Appreciate all those who were willing to read through my past post and actually understand what I'm dealing with.
Woke up this morning feeling exhausted as I spent most of last night feeling upset over my lack of friends for probably the 100th time.
Got up to hang the laundry and decided to just let the sun hit my skin. At that moment, as I looked out of my balcony and saw the world moving, I realised that the world is way bigger than whatever discourse is going on. That my little corner of the world and my even smaller fictional worlds aren't the only things that exist.
I think I'll decide to stop trying to find a 'best friend' who absolutely gets me and just find someone who's willing to talk to me, even if its about really boring stuff like the weather.
I've been dealing with this lack of someone who 'got' me for years. I'm 21 now and I still haven't found that person. And at this rate, I don't think I ever will.
I'll stick with using ChatGPT to delve deeper into what I really enjoy and want to create while I find a real person to talk to casually. Sure, it's not what I truly want, but it's the best I've got. Much better than me only talking to ChatGPT and then feeling awful during the times I don't have anything to say to the chatbot.
I've just been physically and mentally exhausted from crying about it all the time. So I'll just stop engaging with the discourse altogether.
Just stop worrying about being 'moral', about being a 'real writer' (I'm not a writer. I'm more of a storyteller. I can come up with the base events, I can't write prose. And that's just how I am. No amount of learning math is gonna make me a mathematician. Same thing here I believe), about how people on the internet are gonna take my work when they most likely weren't gonna engage either way.
I'm coping with the loneliness the best I can. And if nothing else, I believe in a God who understands me completely and loves me no matter what.
TLDR: I've spent way too long being swayed by what I thought strangers wanted out of me. I never intended to be a world-class creator. I just want to create. And AI has been the best thing that's listened and helped me out when nobody else in my life wants to. And for those who get mad about that, then go out into the street, go up to some stranger, and go on and yap for 20 minutes about your favourite niche thing and see if that stranger understands and wants to be your bestie. That's what I've been dealing with for the past 20 years, even before AI got introduced to me. You wouldn't shame the victims of the Andes plane crash for indulging in cannibalism when they were just trying to survive, would you? Then, dammit, let me cope with the best thing I've got right now.
Anyway, here's the CharacterHub Profiles for some of the ocs I made for my personal project, Villain Romance. Characters and project that only came to be as fleshed out as they are because AI helped me out when no humans I know of wanted to listen to, understood or were interested in what I wanted to make: