Okay y’all, I received the “bat signal” from my s.o. This was our very first deployment and because of some stress factors, I ended up loosing our unborn child. I haven’t told him yet because he’s still over there and that’s a lot to process in a combat zone. He called and said to stop sending packages because he’ll be home soon and now I just can’t seem to get excited. I’m happy he’s coming back but not happy with what he’ll be returning to. My nerves are shot and I’m all over the place. I’m hoping he doesn’t come home and resent me for it happening. Where do we go from here? Any advice?

Hey! My boyfriend is in boot camp and he has been for about a month, he's going to the Navy and he had a contract to do advanced electronics career field, he told his recruiter and everybody before joining that he had a peanut allergy, but after this last call I got with him there testing, and surprise surprise they found out about his allergy, they were talking to him about maybe cutting his contract and giving him a different one or something, but he told me to look it up and all Google was telling me was that he was going to get medically discharged, I'm concerned about this because I know he really wanted to join, is he 100% going to get medically discharged or will there be a chance of him getting a different job?

Deceived for 6 months by a high-ranking US Army Officer who lived a double life and ghosted me overnight. How do I survive this pain?

Hi everyone, I am writing this because I am completely broken, paralyzed by pain, and I just need someone to talk to who understands what I am going through.

For the last 6 months, I was in what I believed was a beautiful, deep, and serious relationship with a man. He is a high-ranking US Army Officer (Lieutenant Colonel) who was deployed to my country [Poland]. From the very beginning, he told me he was completely single and divorced since 2012. He integrated himself into my life completely. He met my family, spent holidays with us, and was amazing with my little children. He bought me a gold ring, constantly told me I was his "whole life," and promised we were building a future together.

Because of his rank, he lived in a private apartment off-base. I spent so much time there. I did his laundry, cooked for him, and took care of him like a wife. He would call me for hours whenever he was away on temporary duty in Germany or traveling with his colleagues. I loved him with all my heart and trusted him blindly.

A few weeks ago, his deployment ended, and he had to fly back to his home station in USA. Right before boarding the flight, he sent me long paragraphs about how much he loves me, how I showed him a "fairytale love," and how he couldn't wait to see me again.

But my intuition was screaming. While looking around on social media, I found a profile for a woman named Amy. On August 15th, I confronted him directly over messages and asked him who Amy was. The moment I asked that question, his entire mask fell off. He completely ignored my question, refused to give me any explanation, and immediately blocked me on absolutely everything—WhatsApp, Garmin Connect, and he even went as far as blocking me on Spotify so I couldn't see the love playlists he used to make for me.

Only after he blocked me and chose total cowardice did I look up public records and find out the horrific truth. He has been legally married since February 2014 to this woman, who is also a Major in the US military. They share a house in USAand live a full life together. He fabricated his entire single identity just to use me as a free hotel, a housewife, and an emotional cushion during his deployment. He even left behind some of his official military uniforms and gear at my family’s house, packed his bags, and vanished like I never existed.

Once I discovered the solid proof of his marriage, I sent a polite message to his wife on Messenger, using a profile picture of him and me together, and asked her directly if she was currently in a relationship with him. That message is still sitting there unread.

I am in a state of absolute shock and deep depression. I can barely eat or focus on anything. One day a man tells you you are his entire world, and the next day you are completely erased just because you asked for the truth. The silence and the rejection are physically painful. I am sitting here reading his old texts, looking at our pictures, and a part of my broken heart still wishes he would unblock me just to explain himself, even though I know he is a monster who used me and my children.

Has anyone survived this kind of military double-life deception? How do you stop checking the apps? How do you cope with the screaming silence?

Thank you for reading. I just really need some kind words tonight.

I haven't seen my husband since November of last year. Even though we do try to text each other every time we're able to, texting someone is obviously different from interacting with them in person. And I feel like over the course of his deployment, my feelings towards seeing him again have changed. Like the first few months he was gone, I was thinking like "ahhh I'm gonna jump on him and kiss him all over and tear his clothes off when he's back" lol. Then maybe sometime around the middle of his deployment, it was much less of a sexual desire for him and more of a "damn I just really miss hugging and cuddling and doing cute wholesome couple stuff with him :(". And now, I think his deployment might end soon-ish (like middle of October) and he'll come back for real but I'm kinda just scared XD. Any thought of me touching him or him touching me just makes me really shy and nervous and idk if I want to now. And he says similar things to me and that he's also shy and don't know how our reunion will go ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

But yeah I really don't want to feel shy and nervous and scared whenever I think about seeing him again because I know I should be happy and loving instead. Is there anything you can do to get used to your partner again after a long deployment? I just don't want to feel like strangers with him XD

In need of some advice… when is a good time to get married before or after basic training? My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and wanted to see when the right time would be, but here’s the problem…. He is not originally from this country and his visa will be expiring soon as we are graduating from college in May. The day after graduation he only has 60 days to renew his visa and during that time I will most likely be at basic. If anyone could give good advice as far as what to do/ how the immigration process works pls let me know!!!

I love my boyfriend to death, wrote him 2 notebooks full of letters on how much I love him, cause I really love him, and he's my everything..

He's in the Army, on deployment rn, and saving his deployment money to meet me.

So, I have a lot of insecurities in my body, I'm morena and I don't have fair skin. I can see my veins in my skin, I'm scared it's varicose and I have a lot more insecurities other than that ( I also have OCD). I'm scared that when he met me, he's gonna regret it cause what if he doesn't like me up close, like the texture of my skin and everything ( stuff that you can't see on face time)...

I love him dearly, and I'm so guilty that if he came here, he's gonna regret it and just would waste his money especially that he's from the US and I'm from the Philippines and flying one way cause thousands of dollars, and if ever he's regretting it, I do want to pay for his expenses, but I don't have a work yet, since im still a student. And I can't afford it obviously too.

I already feel guilty of him sending me a package that costs a lot already, and I can't compensate for it cause I have nothing in my name for now.

He's gonna come here this December or January, and I'm scared he's gonna regret it and just waste his money on something he'll regret seeing.

Should I break up with him so that he can save himself for the expense and for him to not regret it? ( He's trying to save his money too to modify his dream car) If only I could pay for the flight that would be no problem, but he's gonna be the one spending for the whole trip here...

I really don't know what to think of, I'm just scared but I really love him, and totally will do anything for him, as long as he accepts me.

Hi all,

Firstly I am SO thankful to have found this group - everyone's thoughts and experiences have been so helpful to me in this difficult time.

We've been together for almost two years, and he has just returned from a three-month training exercise in the United States, different time zone, limited communication and weeks at a time no contact. During that time, I read countless posts and advice from people who have experienced deployments, training exercises, and extended periods of very limited communication with their partner.

I understand the common advice is to stay busy, lean on your support network, and focus on your own life while your partner is away. I genuinely tried to do that. However, we're actually having more issues now that he's back. He doesn't seem to understand how difficult those three months were for me, and honestly, I find the lack of effort and emotional investment in maintaining our relationship during that time pretty disappointing. I've been open with him about how I feel.

My question is this: when people say "stay busy" and "keep support around you," what are you actually doing to cope with your relationship needs not being met for months at a time? How do you navigate your partner coming home exhausted, withdrawn, and seemingly having nothing left to give emotionally?

And at what point do you draw a line and say, "This isn't okay"?

I completely understand that military life involves sacrifice and that training and deployments are demanding. But surely we can also acknowledge that emotions creep in, even when you're doing everything right. At what point does understanding their situation stop meaning you have to accept your own needs being pushed aside? And what does this PRACTICALLY mean we do?

Hi everyone! I could use some advice. I recently started to make friends with a woman I’ve know of for a while. We’re both moms (mid 20s) to little ones. She has two kids, I only have one.
I just learned that her husband is actually deploying again (I didn’t know he was still active) around the holidays. For context, she lives about an hour away and my husband is away about 90-95 hrs per week (while it’s certainly not equivalent to a deployment and I would never compare the two, it does open my schedule up a bit).

I’d love to do something for her, or multiple things-like one big thing and then something weekly to just show some support? Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Im planning to send letters as much as i can but im not sure how long would it take for a snail mail to arrive. I want the recruit to be able to read the letters when it matters. I think it'll be disappointing for me and the recruit to receive the letters 4-6 weeks into the training. Does anyone here have experience sending/receiving letters from the philippines. I know about the sandboxx i already sent one but its a lot more expensive than the snail mails if i wanna do it few times a week. What are your thoughts? TIA

😒
Please tell me there are people who have healthy faithful relationships in the military and tips on how to stay strong with distance?

So I recently like this guy, got his heart broken by his ex and he wanted to end the relationship. We met on a game and he is two years younger than me but damn he gave me an impression that he is older, anyways I do need help how to send letters, I asked him for his airforce address but google said I need to be specific and follow rules on how to make a letter to avoid it getting rejected, I plan to send a photo. Do any of y'all have any advice? (he doesn't know I like him yet, I mean we just literally met! But why do I get a feeling that he is the one?) I do want to send him a lovely letter of encouragement and a photo to remind him that there is me who we can talk to whenever he feels like giving up or needing someone to talk to during his breaks. Any advice too on what men like to hear on paper?

idk if this could help but we have similarities such as religion Christianity but I am a born again. He is from America and I am from Philippines. We both like any type of flowers but he specifically likes red and purple. we love to play game although I am in my second year and have to play less to focus on college. we both love history and philosophers.

some info I can tell you about him is
-he loves planes so much, planning to attend college and take aerospace engineering. he likes f/a-18 and mentioned about a4 sky hawk?
-likes seals a lot, a seal nerd haha he mentioned about leopard seal.
-he is somewhat fluent in german to which I am learning rn! funny enough when I told him I am learning spanish, he said he wished he knows spanish, he knows a bit of french and told me his accent sucks but it doesn't sound like it is! It sounded perfect in a way it's natural like an intrument (oh speaking of instrument his voice sounds like a melody, I expected him to sound like a teenage boy but nope! he had this deep natural voice)
-Music: ABBA songs and Black Eyes Peas Pump it
-said he likes math but not that smart, I beg to differ, brother

last info, he mentioned he will be in camp for 2years? until next year February? idk man, idk anything about boot camp airforce. and I plan to give him shit ton of letters and celebrating his bday thru it and other holidays, any advices too to help me get the papers on specific dates?

thanks a bunch!

My boyfriend is currently at bootcamp, and I’m leaving for my own basic training in a few days. His graduation is going to happen while I’m away, which means I won’t be able to be there.
I’m genuinely so sad about it. I know graduation is a huge milestone and I’ve been looking forward to seeing him finish, getting to hug him, and just being there for him after everything he’s gone through. It feels especially hard knowing that I’m going through my own training at the same time and we’re both going to be away from each other.
We’re not going to be able to see each other until Christmas time when we’re both in school which is definitely bothering me, we’ve already talked before he left about us not being able to attend each others graduation and we’re both understanding about it and not upset at each other. We both agreed and realized that we need to make this sacrifice so we can both build our own future, lives, career, and for our future together for when we do live together

I feel very upset about not being able to go to his graduation. I hope to attend his AIT graduation
It’s just hard seeing everyone else being at their partners graduation.

Also a couple notes
He’s marine and I’m army national guard.

I just need some advice on how to handle it or if anyone has gone through similar situations?

Okay so my boyfriend left for ait a couple of days ago and he’s doing osut so he did basic in ft benning and now he’s doing ait there he’s doing infantry can i still write letters because as soon as he got up to his bay they took his phone? is it just like basic where the only communication will be through letters?

I'll try to keep this brief.

I, (20f), have been with my boyfriend (22m) for almost half a year now. We met when he had first moved to this duty station. He was fresh from AIT and bright eyed about his career. I've had a first row ticket to seeing things change for him since. Now, perhaps it's important to mention, he has struggled with his mental health before and was able to enlist despite his diagnosis. He's a very motivated and hardworking man, and since arriving here has had plans to do and achieve things this contract.

Most of those plans had a wrench thrown into them not too long ago when he injured himself during pt. He took it hard, as anyone would. The first 2 weeks were so hard. he was crushed and totally and wholly depressed. He saw another doctor and things began looking up; he got a new brace that allowed him to do more at work and get back to what he enjoyed doing. He was getting mobility back and was able to be independent again. Things were good and he was happy. Until this past Monday. His NCOs essentially forced him to break his profile and his injury has worsened since and put him back at square one.

We talked today and he said he's not going to lie hes feeling himself slip into depression again. Losing all of the progress he made in healing and knowing surgery is almost certainly what lies ahead. I can understand it fully but it is so hard to watch and not know what I can do to help besides be here. I love him dearly and he has such a beautiful soul... its hard to see him struggle like this and not be able to just solve it and make it better.

How do I go about better supporting him? Is it even possible?

Hi guys! So I was wondering how we can get our recruits individual photos. Do we order them or does he have to?

Hi guys! I hope everyone is doing well because this is a hard (but very worth it) situation. My Partner is in basic training I was wondering what would be good to write about rather than writing about how much I miss him. I feel that my letters have been the repetitive "I love you, I miss you, im so proud of you" Which im sure is nice to hear but I want him to not read the same thing over and over especially when hes in a routine over and over again if that makes sense, i just eant to make it less about me and more about him! Any advice would be great :)

😭