ULPT Request:

i’m an idiot and lied to my manager right before my shift to call in. told her my friend got us into a car accident and couldn’t come in (terrible excuse, I know). now she’s asking for a doctor’s note, what do i do? if i forge one, will i get in trouble with the law? i’m not attached to the job (low paying part time) so i could also just leave but i wanted to know if i could leave this situation unscathed or if i cooked myself

If someone is bugging you for information, tell them the exact truth, but do so in a sarcastic or otherwise ridiculous way that sounds like you're lying. That way, you don't actually have to remember a lie, but they also wont know it's the truth. You also get the added bonus of them not talking about it to others, because they'll be thinking it was a lie the whole time.

Not talking about a white lie. I mean lying about almost everything on your resume, then cramming the information before starting the job.

I’ve got an ELITE-level resume full of lies and I still barely get interviews. Having an average resume feels like a complete waste of time. Might as well move to the woods and live off tree bark because there is no way of getting a decent job without lying unless you are a unicorn.

Half a mile down the road there is a great dane who has been outside since january (i am told). I have spent six weeks spending time near her every day as she doesn't allow any humans near her normally.
At the end of this cul de sac is a guy i dated for two weeks over a year ago and his friends; one a volunteer firefighter. Back during that fortnight, i experienced the VF constantly trying to look down my shirt. I gently mentioned it to bf...we broke up the next day.

Since these men have begun to notice the great dane spending time with me, they began to shoot her with air soft pellets when she came near me. of course i called the sheriffs department. each time they said the dog was considered a stray until she was on a leash. animal control hasn't caught her and have stopped trying. these men called the property management company and attempted to have my friend (who also lives in these apartments) fined and evicted.

I haven't seen the dane in a week.
These men have been terrorizing me since last year when they said something to my own neighbor that led him to attempt to light my apartment on fire while i was in it. March 2025. my neighbor was arrested, charged, found guilty for arson.

i don't engage with these psychos. i also have no recourse. I wish i had an ULPT that would teach them there is no benefit to terrorizing any woman.

EDIT: After the third incident, i DID write, using chalk, on a trashcan and on the skirting of my friend's porch.
"I DO NOT SHOOT YOUR KIDS. PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT MY DOG. JESUS LOVES YOU. I DO NOT. "
The police saw this. didn't care. They told me there was no getting through to someone like him. "can't fix stupid".
I also washed that same chalk off.
It may have been unwise but it was not illegal.

Since posting, i have contacted all the local volunteer firefighter groups. I sent the audio i had as well as screenshots from early this morning of these two men calling for violence against me; defamation, libel left and right.

The greatest dane has a local group actively working to get her inside now.

I am seeking housing that will put more than half a mile between myself and these individuals.

Thank you for the wise and also not so wise advice.

There is a house in my neighborhood which has become a meth head tweaker hub and it's getting worse by the week. A year ago there were 3, now there are more people all the time and they're most likely selling drugs out of the house. They recently started running an under-the-table mechanic business which spills over into the street. One of them sits their dog on a sidewalk electrical box for hours to help them beg for change. There are semi-frequent arrests. There are frequent fireworks which scare the neighborhood pets and the few old veterans with PTSD who live here. Last but certainly not least they make all the women in the neighborhood nervous. I'm sick of them and I want them gone. How?

This is a fairly ethical request but the methods don't have to be. I don't want to hurt anyone but I'm fine using proper channels improperly. This has to be done and nothing is happening fast enough.

Edit: y'all are fucking savage! Thanks for the help.

So my job does mandatory on weekends which fucking sucks (didn't know it until I was months into the job that I'd HAVE to go, they never clarified just said that sometimes we have OT we can do. Made it sound voluntary, which it is unless not enough people show up then we all get punished to work 8 hours that day instead of 5-6 hours if you signed up.)

They have nonstop basically been making us work 6 days a week. This week before they had posted mandatory I had agreed to my friend that I could work Saturday in his food truck from 7am to 11pm (start time is was earlier because we gotta get to the truck blah blah)

I did that under the understanding from someone at the place I work that if I inform them before the mandatory is put up I should be fine to not go. So I told them I'm working elsewhere and they said that working somewhere else doesn't count as my obligation is here.

I get that to an extent and I told my friend, he searched for more help and couldn't find any, these are big events and without someone else he would be really screwed so I just decided I'm gonna go anyway to help him and I told them that.

They said that without a valid excuse like a funeral, family death, or a doctor's note that I'd get a point and Ive already got a good amount because I'm sick a lot (I have a chronic illness). I'm afraid I might get a write up and I'd like to avoid that if possible so I need someone to help tell me how to make a note easily without a PC because I only have my phone or if anyone else is able to make me I'm willing to pay for it.

My kid’s school requires all kids in class to get an invitation if they are handed out at school. I don’t know all of his friends’ parents’ contact info to mail or email. Playground distribution doesn’t work due to schedules, and I can picture a teacher busting it up. Maybe just a business card requesting a text to set up a playdate my kid can hand out?

Edit: I appreciate all the suggestions. One issue, there are multiple classes, and multiple teachers, and my kid has a couple of friends in each. So getting info from multiple might be hit or miss.

So a trucks drive shaft broke off and damaged my tire and went under my car. Thing is, i changed tire and drove home but i will still get it checked out. My cars AC system hasn't worked for 2 years and was wondering if I can tell insurance that the drive shaft broke my AC system too. Can mechanics tell if im lying ?

That way when they get the alert that their account is being accessed it shows their own location so they think it’s their own selves doing it.

Our rental has a cheap 15+ years old low-flow toilet with one of those tip-bucket flushing mechanisms. It's ok for pee, but anything more is a different story.

For poo, it routinely takes 3+ flushes. And many times it's not possible unless add water from the sink using a bucket or container while flushing just to get everything down.

The water level/pressure has already been adjusted, parts replaced but there doesn't seem to be any adjustment that actually puts enough water into the bowl to make the toilet flush properly.

At this point, we’d like the landlord to simply replace it with a normal toilet that actually works.

Hypothetically if someone worked in payables covering a few million a day in payments to mostly local companies but worked for a US company how could they cost the company more?

One random example I was thinking was usually similar cheques printed separately are batched together to save on postage. So instead of spending $2k a day on mail it might end up being $1k. Someone could you know, forget to do that and it would cost the company $1k a day paid to their local post office and realistically would never get caught and even if they did could say oops sorry.

I was already in a tight spot. I’m going to be tight for 3 months more. I need a working car. Plan A is to call the loan company and offer them to close the loan for $3k or they can send it to collections.

But what is the pro move here? Should I go to a dealer and get a new car and loan first?

My wages are being garnished for about 33% of my take home pay. It will be done in 3 months. I’ve got another $1k cash.

I’m not a scammer, but I gotta make some moves here.

This works for many concerts. Probably not to get into the most primo/VIP area, but usually you can move to a much better/more expensive seat.

Here's what I do: Buy tickets in the very last row, whatever is cheapest. (And honestly, if I end up sitting back there, no big deal.)

A couple hours before the show, look at the ticket chart, and scope out some areas with a lot of empty seats. Make a note of these areas.

When you get to the venue, just sit in one of those empty rows. It also can work at intermission. If you see some nice empty seats during the first half of the show, then just move there for the 2nd half.

Sometimes I don't change seats to get closer, but just to get some breathing room, or to move sideways, if that makes sense. Just kind of tweaking my spot, especially if the people around me are annoying. : ]

Basically: Buy the cheapest ticket to get in, and then find a better seat if you want.

NOTE: Will not work at venues that are very strict on seating.

I paid them to wash my clothes and they returned only half my clothes! When I asked for them back they got immediately aggressive. When I argued back (quite calmly I believe) things escalated, they threatened to kick me out of my room at 10pm

what ended up happening was they called the cops, saying if I’m accusing them of stealing then I need to report it. The cops came, I said I didn’t want to go to the police station and file a complaint, so the hotel manager said I was faking it all just to get a refund for the washing 😂

The whole time the manager was yelling and waving her hands in my face, basically spitting at me in her native language, saying silly childish insults in English like “you’re the worst person I’ve ever seen”, it was really a wild experience to have from a manager as a paying customer. I didn’t get the money or clothes back!

I feel like a bad review isn’t going to cut it! Give me some ideas please :)

I know where she works, she's a security guard at a local grocery store. She's also DEFINITELY breaking the law. How can I make her pay for her recklessness and selfishness? I've been run over by these assholes before.

I have a homeowners property claim that has a max value of $10k with a $2k deductible. I just got an email that they issued a $10k check to me and marked by deductible as $0. Think they'll ever discover the mistake and ask me to repay it?

I have a flight from a non European city to a city in Europe with a 1 hour transit in Athens. Is there a convincing way that can help me miss the 2nd flight without it being my fault? The goal is spending a night or two sightseeing Athens. I tried booking two separate tickets but it was double the price.

My response to him:

"If I may speak freely ...

I respect you and think you're a good man.

Equal to myself before a sudden awakening

You, (and most people in this world), treat morality like it’s some law of nature. Like gravity. Like if you violate it, the universe eventually reaches down and corrects the balance. It doesn’t. Morality is an agreement between people, and agreements only restrain the people who honor them.

That’s what you don’t understand about business. You walk into every room carrying rules that nobody actually forced you to carry. You won’t mislead someone. You won’t exploit desperation. You won’t take advantage of somebody who trusts you. You won’t cross a line just because crossing it would make you richer. And maybe that makes you a good man. But every one of those principles is also a door you have permanently locked while competing against people who never agreed to lock theirs.

I mean,

Think about how backwards that is. The more conscience you have, the fewer moves you allow yourself to make. Meanwhile the person willing to do anything short of whatever consequences they actually fear has an entire chessboard available to him. You’re playing the same game, except half your pieces are imaginary obstacles you placed in front of yourself.

And the world doesn’t necessarily punish him for it. Sometimes it rewards him. Once he has enough money, nobody asks which opportunities he refused to exploit. They see the house. The company. The employees. The influence. The respectable title under his name. Success has this remarkable ability to erase the fingerprints left on the staircase.

It that makes sense...

That’s the part people hate admitting. A lot of systems depend on people like you voluntarily behaving better than the system actually requires. Employers assume workers won’t understand every regulation. Customers assume businesses aren’t manipulating their perception. Competitors assume certain tactics are beneath everyone involved. Contracts assume people will behave reasonably even where the language leaves room not to. Society fills thousands of gaps with trust because writing a rule for every possible form of human behavior is impossible.

You look at those gaps and think,

‘Nobody should take advantage of that.’

Someone else looks at the exact same gap and thinks,

‘Nobody stopped me.’

Guess which one of you has more options?

I’m not telling you morality makes you weak. I’m telling you morality has a price, and you’ve been paying it your entire life without ever looking at the receipt. Every principle you refuse to violate costs you some universe of possible outcomes. Maybe paying that price is worth it. Maybe being able to look at yourself in the mirror matters more than winning.

But at least understand the transaction.

I have 2 moralities which limit me, which I am always willing to pay the price for, and which I will actively judge someone one for ....

1.) NEVER harm children.

2.) Never Lie or use tricks on people in my circle..

(Family, friends, theoretical business partner, etc)...

Hope that answers your question 🙏"

So, my pharmacy benefit management company thinks they get to practice medicine, and they know netted then my endocrinologist, hepatologist, and the FDA which medications I should be taking. I would like to become a problem.

Beyond composing like heck to my employer to suggest we find better coverage, any suggestions to hit their bottom line, even a bit? I'm in the corporate world, so I know it's unlikely. But I'm angry and want to annoy them, even if it's a little bit.

I have an amazing gf, we have been together for 9 years. She is a type of vegetarian who can't stand being at same table with meat. I am a meat lover, she is okay but it's like she won't kiss after I have had meat or even go to my favourite places. She loves me in all other ways but this is like out of bounds, ALSO BECAUSE OF HER FAMILY, WHO LOOK DOWN UPON MEAT EATERS. I want to try some kind of ULTP. So slowly just being at the same table to some taste test and then maybe indulging. In the food too.

Pretend to be a hot person of whatever sex your roommate is attracted to on tinder, match with your roommate, say you want to come over. Watch them scramble to clean the place up.

Tired of high electricity costs? There are thousands of solar panels around your neighbourhood free for the taking!

Courtesy of the FLOCK cameras!

You only need around 20 to power a median American home.

This will help reduce your CO2 emissions, while protecting your rights at the same time! What a time to be alive!

I bought a used car from someone who the same day purchased it with a fake cashiers check, the check bounced and 3 days later the real owner found me and I was forced to return the car to them as it was reported stolen. Police don't seem interested since the property was returned and the owner doesn't seem interested for the same reason, but I'm out money and I seem to be the only victim here.

What can I do to this guy? I have his phone number and socials, I have him on video selling me the car. What else can I do? Worst part is he is still on Craigslist selling cars.

From what I gather his scam is basically overpay for the car which convinces the owner to accept a cashiers check (the check was way higher then fair market value) then sell it the same day for cash at less then market value.

Apparently he had small parts throughout the years in some movies and series (I found his IMDB) but not any kind of recognizable fame.

Hi everyone, buckle up! I need some ULPT on how to get a coworker fired.

To date, this coworker has worked with us for the last 2 years. Below is listed the complaints:

He has a sexual harassment complaint on file for an event that occurred with another coworker but off property and off working hours. This was investigated by HR and they determined it is not enough to get him fired or suspended due to the circumstances.

He also has another complaint that he is sexually harassing another contracted employee on file, in which her company is actively pursuing a case with my company to protect her. This is currently being investigated by HR.

He has ANOTHER harassment complaint for another contracted employee, in which her company is actively pursuing a case with my company to protect her. This is also currently being investigated by HR (and yes, this is the same contractor vendor company).

And LASTLY, he has another complaint for hostile work environment with another coworker that is currently being investigated.

I am not confident that he will be fired or even suspended. What can I do to push this over the edge?