r/TryingForABaby • u/larosaoscura • 1d ago
DISCUSSION TTC but also afraid?
Anyone else out there TTC but afraid of getting pregnant?
As much as I love kids and want to have the experience of raising my own, it also scares me so much. Parts of pregnancy sound interesting and exciting, and other parts sound miserable. Giving birth sounds like a nightmare. Then add in all the myriad ways that things can go wrong (and I live in a very red state) and it sort of feels like I'm choosing to play Russian Roulette.
At 35 though, I don't feel like I have time to think about it, and honestly thinking about it too much will probably only make the fear worse.
So I just end up with this weird mixture of hope and dread as the TWW comes to an end, and I start hoping that my period starts. Then when it does, I get this messy mixture of relief and sadness.
Are there others out there like me? Or am I alone in this?
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u/citysunsecret 1d ago
I have no desire to be pregnant or give birth, it honestly sounds like nightmare fuel. I want the child though so on I go. I think I’m disassociating the two processes to be fair, ignoring the pregnancy while trying for a child.
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u/NeatHighway3744 1d ago
I understand you. Motherhood is a long journey; for me, it began long before we even started trying to conceive. I thought about it a lot and went through various phases until, a year ago, we decided to start trying. I’m a very self-aware, reflective person, and I don’t have a "rosy" view of motherhood. Looking back, I probably wasn't ready at all a year ago, but talking to my therapist made me realize just how much I want a baby now. At first, I felt relieved when I got my period—or at least part of me did—but as the months went by, that feeling faded; now, I just want so badly to be pregnant and see those two lines. You never know when it will happen—I’m still waiting myself—but if there’s a positive thing to this year of trying, it’s that I’m much more aware of how much I want a baby. If it had happened right away, things might have been different. I hope you don't have to go through the long wait I’ve experienced, though; I just wanted to say that I understand you and that there’s nothing wrong with how you feel. I think some people simply love their lives as they are, fear the changes a baby might bring, or are just more contemplative than others—but that doesn't mean they’ll be less mothers then others 💕
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u/larosaoscura 1d ago
Thank you <3
I do think a lot of it is that I was raised with a very 'expect the worst' sort of mindset, so it is harder to see the possibility of a positive outcome for me, instead of all the horrible ways things can go wrong. I have been working very hard on not letting my anxiety dictate my life (otherwise I might not have even gotten married and that worked out well lol) but it's hard. At this point I just try to keep myself focused on the getting pregnant part and save worrying about the rest of it for later, if that ever happens.
Anyway, I appreciate the response2
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u/Best_Discussion_7821 1d ago edited 1d ago
I mean I’m terrified of what I’ll be going through and other outside stressors with my FIL, but I’m more excited to have a child to raise
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u/larosaoscura 1d ago
Hopefully if it ever ends up happening for me, the excitement will kick in. I think there are just a lot of other worries getting in the way of that right now.
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u/Ok_Salt8185 28 | 1yr TTC #1 | PCOS / Long Cycles 1d ago
I was super scared, but now that we've been trying for over a year with no luck, I think the fear has gone as I'm just so eager to finally get a positive test. Desperation has trumped my fear lol
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u/rwindsor7 1d ago
This was me last week when my period didnt start when expected. I was freaked out but also excited. This is what I’ve been trying for, why am I afraid? Women have been doing this for centuries, why am I afraid? I kept telling myself that having a mix of feelings is normal, getting and being pregnant, birthing a child is a big deal. I was also relieved that my period started and then mad at myself for being relieved. Hugs to you!
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u/shiny_grimer 35 | TTC#1| Month 6 1d ago
I used to be more afraid of the physical effects but I've done a lot of work in adopting better coping mechanisms and thought patterns that have helped. Also my body changed a lot for non-ttc reasons and I lived to tell the tale so that also helps. What makes me more scared/relieved now is like...the news. I still ofc WANT things to work out for me and want to work to make the world a better place regardless of whether I have children of my own but still. I hear you.
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u/larosaoscura 1d ago
Seriously. There are so many times I see a new headline and think, "I'm tryna drag a whole new person into this mess???"
But hey, someone's gotta keep the species going. Hard to fix things if there's nobody left lol
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u/SlightAnything4909 1d ago
I go in and out of being terrified of being pregnant because "what if I do it wrong?" lmao
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u/Technical-Study2566 34 | TTC #1 | Cycle 7 1d ago
TW: discussion of complications, loss
I had a previous loss so I’m scared of the first trimester, and have heart issues so any pregnancy will be high risk. I don’t care what happens as long as we both make it through! I guess all you can do is take things day by day.
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u/Able-Inspector5289 26 | TTC#1 | Cycle 4 1d ago
Thank you for putting this into words! Yes, I feel the exact same way!
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u/No_Oil_7116 19h ago
It’s a huge life change so it’s very normal to feel that mix of excitement and fear. I felt it while TTC#1. It’s also a really big period of unknown if it’s your first, so it makes sense you would feel a bit anxious about the change.
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u/larosaoscura 7h ago
Sooo many unknowns. And I'm a person who really likes to know how things are going to got beforehand lol, but unfortunately life does not always afford that opportunity
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u/sdexploration 4h ago
I just told my husband this today! I have always wanted children and we have actively been trying for 4 months but there’s always a small part of me that is fearful and starts to doubt myself. I think it’s just it being our first baby and it feeling a lot more real! I don’t have any advice but it’s good to feel not alone in this. Wishing you luck on your ttc journey
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u/larosaoscura 1d ago
I mean, we've been actively TTC for 8 cycles now. The fear is still there though
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