first photo: 14 years old, pre everything, i hated the way i looked and never felt like a pretty girl (2021)

second photo: i was pre-t but socially transitioned, and severely depressed (2022)

third pic: about two years on T and post top surgery, still depressed and hated my body after gaining over 80lbs (2024)

fourth pic: questioning identity/stopped T (2025)

pics 5/6: me at 20 years old, battled my depression, lost 90lbs, started my own business and finally feeling confident in myself/body and proud to be a woman! as a kid i hated being told that women couldn’t do this or that and all the other things society places on us, and i truly think that’s why i was trying so hard to escape that reality and “be different”. and i guess i also thought that because of those things, men had it better and easier. but after living as a boy/man in my late teens/early adulthood i realized that it’s so incredibly lonely. and that really helped me see the bigger picture, nobody has it easy lol life is hard! since detransitioning i’ve been so much happier, healthier, and i finally feel like myself. i’ve battled for so long with myself over my decisions and now i’m finally at peace. i have my regrets over my voice and boobs, but i wouldn’t be where i am now if i hadn’t transitioned so i’m just rolling with it! at 14 i thought i would be dead before i turned 16. and now here i am at 20 and excited for what the future holds for me because i know i’ll do great things :)

I'm about 3 mos off of T but with insane body and facial hair and deeper voice and I'm having a really hard time envisioning if and when I'll ever feel pretty again. When I shave my face it still looks masculine and I miss my cute feminine face. I'll do my makeup and just feel silly. I spent the weekend with friends who get it and dressed up and I did my makeup but it still felt like I was just trying to poorly convince people. I passed for the most part but still I just felt ridiculous and embarrassed. I love the outfits but not how I looked in them.

I'm also thinking of going to the gym as both a coping mechanism and to hopefully get the body recomp better.

What helped you guys feel pretty and when did you feel like you just woke up that way? I miss it.

Hey all- I’m about 1 year off testosterone after being on it for 1.5 years and it feels all the side effects have reversed (even my voice, lol, but I’ll make a different post about that.)

Over the 1.5 years I was on testosterone my hairline receded a lot for the short amount of time :/ got to about a Norwood 2 and my temples were balddd. I immediately went on minoxidil when I stopped testosterone and pretty much all my temple hair has grown back over the course of a year.

Now, I’m wondering if it’s possible for me to stop minoxidil without losing my hair I regrew. While I am not asking for medical advice on whether I should or should not continue Minoxidil, I theorize that a lot of my regrowth came from estrogen becoming my dominant hormone again instead of it just being because minoxidil.

I’m looking for similar experiences on hair regrowth after stopping T, especially if you were also on minoxidil! All insight would be appreciated.

Hi,

Everything in the title. I'm about to end a multiple years relationship with my GF, due to becoming long term LDR.

She was a unicorn, a pan girl that accepted me despite mu transition, and now that I have to live in this inbetween.. I feel like there's nothing really I can do about this. I'm traped. By transitioning I unknowingly given up on being able to date people, especially women.

I feel like I wrecked my body, I lost any trace of competitivity I may still have. Now I'm merely a 3/10, a half man.

Transition is a social suicide, and people don't talk enough about it. I wasn't ready to pay this cost.

Honestly I think I should just give up on my job and get back to her. I detransitionned because of my job, because I loved it, somewhere I loved, something I worked do hard to achieve and where I made a difference.

Does anyone have advice for getting people to respect your new pronouns and name? I (21FtMtF) tried telling people (basically my entire department) at work that I'm not transgender anymore, but it's like it never happened and they all ignore it. It's even weirder because they make fun of me for being girly (context: they know I was a trans man.).. Because well yeah. I'm a woman. Even when I shave I still have beard shadow + low voice, but I pass as a woman in every other aspect. Although my work uniform does automatically make me look quite masculine ☹️. My boyfriend works in the same building and uses male pronouns because it's awkward; the majority of my coworkers use he/him for me still. Should I just cope? I feel like I'll confuse their old conservative brains (even though they've already been told once), and if I correct and talk about it more I'll come off as pushy / weird. I guess I'm looking for encouragement and words from people that have been in the same situation.

I’m having doubts about starting T, for obvious reasons. But it’s hard to tell if they’re unfounded or not. I mostly run into detransitioners online, and the only 2 I know from ‘reality’, aren’t much help. We’re too different. Everyone says they were or are very dysphoric, but every FTMTF detransitioner I see seems to start presenting very feminine? My dysphoria is mostly body related, and the changes I’d get from T would make me less dysphoric (hopefully).

I’m a lifelong masculine woman (walked, talked as a boy even as a toddler for God knows what reason?!) and even if I were to regret T, I can’t imagine suddenly becoming feminine? Is that a sign that I wouldn’t be a case of detrans?

My biggest issue is that it’s a permanent decision and I’d see how maybe I’d end up detransitioning if I would only pass as “trans man” and not as “regular man”. Especially as far as voice goes, and face changes. It’s important I’m sure because it’s expensive too.

Talking to regular trans people doesn’t help me because they all say that “if you want to transition, you should!” and claim that there’s very low chance of wanting to detransition. But even a small chance, is still a chance.

Anyone who is FTMTF or even MTFTM but whose gender presentation did not shift after they detransitioned up for a chat?

I’m down with a cold right now, and it kinda makes me miss being on T because I didn’t get sick once the entire time I was on it. I don’t know if testosterone boosts your immune system? But I sure do miss never getting sick. This is my second cold this summer. 🫠

Do you ever miss being on hormones for silly reasons? I also missed being on T because it made my period stop, but at least birth control is taking care of that now 🙂‍↕️

Hi,

I've considered myself a trans woman for the last few years, had HRT, surgeries, laser, and whatnot. I thought I was pretty happy with my gender the way it was but recently things have started to get weird.

First, I got that urge to cut my hair short. I'd been growing it out for 5 years prior to that, and I was really scared that it would instantly ruin my passing, but somehow it didn't.

Then, I started getting these weird fantasies of detransitioning, turning into a kinda-feminine alt guy, getting a girlfriend, that kind of thing. I've had SRS, and in these fantasies, I still don't have a penis, and it feels right which adds to the strangeness of it all.

These fantasies have become kind of obsessive lately and kinda sexual too, which is a big sign for me. I know I use sexual fantasies to cope with hard things in my life (ptsd, gender dysphoria, etc), and the fact that I'm having these fantasies now is making me scared that it could be more serious than I originally thought.

Today, I've tried binding my chest with a tight sports bra and wear a baggy shirt alongside masculine pants and I felt something weird, equally amazed/gut wrenching/curious/aroused. I even felt something weirdly akin to dysphoria when I removed the sports bra and saw my own chest.

Maybe I'm just feeling more free in my sense of gender now that I've made myself a bit more comfortable in society. Maybe I'm actually nonbinary or just a straight up guy.

On the other side, I really don't see myself aging as a man, facial hair is still a big no for me, as is a masculine name or traditional men's clothes.

These thoughts have periodically came in my mind for the past years, but it's the first time they are so strong, and that I act on them. I don't know what I should do about it, or what it means about me. Mostly, I'd like to know of a way to make a distinction between a fantasy and gender identity.

TLDR ; I got unusual thoughts about my gender and experimented around them. I reacted in a strange way and I don't know what to do about it.

Today I ordered these clothes, and I am both nervous and excited about it!
I am FTMTA (agender) and I’m learning to just love myself the way I am and not care about societal standards. I have never really worn skirts, I was never feminine, always hated it.
But I’m working on myself, and I have wanted a new fashion style for a long time and this is my way of finally jumping into it, trying this out and hopefully I will love myself in these very feminine clothes! 💪✨
When I get them and try them on, I will show you all the result 😌

i didn’t actually take the jump to stop T until a few months after that first photo, but you can tell by my smile how happy i looked to be feminine again. i’m pretty sure most of my fat has distributed back at this point, so i wanted to include some full body photos this time for comparison.

i feel like i say it in every post, but i’ve genuinely been so much happier and more comfortable with myself since detransitioning. it’s not all perfect…i still struggle internally with imposter syndrome, and i really don’t like watching people come back around who didn’t give me a second thought when i was trans. but other than that everything’s gone smoothly, more people are starting to pick up on it, and it’s very, very nice to fit in with society again. i don’t regret being trans—i feel like i had to go through that journey to get here—but i do love being a conventionally attractive woman. i feel so much safer and i’m treated so much better. i can’t lie and say that hasn’t been a big part of it all, yknow?

i don’t know how many more of these timelines i’ll do from now on, but 1 year off T is a big deal to me so i wanted to celebrate it :)

My partner is not cis, he does not identify as cis and has mentioned to me on multiple occasions that hes considered transitioning, but he exclusively uses he/him pronouns right now and dresses masculine, leading most people to believe he is cis. this is important.

im not "popular" on the clock app, but i have a few thousand followers and have been told I show up on people's fyp frequently.

I post about my partner often, usually just participating in cute little trends and whatnot. one of them was the "dating a boy who hated me vs dating a boy who worships the ground I walk on" trend. during my last (very toxic) relationship, I was still identifying and presenting as a transman; i was still doing so when I met my current partner, but a few months ago, after I had been considering detransitioning for over a year (THIS IS IMPORTANT INFORMATION), I finally decided to go through with it, and have been living happily ever since. when I did the trend, the ex photo was me obviously male, and the current photo was of me after I detransitioned, wearing a dress and a full face of makeup.

I am currently being harassed by an onslaught of people accusing my partner of abusing me, and insisting he forced me to detransition and that I need to "be honest", leave him, stop posting about him, etc.

it has been a few days and shows no evidence of slowing down or possibly ending soon. i am exhausted. i am angry. I dont know what to do. will our relationship always be seen as dirty by the LGBT community now? did I make a mistake? I want to be happy, but my happiness has come at the expense of my partner who is being relentlessly accused of abuse and toxicity, and I feel like its all my fault. hes the sweetest person I have ever known, I love him so much and he would NEVER do something like that to me. i was afraid he was going to break up with me FOR DETRANSITIONING because before me, he EXCLUSIVELY dated men. wouldn't that mean he, by their logic, preferred me when I WAS trans?

also, if it matters at all, that toxic ex i mentioned was ftm. so the irony of all this is palpable.

ugh. anyway. the photos are of us.

feeling so much better lately! estrogen definitely has me gaining weight but tbh it’s being distributed to my hips and ass and thighs so i’m not really minding it much since it’s making me look a lot more feminine :) i also got these really nice lightly padded bralettes from aerie that don’t gap but also make me look like i have AA/A cup boobs which has been pretty nice! definitely still dealing with some dysphoria surrounding my voice and a lot surrounding my chest but it’s been getting a lot better the longer i’m off T. i’m thinking i’ll probably want breast reconstruction but i think i’m going to wait a full year before i make that decision or start that process, just to make sure it’s what i really want, and luckily by then i’ll still be on my parents health insurance and should be able to get it covered since my top surgery was covered. anyway it’s awesome getting to be a woman for the first time, i started my transition at 18/19 so i never got to actually be a woman, it’s a lot better than being a teenage girl lmaooo

So I am AMAB who transitioned for almost 2
Years, 1.5 years on HRT. I have grown a bit of breasts, my features softened but I don’t think I pass very well. I am 36 yo and during this ordeal I managed to lose my wife of 13 years.

Currently I am confused in how I want to proceed. I realised that a lot of what I did during transition was very performative. I don’t mind my old name, I don’t mind being addressed as he and I even myself prefer to use male-gendered language (my mother tongue is Russian and every word has gendered ending).

At the same time I also don’t mind being addressed as a woman and like it too. Also I think I like my body better on E apart from issues with sexual function mostly. I am scared to get off HRT because I am scared to not line my body again, especially I was dysphoric about hair and breasts as a male (funny how it turned out with this one - as a woman I am totally fine with breasts).

So I consider if I am just an enby, leaning to fem presentation and any pronouns. And I think I could live with that but I am very much struggling with what to do with HRT… Did anyone have similar feelings? Is an enby guy on HRT a feasible way to live? Dunno, feeling a bit lost with it.

Have an amazing day everyone!

I never thought I would be thinking of actually becoming a woman again. I’m just gonna barf up all my thoughts but i’ll try and summarize it at the end haha.

I’m FTM (26) and have been socially transitioning for like 5 years and on T for about 2.5-3 yrs idek. I micro dosed T for the first year so I could see the effects and decide if they were right for me. I knew all the permanent changes and decided I was okay with them even if i stopped T. And it’s true, I like a lot of the secondary sex characteristics. I’ve never had an issue with my facial hair (besides learning how to shape it and the itchiness). I like that I don’t have to shave my legs or belly or armpits anymore and they’re sooo hairy lol. If I was femme I wouldn’t like it of course but I can just exist as a human being in my hairy body when I’m masculine. Same with existing without makeup or doing my hair, it’s more normalized. I also like being horny and not ever crying and feeling more angry than sad if something upsets me. Also I stopped bleeding pretty early on and obviously that’s really nice. I enjoy how I’m treated by strangers, i love being a gentleman, I like when I can make a group of ladies laugh or when I can hear them call my (masculine) name from a distance. I miss some things like accessories but i love the pockets i have and don’t miss having a purse. I really did feel euphoria when I experience these things too. Just felt at home.

Transitioning didn’t get rid of my depression like I thought it would lol. But I look back at pictures of me pre t and lowkey there is more light in my eyes than there is today. I don’t feel comfortable in my body overall…. I have contemplated top and bottom surgery, cause I feel like my dysphoria got worse after I came out and started to medically transition. So I thought I would like to become more male, but I also am just sick of hiding my body all the time. Binding hurts and is getting more painful, it’s so sweaty, it can be hard to hide, and I have to be careful at home if I am not wearing one. And i like boxers but i miss clothes made for my body. Like i was kinda wanting a pantyliner the other day to help with discharge or whatever but it doesn’t even stay in my briefs cause briefs aren’t made for vaginas lol… I don’t want top surgery anymore cause I’ve realized I don’t hate them all the time too. I like to bind and flatten my chest to appear male, and it would be nice to take my shirt off, but i still would be clocked with scars and my hourglass waist…. Also, if I ever did get pregnant, I would regret not having them for breastfeeding. With bottom surgery, well I had some really great sex that made me feel differently about my nether region and that’s happened a few times in my life that made me feel feminine and like I belonged in this body. I think I also had some reallyyy bad sexual experiences that made me hate down there. Also just a lot of UTIs and discomfort that I thought if i were born with a penis life would be 100x better. But even with that, I know I want to keep my vagina. And partially that is because of where modern medicine is at, and I don’t want to risk losing any sensation. I like my bottom growth and was maybe thinking of meta surgery but that’s as far as I would wanna go I think. I just want to try and love my body more, and that in itself sounds transphobic but for me I think it could work if I changed my mindset. Because like I said, i didn’t have chest dysphoria before I started realizing i was trans.

Of course how others perceive me is like the biggest thing. I’ve felt mourning for lost relationships with straight men i know i could be really good with if i hadn’t been trans. I feel like I just want a simpler life where I am not worried on if they will like me after they discover I am trans—they would just know what parts i have by assuming based off my body. I am bisexual but having a straight traditional relationship just sounds so nice. Is that gross to say? Even if i was in a lesbian relationship it would just be easier than being in a straight relationship where we still can’t have bio kids together and I wouldn’t feel like an imposter of a dad trying to raise a son with a wife though ik gay couples do it all the time and the kids grow up fine… idk. I’m really trying not to be trans/homophobic at all or misogynistic but maybe some of this is coming from that. Cause I also used to hate how people treated me as a woman—not being taken seriously, sexualized/objectified, not included in roughhousing, assuming I wanted/needed help with something. I love women and think they are very strong but when I feel like people think of me as a woman they see me as weak and inferior idk why. I definitely have learned to have a voice since living as a man and how to do what I want rather than what others want me to do. I felt so empowered.

But now I feel most comfortable around friends that do know I’m trans, I can be myself and kinda fem around, and probably see me as a woman anyway. The ones that I am not out to like coworkers, i’m worried about being too fem and being clocked or being unwanted for the type of man I am. Especially around cis men—I am so concerned and don’t feel like I can really relate to them. Sometimes I can, especially mentally, but I still feel like an imposter. So that leaves strangers, they are chill and treat me as a man, but do I really wanna present as a man just for strangers at that point? Cause it’s what it feels like now…

When I first transitioned I had these gender thoughts that didn’t go away till I came out to myself as a man. And now, the noise is back… but I also worry, if I detrans and get laser hair removal, will I regret that permanent change cause what if i want to retransition later?? Body hair is huge for males but getting it lasered off would make it just gone forever. That’s how i feel about getting top surgery too, ik you can get a boob job but ik I would regret getting mine off if i did detransition. I also fear that I will miss my high libido. I love having sex and it’s been so fun, a little annoying but i prefer it to not being horny like ever lol… did anyone else like their secondary sex characteristics from T?

So I’m just confused. But I have a feeling I’m gonna end up detransitioning cause it will make life simpler. I feel like I have taken up a lot of identities I thought would last forever (Christian, vegan, married) but then they don’t and I learn compassion for that group and just go on with my life. This feels like that. But not because I don’t feel like a man exactly.. more like because who am I kidding? I act super feminine with how i talk and act and am so much more naturally comfortable around girls. I always told myself it’s okay to be a feminine man, but maybe I am just a masc woman…. That sounds so gross to me and i feel like part of it is just internalized misogyny idk there’s so many labels for everything!! I just don’t wanna be perceived lowkey haha.

I also should probably mention I’ve been very much into the forced femme kink so that’s fun 🙃

Any advice or relatable comments would be appreciated. Otherwise thanks reddit for letting me share my most vulnerable thoughts.

TL;DR I like the secondary sex characteristics testosterone has given me, but I don’t feel like a true man all the time. Detransitioning would give me so many more opportunities and simplify my life. But I fr don’t know who I am or who I want to be!!

Most of us if not all at some point started transitioning to improve our quality of life and mental health.
But i think i somewhere forgot that i started this to be happier.
But I’m objectively a lot more stressed, fearful and objectively unhappier than i ever was.
The social isolation, the constant hate and being looked at and laughed at wasn’t what i wanted.
And hence 3 years on hrt (mtf).
I’ve decided to detransition and get my life back.
No more hiding, no more worrying about surgeries and no more being a social outcast.
Yeah i want to have fun again.
I’m so happy with this decision

(Picture taken by my date)

I went on a date with a man and it went very well. He knows of my situation and wasn’t disturbed by my deeper/androgynous voice and flat chest.

He gave me flowers and cat food as a gift for my cat. He held my hand while walking and was patient as I walked slowly in my heels.

We held hands while watching a movie at the cinema and ended up kissing in the parking lot afterwards. Now we’re setting up a 2nd date.

I’ve been on hrt for five years and not only do I not pass. I’m never clocked as trans fem. I’m tired of fighting to be seen. I’m exhausted by being romantically and intimately over looked. I was a decent looking conventionally attractive guy and I wonder if I’d have just as much dysphoria as I do now but would actually be accepted by the world if I detransitioned.

im comfortable being a guy with feminine facial features rather than a mannish woman.

also if anyone can point me towards trans sympathetic resources for detransitioning it’d be appreciated. everything I found was disgustingly political or terfy.

FTMTF TIMELINE + BODYBUILDING

First pic is me a few years on T. I ended up being on T for 5 years.

Second pic is this week, after 2 years off of testosterone and after around 8 sessions of laser hair removal on my face. I consistently get read as a woman a majority of the time now, even with my voice which is still kinda lower. I feel a lot more comfortable dating men which I felt weird about previously, as I was worried I looked too masc for them.

The ironic thing is I started weight lifting around a year ago, shown in the last few pics. I have far more muscle than I ever had on testosterone but I feel like much more of a woman now. Bodies are interesting!

I'm 21MTFT?, I've been transitioning for a little under 3 years at this point, yet I'm not any happier. I'm so miserable in my existence in the fact that I'm just not a cis woman, and I feel like I'm just working towards a completely unrealistic goal since I'm still not passing and only seen as a man. Besides that, I've also noticed more things about myself. Recently I went to a convention and got drunk during that time at parties, and while I was drunk I noticed my dysphoria completely disappeared. I no longer cared if people saw me as a man, I just existed and hung out with people and didn't have any anxiety or sadness over my self-perception. It led to me questioning if I'm actually trans deep down or not, because why else would my dysphoria go away when I'm inebriated? Along with that I'm reflecting on my behavior, I have much more masculine interests and generally considered myself a more masculine woman for since I started transition, but now I'm just questioning if I'm just masculine because I'm not a woman. This could all be cope and that I'm just trying to accept that I'll never be a cis woman by reverting back to being a man, but also the thought of just going back to being a gay man doesn't sound like the worst fate. Living as a trans woman has just taught me that my life will continue to be horrible forever, I've been abused, sexually assaulted, manipulated, fetishized, and harassed so many times throughout my transition, and knowing that it will only continue just hurts, it makes me not want to continue. Every partner I've gotten with, whether sexually or romantically, has just viewed me as a man, nobody will see me or love me as a woman, I will only be seen as a fetish or an object for chasers. Idk I'm just kinda rambling at this point but overall life has just proved to me that maybe living as a trans woman isn't something I'm cut out for, and with my own behavior I'm questioning if I'm even a binary trans woman at all or if I'm more a masc-leaning queer person. I feel like if I lived my life looking like a cis man it'd make my life much easier, I'd be treated better and not harmed for just existing.

MTFTM, 3-4 years on HRT, now 1-2 years off.

I still have a feminine legal name.

I have breast growth and it makes me feel dysphoric. I want top surgery.

I quit my job because of AI bullshit and because I didn't want to explain (de)transition stuff to coworkers. I haven't been able to land another job, so I'm unemployed and I don't have health insurance.

I keep telling myself I need to change my legal name (again — I've been going by a shortened form of my birth name), and update Social Security, and get on insurance, and schedule top surgery...

But god, I just can't get myself to do any of it.

I already went through this whole process once, and I keep putting off needing to deal with all of the bureaucracy and the thought of having a judge ask "you changed your name and now you're changing it again, why?" and having to explain any of this to anyone.

So I'm just living in this weird inbetween state where I'm getting gendered as male but all my documents are wrong and I can't bring myself to show up to a doctor or confront any of this.

It feels like as soon as I decide to legally change my name or pursue top surgery it makes "official" that transition was all some sort of big mistake. I know it wasn't, I know I learned and grew a lot, but there is a certain finality to having a document "reverted" or changed again to be something else. Like I'm abandoning all the change and the dreams and resigning myself to an "old" version of me.

I don't know.

Mostly I'm just tired? And mad at myself for putting myself through this whole ordeal.

I don't know how to talk about it to anyone, it feels embarrassing.

I want to be able to live life and not think about any of this shit any more but I don't want to, like, do that by stuffing trans thought back down into a hole that I ignore, if that makes sense?

I don't know what I want. I guess just to vent, right now.

i just want to emphasize at the beginning that i very much think that trans people are valid, i just am questioning whether transition is actually right for me.

i've been out to my friends for like 6 years at this point and was on hrt for 1.5 years before running out (will go back on soon if i decide to not try to be/be cis), but now that i've moved out for college and am out to everyone here, i'm questioning whether i'm even actually trans, or if i should detransition. when i was a child, i was never particularly masculine and distinctly remember not wanting to be muscular or have body hair, but i don't think i ever had a moment where i felt like i wanted to be a woman until puberty.

i started identifying as trans (only out to friends) when i was around 13 and i don't really remember the catalyst. looking back, i'm scared that it had something to do with being lonely during covid, though i do remember some dysphoria. in the years since, i gradually presented more and more femininely, have been wearing women's clothes (though on the more androgenous side, not like dresses), grew out my hair, and went on diy hrt a few months before i turned 18. i thought things were going well and that i would continue hrt and eventually get srs and ffs, but when my vial ran out, i just didn't order more, and i'm not entirely sure why.

somewhat foolishly, i decided to be fully out in college (on my id and everything), even though i don't pass yet. i'm terrified when interacting with people and i don't even know if presenting as an enby or woman feels right. i'm trying to get more hrt as soon as i can (more so i don't look as weird for presenting as a woman than to alleviate dysphoria) but i'm not even sure if i'm even trans anymore, or if i ever was.

i still have some dysphoria, but i'm not sure if it's gender dysphoria. i don't want to be a super masculine dude-bro or anything, but being an feminine man might not be too bad? or not even bad at all? i hate when my jaw looks wide and masculine, but plenty of cis people don't like some parts of their face and honestly i think that some of that feeling is because when combined with my long hair, it makes me look like a transphobic caricature of a trans woman. when my body looks like that of a skinny twink from certain angles, it doesn't really feel bad? i think that some of my dislike for my body might be from wanting to be quite skinny (another issue lol but not what i'm addressing here). several of my friends are more feminine men and i feel like i wouldn't want to kms if i looked and presented like them?

i think that part of the reason why i've ignored this and basically continued identifying as trans due to momentum is that i finally got affection from people? i'm not really friends with people specifically because i'm trans and most of my friends are cis women or trans men, but me presenting as a (trans) woman definitely seems to be a factor in our friendships? like they don't really have close male friends and aren't really affectionate with them. male friendships sadly aren't very affectionate and it seems like most women (understandably due to how awful many men are) aren't really as close with their male friends. i don't want my friendships to weaken or unable to have affectionate friendships in the future, so even if i wasn't trans, i'd be scared to stop presenting as nonmale.

i'm very scared to do anything. since i'm out in college, i'm rooming with an afab enby and while they've been great, since i matched with them to be roommates because i'm trans, i'm not sure if they'd be comfortable rooming with a man, and i absolutely wouldn't blame them. at this point, i might go back on hrt for the year and see how i feel, but i don't want irreversible changes (honestly mainly chest growth, i'm fine with everything else even if i'm male) if it feels wrong and i want to be a cis man.

has anyone else had similar experiences and have advice?