r/Screenwriting • u/moviestoday66 • 11d ago

FEEDBACK Hack - Short - 7 pgs

Title: Hack

Format: Short

Length: 7 pages

Genre: Black Comedy

Logline: An actor grows increasingly anxious after an audition.

I posted this short a while back, but I made some edits that I believe strengthen the overall story. I was aiming for a sort of black comedy/fever-dream feel for it. I plan to shoot this myself with a very small crew. Open to any feedback, but mainly curious how you feel about the story itself. Too on the nose? Cheers!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/198dA76RqLyvUdLVBAIJsgKzhTNyG9IKF/view?usp=sharing

1 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

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2

u/CompleteDay8059 9d ago

You do a good job painting some nice details, and I liked the meditation suddenly getting dark. I would personally say just leave it at “  Now, I want you to take a deep breath and hold it because you don't deserve to take another.” and cut out the dialogue after that.