My younger brother passed away 4 years ago , we are 2 years apart in age so growing up we were very close , we were best friends and I’m forever grateful for that and I miss being able to talk to him about anything. My brother passed away unexpectedly so losing him would of been devastating no matter what but to lose him in the way we did without getting to say goodbye , it took me a long time to pull myself out a deep grief.

Fast forward a few years and I find out I’m pregnant , me and my husband have been so excited from day one and then we found it’s twins which was shocking because we didn’t see that coming but still exciting , it’s been so nice to have something to look forward to after a painful few years in my life. We decided to find out their genders and we’re having a boy and a girl.

I might be stupid to think this way and in no way am I saying there’s reincarnation going on , my twins are each their own person so I’m not saying my brother has come back as one of them! but recently it clicked that I’m going to get to watch a brother and sister growing up together , it’ll be like watching me and my brother when we grew up together and it blows my mind. I might sound crazy but it feels like my brother gifted me twins to heal a part of my heart that misses our sibling relationship and the fact I’m going to have a son and a daughter it makes me think of me and my brother. I probably sound ridiculous thinking this way but I’m so grateful

My twin and family ruined my life,

We both are girls twins

I was abused and beaten by them,

When I say beaten yes almost daily beating by them,

I grew up very sensitive and unable to live,

They always say I am stupud and I did mistakes but never take accountability of their actions that affected me.

When my twin was little she killed the pet fish of our cousin, she was very heartless, she woukd destroy my books copybooks and belongings.

I can't really forgive them for how much they ruined me

Now she lives a happy life and im having health issues.

I still am very enmeshed and close to them and depend mentally on them to unreasonable degree.

The only person that actually didn't beat me or abuse me is my husband.

But now due to health i wanna see my family even if it's not very wise for my health, but I can't resist the urge to see them, even though the logical thing is staying with husband

I’m 19 years old and I just found out that I have a twin sister.

Apparently, my parents gave her up for adoption when we were born. She grew up knowing that she had a twin brother, while I grew up not knowing she existed at all.

I recently found out about her from her adoptive family, not my family, and I have been able to talk to her over text. I’m excited to get to know her, but honestly, I’m completely heartbroken. She doesn’t even feel like my sister yet because I obviously never got to grow up with her, but at the same time, I keep thinking about how different our lives could have been if I had known.

I confronted my mom about it over the phone as I’m away at school, and the story just didn’t make sense to me, I was livid, I still am. I haven’t spoken to my parents since. She also said the adoption was closed and that she couldn’t legally tell me about it. I don’t know the rules but that just doesn’t make sense to me.

I’m having a really hard time with that explanation. I understand that there may have been circumstances I don’t know about, but emotionally I’m struggling with the fact that my parents chose to raise me while giving my sister up. My mom said she “felt a connection” to me, and hearing that honestly hurt. It makes me wonder why I was the one they chose and whether my sister ever felt like she was the one who wasn’t chosen.

I don’t want to tell my sister the reason my parents chose me, I don’t think I can ever tell her. I don’t want to put that pain on her but I also feel like I’m keeping something from her.

I’m angry at my parents. I’m sad for my sister. I’m grieving the 19 years we never got together. And at the same time, I’m incredibly excited that I finally have the opportunity to know her.

Hell, I don’t really know what I’m asking. I guess I just want advice from people who have experienced adoption, finding biological family, or anything remotely similar.

What should I do from here? How do I approach building a relationship with my twin? And am I wrong for being this angry at my parents?

TL;DR: late 30's, identical.

Twin's been estranged from me for about, oh... a decade or so. Elitist, snobby, 'lone wolf', 'its me vs The World' mentality.

But it's really escalated this past year, and I think it's finally hit rock bottom overnight.

No birthday wishes. Total radio silence.

They've said truly nasty, irredeemable things to myself and family over the past 3 years. They refuse to apologise.

Stupid me thought they'd grow up. (They're obsessed with randos who only hear 1 side of the story and preach no contact) They just find a new soft target to distance themselves every week.

Is it finally time to say enough of trying to ask for an apology/friendship, and say screw them?

I currently have 9 month old boy/girl twins, and as they get older, I find myself thinking a lot about the kind of relationship I hope they have… not only with each other, but with us as their parents. I often see posts from adult twins about things that affected their relationship growing up: being compared to each other, one twin feeling favored, being expected to always share the same friends or interests, or, on the other hand, being pushed so hard to be “individuals” that it created distance between them. For those of you who are adult twins, especially boy/girl twins, I would really love to hear your perspective. What did your parents do really well that helped you grow into your own individual people while still encouraging a close, healthy relationship with your twin? And on the flip side, what do you wish your parents had done differently? A few things I’m especially curious about:

● Did you like being in the same classes/activities, or did you benefit from having separate experiences?
● How did they handle birthdays and other milestones so you both felt individually celebrated?
● Were you compared to each other, even unintentionally? How did that affect you?
● How did they handle differences in personality, academics, sports, friendships, or abilities?
● If one twin needed more attention at certain times, how did your parents keep the other from feeling overlooked?
● Did they encourage you to share, or did you each have certain belongings/space that were completely your own?
● How did they handle conflict between you without automatically taking sides or labeling one twin as the “difficult” one?
● As you got older, did they allow your relationship to develop naturally, or was there pressure to always be close because you were twins?
● Is there anything seemingly small your parents did when you were young that you now realize had a big impact on your relationship as adults?

I know I can’t control what their relationship will look like someday, and I don’t expect them to be best friends simply because they’re twins. I just want to give them the best foundation I can where neither one feels like “the other twin,” neither feels less important or less understood, and both know they’re equally loved for who they are individually. They’re only 9 months old, so I have a long way to go, but I’d really love to learn from people who have actually lived the experience. What do you wish every parent of young twins knew?

yello im still in school

my twin sister and i have been in the same school and enrichment classes since childhood, and we've only been separated in our school classes for a couple years at a time before coincidentally being placed in the same classes. we have different hobbies, so we r not exactly alike, but because of this our social skills have atrophied, to say the least. we share almost all our friends, which are few. between the two of us, shes the more sociable one, but it's not a very high bar...

anyway, because weve been around each other all our lives and spend all day togther, my personality has developed to be a counterpart to hers, like a comedy duo(??), which normally im comfortable with, but this results in me not really knowing what to say around othe people. and we both agree we overcompensate for this by ramping up our enthusiasm in one on one convos with new people, which makes us appear fake. and condescending. because of this, i feel like ive been left behind socially, and while i value and love the time we spend together, im spiraling more often nowadays.

now we r currently on our school holiday, so practising socialising in school is not an option. and i cant get a job to meet new people because i have other things going on. what should i do?

I was always the "other twin" or the weird brother.

My sister(20f) and I(20m) are very different people. But growing up she was always the better or favorite twin.

To our parents even after she messed up they always forgave her and moved past it. But when I did wrong I got the silent treatment, punished, or my parents brought it up constantly.

To the people outside of the house they approached me in hopes of getting closer to her. Guy would try to be friends only to ask if my sister was single, girls would flirt with me in hopes I'd introduce them to my sister.

It was always like that. Less than a year after graduating high school my sister and I moved to opposite sides of the country. She lives her life with her Air Force husband our parents love and goes to college with a degree my parents are so so proud of her for choosing.

I moved out, started working, chose my degree without taking others input, and (in my parents eyes) live in sin as a transgender man single and alone.

My friends have never met my sister. We were always compared and she was always considered better so I don't really bring her or my parents up as much as my friends do. And I feel like this is the only way people would like me more.

I hate that I feel this way though. What do you think?

I'm a boy/girl Fraternal Twin (although I'm now Trans Masc myself) we have an older brother who is about 2 and a half years older than us. Older brother was pretty short when we were younger so when the three of us were together and someone mentioned two of us were twins everyone assumed my twin brother and older brother were the twins. I don't think it helped that my brothers both have darker hair and I'm blond. I won't lie I did find it funny to get the reaction when I'd raise my hand and be like "I'm one of the twins!" I'd love to know if anyone else had this dynamic because so far, I haven't met any other twins that did.

My twin and I haven’t lived at the same address for decades. We live in different cites and both will get mail addressed to each other to our houses. I’m just curious if it’s common for adult twins?

My brother and I haven’t seen each other in 7 or so years and haven’t talked in over 4 years. We (44m) are both stubborn pricks when it comes to each other. He did some nasty stuff that I won’t go into detail on. I told him he needed to apologize to me, and him being as stubborn as he is decided to just never talk to me again instead of simply apologizing. So there we have it.

It sucks, but he has the emotional IQ of a gnat, so I expect I’ll never talk to him at this point. He’s the kind of person that rewrites the historical narrative in his own mind to make himself feel on the correct side. I’d call him an “emotional fabulist”, if you will. He truly believes his version of events over pesky things like facts.

Anyone else become estranged from their twin? How did you solve it or cope?

50+ years ago, In the ‘60s, she was touring with Porter Wagoner. They played a little stage in New Tripoli, Pennsylvania, Ontelaunee Park.

Her tour bus was parked behind the stage. I was 10 or so at the time. My twin brother and I snuck around behind the stage and to see if we could meet Dolly

I knocked on the tour bus door and Dolly appeared like the light from a star.

“Tweens!” she exclaimed and gave us each a kiss.

I have had bragging rights forever.

God Bless Dolly. Rest Easy.

Hi, I imagine there are some among you who could be described—in various ways—as neurodivergent (autistic, ADHD, etc.). If so, does your twin share the same neurodivergence?

Thanks everyone for your answers, these are very interesting and I just discovered dyspraxia, never heard about that before.

26|F
Was in foster care| very rough life won’t go into details
When I’m sad my identical twin sister feels it. Not in the sense of she’s also sad but she knows I’m sad or going through something when we’re not talking. Sometimes when I tell her I am sad it consumes her and vice versa. It’s like she has to feel that weight and so do I. Super close but don’t live in the same city anymore. Haven’t for a while but we still see each other in person about 8 times a year now. It’s different than when people say “ if I pinch you can your twin feel it” no not that cliche mess…

I know all twins aren’t like what we go through but can someone let me know I’m not alone haha.

I have an identical twin. Although I don’t think she has the cognitive function to come onto reddit and see this, I’m going to keep some things vague so to not come back to me.

We have never been close past toddlerhood. We have always fought viciously. I remember her being cruel, and she could use her fists to make a point. She always got me in trouble, and was mean. As we got older we split, had different friend groups, and did not hang out all through high school. After high school I joined the military and left. I needed to get away from our town. I tried to convince my twin to do something similar but she wanted nothing to do with it.

She had a kid young but was never with the right crowd. She quickly dug deeper into drugs and alcohol. She stayed that way. We talked briefly and had a cordial relationship but every time I saw her it was a mess. She was upset, she was mad about her life, she thought I had everything and I couldn’t understand her struggles. She stopped asking how I was when we talked, and it became one sided.

Fast forward years…..years of the same. Then she and her long term partner split due to her being a horrible person to him. She deserved it. She quickly realized she had nothing, including a way to support herself. She moved in with one of my parents. Abused them. Left when the parent couldn’t take it. She was put in rehab after drug induced psychosis and was not allowed back.

She uses my other parent for money. I cannot convince them to stop paying for her since whatever guilt she has pushed on them is overbearing, and they are now elderly and retired.

She’s a full blown addict again. Worse than I’ve ever seen. Lying to both parents. Recently, she’s done the most cruel thing possible and lied about one of my parents saying she was abused. Please know I get people have different experiences but that’s dead wrong. She was not abused as a child. She is so far gone, I can’t even explain how horrible the situation is.

I moved here on orders and have seen her three times. She doesn’t see her daughter. I’m waiting for a phone call that I don’t want to get because I’m watching herself kill herself slowly. I won’t touch alcohol or anything else watching her.

Why am I writing this? I guess to show that not all twins have this innate “connection”. We aren’t all close. If you aren’t either, you’re not weird.

Signed,

the sober twin.

My twin and I, as well as our great grandmother and her twin have the Zodiac sign Gemini which is twins. We always thought about it as a fun neat coincidence. I a m curious, how common it is.?

For me there are two: 1. Who's the good/bad twin?(as if that's a common thing) and 2. Do you guys have twin telepathy?(our brains aren't synced at all)

My twin sister and I had a massive falling out around my wedding that has been now a year and four months ago. Long story but this is a falling out that I finally (for the first time in our relationship) built up the courage to set a boundary of: we aren’t hearing each other so, let me know when you’re ready to go to therapy together to talk about this so it’s productive.

And then I haven’t heard from her since.

Those first 6 months of us not talking, I could barely get out of bed, a few more months I stopped working on my business. Now, I’m in a better ish space but I still feel a piece of me missing. I still cannot go a day without thinking of her and missing her. And like we went from 15-16 FaceTime calls a day - to 0 if that tells you anything.

So I just wanted to know: if you and your twin were extremely close, had a falling out and now are talking again and in a better relationship together, how did you do it? How did yall get there? How were you feeling in that in between time?

Thank you🌸

I get relaxed actually.

Has anyone seen a similar cup?

The shape and blue classic design caught my eye at a glance then I was intrigued by the subject and date. Apparently it was the year the organization was founded in Ohio.

He's always been stubborn, and his reaction to any kind of conflict has always been to lash out in anger or just completely shut down any attempt at conversation. I think it's easier for him to pretend like I don't exist anymore because he can just drown himself in work, but he's avoided all family events with my mom's side of the family, too, just to avoid me.

I guess for context he chose to block me after I asked if he could help me with expenses when my old laptop shit out and I needed a new computer for school, and he's a mechanic who makes good money and doesn't need to worry about rent as he lives with our dad. I believe he chose to interpret it as me feeling entitled to his money in some way, and like I was undervaluing his work. Of course I would have paid him back, but I probably should have just never asked him to help me in the first place.

Anyways, because of this, he missed my wedding with my wife back in April. Just didn't attend. And this was after he originally heard the news through mutual friends, and he told my father and Mormon Grandparents about my engagement before I had the chance to talk to them myself. I don't even know why he would out my queer relationship that I'd been keeping quiet like that other than some weird gotcha.

It really sucks, but I keep telling myself he's always been mean to me. I think he's just a mean guy. He overworks himself and since he's gotten older I feel like he's just become more and more inconsiderate of me.

My mom and dad have both tried to mediate, but he just shuts them down immediately and says that if they try to talk to him about it again, he's just not going to tell them anything at all. I think he has residual hurt from when we were children. I was always the more articulate between the two of us, and so I feel like maybe people often took my side because my twin brother struggled to use his words the same way. He gets angry and doesn't want to talk to anyone about me at all because he thinks I've manipulated them to my side.

I've been telling myself that my twin brother just isn't someone who I want in my life right now, anyways. I always went above and beyond to help him or do favors for him, or I'd come over to help him study for his classes when he needed a buddy because I know how his brain works and I know how he learns best. That's just one example, I guess. He left me crying in the parking lot at a convention when he wanted to leave early Sunday morning, leaving with mine and my girlfriend (now wife)'s luggage in his trunk and refusing to call or text to figure out a game plan of how we were going to get our stuff back. I spent a month working on his cosplay. Stuff like that.

I don't have a desire to reach out because I know if I do, he won't ever change his attitude or how he treats me. I mean, I don't really have an avenue to contact him, anyway, cuz he blocked me on everything, lol. But it still hurts and it's kind of weird to think that we are approaching an entire year since we last talked.

It sucks. I just wanted to vent.

And she won’t admit help. Not sure what to do.

This is my first time posting on here so sorry if I mess up anything.

I, (27 F) and my twin (27 F) are fraternal but have always been very close. We’ve been living together after moving out from our parents’ place a little under two years ago. She’s looking in the dating pool for a serious relationship but also is open to finding something casual in the meantime. I’m also single but don’t really feel like actively looking for something due to personal preferences as well as wanting to focus on myself, school, and work.

For some added context, neither of us had romantic relationships when we were younger, neither in high school or college. We were both shy and had issues with our weight and were really focused on school then our respective careers. We went to the same college but studied different majors so had different groups of friends, different classes, and now different careers. Our main friend groups, I’d say, are shared or at the very least have hung out with both of us on at least one occasion.

She’s been seeing this guy (24 M) for a little under 3 months now. She has said she doesn’t want a relationship because he isn’t looking for anything serious. But he has been giving her mixed signals. I don’t like the guy. I can’t really pinpoint what it is about him that I don’t like. I get a pit in my stomach whenever she mentions him or mentions she has plans with him. I honestly feel like my mind clouds over and I don’t know how to deal with it. This has never happened with another person she’s dated, and I actually want her to find someone good for her because she deserves all the great things. I know it’s largely a me issue, I have to deal with my feelings and not let others influence my feelings so much, but honestly just looking for advice on if anyone has gone through something similar with their twin and how they’ve dealt with it.

I have let her know I don’t really like him and to be careful, and she said she understood that. Mutual friends have told me maybe I just need to meet him but tbh I don’t want to. It’s been causing a rift between my twin and I and I hate it, maybe that’s added some of the hard feelings I have against him. I really try to just let them work it out and let her handle it but with that I need to find a way to deal with the toll this has taken on my mental state and our relationship.
Like I said, yes I know I have to also deal with my own issues but just want some advice please.

TLDR; I don’t like a guy my twin is seeing casually, and I don’t know how to deal with it. Looking for advice from anyone who has gone through something similar.

Edit/update: Thank you to everyone who responded! I want to make it clear in no way was I ever trying to control my sister or who she sees. I was more so asking for advice on how to deal with the emotions / anxiety individually so as to leave her be but also not be miserable myself. I did really take a step away and decided to focus more on individual growth as some suggested. It really helped to hear others’ similar experiences, so thank you for all who shared! Also, update on the guy, he did some shady stuff my sister didn’t like so she’s decided to not reach out to him anymore.