r/aromantic sucks so im gonna try to post here

but first i think some context would be nice so here

As a kid I was mainly friends with girls and never really played with boys, and throughout the entirety of elementary and middle school I never really thought of it as anything past that. I didn't have crushes, really. Now, nearing the end of middle school and the switch into high school there was definitely more of a focus on romantic relationships and having crushes, which I felt was really weird?? Like my friends would talk about girls they wanted to be with and stuff and it never really resonated with me at all. I could understand loving a person, of course, but I couldn't distinguish platonic love from romantic love at all. It just didn't seem like something interesting or significant. I loved my friends, and I loved my family. Having a "different" love for someone seemed illogical. Even today I don't understand the distinction nor does it make sense to me like.. where's the line? how can you differentiate it?? its so stupid im sorry

and i also think its important to mention the two most recent relationships just before my current one

both of them were absolute trainwrecks. i handled them terribly. not gonna sugarcoat it at all.. the first one was early 2025 and barely lasted a month. nothing stuck to the wall and we ultimately decided to stay friends since nothing was super bad and we just didnt click. about a month or two later in the summer, i was talking to this guy and i was really hoping something could change. he was the first guy i had dated, too; my thought process was just, "maybe i just don't like women". this relationship actually ended even quicker because it had gone much too fast for my liking and i needed him to slow down, which he took as an insult.. after that i had a good few months by myself before i met my boyfriend

(the ending of this gets a bit sad i warn. didnt mean for it but i really feel super bad about this)

we started talking in august and i cant really remember much other than him getting defensive over my ex trying to get back into contact with me. now thinking back to this, i have no clue why he (current bf) did that, since we weren't even together at this point. we were both super hesitant to go forward. for me, it was mainly because i thought that the slower the better; maybe i needed to get to know people better and then i'd fall in love, type stuff. we got together in november and i did end up going to a psych ward later that month due to unrelated stuff. fast forward to us meeting again around christmas and it wasnt really the same. i was a bit distant and i will admit that he didnt desrve that. we still met constantly but kept our distance (no contact). i never really aimed to hold his hand or lean on him or say anything smoochy because even if i did that he would push back. we didnt do a whole lot during the summer but he did mention that he wanted to kiss me sometime during a little date we had in july, even though it didn't feel like he wanted to do that at all. that was the one thing that really made me feel something (him admitting he wanted to kiss me) but the hesitance was just really annoying. it feels like we both dont really know what we want, me especially. and after a good while of thinking about it im confident that im aro. i just cant see myself in romantic relationships anymore. it never works out and i never really got the point, im just accepting it now.

the issue arises as i dont know whether or not to tell my boyfriend because i'd feel really bad letting him on or wtv, but at the same time i just dont feel like there's anything at all. its dreadful. how do i even go across saying this? it's not like i don't love him. i do. he's an amazing awesome guy and super funny but romantic love just doesnt make any sense for me. im worried he might think it was his fault! i just want to get this over with respectfully and without ruining our friendship. i feel so bad for even dragging it this long dude. not a fun situation at all

I genuinely hate not knowing how I feel about someone like I'm making this plush based on a brand this guy really likes and I don't mind the thought of calling him corny little nicknames and he made me this little spjser for my birthday that I love sm and keep by me constantly but he's my coworker and we both went to the same high school together and are in the same friend group so I see him practically all the time 😭. I also dont know if some of the factor could also be that one of my other coworker's obsessed with shipping us and saying we would be cute and such. I genuinely don't know what to do I hate this sm why can't my brain understand what it feels

No one has to reply to this, really. I just want to get my thoughts out and I thought here would be good?

I, 18F, have put a label to my aromanticism for about five years by now. I have no interest in being someone‘s ”partner“ or “girlfriend“ and never really been “in love“ in any typical descriptors. But three years ago, I met this wonderful person online. We have yet to meet in person, but that doesn’t matter since we learn to know each other over text and talk about our days and the like. There is something about them I adore with my whole heart, who they are as a person and their views on life and their absolute dedication. We have been going along as labeled best friends for around six months by now, since that was when we actually put that label to what we were. they are special to me and I am special to them. In fact, today they asked me to be in a qpr with them, and I accepted. Because I love them.

And I do love them so, but I had felt guilt over that, because I’ve had a best friend for nine years that was not them before this, and I almost feel as if I’m replacing them. I feel guilty because if I logically were to be in a qpr with anyone, it should be my long-since best friend and not someone I’ve known for a third of that time.

I love both of them and want the best for them both, but I…apparently love one more than the other?? That’s how I see it. I’m certainly not *telling* this to my nine-years best friend, because neither of them even know that the other one exists.

(And. in addition to all this that is less important. my Qpr buddy is younger than me by one or two years. I KNOW we’ve been sappy with each other before, but for some reason the idea of a Qpr being “halfway between platonic and romantic“ feels iffy to me. They‘re a minor. I don’t know. I am not dating them. I know that well enough. Nothing about the nature of our relationship changed. I don’t know why a dumb label is making me feel slightly ill.)

This whole thing is a mess, and I don’t know who else to talk to about it.

i would like to start this apologizing for my english, i'm not a native speaker so it can be bad. sorry. also, sorry if this is triggering for someone. i'm not really sure if this can be, if you feel uncomfortable with my post you can tell me, really.

i'm only writing this because i don't have any friend who shares this feeling, and i can't vent with anybody, so i thought maybe here someone can understand me and help me.

for some years now i've come to the conclusion that i am, in fact, aromantic. i tried to deny this fact for some time, but now it's impossible. sometimes it's easy to deal with it, sometimes it's ideal, some days i feel like this is who i am and i'm okay with it. but sometimes, when a friend of mine talks about their experiences or says they've been seeing someone, i feel so empty. i feel wrong for not being able to even like someone, and i feel like i'm missing out, and it's SO frustrating. it's even worse because since i was a child i've been super obssessed with the idea of romance and i've always read love stories (to this day, is what i like doing the most), and i've always felt wrong for not being able to feel this romantic love that everybody seems to feel so much; it pains me when i feel like i hate who i am.

sometimes i like to trick myself into thinking if someone liked me i for sure would like them back! but i just know it's not that easy. there's this friend of mine who i've kissed twice (i don't even know why i did that) and i used to be kinda of interested in them a while back, but they said they wanted to try dating me and i just felt so uncomfortable with the idea. i always thought that if they gave me a chance i would for sure date them, but when they showed a little bit of interest in me i freaked out. just the idea of kissing them in a romantic way made extremely uncomfortable and i just wish it didn't! i wish i could like them for real, i wish i could date them. i wish i could love anyone.

maybe this feels just confusing, i'm sorry if isn't making any sense. maybe i'm just stupid, i don't know. if you don't understand, just ignore me, it's okay, really. i just felt like i really needed to get this off my chest.

i need help guys.
growing up i (21 FTM) never developed crushes on people and never felt a draw into dating or relationships that most of my peers had. it just never interested me
i did enjoy masterbating as a kid and still do today but only a slight desire to have sex with other people

at 20 i decided to try online dating and started talking to some people. i found a lovely girl that i have a lot in common with and i enjoy being around her. we've been dating for 3 weeks now and started talking about 2 months ago.
she is suuuper into me and complements everything about me. i just can't seem to match her unfortunately.

we've had sex a handful of times and i don't mind it. it's not something i need in a relationship i don't think but it's still fun.

now what im struggling with the most is not knowing if im unable to have that deeper romantic connection with people or if it just takes me more time

it's unfair to her if i cant rly like her or fall in love with her.
i just need advice if anyone has been through this or has opinions to share. it's been causing me a lot of anxiety and atp i wanna just end things but idk if i should or not

thanks for reading

I'm not exactly sure why I'm writing this, post maybe to see if someone can relate or just to screem my frustation into the ether. Anyway I am 28 and never have been in love or had a crush so I have been wondering if I'm even able to feel love. The problem is I also have the desire for intimacy like beeing close to somone or kissing, which I have never done so far. I want to experience those things in a relationship so one night stands or friends with benefits is out of the question for me. To be clear I think it is perfectly fine to have those, I just think they aren't for me.

I've been falling down the rabbit hole of being aromantic/cupioromantic and I think that describes my situation, not feeling romantic attraction, which with my very limited experience I would say is more or less the same as being in love, but still wanting a romantic relationship. The thing is I'm really shy and introverted, so aproaching people I don't konw, sometimes even people I do know, is really hard so I don't really do that. I tried Dating Apps but stopped because they just made me depressed.

So now I'm in this situation there I'm potantially just not able to love somone but I also want a relationship. So I need to find someone who is ok with me potentially not "really" loving them as somone who sucks at aproaching people. It just feels utterly demoralizing.

Anyway I hope all this made sense to you, thanks for listening to my ranting and stay hydrated.

I’m not sure I’ve been researching the term aromantic and I’ve realized I’ve never actually had a crush or understood romantic feeling despite that being one of the things I craved in life since I could form thoughts.

I’ve always valued friendship over anything romantic, I think I only wanted romance because I craved and glamorized the attention of somebody or being cared for on a deeper level. I think that’s the case because I want people to think of me romantically and consider me something they want but I never thought of how things are on my my end or how I would feel in a relationship. And then I realized that I I’ve never had a crush or understood it, I watched people love each other but I cared more about the idea of love and caring rather than the reality of it.

I can find people attractive but I find a lot of my friends attractive does that mean I’m into all my friends. I can’t tell the difference between platonic love and romantic love l, like what’s the difference. I’m pretty sure I’m not asexual and I’m attracted to all genders but idk.

Plus the idea of being in a relationship sounds exhausting but I still hate that I might be unable to understand loving someone romantically like that. I already know I wouldn’t be a great person to date, not anything specific but more that if I stay around someone too long i will get irritated easily and annoyed by them and I’m also pretty confused by the idea of romantic love and I would break up too easily because I’m just not attached like that . Matter of fact loving someone just seems like a business affair like ok meeet this person find them attractive, date, get married etc. Idk just confusing.

But I’m still very confused I’m pretty young . Im just here putting what’s on my mind maybe someone will understand what I’m trying to say. I’m not sure I necessarily aromantic but I just thought that maybe other ppl felt this way. I’m still new with the term.

i honestly amn't sure if im aro yet but i don't feel "love" like other people do i just want to hang with my pookies

but anyway I AM SO TIRED OF PEOPLE ASKING ME IF I HAVE A CRUSH BEFORE THEY ASK ME HOW MY DAY WAS

like perchance not all of us get crushes. perchance my life does not revolve around how horrible it is to be single. perchance i just want naps and snacks cause my day was horrible and you made it worse.

i dont know what i am or why i am the way that i am

but im so tired of my friends. all of them are demi/gray/ace but i can't come out to them.

my best friend is firmly ace but won't listen when i tell them that i am not interested in romance or seggs. in fact, they've started rumors in our group that i am just dying because i can't stand being single and i can't stand not having seggs with anyone because im single. i guess they assume that because i am religously celibate i hate being celibate and i hate being single?

i've never felt "love". i don't really care. i don't want a significant other beyond wanting someone who will give me attention and accept my crochet frogs.

i'm so tired of having to play a role with my friends because they won't accept me.

i wish i was normal.

I'm likely aro (just found out), at the end of a difficult romantic 8 year marriage, father of two kids, not sure how to not resent being aro for ruining my marriage, family, life. Scared to start over with nothing in my mid thirties. And more scared to try again.

Hey, i dont even know wether i should post this here or not. I dont know whether im aro or not, i never rlly wanted to define it cos i wanna experience al that romantic stuff, but im js not capable of it. I js dont work that way, and it makes me sad. I wanna experience all that warm gushy bs that one experiences when they fall in love and even the heart breaks and struggles that could come up. But i js dont wokr that way. Ive tried. And i cant accept it, it makes me feel miserable and sad. Extremely sad. I could go on and on ab this, but i wont. Doe anyone else go through such thing? Am i aro or not? How to overcome feeling this way?

I feel like this situation is so specific I genuinely don’t know where else to go, and im not sure what the automods on other arospec subreddits are picking up.

I need advice on a friend and former qpp who recently came out as lithromantic, or at least that they’re trying on the label. And I know it’s selfish of me to think this but I’m worried I’ll lose them as a friend soon bc I feel like I had done something wrong by being too clingy during the relationship (when they hadn’t labeled themselves as lithromantic and called themselves aspec, I was open about what I believed myself to be, demisexual), and I feel like I’m really obsessing over it. I had always told them openly and fairly frequently during the relationship about liking them and potentially trying out romantic things. They had mentioned when we were in a qpr that they thought I was way more needy emotionally than them. I had believed myself to like them with both their positives and their faults, and I always did my best to pull back if something I did made them uncomfortable. When they ended the relationship I wanted to know if I did something super wrong, as I don’t really have the best confidence in myself. They told me I’m overthinking it and still want to be friends the same way we had been and wanted nothing to change besides being in a relationship. But whether because of our busy schedules or them being repulsed by me, I keep worrying that asking them about why the relationship ended may have pushed them away further.

I want to understand more about them but it seems like they don’t want to talk to me and I'm devastated that I may have just ruined a years-long friendship by having feelings. I had always thought of them as my closest friend even when we were in a qpr (though I found out after the breakup that they had been precariously planning their future to be with a friend they had known longer, had more daily contact with before, and who they were sure didnt see them as their closest friend. These plans solidified before they decided to end the relationship, which did badly for my confidence or my belief in whether they even considered my feelings in the first place), and I know myself I wouldn’t have tried anything romantic without thoroughly talking about it to them (this was also my first relationship, after all) but I’m worried they ended up getting the wrong impression.

Am I being too dramatic about this and is there any way to communicate to save the friendship? They are a really polite person and my impression is that they tend to be nice out of obligation, so I wish to avoid pressuring them into consoling me instead of just biting the bullet and ending it if they really want to.

Well, i was a fool not knowing that I can't use the words delusional or delulu. I tried and failed, so I had to write my text differently and now it just looks weird. Why is "delusional" such a big deal wth

Hey, using a throwaway because my main has connections to other accounts and I want this to stay mostly separate.

So, here's the story. 2023 was going well for me, but I had to change schools. I ended up starting at my new school in 2024 after waiting for the previous school year to finish. Around mid-January, I met this guy, let's call him Paul. Paul was genuinely a nice person. We clicked instantly, talking every day at lunch about games, personal interests, random stuff. He was that one friend I had been looking for my whole life. Sure, he wasn't perfect, sometimes he could be really annoying, insist on things he was clearly wrong about, but overall, I really enjoyed his company.

Fast forward to 2025. Some new students joined our class, which meant Paul and I were split into different groups. I thought it wouldn't be a big deal since we usually talked during lunch anyway. One of the new students was Olivia, a girl I already knew from my old school in 2023. She was nice, friendly, the kind of person you'd naturally get along with.

Now here's where things got tricky. Paul was at that point where he seemed desperate for a girlfriend. But not desperate in a frustrated way, more like a grind. He treated getting a girlfriend like a checklist: if someone rejected him, he just moved on to the next person, no big deal, no emotions involved. It wasn't about connection or love, it was about getting a "yes" so he could add the "Taken" badge to his social profile and look like a "cool kid." When Olivia said "yes," suddenly they were a couple.

At first, I tried to just let it be. I didn't expect him to ignore his girlfriend, obviously. But then the school event happened, and things that were normally fun, we'd talk, joke, comment on what was happening around us, suddenly felt wrong. Paul didn't leave Olivia's side for a single second. I tried calling him, waving, even jokingly nudging for attention, but nothing worked. My friend, the person who had been my closest companion for over a year, had essentially "dumped" me in favor of someone he had only known for a couple of weeks.

I was pissed. I felt invisible. I felt like our entire friendship, everything we had built, had been thrown aside for the superficial excitement of a new romantic connection. I didn't react immediately. I waited until Olivia left, and then when Paul tried to approach me, I just ignored him. I didn't yell, didn't make a scene. I just acted like he wasn't there. And honestly? It still hurt.

Being aromantic, this situation hit differently than it might for someone else. I don't feel the romantic pull that dominates most people's friendships and social hierarchies. Seeing Paul completely abandon our friendship for a relationship that was essentially a grind, one that involved no real depth or history, was frustrating and alienating. I get that he is allowed to focus on his girlfriend. I'm not entitled to his attention. But the sheer casualness with which he replaced a year-long friendship with a superficial romance made me feel unseen in a way I am used to, but never when it comes to someone I actually care about.

I don't know if I overreacted by pretending he wasn't there. Part of me wonders if I should have confronted him, told him how hurt I was. But another part of me just wanted to retreat, protect myself from the emotional sting of watching someone I cared about prioritize romance over friendship.

Anyway, that's where I'm at. Still trying to processing the hurt, still trying to figure out how to navigate friendships when romance gets thrown into the mix. Did I do the right thing by stepping back, or should I have tried to force him to notice me again?

Aromantic, hi. I had a girlfriend and i think I was just seeing it as a friendship. It was so awkward. Breaking up with her, I mean. At first, I left it short and sweet, asking to still be friends, and leaving it open to questions. Then she threatened to harm herself, which overwhelmed me. I was trying to be nice, but I really wanted out after that. I didn't cry. I didn't sleep. I just laid awake. When she replied, she said she was only kidding and she never did any of that. I couldn't lie to her, so I explained why. (she was TOO mean to her mom. Not just attitude, but yelling at her) So I kinda just did weekly check-ins after that.

This is a burner account just for asking this question. I used to be friends with a girl. I considered her my best friend, but she told me, multiple times, that she was in love with me, and wanted more from me. She even told me I accidentally flirt with her, which looking back might be true, but I told her I'm aroace, and never meant to do so since I saw her as a sister. We've been friends for 2 years, and talked every day for hours. We shared virtually everything with each other, and helped one another through everything. Her parents aren't exactly present for her so she saw even more confort in me, to the point she asked for hugs (which I did give) while being cautious it doesn't make me uncomfortable. She was extremely cautious with the fact I'm aroace, but still hoped that I actually fell for her but haven't realized it yet, and honestly I hoped so too. She said she doesn't want to talk anymore at all (we had an argument about that, and safe to say she could not be swayed at all) just before I moved to another country, alone for the first time ever, for a master's in a top university that far far surpasses our old one. Since I'm living alone for the first time, I miss her (told her so), or at least having a connection that felt like home. Is it normal to feel this way, or was I wrong for saying I don't love her in a romantic way ? I never felt my heart race around her, nor did I ever feel what she described when she saw me, nor did I ever want to hug. She just felt like the only person I could spend the rest of my life with, but only because being alone forever would hurt. I also knew she loved for who I was because every guy at uni has a crush on her, and yet she chose me (I don't stand out, at all). Was I right in not convincing myself that I fell for her. I even feel wrong typing this message because I wasted time instead of studying

I've been in a relationship with his for a while. I'm open about being quoiromantic and he's okay with it and accepts it. It's just that, whenever I get him flustered or he tells me that he loves me, I go "why can't I feel like that. What does it feel like-?" He describes it as being safe and like, warm. Whenever I react or get "flustered" I hide but don't feel anything. Not like what he describes anyway- It kinda hurts tbh. I hope I change. I hope I'll be able to love him the same way he does. But for now. It just... hurts.

I will never go to community college because everyone there ONLY cares about their partners and dating and nothing else. I will be miserable and bitter there CONSTANTLY hearing about everyone’s partners and seeing them be affectionate and everyone else having them but me and assuming that I want one when every single person there is a massive jerk so I just stay home all day where it is safe

This was removed in the main sub so.

In another subreddit about relationships with fictional characters I’m in, there have been SEVERAL posts that start off with “ok first of all I have an irl partner i love them so much im deeply devoted to them i love them more than any fictional character!!!!!!”

Every time I see a post like that I die inside, I want to crawl out of my skin, I want to shove myself into a hole and hide. Why even bother if NOTHING will ever amount to an irl partner even when people are so mean and rude and disgusting and all the men my age are Edgars who only care about shoving the fact that they “get bitches” into everyone’s faces by not keeping his hands off of her. Those are the people im surrounded with.

I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve cried and lost sleep and had dark thoughts over it, like nothing I do ever matters and my entire life is falling apart. My life has been ruined because of amatonomativity. I will never be social, I will never have friends or connect with people, I will never leave my house, I’ve lost so many people because I get physically ill whenever they tell me they have an irl partner.

I don’t know what to do anymore

I am pretty sure I'm aromantic, even with how much I wanna deny it, and have had a difficult time accepting this part of myself. The action of cuddling, hand holding, sweet talk dont digust me unless it's said in what one might consider romantic context. Like I just can't do it. I have been in multiple relationships with both genders, close friends and others, and I just feel I can act like I'm their partner until we have the label, suddenly I have this horrible feeling in my stomach. I think it's cause now I bear more responsibility over their wellbeing, but idk. Also I dont understand the idea of Possessiveness or jealousy, like if they loved you they won't cheat and if they do then that's that you shouldn't hold a leash on them if they don't want it, but I guess people find that endearing... atp I'm just ranting, but I feel so trapped.