looking for advice

[u/CuteChaff_3503]

I've been in many relationships in my life (i'm 23 afab) and each one I just said yes when they asked me out as I thought that was right thing to do (going through a autism assessment as I write this and heard about masking to fit in so it could be that? but I don't know) whenever I was in the relationship I didn't really know how to feel or what to do, I just did what I saw online or people do around me, like gift giving, flowers and other things depside being asexual. When they broke up with me, I didn't really feel much. Just like, ok cool. I was slightly upset as I'm a sensitive person but was like ok. while the other was either crying. I have thought I was aromantic a long time ago when I was younger but then found myself melting at women, whenever I thought about being in a relationship with the said person I just couldn't see anything. which has made me thinking maybe I am aroace just don't want to admit the aromantic side of me.

[u/clarafication4]

I do have to say first that the only one who can tell you if you're aromantic/aroace is yourself, but, from some of the experiences you've shared here, it can definitely be an explanation. I personally haven't been in any relationships, but i have that same 'i don't mind whatever happens' feeling.

as for the 'don't want to admit' part, you are definitely not alone. a lot of people on both the aromantic and/or asexual spectrums experience this. i mean, when society tells you from a young age that romantic relationships are all that matters, and that love is what makes us human, when you don't experience love in those same ways, it can be really hard (speaking from experience). its really important to remember, though, that there are many types of attraction, and just because you don't experience one, that doesn't mean anything negative (unlike what some people believe it is).

and for the autism part, that could also have an impact. one of my close friends is autistic so i can see similaries in the not knowing what to do part. but i can also understand that form an aroace perspective too.

what helped me with figuring myself out was to look at different lables under the umbrella. this isn't for everyone, but it helped me a lot! sorry if this isn't very helpful, i'm happy to answer any questions if you have!!

[u/CuteChaff_3503 → u/clarafication4]

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this, it has helped ease my mind and I’ll have a look at the different labels that come under it too

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