r/Tinder • u/RoyalPainPrincess • 1d ago

👁️👄👁️

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9.6k Upvotes

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u/briareus08 1d ago

Why do I have the sinking feeling that these are all real quotes 😒

413

u/RoyalPainPrincess 1d ago

“Her quivering sheath,” “his aching member,” “her dewy petals,” …. Must I go on? I’ve read these with my own poor innocent eyes. I could go on🤣🤣

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u/Paulztaos 1d ago

“Twin peaks”

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u/No_Competition_6989 1d ago

The fine dining establishment?

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u/zeno_22 1d ago

No the TV show

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u/Resident_Wizard 1d ago

I almost took my young kids there this summer. My dumbass didn’t put 2 and 2 together with the name. I was thinking it was related to the show. I should have known since Hooters was in the same plaza.

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u/_Avon 22h ago

“twin jade peaks”

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u/kadathsc 1d ago

Given the breadth of experience, I’m a bit doubtful on the “innocent eyes” bit. 😅

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u/RoyalPainPrincess 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/fuPebHtOlvBLcKMxDA

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u/Umezawa 4h ago

I'm sure there's a perfectly innocent reason that "RoyalPainPrincess" has such an extensive smut vocabulary.

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u/JeromeBarkly 1d ago

“Quivering sheath” is diabolical work wtf.

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u/eunochia 1d ago

I highly doubt your eyes are innocent at this point.

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u/zoidbergmustache 1d ago

I think she secretly enjoys that kind of writing, I mean how else does she know all these phrases? 😄

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u/doublexol 1d ago

He watches as her timbers being shivered with one last satisfied "yharg"

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u/RoyalPainPrincess 1d ago

“Arreghhgshsbsttthhh”

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u/doublexol 1d ago

Thank you thank you. I was in a pirate costume when I was writing that.

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u/chbay 1d ago

She deboarded the ship while her beef curtains flapped elegantly in the breeze

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u/UrdnotZigrin 1d ago

"He took his stiff peepee out of his pants and put it in her vajayjay"

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u/No_Mercy_4_Potatoes 1d ago

Ah... Now we know what activity you were up to in the first date

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u/DustyRailz 1d ago

... her hips undulating like tides inviting his mainsale to hoist, engorging full mast.

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u/SenpaiRemling 1d ago

"His iron-hard pleasure spear", "The swollen sword of passion", "Her soft, yielding love nest", "The dripping honey pot of lust"

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u/Pretend-Fondant9873 1d ago

From a male perspective (and enjoyer of MxM smut), aching member I like as a description, the others sound… original? 😅 but not exactly good.

What’s wrong with aching member if you don’t mind me asking?

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u/Noctaem 1d ago

I see you've read Kresley Cole haha

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u/Syraphel 1d ago

At least the plot is somewhat entertaining in Cole’s books 😂

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u/ManuXDLOCO 12h ago

if a lady's sheath is quivering, her man must be delivering

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u/reeee-irl 1d ago

“Velvet-wrapped steel” is from the Throne of Glass series lol

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u/RoyalPainPrincess 1d ago

No wonder I could never finish that series. Gave up after the second book! Lol

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u/reeee-irl 1d ago

It’s the first series I’ve ever read in that genre, and I’m currently on the last book. The first 2 books are definitely not the best, but I’ve enjoyed it so far. Not sure if I’m going to continue and read the other like 15 books in the SJM universe though 😅

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u/Manoffreaks 1d ago

Imo, SJM is to romantasy what dragonball is to anime.

It's palatable to more casual fans and can act as a good introduction into the genre, but there are much better series. There are also much much worse.

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u/reavers-reapers 1d ago

Nah that's been around for ages

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u/briareus08 1d ago

That’s just improbable. I consider myself pretty unserious, but I don’t think I could get through a book using that kind of metaphorical imagery 😂

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u/GarethMas 1d ago

There's only so many times you can use the same words or phrases before they begin to lose the impact or visualizations, so erotica writers have found countless ways to refer to it all. Not to mention that the more creative or shocking phrases tend to draw a much more imaginative visualization of the act, which is kinda the whole point of erotica.