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u/DanikanSkywalkr 1d ago
Bro probably uses words like bosom and nether regions
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u/RoyalPainPrincess 1d ago
As long as he doesn’t use “his stiff rod” and “her moist channel,” I’m good!💀
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u/Astrieth42 1d ago
"His throbbing manhood" 😂😂😂
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u/RoyalPainPrincess 1d ago
“His velvet-covered steel” 💀
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u/briareus08 1d ago
Why do I have the sinking feeling that these are all real quotes 😒
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u/RoyalPainPrincess 1d ago
“Her quivering sheath,” “his aching member,” “her dewy petals,” …. Must I go on? I’ve read these with my own poor innocent eyes. I could go on🤣🤣
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u/Paulztaos 1d ago
“Twin peaks”
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u/No_Competition_6989 1d ago
The fine dining establishment?
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u/Resident_Wizard 19h ago
I almost took my young kids there this summer. My dumbass didn’t put 2 and 2 together with the name. I was thinking it was related to the show. I should have known since Hooters was in the same plaza.
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u/eunochia 1d ago
I highly doubt your eyes are innocent at this point.
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u/zoidbergmustache 1d ago
I think she secretly enjoys that kind of writing, I mean how else does she know all these phrases? 😄
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u/doublexol 1d ago
He watches as her timbers being shivered with one last satisfied "yharg"
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u/RoyalPainPrincess 1d ago
“Arreghhgshsbsttthhh”
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u/doublexol 1d ago
Thank you thank you. I was in a pirate costume when I was writing that.
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u/chbay 1d ago
She deboarded the ship while her beef curtains flapped elegantly in the breeze
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u/DustyRailz 1d ago
... her hips undulating like tides inviting his mainsale to hoist, engorging full mast.
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u/SenpaiRemling 21h ago
"His iron-hard pleasure spear", "The swollen sword of passion", "Her soft, yielding love nest", "The dripping honey pot of lust"
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u/Pretend-Fondant9873 1d ago
From a male perspective (and enjoyer of MxM smut), aching member I like as a description, the others sound… original? 😅 but not exactly good.
What’s wrong with aching member if you don’t mind me asking?
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u/reeee-irl 1d ago
“Velvet-wrapped steel” is from the Throne of Glass series lol
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u/RoyalPainPrincess 1d ago
No wonder I could never finish that series. Gave up after the second book! Lol
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u/reeee-irl 1d ago
It’s the first series I’ve ever read in that genre, and I’m currently on the last book. The first 2 books are definitely not the best, but I’ve enjoyed it so far. Not sure if I’m going to continue and read the other like 15 books in the SJM universe though 😅
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u/Manoffreaks 20h ago
Imo, SJM is to romantasy what dragonball is to anime.
It's palatable to more casual fans and can act as a good introduction into the genre, but there are much better series. There are also much much worse.
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u/GarethMas 1d ago
There's only so many times you can use the same words or phrases before they begin to lose the impact or visualizations, so erotica writers have found countless ways to refer to it all. Not to mention that the more creative or shocking phrases tend to draw a much more imaginative visualization of the act, which is kinda the whole point of erotica.
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u/reeee-irl 1d ago
“I hope no one noticed us on the beach 🤭” lightning and fire literally everywhere
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u/Weird-Buffalo-3169 1d ago
Reginald's quivering member
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u/badcrass 1d ago
I dare you to write a spicy novel without using 'thrust' or 'throb' in any varient.
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u/Astrieth42 1d ago
Well now I'm going to thrust and throb even harder!
Edit: wait....
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u/Louiebox 1d ago
I prefer "flesh tuxedo". It's eloquent
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u/RoyalPainPrincess 1d ago
Not the “tuxedo”💀💀
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u/WulfZ3r0 1d ago
Bloodhound Gang made a song with all the best(worst) euphemisms back in 2005: https://youtu.be/0Q7Jyjw_dfg?list=RD0Q7Jyjw_dfg
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u/Emotional_News108 1d ago
In my experience real dirty talk is both incomprehensible and also way filthier than anyone would admit in polite company. My wife would never say “keep eating my ass” or “fuck me until you cum” anywhere else. She would make herself blush. It’s hilarious and kind of cute.
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u/xBlackthunderx 1d ago
Maybe wants to protect his identity from people who he may know and wouldn’t give this info to
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u/gibadvicepls 19h ago
And suddenly his cock was out, jutting upward from his breeches like a fat pink mast
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u/OHrangutan 1d ago
Being able to read, much less write, a novel is an accomplishment these days...
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u/Der_Dingsbums 1d ago
It's smut but yeah
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u/19ghost89 1d ago
Yeah, the standards for smut are usually considerably lower, but it's not nothing!
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u/KrimxonRath 1d ago
Are they? Bad smut is a turn off, literally.
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u/Prot3 1d ago
they very much are. Both plot and prose are simpler, more direct.
Without smut, vast majority of the genre (for both men and women) would be a (very) bellow average fantasy books that would gain no traction at all.
And I say this as someone who enjoys and reads smut. But it's damn hard to find quality ones. There are some, but they are like 1% of the genre and good writing or believable story is not a prerequisite to success
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u/KrimxonRath 1d ago
Always interesting to hear opinions from the consumers when you’re a creator. Though if I lower my own standards my work suffers lol
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u/SJWattacker 1d ago
Smut books aren't just one sex scene after the next though. 99% of them have a story and there's smut throughout it. You have to be able to write good stories in order for people to like the book, you can't just write whatever your horny mind comes up with.
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u/GarethMas 1d ago
Not to mention that you have to vary the phrasing of each scene with smut, otherwise you lose the impact. Good erotica requires a large variety of imagination and word choice to continually evoke the imagination of the reader in different ways, otherwise it will feel dry and forced.
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u/SJWattacker 1d ago
Very true, I'd never be able to write a successful smut book. I'm not creative enough.
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u/throwawaymycareer93 1d ago
Not like putting 100 000 coherent words is easy or anything. If he is published it is even bigger accomplishment.
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u/RobotPhoto 1d ago edited 15h ago
Damn, just interviewed to be an insurance salesman.
Not even kidding, literally first post I see after I got back from Interview.
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u/Arponare 1d ago
I know right? I didn’t open Reddit to be personally attacked.
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u/razorbackthrowaway 1d ago
have you considered writing low budget smut instead?
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u/maliciousdancer 1d ago
Maybe consider a more respectablecareer? Like maybe drug dealer, prostitute, or hitman?
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u/pmjm 1d ago
Is that really a deal breaker for people? To date someone who is able to express passion and has a good enough command of language to write novels?
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u/zillabirdblue 1d ago
Apparently it is for some people. Some are against any type of spicy material.
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u/_Ganon 1d ago
What about soaking? Soaking is still okay right?
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u/Dubbs314 1d ago
As long as the soak doesn’t turn into a power wash
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u/Mean_Ass_Dumbledore 1d ago
Dropout presents: The Soaking Talk
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u/_Ganon 1d ago
Make Some Noise / Game Changer are the best, did not anticipate a Dropout reference haha
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u/Mean_Ass_Dumbledore 1d ago
I swear they need to start paying me cuz I plug Dropout any chance I get!
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u/Responsible_Sink3044 1d ago
Let's see the novel before we start handing out awards
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u/orphanghost1 1d ago
Yeah i think this is highly dependent on how bad the writing is and what kind of bizarre fetish they focus on.
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u/laseluuu 1d ago
did you consider it might be chillies and alcohol - 101 amazing pairings or similar?
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u/Warsel77 1d ago
heaven knows such a person might even enjoy sex.. yeech.
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u/19ghost89 1d ago edited 1d ago
I could see how it would be a deal breaker for three reasons:
1) You disapprove of the content of such novels on a moral basis
2) You don't disapprove, but you are worried about the opinions of those who do.
3) You don't disapprove, but it's not a conversation you want to have with any future kids when they want to know what their parent does but are still too young for that.
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u/lastcallcarrot 1d ago
For me, thats a huge plus. A super active imagination coupled with a great sense of creativity, hell yea. Although, I guess it would depend on the kind of content in said book.....
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u/The_Faceless_Men 18h ago
Apparently it's common enough for a new mother to start writing while on maternity leave, get moderately successful, start going to cons and book signings and her husband start throwing tantrums about it.
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u/DanikanSkywalkr 1d ago
Erika James has an impressive command on the English language... Consent, not so much
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u/Champion-of-Nurgle 1d ago
"She descended the stairs, boobily"
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u/RoyalPainPrincess 1d ago
Tell me that you’ve actually read that somewhere lol
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u/imahumanbeinggoddamn 1d ago
Lol it's from an old copy pasta on the subject of male smut authors
Cassandra woke up to the rays of the sun streaming through the slats on her blinds, cascading over her naked chest. She stretched, her breasts lifting with her arms as she greeted the sun. She rolled out of bed and put on a shirt, her nipples prominently showing through the thin fabric. She breasted boobily to the stairs, and titted downwards.
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u/TheoryofmyMind 1d ago
I suspect they might be a bot. I received an identical message (right down to punctuation) on another site as well a few weeks ago. Just a heads up, so you don't waste as much time chatting with them as I did.
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u/mmmeesh24 1d ago
Lmao I wanna marry both of you 😂
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u/RoyalPainPrincess 1d ago
Don’t give him any ideas! Might write a whole spicy book series about the 3 of us!🤪🤣🙌
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u/The_Sir_Galahad 1d ago edited 1d ago
That’s fine and all OP, but I’ve been meaning to contact you regarding your cars extended warranty.
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u/Jcs456 1d ago
Why is everyone assuming porn?
These novels are about Clive the travelling chilli salesman and his dog and the adventures they get up to along the way.
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u/GODZILLA-Plays-A-DOD 1d ago
I don't understand why that would be a deal breaker for anyone? He's literate and communicates. Could make bank. Win win and win.
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u/SectumSempra1981 1d ago
Pug defender is just mad that they didn't even make it as a spicy book writer.
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u/Talk_to__strangers 1d ago
I would be curious how lucrative a job like that is
Seems almost like a side hustle for a more serious author
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u/RoyalPainPrincess 1d ago
I doubt it’s his full-time job. He has something else listed as his career
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u/NotAJellyfishReally 1d ago
It used to be pretty easy to make a few thousand a month with these throwaway types of novels. Or even more if you were very prolific. Now with AI flooding everything I'm not so sure, I stopped writing to market about 10 years ago because I didn't want to plaster myself all over social media and that became basically mandatory for self-published authors, but there are a lot of people out there who consume tons of this stuff and will buy basically anything if it's priced right and hits on popular tropes.
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u/TheeAntelope 1d ago
10 years ago? Maybe 30. 10 years ago, the self-publishing market was still flooding the airwaves with straight-to-self-pub drivel. How do I know that, you ask? Because both of my novels were straight-to-self-pub drivel.
It would take serious, SERIOUS work to be making a few thousand a month, even on throwaway novels.
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u/Firm-Aardvark6547 1d ago
Un jour, j'ai matche avec une femme qui écrivait un roman sur une relation amoureuse entre frère et sœur.
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u/creepingcold 1d ago
Idk, if something is so important that it needs to be said asap.. just put it into your profile instead of wasting the first impression like that?
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u/Narrow-Talk-5017 1d ago
I think they have a reasonable approach. State it right away, because it can be a deal breaker for a lot of people. But at the same time, if they list it straight up on their profile, they might not want to attract "perverts" who match with them specifically because thats what they do.
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u/liver_child 1d ago
Why is selling insurance a red flag?? 😂
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u/erichf3893 1d ago
More like why wouldn’t it be
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u/SatisfactionActive86 1d ago
for the same reason being a lawyer isn’t a red flag? a reputable insurance agent will help you navigate proper coverage. insurance agents don’t make insurance rules anymore than lawyers write the law. buying whatever insurance you think you need and just hoping it works out is how people get screwed 🤷🏼♂️
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u/poopbeast69 1d ago
they definitely bring that up whenever they can no matter the context
The millennial curse
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u/genshin_impact- 13h ago
Im scared he might write like "her boobs boobed boobily as she walks down the steps of the stairs"
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