Tw// acephobia

Everytime I tell someone I’m aegosexual, the first thing out of their mouths is that I haven’t met the right person or that I don’t know this because I’m still a virgin like NOT HOW THAT WORKS PEOPLE.

Do people drive anyone else up a wall??

Do you think your type never changes from your early adolescent stages to adulthood irregardless of culture shift, the internet and lust?

i’m an asexual lesbian and realized very recently I was aego! I had no idea in the past that I was aego and just identified as ace. Pretty much all my fantasies were third person except maybe two or three?? They started out third person then switched and I really stopped seeing the people it was just shadowy figures and the sexual actions because I was aroused.

I really think I’m aego because even in these cases it wasn’t about the people, more about the actions in a fantasy that were arousing and I didn’t want to participate irl nor do i feel sexual attraction. i still felt not involved in the fantasy? i still felt disconnected in a way. I REALLY identify with the disconnection definition of aegosexuality but I’m worried this like disqualifies me. It REALLY does feel like the “disconnect between the self and object of arousal” like it’s spot on to me.

I’m also more worried because I’m a lesbian and a lot of my fantasies were m/f but i’m definitely not into men that way.

I'll be like "I want to be a small submissive furry animal creature" and the idea of that is attractive to me. Often entirely abstract feelings I can't describe to another person. and idk I'm either attracted to everyone or nobody I'm not sure which. Don't really have a great explanation sorry. Like half of me looking at my own sexuality is just abstract stuff I have to sift through that doesn't really make sense and can't be described. It's a big reason why no label has ever felt quite right to me because I can't even describe myself half the time. Sorry I don't know what this is maybe I'm just wondering if people relate

I'm a 30 year old female who has been through so much in life. I have experienced and dealt with so much, but I'm still here, and I'm resilient. But there's a part of me who still walks around asking myself what I am. I know I don't want sex, but I still like the idea of it, and I still consume erotic and sexual content. It's not that I feel alone, it's moreso that sometimes I wonder if it's just trauma that's keeping me from sex. But then I go back and I get in touch with how I feel, and whether I've been traumatized or not, I still don't want sex, and I know this deep down. I'm afraid I'm going to be single for the rest of my life as well, but that's a whole other subject lol. I just want to ask you all how did you know? and when did you become confident that you were Aegosexual for sure? I just feel so lost with who I am sometimes, and I just need someone to talk to about all of this.

i’ve identified as sex-repulsed asexual for a while now, but i’ve always felt so gross for liking smut and fantasizing about my characters since i didn’t feel like i was “repulsed” enough.

was doing some research on acespec identities for a character i’m writing and stumbled across this sexuality and it just clicked for me immediately. it feels so good to know that i’m valid in my feelings towards sex and that there are other people like me :)

Huh. This is news for me! I really enjoy reading books with spicy scenes (most of my books are romance and have spicy scenes but aren’t completely smut) and I enjoy them a lot and for the longest time, i genuinely thought I was asexual until I looked up this term and now I realize this may fit me better

I remember joining a group of like 10k members then suddenly it's gone?? 😭😭😭

I discovered the term aegosexual about a year or so, and still identify myself as panromantic x aegosexual now. But as time moved on I kinda start to wonder is it more likely that I've spent twenty years on earth without ever meeting a single person I'm romantically attracted to, or is it more likely I'm aroace?

Sometimes I find it funny how I scour around every asexual-related forum reading others stories, going thru them one by one, checking off everything I relate to.... I know exactly how I am like, yet I keep seeking validation to convince myself that I'm a norm and totally relatable. Why is my subconscious so uneasy?
I'd really like to hear someone out. I so confused.

(sry for wording mistakes English isn't my first language)

I've identified with the term aegosexual for about a year or two now, but I've recently wondered if part of what I experience actually falls under the term or if there's a better term for what I experience?

Unlike what I see in most explanations, I do occasionally fantasise of being in the scenario. However, I can't ever pictured/imagine a specific relationship or person whatever that would be involved in that alongside me? It's just a vauge anonymous other figure. (I apologize if that makes no sense, I don't get it either </3) I also can't imagine ACTUALLY doing those things, like it's strictly a fantasy.

Does that still classify as aego? Or is it like- another thing?

Thanks y'all I'm struggling </3

Aegosexuality is:
like enjoying thinking about mangoes, with mango px as your phone's background, while being allergic to the real thing and not in love with the taste either.

I just had a conversation with friends (we're all women, straight as far as I'm aego) and one of them told us about a sexy guy she saw today at the swimming pool. She talked about his general appearance, his musculature, etc, nothing special - until she went on and said he had a nice bump in his pants. She and the other girls all reacted or commented stuff like it was part of his sexiness and I felt SO asexual at that moment 😅 Like... I have great fantasies, but private parts are just... Ugly and icky and kinda dumb to me. Even when I'm eyeing my partner (I'm demi too), that's not a part of his body that I desire or find attractive. Before discovering I was ace and specifically aego, I always assumed people talking about private parts in such terms were in the realm of crude jokes, you know ? Now I'm confused, does it really attract / arouse them ?

im feeling like shit atm. My bestie just got into a relationship and im happy for her but i always find it hard to adjust to the new dynamic. Whenever she starts dating someone, every damn time i will spend hours upon hours on dating apps, frantically trying to find a partner. Almost to prove im not a loner or something. Idk i just feel shitty because i want a qpr so i have that connection with someone and i wish i wasnt so bothered by my friends being in relationships.

Like tonight was a solar eclipse which i watched alone, then saw my bestie watching it with her new gf. It just makes me feel like i need to find my person

I hope some of you understand how im feeling. Its hard to put into words. Would love to chat to some fellow aegos

I’m an agender person 32 and I found out after talking to my friend that I maybe this. It fits. I don’t know what to do, but I feel happiest when other people find love or get intimate, I don’t believe in the sanctity of marriage, and I’ve come to realize when I went on a date the other day, that I was bored. Like the whole romance thing actually happening isn’t for me. Unless it’s me marrying myself. My friend told me about this and I honestly think it fits. I’m 32 and have been all over the place, and honestly I’ve come to plant my roots here and be okay with it. I hope thought I don’t have any now I can ask more questions in the future. But I feel this is where I belong. It makes sense. I’m 32 and just realizing it. I feel old.

Have any of you seen this movie yet? I am desperate to debrief with someone about it.

Camp Miasma captures perfectly, in my opinion, what erotic pleasure looks like for me as an asexual. First and foremost, Kris, the protagonist, experiences immense pleasure from non-sexual acts. Fried chicken and gummy candy are featured early on as sources of non-sexual pleasure, as is Kris’ obsession with the horror genre and specifically the camp-y slasher movie “Camp Miasma.” I couldn’t help but think of how the ace community has embraced garlic bread, cake, etc… as symbols because we derive pleasure from so many parts of life that allos take for granted.

I am so shocked that more people aren’t talking about this movie through an asexual lens because there were so many moments that echoed my own struggles and experiences. Kris struggles with self-hatred over her difficulties with partnered sex and feels shame that her “sexual” fantasies aren’t sexual in nature at all, but instead involve the desire to experience the thrill of running for her life as the final girl in a slasher movie.

She develops a romantic and sexual relationship with Billy, the star of the original “Camp Miasma” movie. They bond over their love of the film as well as their difficulties with sex (imo due to both experiencing compulsory sexuality that made them feel like they “had” to have sex “to be normal”— this has resulted in Billy becoming a recluse to resist further compulsory sexuality pressure after a sexually traumatic experience and Kris agreeing to a relationship structure she doesn’t want because she doesn’t feel like she could be “enough” for a partner due to her issues with sex). During these vulnerable conversations, Billy shares with Kris that she has figured out how to orgasm during partnered sex through disembodiment. She pictures herself as the final girl, killer, and audience of “Camp Miasma,” letting the fantasy play out like a movie with cuts to various POVs. The disembodied fantasy helps her become aroused enough to orgasm— it’s so aego coded (!), but I haven’t been able to find any articles or reviews interpreting it that way.

I felt so seen by Billy’s affirming and understanding response to Kris’ confession about their insecurities around sex and their unconventional fantasies. The movie even represents the question of “why” in an ace-affirming way— it acknowledges that sexual trauma, gender dysphoria, or internalized homophobia may have contributed to the lack of sexual attraction that the characters experience, but that is never expressed in a way that diminishes or invalidates their present experience of asexuality. It is also never presented as something to be fixed or changed. It just ~is~ and the conclusion is a self-accepting resolve to embrace who they are even if it doesn’t make sense to the allonormative world around them. They will experience joy and pleasure and eroticism in every and any form imaginable, whether it be through eating saucy fried chicken, buying every gummy candy product in existence, re-watching their special interest movie numerous times, immersing themselves in their art, or role playing their kinky slasher fantasies. All of these moments of pleasure are erotic but none of them cater to allosexual norms.

The film ends with the characters embracing the kinky sensuality/eroticism that works for them, whether it be through cuddling atop a bed of candy wrappers or soaked in blood after slasher role play. I left the theater thinking “this movie is horny in the most asexual way possible.” It captures perfectly what it feels like to enjoy sex as a concept, to even experience arousal and a desire to orgasm, but having that sexuality be “self-contained” (to quote the asexual manifesto) rather than tied to a specific sexual act or sexual attraction to a specific person.

Since I realized I was asexual, I’ve really struggled to accept myself. I’ve felt rejected and misunderstood in ways I’ll be healing from for a long time. This movie reminded me that being ace is cool as fuck because anything can be erotic when you aren’t limited by something as mundane as sexual attraction.

Anyway, I’d highly recommend this movie! It was excellent. I’d also love to hear if anyone else had similar thoughts/reactions to viewing the movie from an ace perspective.

30F and I’ve never had an irl relationship. I've only ever been in LDR. I'm an aego aroace because the thought of actually being intimate with someone irl makes me feel completely sick and disgusted. I think I only enjoyed LDRs because everything stayed in the imagination, without having to do it irl. Lately, I don't even want LDRs anymore and I now hate the thoughts of having an intimate feelings for someone irl. I'm perfectly happy gaming, watching anime, and reading novels and manhwa. I only ever feel romantic and sexual feelings towards fiction. Like handsome fictional characters and when reading 18+ manhwa/novel contents.

I honestly don't know where I fit in. I know I'm not "normal" because family and close friends can't relate and a few have said "that's weird". Like, they can't wrap their heads around the concept of not wanting to have sex with anyone. I live in a very progressive city where there is a strong LGBTQ+ community - half of my rental complex is LGBTQ. I wouldn't really fall under the Q, because I know I'm straight. I don't feel accepted by the community here - some people I've known and talked with get annoyed with me thinking I might be part of this community.

I have no problem with watching or visualizing sex. I get aroused by it - but not in real life, like being around people who are kissing or having sex. Being around people kissing is just "ick". I hate being involved in sex - it's just been something that felt like I had to do/was expected to do in past relationships. It's just gross to me. I don't mind holding/cuddling with someone when we're mostly naked (I don't like exposed genitals. That turns me off. I don't like touching/being touched in genital areas.)

When it comes to attraction in life - I can find someone extremely cute, but not "hot" or "sexy". Someone could be extremely cute to me, but if I had the chance - I'd never want to have sex with them. It's just gross - smell, body fluid mixing - including kissing. I am straight though, because I've never had any attraction/interest in other males and I do watch straight porn with no interest in the men. I enjoy the human form and movements though - of any sex, but with something covering genitals. Like live performances - burlesque is neat because it's a performance/routine, but going to a strip club I have completely no interest in at all. In a relationship, if a partner tries to be "sexy" naked for me - if anything it turns me off.

I generally do not feel "romantic" attractions to people - but I do become attracted to people I've known for a long time (sometimes it takes years).

My last relationship was for 15 years, and we probably had sex less than 20 times - we were emotionally/mentally attached. We were rarely romantic with each other though. Romance was just kind of meh.

This is not trauma induced. I've always felt this way. I know I'm on a sex-repulsed spectrum of some sort. It seems like there are traits from both Asexuality and Aegosexuality.

If age makes any difference on perspective, I'm 50. What are your thoughts?