r/Unexpected • u/Business_Bill8752 • 2d ago

100% sharpened

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23.5k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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u/post-explainer 2d ago edited 2d ago

This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.

OP sent the following text as an explanation why their post fits here:

The pineapple just snapped in half at the end 😭

Does this explanation fit this subreddit? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.

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3.4k

u/IsThereCheese 2d ago

Always cut towards your fingers

501

u/swampopawaho 2d ago

Well, he was carefully lifting one of his fingers our of harm's way...

123

u/IsThereCheese 2d ago

Engage safety squints!

9

u/Firstevertrex 2d ago

Into harms way* still carefully though!

19

u/NobodyLikedThat1 2d ago

You could probably just cut away from your fingers and not worry about that part

41

u/Commercial-Milk-8465 2d ago

He used to have 6 on that hand

5

u/hyeongseop 2d ago

And hold your pineapple precariously so all the precious golden juice drips on the pavement

11

u/Eborcurean 2d ago

Also never use a guard with a mandolin, just eyeball it, nothing can go wrong.

3

u/RRumpleTeazzer 2d ago

for better flavour, right?

2

u/nucl3ar0ne 2d ago

They regenerate right?

2

u/CommercialDream618 2d ago

Usually my response is "that's just something we tell kids, everyone cuts towards themselves." But in this case I have no idea why he wouldn't cut top down, also no clue why he wouldnt at least rest it on a cutting board.

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u/foolbull 2d ago

Every time a see a pineapple I remember people use to rent them for parties as a status symbol.

444

u/omgitschriso 2d ago

Now my wife hangs one upside down on our apartment door every time I go away on work trips, because it wards off bad spirits. She gets so paranoid when I'm away she barely ever even answers my phone calls.

95

u/deeznughtz 2d ago

Oh no, that's terrible. What's your address so I can make sure I stay away from that apartment? 

43

u/foolbull 2d ago

Chris?

23

u/Technolorgy 2d ago

Underrated comment

233

u/PsychologicalSail799 2d ago

Today they're still used at parties, and still for status, but instead of your financial status it's to share the status of how willing you are to watch someone bang your wife.

64

u/RRumpleTeazzer 2d ago

is this some secret party code?

112

u/PsychologicalSail799 2d ago

They're used to signify swinger parties.

66

u/runkeby 2d ago

For real? I might've made a mistake. Repeatedly.

49

u/mishonis- 2d ago

It's a symbol only if it's an upside down pineapple.

27

u/Wighen18 2d ago

what if it's upside down in a cake?

37

u/iruleatants 2d ago

Gotta bang the husband in that case.

11

u/PsychologicalSail799 2d ago

That cakes down to fuck

2

u/runkeby 2d ago

these pineapple slice holes are enticing ngl

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u/mace_guy 2d ago

Surely the invite to a swinger party makes it clear its a swinger party?

Do swingers invite random couples and reveal the pineapple later? See the pineapple, now you have to let Bubba bang your wife

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u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

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u/clinically_proven 2d ago

$400 for one pineapple: The rise of luxury fruit

13

u/light_to_shaddow 2d ago

Anything the rich can do to separate themselves from the rest of us, they'll do.

Eating hard to obtain, massively expensive shit is one way.

It's why you see so many grand houses with pineapple motifs.

https://www.landmarktrust.org.uk/properties/pineapple/

But if your after a way to Brewster your millions, £10,000 for a Heligan Pineapple made the traditional English way, would be my choice.

3

u/Deaffin 2d ago

Anything the rich can do to separate themselves from the rest of us, they'll do.

It's mostly just competition with their peers, as people do. Bob isn't putting in all that effort toward maintaining his lawn and making his car shiny to dunk on the homeless, he's trying to show up his neighbor across the street.

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u/TheSodernauts 2d ago

So that's why I can buy a decorative ceramic pine apple painted in gold in those home furnishings stores. I always thought it was oddly specific to buy a pineapple thingy-majing.

3

u/Dal90 2d ago

It is a tradition in New England, particularly coastal communities, that represented the successful completion of a trading or whaling journey. Captains came back with a pineapple and displayed it in front of their house to let people know they returned, part as an open house to come and visit and part advertising their success to gain investors for the next journey.

https://a4arch.com/a4-spotlight-the-history-of-architectural-pineapples-in-newport/

The South also seems to have adopted it as a symbol of prosperity and hospitality as well.

(And yes, the elephant sitting in the corner of the room which helps connect the customs and regions is that many of the successful trading journeys of New Englanders involved the triangular slave trade...before they developed moral qualms about that and turned instead to smuggling opium into China. Which means the whalers even by today's standards were the least ethically problematic of the bunch.)

6

u/watchshoe 2d ago

I loved that Shawn always brought one with him in Psych.

4

u/bikari 2d ago

Isn't there a pineapple hidden somewhere in every episode?

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u/mouaragon 2d ago

What? Where and when did that happen?

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u/foolbull 2d ago edited 2d ago

On earth, in the past.

“Renting pineapples was a real historical practice in 18th-century Britain where people paid to borrow the exotic fruit for a single night just to display it as a status symbol at parties.”

I’m not saying if the British elite weren’t so worried about securing a pineapple for their next party America would have lost the war. But who knows.

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6.6k

u/POI_Harold-Finch 2d ago

it went from oddlystatisfying to just oh noooooooo man

1.8k

u/fieregon 2d ago edited 2d ago

Definitely not, dude got me nervous since he was cutting towards him, always cut away from you, I thought he was gonna cut a finger every time.

459

u/SeeJayThinks 2d ago

When he put his index forward for balance... I was...

https://giphy.com/gifs/l3mZrLxM4iZaQlvNe

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u/LEGITIMATE_SOURCE 2d ago

Balance.......

19

u/FrogfFrogger 2d ago

New balance
https://giphy.com/gifs/SS8Todf4fIpVlvWhA8

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u/SeeJayThinks 2d ago

Those cuts across the N would have been his finger.

69

u/loganator4561 2d ago

My dad had a saying "cut towards your buddy not your body"

26

u/timbillyosu 2d ago

To avoid getting bloody cut towards your buddy

3

u/PunctuationGood 2d ago

And then, three years later, I'll be like "Wait, how did that menmonic go? Was that towards my buddy or towards my body?"

3

u/holyfire001202 2d ago

"Well, let me think about it... Who would I prefer to accidentally cut? Obviously myself before my buddy... It must have been 'cut towards your body, not your buddy.'"

8

u/miicah 2d ago

Cut towards your chum, not your thumb.

3

u/1ildevil 2d ago

Because you can always get a new chum

8

u/ty4scam 2d ago

we have a similar saying in my country, "better doing life for murder than living free fingerless".

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u/nasadge 2d ago

Thank you. This is pure cringe for any one who knows how to use a knife

6

u/Nowhere_Man_Forever 2d ago

Yeah to me the unexpected part was that this didn't end with him cutting off a finger of otherwise horribly injuring himself. Growing up on the 00s internet really messed with my expectations

2

u/Objective_Soup7840 2d ago

I tell this to people who cant use a knife... i do it all the time, I've been using knives in kitchens for almost 20 years, but would NEVER do this lol

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u/SiddharthJain131 2d ago

r/yesyesyesno

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u/PimpNamedSliqBaq 2d ago

This was a r/maybemaybemaybe for me, i was worried about dudes fingers the whole time

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u/Elddif_Dog 2d ago

sharp my butt.

that pineapple looks so ripe you could probably cut it with a spoon.
the peel was all that was holding it together

265

u/Rare_Steak_ 2d ago

This, thats exactly why it disintegrates at the end.

61

u/RebelWithoutAClue 2d ago

The pineapple is juicing like it was boiled.

66

u/DerangedAsshole 2d ago

It's both. No matter how ripe the pineapple is, that skin is a pain to cut.

52

u/brakeline 2d ago

He's not cutting the skin, he is taking shunks of the ripe pulp

11

u/YouStupidAssholeFuck 2d ago

Punish me, daddy.

7

u/CartographerHumble74 2d ago

i squirt more than that pineapple

10

u/digno2 2d ago

calling piss "squirt" was the best marketing trick the porn industry ever done

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u/Osato 2d ago

That peel really tied the fruit together.

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u/Bonzungo 2d ago

He peed on my fucking pineapple

5

u/samir_saritoglu 2d ago

Once in my life I do cut a pineapple with a spoon. I was in a business trip in China and I had no knife, however I wanted to eat a pineapple, and of my favorite fruits. So the spoon was the only option.

2

u/Environmental-Meet59 2d ago

It looks so sweet and yummy

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u/MissMahlia 2d ago

So much lost juice. Oooof.

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u/Toleniam 2d ago

Actually heartbreaking.

3

u/besharamrang 2d ago

N pineapple too

364

u/ClaroStar 2d ago

Never cut toward yourself.

213

u/The_Infinite_Carrot 2d ago

Always cut towards a friend.

6

u/frallet 2d ago

towards your buddy not your body

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u/SpaghettiSort 2d ago

Cut towards your chum, not towards your thumb!

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u/Auctoritate 2d ago

Honestly, this is just one of those rules of thumb that starts being less applicable when you develop more professional skills and just get better at doing things. For instance, woodworkers cut towards themselves all the time with tools like draw knives.

4

u/SoylentVerdigris 2d ago

I mean, draw knives are all but impossible to hit yourself with unless you're sticking your knee in the way or something. But yes, when you're cutting something with almost no resistance like this it's not particularly dangerous unless you're hopelessly uncoordinated. Just don't force it through any unexpected snag and you'll be fine.

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u/HJSDGCE 2d ago

It's easier to control pulls than it is to push. Yes, the risk increases but you also get more accurate cuts.

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u/ididntdoit6 2d ago

Cut towards your buddy not your body

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u/Lucas_Steinwalker 2d ago

Tell that to every Italian nonna with a dull ass knife.

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u/Automatic-Run-007 2d ago

Ananas trop mûr. Facile

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u/BopNowItsMine 2d ago

Its ripeness level is approaching liquid

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u/Scythe351 2d ago

Why did it spontaneously break in half?

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u/Vitruvian_Link 2d ago

According to the comments it's because he cut towards his fingers

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u/RRumpleTeazzer 2d ago

The pineapple was tired.

3

u/Projectstfu 2d ago

Not 100% sure but it is dripping like crazy and basically falling apart. It looks like it might have been boiled.

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u/Scythe351 2d ago

Lol I was thinking that was pineapple juice. Legit thought "this is the juciest pineapple I've ever seen but why is it leaking like that from having the skin cut?"

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u/AviatorJac 2d ago

a slap on the back of my head from my dad if I cut toward myself, another slap from my mom for wasting food

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u/voododoll 2d ago

Wasted so much juice… wasted

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u/iruleatants 2d ago

I mean, he also wastes half of it when it breaks in half at the end.

But I'm not entirely sure it's wasting since I think that's well on its way to rotting.

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u/JazzlikeConflict6626 2d ago edited 2d ago

Why is the video clipped when it fell off? I started to see this recently, is it kind of the new trend? Do you get more views?

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u/mike_b_nimble 2d ago

I’ve been noticing this for a couple years. You watch 60 seconds of nothing then the video cuts outs 3 frames into the money shot.

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u/noproblem_bro_ 2d ago

Not me thinking that the real twist is there is no cutting of his own finger

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u/TheGoalkeeper 2d ago

No need for sharpness, that pineapple is overripe

2

u/VVValph 2d ago

put nsfw tag on this for extra diabolicality

1

u/pusspound 2d ago

First rule with a knife is always cut toward yourself.

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u/Sorry_Economist_5844 2d ago

“A knife as sharp as the devil himself is what I asked for” - The man from Hollywood

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u/Better-_-Decisions 2d ago

Is it weird my mouth watered? Fucking love pineapples.

1

u/moonchitta 2d ago

So there is a reason there is hardshell on top

1

u/yellow_sting 2d ago

I swear I expected this lmao

1

u/faxyou 2d ago

Oye que coño le pao al ultimo?

1

u/Ill-Ruin2198 2d ago

Just like an anime, sliced it in half without slicing it.

1

u/I_TheJester_I 2d ago

Furst rule when working wirh a knife: never cut towards to your hand.

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u/X-Arkturis-X 2d ago

Please do not cut towards yourself.

1

u/Boring_Newspaper_551 2d ago

I have a scar on my finger reminding me to never do something like that...

1

u/Old_Shake3789 2d ago

Man I hate watching that, there is a reason you never cut towards yourself it's just asking for trouble.

1

u/CloverAmorette 2d ago

That's a sharp way to make a point, literally.

1

u/Motokowarframe 2d ago

Cutting upwards 😳

1

u/Healthy_Squash4133 2d ago

Ginsu Knife from the late 1970's. Never sharpened. Those knives were badass!

1

u/joy_tortello 2d ago

per l’appunto la buccia serve per contenere la polpa se fai così è ovvio

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u/Thunderflex1 2d ago

Sometimes everything falls apart right at the end, even when you do everything right.

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u/Broken_Mentat 2d ago

"You can't cut there, that's a load-bearing rind!"

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u/Sudden_Season3306 2d ago

Its half being warm and ripe and half the knife!

1

u/Demolition-Man93 2d ago

Cut away from the hand.

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u/314ranha777 2d ago

Never ever cut towards your fingers! 😬🤕

1

u/Warthknoedler 2d ago

Nothing to see here guys, the pineapple is a paid actor

1

u/Minimum-Let-7604 2d ago

Sharpness IV iron sword

1

u/its_just_flesh 2d ago

That was a shitload of juice coming out of it

1

u/JBluHevn 2d ago

At the end of the clip music started playing in my brain and the text Directed by: Robert E. Weide appeared.

1

u/desoddit 2d ago

i had to watch the video 2 times to understand what was unexpected XD

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u/godpoker 2d ago

My grandad taught me “always cut towards your mate”

1

u/_Keep_it_Simple 2d ago

Now I know why samurai don't even touch and can slice anything

1

u/hyrulepirate 2d ago

I've seen lots of pineapple vendors cutting the fruit. This is definitely the worst one.

1

u/Tamdin_Nidmat 2d ago

A feast for all the ants in the vicinity.

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u/Yourfinalfoe 2d ago

Fuck me. This sub started appearing on my feed again.

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u/rrd_gaming 2d ago

I was expecting his hand to be cut like here it comes.. Here it comes.. nope.

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u/Tahu-Nuva 2d ago

The end was fully expected.

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u/kayej17 2d ago

he's cutting it like it was a papaya

1

u/Glittering_End_6864 2d ago

I hate people who talk non-fucking-stop.

I was at a coffee shop yesterday, two women, sitting at two different tables by they way, talked non stop for at least an hour, and there were literal times when they were both talking at the same time for like minutes at a time.

1

u/OdysseyTag 2d ago

🎶 Who lives in a pineapple under you foot 🎶

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u/poosiekathh 2d ago

My heart dropped

1

u/ReyTsar 2d ago

Feels like a waste of juice

1

u/kuburas 2d ago

If you ever cut a super ripe one you'd know that knife could be a butter knife and still cleave through it like its nothing.

Those things fall apart as they ripen to the point where you can scoop it with a spoon.

1

u/fotomoose 2d ago

Never cut towards your thumb, always cut towards your chum.

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u/Tranka2010 2d ago

If only there was a perfectly good work surface nearby.

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u/Elephant789 2d ago

Fuck the Yankees!

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u/Tiberiux 2d ago

That was indeed unexpected!

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u/JCMillner 2d ago

100% ripe pineapple

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u/analthunderi 2d ago

I was afraid of that and still got surprised when it happened 😆

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u/Cablegore 2d ago

Perfectlycutscene 😂

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u/LazyOldCat 2d ago

My 1st thought was sure it’s sharp but that’s overripe and soft AF. Then it collapsed 😆

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u/Delmo16 2d ago

So this is why people carry machettes now a days?! Never knew

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u/Mikey_Max07 2d ago

Ohhh faaah!

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u/mdemarchi 2d ago

The guy filming advise him to take a bucket. He should have litened to him

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u/htmlcoderexe 2d ago

r/yesyesyesfuckyou

but i think it's locked down or something

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u/HolyHand_Grenade 2d ago

Stupid, cut away from yourself people.

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u/asphalt_licker 2d ago

I had a feeling the pineapple would fall off but I thought it would be at the stalk.

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u/Positive-Green-3856 2d ago

Finally an actually unexpected video lol

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u/andystechgarage 2d ago

Thought he was going to chop a finger. He was trying really hard

1

u/Key_Change_6635 2d ago

I thought it would be the alarm going off and cops chasing thieves in the background

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u/LearningToHomebrew 2d ago

You can tell that index finger is trained. Probably the hard way.

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u/InfamousEconomy3972 2d ago

I was hoping he was cutting over a bowl or something something so he'd catch all that sweet, sweet pineapple juice.

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u/greymadders 2d ago

100% sharpened.
0% sharp.

1

u/BlankBehindTheEyes 2d ago

Seems like he could be doing this

  1. Away from himself

and

  1. On a table.

That pineapple looks good AF tho.

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u/jiggscaseyNJ 2d ago

Cut towards your buddy not your body.

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u/RustScientist 2d ago

THE CYLINDER MUST REMAIN UNHARMED

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u/too1onjj 2d ago

Queue Curb Your Enthusiasm music

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u/feminas_id_amant 2d ago

I was expecting that while clutching my pearls over the wasted juice

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u/therealishone 2d ago

Fucking juiciest pineapple. I wept when it fell.

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u/JoseP2004 2d ago

Whos car is being broken into?

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u/Wizywig 2d ago

100% expected.

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u/Loose_Client_654 2d ago

THAT BITCH R I P E