r/aspergers • u/peacefulpolkadot • 1d ago
Feeling Sub-Human
I don’t know how to cope with this feeling anymore of being completely detached from neurotypical humanity. I cannot leave the house without being laughed at or having comments about the way I walk/speak. It’s so incredibly draining and it makes me feel like I’m sort of below humanity and treated like a creature. I have a part time hospitality job and every single time I serve a table I can always see the look on their face, the grins and look of intrigue into my mannerisms it just makes me feel awful.
Do other people relate? How do I accept that I will be laughed at for the rest of my life just for who I am?
17
u/West_Application5720 1d ago
That constant feeling of being watched and picked apart is exhausting. I don't think you need to accept being laughed at forever though, some people are just immature and the hospitality crowd can be brutal for anyone who stands out even slightly. The "creature" feeling really sticks with me, like you're on display in a zoo while everyone else gets to be human.
What helped me was finding one or two regulars or coworkers who don't do that look. They exist but they're easy to miss when you're scanning every face for the grin. You're not below anyone, you're just stuck in a job where people feel entitled to react to you like you're not there.
2
9
4
u/snape220 1d ago
I relate big time. I am so sorry you also experience this. I am constantly working on caring less, but it is so so hard. Nowadays I am almost completely isolated, largely due to the agoraphobia that comes with this experience.
3
2
u/GabeDH 23h ago
I was an English teacher and every manager I had told me they were delighted with my service, but I quit on 2 separate occasions on 2 separate language schools. Teaching is a social activity so it's a bad fit for me. It doesn't matter if I'm good at it or not, I must protect myself because I'm diagnosed with ASD 1. My advice is going to absolutely suck, but I think it is true: You must find a way to protect yourself. You don't have to go through any of this. Look for another role within that company that doesn't involve serving tables.
Yes, you can go to therapy or train yourself mentally to ignore this, but you don't have to. Not every battle is worth fighting. I am now applying for an office job and if I do end up getting it, I think it's gonna be healthier for me than teaching. I hope you find a way to make a living that doesn't make you feel like this.
-2
u/Elemteearkay 1d ago
Do the people you are interacting with know you are disabled, or are you just leaving them guessing?
Many innocent autism traits would be considered indicators of problematic behaviours/ill intent if exhibited by NTs, so if people don't know that there is a harmless, legitimate explanation, they might react unfavourably.
Does your employer know you are disabled? What accommodations are you receiving from them? What legal protections are afforded to disabled workers where you live?
Are you accessing therapy?
12
u/ZetaKriepZ 23h ago
Idk because not all places are forgiving of neurodivergence either. It is also a death sentence if you ever disclose to them about it.
Explains the 80% unemployment rate claims of us NDs in some researches and these ND subs.
-4
u/Elemteearkay 23h ago
I wasn't asking you, I was asking OP.
Please don't undermine my efforts to help them, and please don't try to trick them out of accessing support with this fear mongering.
7
u/ZetaKriepZ 23h ago
That was never my intention of my comment. I was commenting the reality of disclosing it.
Not all NTs are understanding of neurodivergence, but yes OP needs support and therapy. I have been there myself.
So even with circumstances like this, OP can still find a way through their rut.
-4
u/Elemteearkay 23h ago edited 23h ago
Your perception of reality =/= the actual state of all reality.
Please cease this fear mongering. Stop harassing me.
7
u/GabeDH 23h ago
Years and years of being corrected and gaslighted can make a person feel like any criticism is rejection or harassment, when it really isn't. So your feeling is real, but it doesn't have to control all of you. Even my unwanted reply can feel like harassment to you, when it is not meant to be that. Feelings are real but they can also be called into question...
5
u/No-Needleworker-7459 16h ago
This user is a troll, he comments the same thing on every thread here. Best to ignore him
12
u/SunriseSurprise 1d ago
That exact word I used to describe the feeling when I was a teen. I don't think anyone off the spectrum has any idea what that feeling is really like. It's like you don't deserve to want, to have feelings, to aspire. Just seeing the title of this brought me back to then and it honestly felt worse than death. And most of my adult life I've felt like a fish out of water.