r/UCONN • u/Fickle-Flamingo-4495 • 2d ago
I hate it here
I literally cannot make friends and when I do, they all go ahead and do stuff without me. Ive been eating snacks from my dorm all day today bc I’m too scared to go to the dining hall alone this early in and I just hate everything. hopefully when classes start tomorrow I can make friends there. is it normal to feel this way?
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u/_Brophinator 2d ago
There’s no shame in going to the dining hall alone - I had a bunch of friends but sometimes people are busy.
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u/Im_the_Moon44 2d ago
I remember during my sophomore year I would go sit in the dining hall in South all morning sipping coffee. My friends would come in separate small groups, sit with me while they ate their breakfast, then leave.
It was chill. Even with friends on campus it’s still nice to be able to do your own thing sometimes. Like sitting at a table in the dining hall alone.
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u/SativaSunshineX (Fall 2023) Health Equity 1d ago
This! I struggled socially at UConn as well and honestly - it taught me that I don’t mind my own company! One of my favorite memories and something I romanticize now looking back is time alone at the dining hall or a cafe doing work. Earbuds in, some coffee, something yummy to eat. Just in the flow state reading or writing. Or not even doing work - maybe reading a book for pleasure or texting a friend / family from home. I loveedddddd a cozy solo dining hall / cafe moment. I seriously miss that.
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u/Ronbilton 17h ago
Sometimes a quiet dinner is just nice too. I also think people worry way too much about what other people think of them when I don’t think anyone even notices.
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u/lynx_ducks 2d ago
Join some clubs, just go out and do something. Staying inside will not help with the feeling of hating. Find something you like or are open to doing and try
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u/TreeFar451 2d ago
twin what hall do you live in? i would totally go to the dining hall with you or introduce you to the people i’ve met!
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u/Independent-Papaya 2d ago
i felt like you when i started at uconn and i let it get on top of me and i never ended up finding my people. i regret it immensely - don’t let yourself be like me. follow what everyone is saying in this thread and just don’t let yourself get down on yourself. keep putting yourself out there and make the best of things.
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u/UrbanArtifact 2d ago
Do your dorm mates want to hang?
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u/Fickle-Flamingo-4495 2d ago
Oh! I forgot to mention that my roommate dropped out on move in day, so I’m here all alone
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u/brunji 2d ago
Not having a roommate when you move in makes it tough, I went through that as well as a freshman’s
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u/Fickle-Flamingo-4495 2d ago
What did you do to help
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u/Otherwise_Pickle_588 (2015) Environmental Studies 1d ago
Join clubs that’s the best way. Or club sports
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u/brunji 1d ago
It took some time of me being sad tbh. But I eventually found a best friend and future roommate while playing some pickup games of ultimate frisbee.
If there is anything you like to do with your free time, go find clubs or groups that are doing it and join in.
Remember that most people are new to all this and approaching these situations feeling a little nervous or self conscious- but at the same time that makes everyone very open to fresh interactions
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u/Automatic-Succotash5 1d ago
Ooh youre the person that lost the roomie? Dang, I remember reading that and feeling awful for you
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u/Brownie-0109 2d ago
Walk around your dorm (room to room) and say hi to everyone. It’s early. Everyone’s new.
Also, did you meet anyone at Orientation?
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u/Previous-Edge-6730 2d ago
Give it time. Take some walks as if you were a tourist, explore the library, gum , bookstores. Say hi as you walk around . You’ll soon forget that you felt this way
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u/honvales1989 (2012) Chemical Engineering 2d ago
Are you a freshman? It takes time to meet people. Check out any events going on around campus, join a club, or just leave your door open and start chatting with people that walk by. It’s OK to eat by yourself at the dining hall and it could also be an opportunity to meet other people that might be new to Storrs
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u/MagicDabs 2d ago
besides the advice other people have given, don’t worry about going to the dining hall alone! truly no one will be judging you, I know it takes getting used to but everyone is focused on their own thing
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u/Hot_Celebration562 2d ago
You will meet new people soon enough, as far as the dining hall goes what is the best time to enter a room? When it's the least full - go early and grab a seat then as it gets busy you will have others at your table and you can make conversation. I always did that because I was shy to enter a full room - let the room fill around you! Good luck!
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u/AdSuper2629 2d ago
Homesickness is totally normal esp if you are out of state or not a huge social butterfly. It's only been a few days and true it can be overwhelming in a new setting but once the first few weeks of school pass you will find your group of people. Through classes, events, mutal friends the skies the limit just let it marinate for a bit.
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u/bluemermaid- (2029) PNB 2d ago
visit the cultural centers!!! i had the same experience but my roommate was insane, i just ended up
moving out! you could get a roommate when room changes happen!
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u/AutumnOpal717 2d ago
Go out in the hall and find an open door, talk to the person inside until they either don’t want to anymore or it’s time for dinner
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u/Raise-General 2d ago
I completely understand how you feel. It was definitely a little difficult to make friends when it felt like everyone else already had their groups. I would love to hang out sometime if you’d like to (m junior btw)! You’re not alone and don’t have to go thru it alone!
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u/Guilty-Cell-833 2d ago
Just because you're lonely and awkward doesn't mean you can't eat well. Go to one of the dining halls for God's sake.
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u/BalashstarGalactica 2d ago
Yes it’s normal to feel that way and it’s still your first week. I definitely felt like a fish out of water and met one of my best friends the first day of classes.
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u/Lloyd--Christmas 1d ago
The friend groups you see form in the first week of school are made out of convenience because everyone is a scared little kid. Everyone is new at this, not just you. Talk to other people you see who are alone and do what everyone else in this thread is suggesting.
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u/ninthninja05 1d ago
I felt a similar way my first few weeks here last year. I'd recommend going to the involvement fair next week. There's an insane number of clubs and orgs there. You're bound to find a group of people with similar interests. When I first came here I didn't know anyone in the entire state, but now most of my friends are people I met through clubs. Also, I wouldn't worry about eating alone. That's pretty normal most days for most people.
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u/Fickle-Flamingo-4495 1d ago
Yes it’s the next day and I’ve been to the dining hall three times today, twice alone and I was totally fine! I’m definitely going to the club fair next week
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u/Last_Blackfyre 1d ago
Check out the events, clubs, and organizations.
Don’t forget before you know it, it’ll be basketball time- enjoy the games and make friend or two there.
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u/futuremewillcare 2h ago
As an alum several years out now, I can promise you that you have so much time to make friends.
The friends I made at the beginning weren't necessarily the friends I had at the end. Some of the people I thought I'd be friends with forever I barely speak to now. Others I text once every few years, and we pick up like no time has passed. And some people I thought were just random, one-off interactions ended up becoming some of my best friends.
Even funnier, I went into UConn thinking I was going to leave my high school self behind, but I ended up reconnecting with old friends I hadn't hung out with since freshman year of high school, and we're still friends today.
Give it time. UConn is basically a little city in the middle of nowhere, which is both a blessing and a curse. You'll have moments where you LOVE being able to disappear into it, and other moments where the size of it feels overwhelming. But because it's so big and diverse, there are also tons of niche groups, interests, and communities where you can find your people.
You also have so many classes ahead of you where you'll naturally meet people just from sitting next to them, studying together, and working on group projects. That said, definitely take some chances, put yourself out there, try new things, and enjoy everything UConn has to offer. One of my biggest regrets is not taking more time to stop and smell the roses and do more of those random activities while I was there.
A few things I'd recommend:
- Keep your door open, like others have said. It can be slow at first, but I remember freshman year our room eventually became Grand Central Station. Once classes heated up, there were times I WISHED people would stop coming by.
- Go to your RA's events, even if they're cringe sometimes. Everyone else is there for basically the same reason.
- Go to the involvement fair with a few interests in mind, but also be open to discovering something completely random. I learned how to run a radio show at WHUS because of the involvement fair.
- Go to football, basketball, soccer games, etc. Yes, there are crowds, but there are also a lot of people there who are looking to meet people too.
- Keep an eye out for events within your major or school. It's an easy way to meet people you'll probably see in classes for the next few years.
- Look into Learning Communities for the spring. They're almost like a built-in friend group. You'll live around people with similar interests and have activities and experiences together, which can make a huge school feel a lot smaller.
Most importantly, remember that you're not the only one feeling this way. Even the people who look like making friends is coming naturally to them are probably worrying about the exact same thing.
You've got time. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to have college and your friend group figured out right away.
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u/SumyungNam 2d ago edited 2d ago
My first year at uconn similar experience my roomate was a senior and was hanging out in the bars all the time...most of the people on my floor lived there before and not very friendly.. I moved out of the smaller one to bigger dorm the next year and found more friends that way.. but ya classes and join some clubs helped alot too
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u/Myllulabyarchive 2d ago
I definitely think it’ll get better as classes start. You’ll also meet a lot of people if you go to all the events around campus and maybe even join clubs. I’m also a freshman but I’m in ct hall so we’re lowkey separated from everyone but I still met some people by doing this.
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u/SpaceCowboy3514 2d ago
Feel free to reach out, I know it's scary but you can absolutely make some friends.
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u/golfguy1985 1d ago
Things will be OK. Just about everyone who has went to college and has lived there has had the same exact experience. This is usually a freshman’s first real taste of independence, so it’s really easy to feel overwhelmed. If you are interested, look into some clubs and other extracurricular activities that may interest you. This is an easy way to make friends as you will have at least one mutual interest. You will also meet people in your classes and will have group projects too. Look around campus to see if any events are going on. Once you start hanging out with some people, there’s a good chance you will become a part of their social circles as well. It’s not common to make a lot of friends in your first hours on campus. Just get yourself out there and things will get better. All it takes is some effort. You will eventually feel much more at ease.
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u/Master-Leg9800 1d ago
For some people it just takes time I’d really recommend to join clubs or even just explore around. Sitting in a dorm all day only compounds it
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u/CrazyIndependence291 1d ago
You may not believe this but there are a ton of people feeling just like you right now, don’t hesitate to start the conversation. You make 1 friend and then soon enough it’s becomes a group
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u/frogwithtaxdebt 1d ago
This was me. I literally had not a single person to talk to-literally NOT ONE PERSON. I was living in a single, so not even roommates. I’d go to class, talk to no one, wouldn’t go out, literally for days I wouldn’t say anything to anyone. Like genuinely would only talk once a day to my parents on the phone.
You literally HAVE to force yourself out. I now have a great group of friends. Small, but good. Just speak to someone in class. This is a great time for it since it’s a new year. Just literally turn to the person next to you & get their number. That’s what I did, I even found my boyfriend through this girl that I just turned to randomly. It’s SOOOOO uncomfortable but you have to do it to feel better. Short term discomfort=long term happiness.
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u/Violettaaaa 1d ago
I think joining clubs is your best bet. But I did notice UConn is harder to make friends than Buffalo (where I started). I left my door open for like a day and I knew the entire hall. Don’t be discouraged. But also try be okay doing things alone it’s not highschool. A lot of people eat food alone bc schedules are different. And most people don’t know anyone either.
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u/newbie0here 1d ago
My daughter was in the same situation at the beginning of her freshman year. I also recommend joining clubs/club sports in areas that interest you so you do things that you enjoy or have like-minded people if major oriented. Eventually you will find some people in those groups who will become friends vs convenience acquaintances. Not everyone finds a group during the freshman pre-term activities, especially if you're not a big drinker. Good luck!
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u/redifredi 1d ago
I made friends in my classes. I organized study groups with low commitment (i emailed my class- "I'll be reviewing for the exam at x cafe from 6-8, if anyone would like to join and bring questions feel free!"). I did it with the expectation that no one will show- if no one does, I still studied for 2 hrs. But people always showed. Three nights to a week before an exam was the ideal timing. We always met somewhere that had food/coffee available. You can also meet friends at on-campus jobs.
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u/Revolutionary-Fee-84 1d ago
Listen to what everyone says I’m a junior commuter and barely have friends on campus. Take all the advice and try everything lol!!!
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u/Tall_Excitement5234 1d ago
Dude I have friends, but I go to the dining hall alone most of the time, it’s normal. Also go out to the gym, go talk to people in your classes, you can pick up friends in random ways.
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u/Complex-Virus1861 1d ago
yeah i’m in uconn waterbury doing to the spring to storrs program and it’s pretty butt silent i don’t know anyone doing it
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u/BabyliciousKitty 4h ago
It’s ok to be alone at first if anything it’s completely normal. Know that you’re not alone in this experience and that it’s part of the process. Being a downer about it and deciding you hate it here will not help you make friends because people will feel that energy. Instead, recognize this is part of the process and that this experience will make you 10x more grateful when you do find your people. Enjoy the peace right now and practice being uncomfortable. It’s cool to not care that no one is sitting with you. Someone might have the guts to sit with you!!! Good luck bb
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u/xena432000 2h ago
I work at McMahon dining hall as their valedine lady. I always try to make my kids feel comfortable. I'm a mom so I get it. After 30 years I still love to help people adjust a bit.
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u/DluxD4WN 2d ago
It’s been 2 -3 days 😭. I’ll put it plainly, stop being a child and go outside and try to make friends. Go eat dinner alone it’s fine, and if you see some people you think might be welcoming then ask to sit with them. Stop being a Chud, go try to make friends. It will happen eventually when outside, but it will never happen by staying in your dorm all day. If it helps, send me a dm and I’ll grab food with you.
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u/ExpensiveButterfly93 2d ago
Prop your door open, pop some popcorn, and stream a funny movie. Seriously.
Join lots of clubs. You can narrow it down in a month or two.
Talk to one person in each class. Anything from “Hey I like your shirt” to “what the wifi password?” to “Did you understand the homework?” which leads to “can you explain it after class - I’ll buy coffee.”
Ask your RA to organize some events.
Go to everything you can go to - sports events, pep rallies, convocation, festivals, etc. Be a joiner.
Also, give yourself time. You’re not alone in this.