im aroace, but i crave love somehow. But it's hard to explain. i think i just want someone who pretends to be my partner and we talk back and forth nice words and happy things and say i love you, but we don't meet and don't touch don't kiss don't sex. i just want a person who's always there to tell me about their day and me to tell them about my day and we share our life events and talk to each other about it and talk about how much we love each other but don't do any Actual romance things like kiss and hug and cuddle and stuff.

i know this is kind of controversial and ofc you can be sexually assaulted and still be asexual but it would make life so much easier if i could prove that i have never had sex so people stop doubting the existence of asexuality or assume that my asexuality is a cool shiny badge to parade around. or a fad. or me wanting or having sex and hiding behind purity culture. i wish i could prove my virginity. i know it’s not that important but when people invalidate a part of your identity - no matter how small - it really sucks and you wish you had proof

Sorry if this sort of rant isn't allowed here but I'm incredibly frustrated and this is probably the only subreddit which respects asexuals who find sexual contact gross/uncomfortable.

Long and short is that I've been trying to find some clarifications into whether or not it is realistic possible for me to have my sexuality respected while also wanting to have romantic feelings for someone. Articles I read were just "sex is an important part of your relationship and is a great form of intimacy between two people, so asexuals should be able to accommodate for their partner in some way " (which one, piss off with that. And two, I would rather fight a giant spider than have any form of sexual contact with someone).

So, I decided to ask for some advice from a small group of people who identified themselves as asexual and claimed to be in a relationship on how to approach...

Not only was it blatant that they didn't actually read anything I was trying to ask them about, but I was told the same regurgitated bullshit as before in addition to being told to let my partner have a one night stand if they desperately needed it, have an open relationship, and that people want to have their partner be sexually attracted to them in some regard or else it's doomed to fail.

I even said I didn't want, like, or have any sexual desires towards anyone and it felt like I got a slap in the face when I was told the stupid "aces can like sex, have you tried it?" (which, yes with men and women, and never again (but nooooooo, I just need to get used it as it's an acquired taste for some people)) and the one which made me flip my lid was:
"It's a spectrum, I'm sure you'll find someone you think is a least a hot that will help find your libido and your relationship will be solid".

I beg your pardon? I beg your finest fucking pardon?

Admittedly, a smaller post I made elsewhere gave a bit better advice in that I'm probably not alone and shouldn't hang in the towel, but it got downvoted into oblivion so hard I just accepted that it was an empty "there there" and removed it before I got more pity points.

Overall, I'm sick of it. I hate having romantic feelings and I hate how sex is some integral part of a relationship or else it doesn't work properly.

Hey y'all,

I really need some help, mostly out of fear than incompetence.. How do I like, love and care for my asexual partner who has never felt sexual/sexuality in their life ?? Even though I am able to navigate through it without any help till this point, I am scared of messing up.. even though I know how to, I want to relearn it from you all.. so, Please help me out..

P.S. : yeah, am a marvel fan.. how'd you notice??

It is extremely rare to find TV or movies where the main character is portrayed without any romantic or sexual interaction.

The directors took a highly sexualized character and removed all sexual/romantic interactions from her.

Usually, the reverse happens.

I don't think it's the best movie acting wise haha but if want to pretend a main character is aro-ace for 2 hours, it will work for this movie.

I am not sure I am asexual. So there is no asexual awakening because someone can't realise they lack something like they realise they have something, so I feel like I will always question my asexuality because asexuality is lacking sexual attraction. But, also the community gives a twisted definition of what lacking sexual attraction means. What are your thoughts?

I joined a server that was claiming it was mostly SFW and for asexual people!

Haven't see any asexuals, mostly NFSW, and in fact it's encourage to get verified to get access to the NFSW chats where the conversations really happen. General is just a chat no one really uses and it's too get people to join, get verified, and participate in NFSW.

And then, on top of that, a creep messaged me.

And all of this has made me confused too because I felt so uncomfortable and also confused cuz i really thought it was going to be mostly asexual or at least ace-spec folk, like they said.

and then there was a lot of sexual stuff too.

like did i misread it cuz it was polyarmorous, but it was advertised as platonic and QPR way

but everyone there was mostly straight and few queer allosexuals , so i dont think i misread what the post about it said :(

Hi, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post because I'm not asexual, however, I do not like sex. I'm very sex-negative, and I have a reaction to it that's almost visceral. I just want nothing to do with it at all. But I'm worried because most people literally make sex a requirement in their relationships, and sadly, those that would be okay with a sexless relationship are hard to find even though they are out there. I actually don't mind being single, I'm just not sure if I want to remain single forever, you know? Who will be there if I get sick or injured, or when I get old? Of course, that's not the only reason why I want a relationship at some point - I am open to a genuine romantic connection. But I guess that is one aspect that makes this feel urgent, despite the fact I'm not actively looking right now. I wouldn't even know where to look, and I'm kind of wary of asexual dating spaces because of all the sexuals that are taking over the term.

For those that got lucky and found romantic partners, I'm here because I'm interested in hearing about your experiences. How did you meet? Where should I look (for the future)? Lol am I truly doomed?

I'm so tired of being aroace. Nobody ever understands me, I feel like a disappointment to my parents and even my aroace friends have normal relationships. I'm not like them, I could never be like them and I feel ostracized in my own community.

But the worst of all? I feel terribly alone in all this. I have no one to talk to because no one is aroace the way I am. I don't feel the need to have a relationship or have sex, it's all very very secondary.

What truly hurts me is the loneliness, the loneliness of never being understood, the loneliness of always being seen as strange. I feel my friends will all just leave me someday and I will be alone and I can't bear it.

Sorry for the vent, I guess what I really wanted to discover is if, at least someone, gets the way I feel and is aroace the way I am. I just wish to feel less lonely one day

being a true, actual nonsexual is so tiring because of the larpers. i know this has been posted and talked about before, but the thing is on top of having no sexual desire, attraction or anything im also fully aromantic and it feels like just talking to people (they end up talking about relationships or make sex jokes etc, or mentioning somethint related) has to remind me of what i dont have. i dont even feel bothered by not having any kind of sexuality, its only other people that do, i actually like being this way. ive been recently discussing biology and sexuality with other people and ive seen multiple dismiss/treat asexuality as something not actually real because of the "aces can have sex/like porn/be kinky" crowd, and i cant even say theyre wrong because pretty much everything online has been usurped by them, and saying otherwise makes me "sex negative puritian" or whatever :|

https://youtu.be/CzxlZG1sVyg?is=RvGgmC5MtA_TRw1d

If we can even properly define what we are how can we possibily stand up for ourselves?

To my humble opinion, ace-spectrum doesn't make any sense, it should be allo-spectrum as it is the spectrum of how much sexual attraction you experience. Just like how in the bi-spectrum heterosexual and homosexual are the boundaries, so should asexual and hypersexual be the boundaries of the allo-spectrum.

As for definitions:

Asexual: this literally translates to 'not sexual'. Therefore, I believe this term should be reserved for those who lack complete sexual attraction. Additionally, perhaps those who don't want sex under any condition, likely due to being repulsed, and where it is not by choice.

Greysexual: this term can remain the same as it always has been, now just separated from asexual.

Quasisexual: this literally translates to 'almost or seemingly sexual'. I believe this term fits those who do not experience sexual attraction, but still want or are happy to participate in the action.

This way, the term asexual communicates that sex is off the table without any confusion. I also happen to think that quasisexual sounds pretty awesome. What do you guys think?

Hi! thought this would be the perfect place to ask this after scrolling through this sub for the past hour.

would aegosexuality be considered greysexuality or asexuality?

i know this sub isnt really fond of the acespec from what I'm seeing (you can prove me wrong), so id like to have things cleared up.

The replies to the comment were VERY different tho

Feel like this is the sanest place on the internet I currently visit – it feels so fricking good to be in a sex-free space with others like me. Nobody expects you to want sex, nobody expects you to want a relationship, no judgement. What a relief!

I've also recently became comfortable with the idea of being single and I finally experience no pressure to pursue others. A celibate, single future looks delightful to me.

Ace Spectrum: Rename?

I LOVE THE COMMUNITY/THIS IS NOT TO BE TAKEN MALICIOUSLY NOR WAS IT MADE WITH MALICIOUS INTENT

I am an Asexual who believes that Asexuality has lost its meaning, and I'm going to tell you why before going any deeper. So, let's talk science:

"ASEXUAL reproduction is a process where a single parent creates offspring"

Thank you for coming to my very brief talk of science.

Anyway, what I draw from that is that asexuality is a lack of need for sex. Which translates to a lack of sexual attraction, right?

Now, before I was aware I was an asexual, I knew of the Ace Spectrum. I thought, oh, that's neat but...why is it called the ACE spectrum? It ranges from sub sexualities with zero sexual attraction to 100% sexual attraction, so I can see why asexual could be the name for said spectrum. But then, that causes the issue where asexual becomes the umbrella term and loses its meaning as zero sexual attraction because it's associated with sexualities that do experience sexual attraction. IN MY OPINION.

Kind of like people between homo and hetero, they fall between 2 extremes on the spectrum. Why would we be using heterosexual as the umbrella term? Wouldn't it lose the meaning as complete attraction to only the opposite sex/gender? Wouldn't it be more logical to call it the homosexual spectrum?

Queer is a term for people who are in the LGBTQ community. Why can't something like that work for what is currently referred to as the Asexual Spectrum? Like Grey Allo or something?

Can't it be referred to as the Allo Spectrum (Allosexual), or something similar like Grey Spectrum (Greysexual)? Greysexual, as far as I'm aware, is experiencing sexual attraction rarely, so it would be like the term bisexual, the in-between sexuality. Allosexual is regular sexual attraction; wouldn't that be a better name for the umbrella term? Everyone with sexual attraction falls under the Allo Spectrum, right?

Anyhow, all this is to ask: WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ON THE MATTER AS EITHER A QUEER PERSON OR AN ALLY?

My opinion, if not clear, is that Asexual is = to Heterosexual as a title. A label with no leeway. You can't be straight and be attracted to the same sex; you can't be asexual and experience sexual attraction. Which means that the spectrum should not be titled asexual because it may lead to, and is actively leading to, confusion about whether asexuals have sexual attraction or not.

I AM AWARE OF THE OFFICIAL DEFINITION OF ASEXUALITY

If you want to know why I don't agree with it, you can go back to my brief talk of science.

Let me reiterate: NO hate! This is just something I think we should take into account because... Well, why keep a label that is actively harming asexuals?

Love and accept everybody; be respectful always! (Exceptions to the above statement: pedophiles, rapists, homophobes, Israel supporters, etc)

'This is a revised version because the other one was written while I was extremely tired and high. Have I miffed it, or is my point getting across?'

This is from Shapes of Love by L. V. Peñalba, a contemporary YA book (it was average overall with some typical YA melodrama, and there was some decent stuff about ace/aro identity otherwise). It’s just annoying that most aro/ace books have to make this distinction, because otherwise it’s discriminatory/gatekeeping! I think maybe the only ones that don’t are the ones that don’t explicitly state the character is aro/ace, like if it’s a fantasy that doesn’t have those terms.

it's a fantasy like anyone who loves fictional characters and date them in fiction. that's just something people like or not like. allos have fictional loves too.

or it's a delusion like anyone who believes a fictional character loves them back. no chat bot doesn't love you and you're not ace because you're delusional. Get help.

this "spectrum" is just larping.

i browse ao3 wanna see my favorite interests and then its 99% either smut or romance andthere's no easy way to block all tags of that kind so im just reading lists of kinks and going Oh jesus no ptsd flashbacks over and over because no website has a simple "turn off porn" button that works

Above is my personal design for a flag for Asexuality. I felt the need to design one because currently there isn't actually a widely accepted flag for Actual Asexuals. (The four colour one has been colonized by the so called 'Ace-spec')

The Black Represents total lack of sexual attraction.
The White represents the contrast with Allosexuals.
The Purple is for the Uniqueness of the Asexual experience.
The O has two meanings, firstly it represents 0, as in 0 sexual attraction. It can also be interpreted as the Asexual ring (Worn on right middle finger).
The triangular pennant shape also has multisymbolism. Its reminiscent of the AVEN triangle. And also it represents how Asexuals "Don't fit into the same box" as other Sexualities (great pun I know.)

hi there :) i found this subreddit today and i feel more seen here then any other ace community i’ve ever been in.

sorry if this post is nonsensical, i’m just word vomiting a lot of pent up frustration from the last several years. if this isn’t relevant let me know and i will delete it. 🩷

what i wanted to vent about is how people who claim to be asexual ruin the concept of asexuality for the general public. it’s one thing when you’re online, but the damage to the general knowledge about asexuality is so real and severe.

i feel like everywhere i go, other asexuals are saying things like “oh well asexuals can want sex too!” or “we need representation for asexuals who want sex!” but then ALL our representation becomes like that, and you’re called a prude or ‘sex negative’ for just trying to say you’re not interested in sex at all.

like i don’t care what consenting adults do in their own time but suddenly it’s my fault for setting boundaries and not wanting to hear about every detail, it’s weird for an asexual to be sex repulsed? this has happened to me more then once in real life with regular people.

people who are genuinely just allo playing dress up in asexual spaces are ruining the reputation of the real asexual community and i’ve had enough. there is real, genuine consequences to them doing this but there’s nothing we can do about it :(