Labels that we carry internally — “failure,” “disappointment,” “loser,” etc. — often lead to deep feelings of shame. This shame, in turn, leads us to engage in our addictive behaviors.
Thankfully, it is possible to free ourselves from these unhelpful, shameful labels through practicing self-compassion.
Practicing unconditional self-acceptance involves recognizing that “you” are the aggregate of your character, traits, personality, experiences, values, strengths, and weaknesses. Therefore, it is impossible that any one behavior, or pattern of behaviors, could entirely define "you."
Listed below are seven thoughts that can help us practice self-compassion:
- I’m not a bad person when I act badly; I am a person who has acted badly.
- I’m not a good person when I act well and accomplish things; I am a person who has acted well and accomplished things.
- I would better not define myself entirely by my behavior, by others’ opinions, or by anything else.
- I can itemize my weaknesses, disadvantages, and failures without judging or defining myself by them.
- When I foolishly put myself down, I don’t have to put myself down for putting myself down.
- I do not have to let my acceptance of myself be at the mercy of my circumstances.
- It may be worse to fail, but failure does not make me a worse person.
Which self-compassionate thought do you struggle the most to accept? Why?
This tool and others like it can be found on the SMART Recovery website and in the handbook.
