Ascendants are not the only ones capable of lying. 

Iris cannot let the Ascendants claim her. If they do, she will lose her chance for vengeance, and the other trainees may lose their lives. For the magic the Ascendants so desperately covet is the first of its kind, and a power Iris barely understands—if she cannot control it, it will consume her and everything she holds dear.

The Lost Ascendant is a 116,000 word character-driven adult epic fantasy and is the first in a planned series. It features a world where race, gender, and queerness carry no social stigma. 

I am a third year J.D. candidate and hold a BA in political science and public administration with a minor in creative writing. I won the Editor's Fiction Choice award in [University's] literary magazine, and have an online readership on Archive of Our Own where my recently completed 70,000-word novel has earned over 30,000 hits, more than 1,300 kudos, and over 310 reader comments and bookmarks.

Thank you for your time and consideration, 
[electicdreamergirl]

Hello! I posted this on here a few months ago, but didn't get any feedback (outside of someone pointing out an embarrassing typo--thank you!) I've never been agented, and this is the second book I've queried. I spent SO much time and energy querying my 1st book, and I got a lot of full requests and a lot of rejections that said "this was a close one for me" which was I guess good to hear but ultimately very sad. I know rejection is such a big part of this industry, but after I got 2 rejections on this query I panicked and withdrew my query from the 8 or so other agents and started looking into professional query editing packages. The quotes I've received for this service were between $300-600 ($600!?!) and I don't think that I can afford that right now, so I thought I'd post my query on here again to see if anyone's available to take a look. Thank you so much!

******

Dear Ms. 

I’m seeking representation for my dystopian debut, THE PLACES NOBODY KNOWS (100K words.) As an award winning writer whose work features near-future settings, I hope you find this project to be a good fit for your list. 

Homeland meets Silo in THE PLACES NOBODY KNOWS, a speculative novel about an optimistic social worker whose search for justice leads her outside her prescriptive life and into the dangerous and unpredictable world of unmedicated sleep. 

Since humans have lost their ability to fall asleep naturally, cities are organized by the choice each person makes: take the government regulated sleep med that comes with a list of side effects and rules, or live a free life full of risk and hibernate. Social worker Tessie straddles both worlds: by day, she performs outreach work in the closest hibernating city, and by night, she resides in Daybreak, where she must take her sleeping pill at exactly 9PM every single night. 

Sleep meds come with side effects, and Tessie’s, unfortunately, are hallucinations. It’s only been a year since her very public breakdown, and it’s important for her to keep her stress low so that her mental health doesn’t suffer. But when her client is accused of murdering 8 hibernators, she starts breaking the rules to help clear his name. Tessie’s erratic behavior might earn her another required hospitalization, but she can’t let this go. The less compliant she becomes, the more she starts to trust herself, which, in this world, turns out to be the most dangerous thing of all.

Perfect for readers of Dete Meserve’s The Memory Collectors, THE PLACES NOBODY KNOWS is a cerebral read that takes place in a future not far off from our own. And, those who read The Ferryman will be similarly propelled by THE PLACES NOBODY KNOWS narrator who, like Proctor Bennett, both questions and benefits from the class tensions that exist within her society. 

I received my MFA from UC Riverside’s Palm Desert program, and was once nominated for a Pushcart Prize and featured as “Best of Blunderbuss” for a narrative nonfiction piece. Like Tessie, I also dread bedtime, choosing instead to exercise my right to stay awake after my many dependents, human and otherwise, have gone to sleep. 

Thank you so much for your consideration. 

Sincerely, 

Annie Gebler

*****

“I’m dying for a really good coffee,” Jenna says. She picks up her phone and holds it up for me to see. The logo for Java Dragon fills the screen: a fire breathing reptile clutching a red to-go cup with his claws. On his face, a smirk, as if he’s sure he knows what I’m thinking. As if he has access to my private thoughts.

“Didn’t you already have some?” I say, turning to look out the window. The train doors have closed and it’s starting to move. I tuck my bag further under my seat with my heel. 

“Not that coffee,” Jenna says, putting her phone back in her lap. “The good stuff.” 

“Eh,” I say. We aren’t supposed to eat anything from New Abaton, but there’s no one who would enforce that rule. Or, is it even a rule? It’s more like a guideline.

“It’s only a drink Tess. And it was so good. Even you said so.” 

I nod. She isn’t wrong. Coffee is one of the few things I can taste since starting my new sleep med last year.

“I’ve got my meeting,” I say. Today, I’m presenting my ideas for park improvements to the Ethics Committee. I’ve put the miniature model I’ve made of West Point Park on the seat between us, and I’m sitting sideways with my leg pushed against it in case the train lurches off the track, as it often does on Monday mornings. Some people think the train is too old to be in service—it is one of the oldest in the Pacific Standard Time zone. But I don’t mind the bumps and jolts. I find the ride exciting.

“Duh Tess. It’ll help. Keep you focused.”

“Fine, ok, yes. You’ll pick it up?” 

“Of course,” she says, nodding to my model. “Your hands are full.”

Any and all feedback is appreciated, thank you so much.

Dear AGENT,

I'm writing to see if you'd be interested in taking a look at my literary fiction novel, THE METHOD. As you represent xx and your website states you are seeking xx, I thought it might be of interest to you.

THE METHOD is a love story about art. It follows Olivia, an actress who has not been acting, and the creation of a film called Alba. 

Olivia is asked to audition for the lead role by her best friend, a producer, and arrives with the cast and crew in late autumn in southwest England. From the first Olivia is hesitant, overt in her bids to be liked, and painstakingly observant of her place among her fellow artists.

She plays the role of Liza, and the film follows her relationship with her controlling and abusive brother Bennett. They work from their small cottage as the town's folk healers, and they take on George, a man who seems to come from nowhere, as their apprentice. George becomes Liza's hope, an unexpected boon from the outside world, and the man she loves in silence.

Olivia is attracted immediately to Len, the actor who plays George. His talent and name have lent legitimacy to their small production, as has the considerable fame of the actress to whom he is married. Len's kindness and encouragement bolster Olivia against the simultaneous criticisms and attempts at closeness from Sam, the actor who plays her brother, and against her limited view of herself. Her and Len are matched in their desire to perform well, to create sincerely, and Olivia finds she is enraptured by what she can do while working alongside him.

As the film progresses, and Liza and George's devotion to each other deepens and ruptures the lives they know, Olivia is faced with similar ruptures - in her relationship with art, with Len, with her love for her friends, and with desire itself. Reality begins to meld with the work of creating fiction, and Olivia must decide if, like Liza, she will allow herself to see what she wants and ask for it.

THE METHOD will appeal to readers of Elif Batuman, Miranda July, and Eve Babitz, who enjoy stories where humour frames emotion and loss; plots that centre the relationships surrounding creative work such as WRITERS & LOVERS by Lily King; forbidden love stories with a strong sense of place like A PRIVATE MAN by Stephanie Sy-Quia; and devoted re-watchers of Fleabag. 

This is my first novel, and it is complete at 86,000 words.

I've attached xx. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.

[housekeeping]

Dr. Alex Whyte has a reputation for being a lazy, nihilistic drunkard and the worst psychologist aboard Space Station 30. He’s also the only psychologist, and lord knows that his services are in high demand. From clowns with manslaughter charges to prostitutes with intimacy issues, Alex is responsible for helping hold together the fragile psyches of his neurotic and eccentric crewmates.

When a low-ranking crew member is murdered, Alex gets roped into joining an investigative team to provide “insights into the criminal mind” in exchange for a reduced therapy caseload, which he hopes will free up more time for drinking. Partnered with a teenaged detective whose professional training consisted of reading mystery novels, Alex struggles to make progress on the case (due in part to being blackout drunk for most of the investigation). Together they bumble through half-coherent interrogations and botched crime scene analyses.

The case is further complicated when they discover a clue suggesting the killer is a member of the station’s command staff. This revelation evaporates trust in the station’s leadership (not that there was much to begin with) and the crew edges toward mutiny and chaos. Unless Alex can catch the killer soon, Space Station 30 will have bigger problems than just one maladjusted individual committing workplace homicide.

To have any hope of solving the case, Alex will have to repress a drinking habit harder to shake than a lead maraca, dig up his long dormant psychological expertise, and wring some basic detective skills out of his partner.

[bio]

Thanks so much for any feedback you can provide!

Fifth times the charm? Back again, and I'm gettin' closer than ever (hopefully). I appreciate everyone who has helped each time. The feedback is immensely helpful. I think I've managed to finally like, shrink back the scope, and actually present the initial part of the book correctly, haha. I severely underestimated how hard it is to condense the premise for the query. Also contemplating the 'dark fantasy with horror elements' tag in the housekeeping section. Dunno.

The Beasts They Made is a 96,000-word adult multi-POV dark fantasy with horror elements. It will appeal to readers of Joe Abercrombie's The Devils, Richard Swan's Grave Empire, and Jay Kristoff's Empire of the Vampire.

Wull has spent years hunting the man who murdered his family. General Garamund did more than burn Wull’s home and leave his family dead in the snow. He took the orphaned boy under his wing, and honed him into a blade to serve the crown, raising him without ever telling him the truth. By the time Wull discovered who had destroyed his family, revenge was the only thing left to him. To make revenge possible, Wull curses himself with a monstrous affliction, gaining the strength needed to kill, but unleashing a hunger that demands more than he can safely control.

Years later, Garamund has returned to the capital for a tournament celebrating the aging King’s birthday. Wull enters the melee hoping to get close to Garamund’s men and find a way to reach the decorated general himself. Instead, he finds old friends and a life he thought he had abandoned waiting for him. For the first time in years, Wull begins to wonder what might remain of him when vengeance is no longer all that keeps him going.

Then the King collapses. The tournament gives way to political upheaval, and uncertainty over succession invites a power struggle. Wull’s old allies help him leave the city—but Garamund slips beyond his reach. His revenge, once so close at hand, seems lost again. Until a claimant to the throne offers him a bargain: fight for the crown, and when victory comes, Garamund’s life will be Wull’s to take.

To finally kill the man who destroyed his past, Wull may have to sacrifice the future he’s only just begun to imagine, and risk becoming the beast he’s spent years struggling to control.

Any and all feedback is appreciated. Specifically, I'm trying to pin down the positioning. The MC is 18/19 and the novel takes place in college, with some content being beyond the scope of YA, so I'm leaning NA. But I've also been told NA really only applies to romance, which isn't the main focus. I'm also struggling with the genre in general. Let me know if you have any thoughts specifically pertaining to that!!

Dear [Agent],

Based on [personalization], I’m excited to present TURNING, a 73,000-word literary coming-of-age novel with speculative elements. It combines the surreal, physicalized trans metaphor of Andrew Joseph White’s THE SPIRIT BARES ITS TEETH with the complex sibling dynamics of Mary H.K. Choi’s YOLK in the witty, heartland-academic setting of Emily St James’s WOODWORKING.

Turning invisible isn’t in Oliver Green’s foolproof plan: move far, far away from his family, start testosterone, and find himself. But neither is winding up in Ashby, Iowa at the tiny liberal arts college his overachieving older sister attends. Oliver will do anything to carve out an identity distinct from Greta, but there’s one tiny problem—lying to her is literally making him disappear.

What starts as a hole where his belly button should be quickly snowballs into an absent abdomen, but Oliver isn’t ready to give up his new life. To his messy, horny friend group, he’s an only child, not to mention cis-passing adjacent. The longer he keeps Greta at arm’s length, the harder it is to maintain the two personas.

Greta might not be perfect either, though—she’s flunking out. But Oliver isn’t just lying to her, he’s lying to his friends… and maybe himself. It’s only a matter of time before the invisibility creeping down his thighs will make his weekly T shot impossible, unless Oliver can figure out who he really is: not the person he was, or the person he’s trying to become.

I have a BA in Philosophy from [College] and like Oliver, I’m trans. TURNING draws on aspects of my own transition during college. When I’m not writing, I’m rock climbing, playing the piano, and enjoying that my hometown is an overlooked large city without much traffic.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I’ve included x pages with my query; the full manuscript is available upon request.

Sincerely,

[cengstromc]

First 300 words:

When I blew out my candles on my thirteenth birthday, I wished that I would never be trans. 
Which, looking back, is not exactly a very cis thing to do. But wishing on birthday candles was my only choice. The weeks prior, I had inadvertently befriended the only trans kid at school, partly out of a stubborn desire to prove something about myself. I’m a good person, I thought whilst correcting people who misgendered him. Unfortunately, I quickly learned two things:

1. Being trans in middle school sucks.
2. Being trans doesn’t make someone any less annoying.

I can’t really blame the candles on being trans, though. There isn’t really anyone to blame—God, maybe? I’m agnostic at best. Or maybe that kid who mistook me for a boy last spring, that early evening in the park, when I flew out of a swing and knocked the wind right out of my lungs. The tentative way he asked: Is he okay? The pure elation was so immediate, so all-encompassing, that I couldn’t feel my body. For one perfect second, I was one with the mulch and the earth and the gray sky. Then his mom scolded him, pointing out all of my girl-ness, and hurried him along, leaving the weight of the world to come crashing down on me.

The community would call this the moment my egg cracked, like I’m some little baby chick or a sprouting flower, and it sounds beautiful, but really, it hurts like a bitch.

Still does.

A year can be an unbearably long time, especially in the closet, but it’s easier when you have a mantra:

Just make it to college.

And now I almost have.

I refresh the Tufts University page one more time, appreciating the way confetti rains down on the screen.

Dear (name),

VEIL OF THE DRAGON is a 126,000 word adult fantasy novel that serves as a coming of age story examining motives for good and drivers of evil.  It draws inspiration from the power dynamics of the citizens and leaders of Esgaroth (Lake-town) from J.R.R. Tolkien’s THE HOBBIT as well as the greatly mysterious forces and subtle friendships of L. Frank Baum’s THE WIZARD OF OZ.

Elizabeth, Peter, and Rose are a trio of childhood friends living in the medieval-style village of Hearthcreek.  Behind closed doors and in the occasional daring public escapade, they scheme about helping free their village from the hunger of poverty and the tyranny of King Cavall VII and his troops garrisoned in Hearthcreek.

As they clash with these lofty goals, the challenges of the king’s well-armed and sly-tongued henchmen are only the beginning.  The trio hopes that John Hamlin, the local folk hero and the trio’s adopted father figure, will lead this newborn rebellion.  But this brave yet humble farmer who has seen a lifetime of death now seeks only to keep his people safe, even if it means maintaining the status quo.

In search of an alternative champion of the people to spur the village into rebellion, the trio looks to Radabore, a wizard who lives far into the mountains.  This mysterious hermit has not been seen since he fought alongside John Hamlin to save Hearthcreek six years ago during the dreaded Solstice Raid.

As they struggle to convince others to fight, Elizabeth, Peter, and Rose each struggle to understand why they themselves are fighting, and whether they rank among heroes, villains, or failures.

(author bio)

Thank you for your time and consideration,

(author name)

Alright everyone! Eighth attempt here we go. I tried to make this all less wordy, so hopefully it succeeds while still evoking all that I want it to. Thanks in advance for all of your help

Dear [Agent],

A SPARK OF INSURGENCY is a 99,000 word, standalone Adult Sci-fi novel with series potential. It would be great for fans of Fonda Lee’s gritty and rebellious The Last Contract of Isako, while also featuring the mecha aspects of The Genesis of Misery by Neon Yang.

Ritellion wants to leave his backwater planet and build piloted mechs for the empire that conquered his home decades before. But when his mentor is executed for rebellion, Ritellion is left trying to convince the imperium he had nothing to do with his plans. Now he’s striving to portray the perfect citizen under the empire’s scrutinizing eye, all so that one day he may leave the home he loathes to be amongst the stars. 

But being perfect gets harder when Ritellion uncovers a group of insurgents once led by his mentor, all of whom claim the mechanic must help them complete his mentor’s unfinished weapon: a piloted mech to be used against the imperium. He hesitantly agrees to aid these traitors, but for one reason alone: when they are ready for their assault, Ritellion will betray the rebels to earn the empire’s approval and finally join their ranks.

Trapped between keeping peace with their overlords and appeasing the insurgency, Ritellion’s understanding of the world around him is slowly shifted. The empire offers promises of prosperity, while the rebels – despite their brashness – reveal an appreciation for his home Ritellion’s never recognized. But as the insurgency prepares a heist for the final parts of the piloted mech, Ritellion and the rest end up caught in the midst of the crime. He now has no choice but to fight, and when the imperium attacks his family and the city through a violent martial law, Ritellion becomes exactly what they thought him to be as one final plan carries this revolution to their front door.

 (Bio)

Hi all, thanks for your help on my last query. I've revised it based on your feedback, adding more about why Edward raises up Despenser and how he is the one who recalls him to England. I also added a logline.

My only concern -- is the query now reading long? If so, what should I cut?

Dear AGENT,

[Personalization]

I am seeking representation for SHE-WOLF, my upmarket historical novel about Isabel of France, the only queen of England to overthrow her own husband. It is a standalone with series potential. Complete at 115,000 words, SHE-WOLF combines the cutthroat court politics of Annie Garthwaite’s The King’s Mother with the yearning and forbidden romance of Elizabeth DeLozier’s Eleanore of Avignon.

Married at twelve to Edward II, Isabel arrives in England certain that if she is good, God and her husband will keep her safe. But Edward has little interest in his new bride, and would rather dig a ditch than reign over his rebellious barons. Isabel’s safety — and future — depends on a king who can barely hold his throne.

So while Edward swims in the Thames, Isabel governs in his place. Over the next decade, she manages his magnates, dictates letters until her throat is sore, and hauls England back from the brink of civil war more than once. When she bears an heir, her ambition narrows to a single point: keeping the peace long enough for her son to become king. Desperate for allies, she grows close to Roger Mortimer, the ambitious Marcher lord whom she comes to want in a way that could destroy them both.

After the disastrous Battle of Bannockburn and years of famine drain the treasury, Edward elevates a ruthless favorite, Hugh Despenser, who refills the coffers by seizing land from the barons. The war Isabel has spent years preventing arrives anyway. With her son’s throne at stake, she kneels before her husband and begs him to banish Despenser, knowing it will make her an enemy for life. She is not wrong. When Edward illegally recalls him, Despenser robs her of her income, her household, and her freedom, even threatening to have her son declared a bastard. After a lifetime of devotion, she stops praying.

Isabel faces a choice: be the good, faithful wife she was raised to be, or raise an army with Mortimer — the man she has long denied herself — and take England by force. Deposing Edward is the only way to secure her son’s throne. It is also the one thing her son will never forgive.

I wrote SHE-WOLF because Edward II is almost always portrayed as a hapless fool and Isabel as his victim, and I wanted to give them back their humanity. I also think the world needs more compulsively readable royal fiction.

[Bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Hello! Thank you for the fabulous feedback each time I post here. I feel like it has helped me tremendously! Please let me know how I can make it better or if anything is confusing. I've reworked my first 4 chapters, so that will reflect in my first 300 words as well.

Dear Agent,

(personalization)

When Serena’s beloved father dies from the same mysterious autoimmune disease dominating the news, she spirals into a reckless grief episode ending in a near-fatal bar brawl that awakens abilities she, unfortunately, cannot use her usual stealth mode to avoid. Namely, the wildflowers that bloom when her emotions flare and a touch that can heal others...provided she absorbs their physical pain into her own body. No biggie. 

Seeking answers and begrudgingly lonely, Serena joins a support group of eclectic professionals sharing her history of ailing elders and costly elemental abilities. She takes a risk, leading an amateur spy trip to her employer, energy company EASEC. There, the group discovers that their blood cells contain Aeternamite, an otherworldly life-giving mineral whose current decay is triggering the fatal disease in their elders and awakening magic in the younger generation, while also uncovering EASEC’s plan to round up those with abilities in eight days for experimentation to halt the decay.

Serena and her friends scramble to collect and decipher pieces of the realm's lore for answers on how to stop the mineral from decaying completely. She must find a way to save them before she and her found family suffer at the hands of EASEC or eventually succumb to the same fate as her father. Warily navigating her grief, magical abilities, and budding romance with a necromancer, she faces her deepest struggle: the more you choose to love, the more loss you must absorb. 

A WILDFLOWER'S GUIDE TO SURVIVAL, complete at 102,000 words, will appeal to fans of the visceral magic in One Dark Window by Rachel Gillig, the lore and nature in Emily Wilde's Encyclopaedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett, and the emotional depth of V.E. Schwab's The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue.

(bio paragraph)

First 300:

Serena fought a losing battle with her gag reflex. She tapped her foot against the wooden counter as the convenience store clerk rang up her pregnancy test. Her golden brown eyes were wide, lips stretched into a tight, thin smile.  I’m going to barf on this guy if he goes any slower. 

“...Ma’am?” 

“Huh?” Her head snapped up as the store tilted in her vision.

“Oh, I just asked if you’d heard anything about this.” He jerked his thumb towards the television behind him. 

Local news anchor Marissa Townsend’s face filled the screen, her voice piercing through the air in her thick, nasally timbre. She stood in front of the Pinewood Regional Hospital’s main entrance as she spoke.
“There has been yet another discovery of what experts can only call an ‘inexplicable supernatural ability’ in a local man possessing what appears to be the power to manipulate and create whirlwinds out of sand particles using only his mind. The man, unable to control this affliction at the reservoir yesterday, sustained self-inflicted injuries after trapping himself in a small sandstorm. He attempted to check himself into the hospital for treatment—”
Serena spoke over the news segment. “Um, nope. That’s wild.” She gripped the counter with one hand and pinched a credit card between her fingers with the other. 
The clerk fumbled with the box for the bar code before stopping to watch more of the news story.
“…the hospital is still struggling to accommodate the rising number of patients suffering from the sudden onset of an autoimmune illness with deadly symptoms. They are encouraging anyone with minor to moderate injuries to seek treatment at one of their four urgent care clinics throughout the city instead.”
The clerk picked the box back up and scanned it. “Yeah, my cousin, he swears he can use sonar like a bat or some shit now. I dunno. He’s always been a few screws loose, you know?”

Thank you for your feedback!

Hello everyone! First attempt here, second attempt here.

I'm super excited to be putting my package together for PitchDis. Turns out my book is a thriller-- who knew? Not me a few months ago! (If anyone has a comp come to mind, I'd love to hear :^) )

Thank you for your time :^) (let me know if you folks see the same structure issues I'm seeing-- I won't spoil it because I'm worried I'm over-scrutinizing).

Have a lovely day / night <3

/////////////////////////////////////

Dear [Agent],

FIRE IN A JAR is a YA Speculative Thriller with LGBTQ+ characters at 70k words. It will appeal to the ________, and the toxic friendships in ________.

Seventeen-year-old Becca Cartwright keeps it together. When her alcoholic father misses work, she calls his boss with an excuse. When her ex-best friend wants to get wasted at another college party, she talks him out of it. When old memories give her nightmares, she forces herself to forget. 

Everything is under control.

But when Becca's father Dave swaps booze for an experimental drug, sh*t goes sideways. Suvenide is as expensive as it is fantastic; users experience vivid hallucinations in a colorful jar of smoke. Dave's reliance on the drug grows while house bills pile up, and Becca scrambles for cash. She strikes a deal at the Jar Bar, doing odd jobs for samples of Suvenide under the table. But when Dave is fired and a friend offers money for the samples, Becca starts dealing. And the overnight popularity is intoxicating.

But Suvenide has concerning side effects. Dave talks to people who are long dead. Her friends act like zombies. Becca only has herself to rely on, until lapses in her memory prove how close she is to losing it, too. As her father’s health declines and the drug deals spin out of control, Becca must fight to protect the people she loves--- before everything goes up in flames.

My name is [name] and I am a proud member of the LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent community. I have a BFA in Theater and Performance and a minor in Creative Writing from [University]. When I’m not writing, I’m working on film projects, putting together drag routines, or knitting. FIRE IN A JAR would be my debut novel. Thank you for your consideration.

First 300: (same as the last one I believe with minor edits, but for reference):

I had either lost my father or I was losing my mind. The red truck wasn’t parked at Tattletale like it always was, or the grocery store, or Giuseppe’s, or the police station, and it sure as hell wasn’t parked at home. A sedan blew past me and splashed puddle water into my face.

“Awesome,” I hissed. “Thanks.” It was getting colder out. I’d probably freeze to death, running around in circles like an idiot in the street. Thoughts clamored in my head. Mainly, what the fuck and what do I do over and over and over. How did I lose an entire man? It wasn’t like he packed up and went to Vegas.
I paused on the sidewalk. No. No, he wouldn’t do that. But nothing helped the panic rising like puke in my throat. I couldn’t call the cops, and I couldn’t keep looking in the same five places—

Another car came roaring towards me. Please don’t be a cop. I looked like a teenager up to no good, in a dark hoodie late at night. Please, Jesus. But the car came and went. Music and screams of joy spilled out the windows. Kids. Their arms waved as they went off into the night. Probably my age.

My shoulders raised up to my ears. I felt colder and wetter than ever. They’d be singing, having fun, drinking alcohol. Making memories. Good ones. New ones. I set my jaw to keep it from trembling. It was alright. That was the night for them. I took a deep breath and tried to focus. I was gonna have the night for me.

I looked at my rinky-dink watch. It was almost two in the morning. “Fuck.” It was starting to rain. I clenched my hands into fists and tried not to cry. “I have school in the morning.”

This is my third attempt at a query letter, let me know if it's on the right track!

"Dear Agent,

I am seeking representation for THE YOMI PROJECT, a 70,000-word novel at the intersection of romance and upmarket fiction. It combines the banter and humor of Mhari McFarlane’s JUST LAST NIGHT, a romantic connection rekindled in a futuristic world similar to Black Mirror’s SAN JUNIPERO, and the emotional character arc of Frederik Backman’s A MAN CALLED OVE.

The long career of Oscar-Winner and well-known misanthrope Fintan Byrne has been ruined by two viral videos. The first video made him look like a violent, emotionally unstable monster. The second one made him a laughingstock. His assistant wants to use the second video to improve his reputation. After a lonely life in the spotlight, Fintan just wants to be left alone.

Dean Costa is Hollywood’s golden boy, known for his body of work in high-octane action flicks which are as famous as, well, his body. These two actors share more in common than their occupation; before the fame, they shared a powerful, unconventional relationship, one which continued to shape their lives long after its tragic end. Dean has spent his whole life trying to reach out to Fintan, who’s spent his whole life trying to avoid him. For years, Dean Costa was everywhere. Then, he disappeared without a trace. Fintan has no idea why, until he’s recruited to participate in early clinical trials for the Youth-Optimized Mortuary Intranet, also known as YOMI, with none other than Dean Costa as his research partner.

When he arrives, Fintan is surprised to find that YOMI looks just like the Cape Cod cottage where they once spent lazy summers together in the 90’s. Here, thirty years of aging and plastic surgery are stripped away, making them look like the fresh-faced college students they were when their relationship began. Soon after they arrive, Dean admits to Fintan that he’s dying, and will be the YOMI Project’s first attempt at uploading a human to the digital world. Will Dean finally set things right with his former lover before it’s too late? Will Fintan finally confront the past he’s been running from all these years? How exactly do their increasingly-tense visits to and from the lush, realistic digital world help the research team behind The YOMI Project… and what will happen to Dean?

Various aspects of my own life inspired this novel, particularly my time living in New England, run-ins with America’s turbulent healthcare landscape, and the recent loss of my own mother. I’ve been writing my whole life, including blogging for a web design company and writing for my eponymous Substack. Currently, I live south of Boston with my husband, two cats, and two dogs."

Thank you to everyone who critiqued the earlier versions. This round tries to fix the vagueness issues from last time: pronoun clarity, the spy bargain set up front, and the family given faces. All feedback welcome.

Dear Agent,

ALL HIS BLOOD-COVERED SAINTS is an adult dark fantasy, complete at 92,000 words, a standalone with series potential. It will suit readers of Shelley Parker-Chan's She Who Became the Sun, for a heroine who does monstrous things and is never absolved of them, and Rosalie M. Lin's Daughter of Calamity, for a gangland city where women's bodies are the raw material of the trade. Think The Departed by way of Korean noir like New World, in a world where dreams are the drug.

In Yoltetlan, weavers bleed dreams into vials and citizens inject them into willing, desperate veins. Lana Sarinana is the best weaver in the trade, enforcer for the clan boss who calls her daughter, and a spy for the empire that conquered her country. The empire took her at ten, bought her obedience with the promise of a new name and a life far from Yoltetlan, and planted her in the clan at fourteen. Twelve years later she is still inside. She protects the weaver girls the trade drains, puts the clan's enemies in the ground, and waits for the order she was raised for: burn it all down.

The order, when it finally comes, arrives with a new handler: Inquisitor Natasha Song, who wears a psychotherapist's nameplate in the respectable part of the city and keeps Lana's name in her appointment book. Natasha offers what no one ever has — an hour, once a week, where every lie is set down at the door. In that room Lana learns what the empire wants from her. She's to steer her clan family into war against its rivals, hand them victory, and let the empire take ownership of the trade that survives. Lana has spent twelve years dreading this order. She follows it anyway by arming her brothers, choosing targets, and winning a war she knows is rigged, because obedience is the only way out she's ever been promised, and because the woman issuing the orders has become the one person she cannot lie to.

The clan wins. Then the empire names its price: a better custodian for the vial trade, a noble lord who crucifies weavers and drains them dry. The family Lana just led to victory is what he demands. The man who raised her. The brother who jokes while he reloads. The girl who wears a necktie because Lana does. Natasha will be the one to collect. Lana can finish the mission she has bled twelve years for, or defy the empire and lose the only person who has ever seen her whole.

I am a husband and father of two working in healthcare. My stories are a way to untangle the complexities of the world my family lives in, and I hope they inspire those who read them.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Thanks for your help. The whole thing including bio ends up being 375 words.

Dear Agent,

Based on your interest in [climate fiction], I would like to offer Sola, an adult dystopian novel complete at 85,000 words. Sola pairs the warm solarpunk aesthetics of Psalm for the Wild Built by Becky chambers, with the mystery, horror, and adventure of The Southern Reach Series by Jeff Vandermeer.

Sola was raised on the run, which is completely normal post-collapse. Without a home, to exist is to trespass, and to trespass is to be hunted by enforcement drones. Sola knows how to get by though. Her dad taught her how to use homemade tech to stay off the radar, and she’s gotten good at fermenting weeds into nutrient-rich stews, and navigating the ecologically devastated landscape. What is less-than-normal, is having family ties to the fearsome post-apocalyptic tribes.

Her dad raised her to steer clear of the three tribes at all costs, but the more Sola learns, the less certain she is that this was for her safety, as much as to hide his own dark past. When a drone eventually gets her dad, Sola doesn’t know what else to do but seek help from some old family friends. 

Beneath the psychedelic rituals, mysticism, and inter-tribal conflict, Sola learns that the purpose of the tribes was originally to reverse the course of the collapse. Alongside those she once feared more than anything, Sola learns her parents’ true role with the tribes, and finds herself following in their footsteps, even if she doesn’t fully understand where they lead. 

When asked to deliver her mother’s controversial postdoc research - something to do with fish, a bleeding island, and the end of the world - Sola travels deep into one of the few remaining cities of old. There she must decide for herself what really caused the collapse, what enforcement drones are really for, and whether to proceed with a mission that might just as easily destroy the world as save it.

Hi everyone! I'm currently still writing with the goal of hitting 78K by the end of October! Posting my query a bit early because I think it'll be really helpful in pointing out any gaps and great motivation going forward. Tightening up queries tends to help me tighten up any unrealized plot issues! With my query, I hope it doesn't sound too blurby. My current thought is that it's not leaning enough into the romance, but I'm not sure how to work it in more in the length constraints. Any advice is greatly appreciated! Thanks so much in advance. (Also, the parenthesis are probably too much, so I'm going to work on that).

I am excited to share SPOOKY IN LOVE, an adult fantasy romance complete at XX,000 words. It will appeal to fans who loved the disconnected-from-reality magical love interest of Jenna Levine’s My Roommate Is A Vampire and the race-against-the-curse aspect of Hopelessly Teavoted by Audrey Goldberg Ruoff. 

Blythe Bishop likes Spooky Season — a casual, healthy, non-concerning kind of 'like'. Which is why her temp position at Spirit Halloween is really testing the limits... It's only late August, and she's already spent weeks surviving ghouls, ghosts, and her coworker hosting the occasional seance in the break room. All fake, of course! Fake is the name of the game in a Spirit Halloween. And Blythe, with her perfect customer-service voice and insipid smile fits right in. 

Costumes are nothing new to her, but when a man shows up in the store (without having come through the front door) wearing his own witch hat and cloak, Blythe can tell he's a little off. And when he tries to steal a costume necklace... well, she has no choice but to get involved. While her coworker whips up a ‘hex’, Blythe confronts the thief, only to find out the hard way that he's a real warlock (how dare she call him a witch!) and oh — right, the necklace is real too. That would've been nice to know before she put it on! 

With the amulet's powers now inside of the infuriating mortal, Gramarye "Gram" Montmayne-Makepeace is unfortunately stuck with her... With only five weeks to break his secret curse so he can publish the most powerful spell of the Fall Equinox (which he will write himself, of course), Gram does not have time for indignant human women. And certainly no time for love! If he can’t free his magic before the Equinox council convenes, everyone will find out that he’s been faking it for years.

What these two fakers aren’t prepared for is how much they get under each other's skin. While embracing the store, an adoringly-obsessive pretend-witch, and a crotchety middle-management ghost turned out to be easy work, Gram and Blythe must face the spookiest thing of all: love.

Hello friends! I'd love some feedback on my query and first 300 if anyone is open to sharing any! For the first 300 I tried to get rid of any confusion from last time. I know people mentioned being confused about the timeline basically the first line is her talking from the future saying I'm going to died in thirty minutes, then line three switches back to the present when she doesn't yet know. But hopefully the seocnd line makes that explicitly clear.

I also wanted to know how Alex's voice reads. I tried to show her distinct characterization. The Cheetos line, for example, is not there to be generic teenage snark, but it's meant to show how overly self-aware she is to the point where she beats herself up for things as small as literally forgetting to eat Cheetos before they went stale. Then I tried to show where this behavior comes from in her actions and how she literally records herself practicing at a party to give her dad evidence she tried, then beats herself up for recording because she feels rude. Her dad is also extremely hard on her, which we see soon, but it didn't fit in the first 300, but that's where the overt self-deprecation comes from. My writing style is just more naturally loud and snarky, but I hope it doesn't read generic. She's supposed to be snarky to clarify she's not really supposed to be traditionally likable but I hope who she is and why she's the way she is is clear.

Query:

Dear Agent’s Name, 

I thought you might be interested in ROSES ARE DEAD, a 76,000-word YA speculative thriller with mystery elements, blending the ‘solve your own murder’ premise of Holly Jackson’s Not Quite Dead Yet with the deadly competition of IV Marie’s Immortal Consequences, and the sapphic romance of Tanya Byrne’s Afterlove.

After a fire kills sixteen-year-old Alexandra, her siblings, and the girl she loves, they are given a choice. Return to earth the month before the fire and compete against each other for a second chance at life or stay in the afterlife forever. Only one of them can survive their past. The rest will be erased from existence forever. 

As the Rebirth Trials begin, Alexandra’s second chance is determined by her ability to identify and fix the worst mistakes she made the month leading up to her death; mistakes caused by her raging temper. Each mistake she repairs brings her closer to the truth about the fire. Falling back into old habits means elimination. But someone is rewriting the past to rig the competition. If the culprit succeeds, she’ll stay dead forever.

Alexandra is sure there’s already a grave with her name on it. Her temper has already cost her a basketball scholarship, ruined friendships, and convinced her father she’s a destructive mess. But dying again means losing the chance to redeem herself, and winning means losing her siblings and the love of her life.

As a bisexual graduate of Fairleigh Dickinson's creative writing program, I’m excited to explore LGBT+ themes in this novel. I currently work as a teen librarian at Darien Library. 

The full manuscript is available upon request.

Thank you for your consideration,

(My Full Name)

First 300:

In exactly thirty minutes, my first life will end.    

The version of me freezing my butt off in Nathan’s driveway has no clue. 
My biggest mistake of all was coming to this damn party instead of enjoying my flaming hot Cheetos and The Big Bang Theory in peace. They’re literally going to be stale by the time I make it out of this. My train-wreck ass couldn’t even get that right. 
Some dreams have to die, I guess. Because as of now, I’m still living my first life in oblivion, practicing for a scholarship that won’t matter anyway. 
“Fuck this shit,” I mutter because of course I’m the person who would practice basketball at a party. Just a few more minutes so people don’t think I’m even more of a jerk. 
“Nice job, Alex.” Rolling my eyes, I line up to shoot my twenty-fifth basket for the day because this really is my own fault. A month of treating every bad choice like an invitation to the Olympics led me here. Well I won’t be making it to any Olympics unless I finish these shots.
I glance at my phone, propped on the mailbox, recording. It doesn’t matter if I miss now. I can just record again. 
But missing will matter at my game tomorrow. When Dad’s eyes are on me the whole time, waiting for me to screw up. 
I’m sorry, did I ask for his opinion? Didn’t think so. I glance at my phone again. The evidence that shows I’m practicing. So if I screw up tomorrow, at least I can tell Dad I tried. 
“I don’t care.” The words taste funny on my tongue as I bounce the ball harder than I need to.