r/askfuneraldirectors • u/TinderSubThrowAway • 5d ago

Cremation Discussion Question about commingling ashes…

How common is it for small children in the same family who happened to die at the same time to be commingled after cremation?

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u/Monocultured_YT Family Service Counselor 5d ago

Unfortunately that's hard to answer because that's not a common scenario. Commingled in the sense that the family chose to put the remains together, or commingled in the sense that the funeral home put the remains together? One of those scenarios is very illegal without express permission from the family.

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u/TinderSubThrowAway 5d ago

In the sense that the family(or at least the 1 person organizing it) chose to put them together.

Just curious because I heard about it recently happening in a semi-high profile instance and it seems kind of weird that it was done.

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u/Monocultured_YT Family Service Counselor 5d ago

I'm gonna guess this is related to the Clancy trial then?

To be honest, despite that being an unusual situation, choosing to commingle remains is not an unusual way to go about that imo. If you are indeed referring to the Clancy children, I can't find anything with a quick Google saying that their remains were commingled into the same urn, but what I can see if that they share a niche space, which very well could have 3 separate urns inside of it. I could be wrong about that though.

That being said, I see married couples request that their remains be commingled, so it's not a stretch in my opinion to commingle siblings.

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u/purplepengwee 5d ago edited 5d ago

My uncles’ ashes (2 adult brothers) were buried together in one urn. The first uncle to pass was cremated and the other brother kept his ashes. When the second brother died he also was cremated and their surviving siblings chose to have their ashes buried together. I’m not sure if the ashes inside are separate or mixed up but there was only one urn.

Edit to add they also share a headstone

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u/Hot-Bunch-9432 5d ago

As a mother who has lost two children I completely agree with you when and if I ever find out what I got is actually my oldest son in March I will most definitely put him with his little brother and my baby sister. It is quite common for married couples are for a mother to want her child put in with her etc it just depends on the family's Dynamics