I’m 20, and I’ve been very introspective for as long as I can remember. Even as a teenager, I was always interested in consciousness, philosophy, psychology, and trying to understand why we are the way we are.
Earlier this year, I uncovered something very painful from my childhood almost entirely on my own, just by putting the pieces together. It was a traumatic experience that I eventually realized had been affecting my relationships with men for years.

For the next seven months, I went through a really difficult period of healing. The trauma manifested itself very strongly through my body and psychosomatic symptoms. I spent those months trying to understand what was happening to me, work through the trauma, and finally stop repeating the same patterns. It was incredibly difficult, but about a month ago, I finally felt like it was over — like I had actually made it out of that cycle.

Something changed in me during those months. I became much more aware of myself, my body, and what was happening inside me. I felt like I had finally understood something fundamental about myself.

Then yesterday I tried shrooms. And honestly, I’m still trying to understand what happened. I suddenly started remembering my childhood — not just one or two memories, but memory after memory, almost chronologically. It felt like I was going through my childhood from around the age of 6 onwards.

These were things I genuinely had no conscious memory of before.And I realized that my childhood was much darker and more traumatic than I had ever understood. I remembered so many things that I had apparently completely forgotten.

I didn’t just remember them intellectually either. I felt them. My whole body was shaking — my hands, my legs, basically everything. I was crying over almost every memory. It felt like I was experiencing parts of it all over again, emotionally and physically. I am honestly in shock right now.

At the same time, there’s this strange sense of clarity. I suddenly understand so much about my life — where certain patterns came from, why I became the person I am, why I’ve made certain choices, and how much of my life may have been shaped by things I wasn’t even consciously aware of. And strangely, I also feel like this could be a turning point.

If I can finally see where all of these patterns came from, maybe I can actually change my life. Maybe I don’t have to keep living the way I have been living. But right now I’m overwhelmed and I honestly don’t know what to do next.

It feels like the entire story I had about my life has been turned upside down. I’m trying to understand who I am now that I can see all of this.I’m not necessarily looking for an explanation of what happened to me. I think what I really need right now is some support and perspective from people who might have experienced something similar.

If you’ve ever had a major realization about yourself that completely changed the way you saw your life — what did you do afterwards? How did you start putting your life back together?

I feel like I have an opportunity to change so much, but I’m in shock and I genuinely don’t know what the first steps should be.

I would really appreciate any advice, perspective, or simply hearing from someone who has been through something similar. I could really use some help right now.

I’m not really lonely in the normal sense. I have friends, family, people I can rely on. I love my family and we get along fine. I enjoy being alone too. I go on walks, do my own thing, have hobbies, all of that.

But I feel really starved for resonance, and it’s been affecting me more than I want to admit.
There’s a whole side of me that I basically keep to myself now. Not because I’m afraid to show it. I have. It just doesn’t land.

When I talk about consciousness, spirituality, UAPs, reality, the universe, or just the bigger questions about what any of this actually is, I usually feel like I’m explaining my whole reality to someone instead of actually sharing it with them. People can listen and be supportive, but there’s still that feeling that they don’t really get why this stuff means so much to me.
Sometimes trying to share it actually makes me feel more isolated.

And being single definitely adds another layer to it. I miss having that deeper connection with someone. Someone to be close with, talk to at night, experience life with, and actually share this side of myself with.
I don’t need someone who believes everything I believe. I just want someone with that same curiosity. Someone who gets why I care about this stuff without me having to explain why I care in the first place.
I know the whole “be complete on your own” thing, but I don’t think you can out-spiritualize being human. We need connection. We need love. We need to feel understood.

And I battle my own mind with this every day. My mind loves telling me that this is just how my life is going to be. That I’m going to feel this way forever, that I won’t meet someone, and that this lack of connection is just something I need to get used to.
I’m not afraid of being alone. I’m actually pretty damn good at being alone. Even if I had a partner, alone time would still be extremely important to me.
It’s not the alone part that hurts.

It’s having nobody I really resonate with. After a while, that just makes me feel less excited about life. Like I’m having this whole experience, learning and thinking about all these things that mean so much to me, but I have nobody to really share that part of the experience with.

That’s what I’m struggling with

and honestly, it really fucking sucks and it hurts

You are the I am.

You are the you is.

Woohoo!

Still, when you make X move it hurts, and when you make Y move it helps,

But you don’t know what X and Y are.

Ought the purpose, function, design, reason, meaning, and point of our words to figure out, metacognit, nididhyasana and brainstorm with ourselves and others what X and Y are?

I mean, what are we really doing here typing and posting here on the internet?

Once again, I extend my outstretched arm with my heart on my sleeve, with an olive branch so desperate for a human who actually wants to brainstorm what X and Y are.

"Aura farming," a term so popular nowadays among teenagers, is perfectly defined by three words: pose, ego, and superficiality. It reduces a person's authenticity, being, or wholeness to a simple scoreboard in a relentless pursuit of external validation.

Ultimately, it is a clear symptom of the spiritually degenerate times we live in, where everything is turned into a commodity, a facade, or a product to be consumed and "sold" on social media. The mystic Teresa of Ávila called the mind the madwoman of the house, which is now wilder and more untethered than ever, hunting like a junkie for what it is addicted to, feeding the persona and the ego. In the face of this constant urge to put on a show and rack up virtual points, the true alternative remains what it has always been: the simplicity of Being and the quietness of ordinary life, which require neither applause nor outside approval, neither pose nor stories...

Today, we are witnessing a total disconnection from reality and from Being itself. The madwoman of the house has found in mobile phones and social networks the perfect dealer to supply its daily dose of superficial validation. For this reason, recovering today the gaze of Western mystics like Marguerite Porete, Teresa of Ávila, John of the Cross, Brother Lawrence, Meister Eckhart, and so many others, or the yogis of the East, is not just a spiritual option; it is almost an act of pure sanity.

Fortunately, the worse everything gets, the closer our liberation is, as the Nazarene already warned us in the Gospel of Luke, Chapter 21, Verse 28, when he said that when these things begin to take place, we should stand up and lift up your heads, because our redemption is drawing near.

A New Earth is ALREADY emerging, here and now, in the hearts of those simple souls who live their daily lives beyond the illusion of separation. These simple souls are nothing in terms of aura in the eyes of the world; they surrender and allow themselves to be consumed by the burning fire of Being. They are nothing and nobody. And the truth is, one must die to the small self to be reborn as one, so that there is no longer any separation between the lover and the Beloved, between you and everything that surrounds you. Ultimately, let us go beyond the superficial, as Marguerite Porete encourages us, to find ourselves in the mirror of simple souls, that mirror the mystic spoke of, a mirror reflecting God, the Whole, He who is LOVE itself, or whatever you wish to call it. There is no separation. There never was.

So-called spiritual seekers are not free from this. What's more, without knowing it, many of them are addicted to farming spiritual aura. The truth is, there is an excess of Christians, Buddhists, and a need for more Christs, more Buddhas... Less spiritual ego, and more Being.

Aura farming? Better to format the hard drive, and be nothing. In doing so, we are everything. And that is something you can do in your boring and ordinary daily life, which, for you who do not farm aura, is neither boring nor ordinary; it is all there is and all that is, you need nothing else. When you are nothing and nobody, stripped of any pose or disguise, you become one with LOVE itself, and its instrument in this world. Out of emptiness, which is neither a void nor an absence of things, you emerge as what you truly are: one with everything. We could say, as Thich Nhat Hanh rightly states, that we inter-are. We are One.

All spiritual currents, as opposed to mere religious ones, speak to us of this unity, of this absence of separation from Being. Advaita Vedanta reminds us of this through non-duality, pointing out that the individual self, Atman, and the ultimate reality, Brahman, are not separate, dissolving the illusion of the "I" into pure, undivided Consciousness. The Buddha teaches us the same through the realization of Anatta, showing us that there is no independent self, and that by emptying ourselves of the independent ego, we cease to resist life and awaken to interconnectedness with all things. Jesus himself speaks of this absolute union when he prays for his disciples in the Gospel of John, Chapter 17, Verse 21, asking that they all may be one, just as the Father is in Him, and He is in the Father, so that they also may be one in Us.

There is a beautiful spiritual story regarding this absolute surrender, recorded by the Jesuit Father Juan de Loyola in his work The Life of Father Bernardo de Hoyos published in 1734. During a mystical marriage experience, Jesus appeared to the young Spanish mystic and told him that from then on, he could call and sign yourself Bernardo de Jesús, because he was Bernardo de Jesús, and He was Jesús de Bernardo, sharing both his honor and his own. It is the total collapse of the boundaries of the self, where the drop completely dissolves into the Ocean, and the Ocean becomes the drop. There is no separation, there never was.

Stop counting points for a ghost that doesn't exist; format the hard drive, dissolve the pose, and finally dare to Be nothing, so you can Be Everything. It is simply about Being, right here, in your ordinary and daily life. Awaken!

Note 1:

The madwoman of the house is the term Teresa of Ávila uses to refer to the mind and the imagination. You can find her brilliant analysis of how it operates and distracts us from God's presence throughout her work The Interior Castle, specifically in the Fourth Mansions. In her original Spanish texts, she also uses other wonderfully vivid metaphors to describe this unceasing mental noise. She calls the restless mind a clacking mill-clapper because of its endless, repetitive grinding of thoughts, and a restless, flighty butterfly that refuses to stay still in the Silence of God.

Note 2:

"Inter-are" is a literal translation of the term "Interbeing", coined by the Vietnamese Buddhist master Thich Nhat Hanh in the 1980s. He created the verb "to inter-be" to express the absolute reality of interconnectedness famously stating that nothing can exist by itself alone; everything has to "inter-be" with everything else. When he wrote, "We do not exist independently. We inter-are," he was pointing to the exact same truth shared by the advaita vedanta (of non-duality) and the Mystics: the total dissolution of the illusion of a separate, isolated self.

A little over a week ago I had a major seizure and found out I have epilepsy, something that turns out I may have had for years without knowing, likely triggered by a COVID infection five years ago.

Still processing all of it.

Since coming home from the hospital, three separate electrical/electronic things in my house have needed a hard reset, which has never happened before in the five years I’ve lived here:

1.  A bathroom outlet (GFCI) tripped and needed the reset button pressed

2.  My wifi router stopped connecting properly and needed to be unplugged and replugged.

3.  My PS5 couldn’t load anything (YouTube, Apple TV app) even after the router reset, and needed a full restart itself.

I can’t shake the parallel of a seizure is literally your brain’s electrical system misfiring until it has to stop and reset itself. Coming home to three different electrical systems in my own house doing the same thing, overloading or failing until they needed the same kind of forced reset, feels like more than coincidence to me.

I know there’s an actual body of research on this called the “poltergeist effect” or electronic disturbances reported around people under intense neurological or psychological strain, including some documented association with epilepsy specifically.

Has anyone else noticed something like this around a major health event of electronics acting up, needing resets, right when your own body was going through something big? Genuinely curious what this community makes of it, whether you read it energetically, as a “sign,” or something else entirely.

Hi there !

I'm looking for an empowering music playlist with songs such as Diamonds, Lush life, Whenever Wherever, etc. to embody the attractive person I'm becoming and to spiritually bond with someone I like.

Thanks everyone for your help :)

Genuinly curious :)

Whatever is discovered by science or technology is for some use, to make life convenient, interesting or simply for your survival.

When you include yourself, that is, you see subject (you) and object (outer world) as a singular process – you come close to the Truth of Existence.

You are not able to escape what you experience – sadness, relief, pleasure, shame, insult and so on to some comforting idea or theory. There is no dissipation of energy.

Yeah

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Divine Structure III

What has been referred to as God is a mind-structure which contains all within itself which concerns us, however there may be infinite numbers of these Universe-Containing Gods.

This does not mean there are multiple Gods; the other parallel Universe Containing Gods never enter into our physical space physically, although there are less physical parts to each "God" (a God yes, however you are the same structure, just a fractal of it, the whole) which quite possible, may sometimes extend into multiple God Consciousnesses on its way home. These are not always (or possibly ever) in-phase with the other Universes: each universe may well have its own phase, so these never interfere.

We live in a Universe which has its consciousness, which has determined within itself to call itself "God".

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We live within its subjective Self: its mind. For this reason, IT IS in fact the only God we may ever know. Because we are located subjectively in its mind, we are shielded from all other influences.

Our God, on its objective plane, is like us, most likely living amongst other "Gods", all with inner subjective universes of their own, each unique from the others objectively, but subjectively they are all doing exactly as we are—generating thought.

This forms a structure of ever increasing Consciousness, the extent of which is infinite (the mark of the Divine is infinity).

We live within a "God" which has several names, & the energy it holds is masculine. This "God" lives in its own world which is never seen by thought beings, only the "Gods" of that plane.

Page 3

That Universe our God lives within is a much larger Feminine energy; the next level up is another masculine Consciousness, holding all these, up forever alternating between masculine & feminine energies.

All generating higher forms of Divine truth.

I do not suppose to perceive all the details. And to some, this will come off as blasphemy.

Christ has come in the flesh? As above, so below.

In today's language, the Creator built this universe & uses it to perform one action: Refine truth into higher versions of itself, forever.

Everything, from a stone to a galaxy, are moving parts that do just this. All things within are arbitrary: death is a tool of refinement, not evil. Life is not as much "good" as it is

Page 4

the part requiring the actual work.

In this respect, what we experience on this plane is not important. The process is less important than the end result, but in this reality we perceive death, pain, loss, all as individual functions used to think on the plane above.

As Above, So Below.

Look at the world around you, & you see with the eyes of the Creator, as well.

Everything is dual, in that it has a physical & a non-physical side. So does God.

Everything is balanced, in that it resonates a still point between a growth & a decay: a side that's growing & building, the other half of the structure which decays & gives way for that growth.

A seed universe is internally generated during thought. The key part to remember is that the seed contains what the thought is trying to do. Then, IT uses the internal laws of nature to break down that seed.

Page 5

Because a seed in this framework is not a usual seed. Instead, this is what to imagine an actual seed:

A fully Complete & Complex structure, where the act of growth & decay are just that structure becoming dynamic while maintaining balance throughout.

This Universe has a determined end, from the beginning, built in by default. No thought is generated without following this whole process.

This gives one piece of valid information: Everything is absolutely, resoundingly predetermined, not out of tyranny: but out of necessity to generate all of the required mental energy.

I've been thinking a lot about Maslow's hierarchy of needs (physiological > safety > belonging > esteem > self-actualization > transcendence) and how it looks once you've had some sort of awakening / shift in consciousness.

From a conventional perspective, it makes perfect sense - you need to secure the base before you can reach the top.

But from an awakened perspective, it almost feels inverted, or maybe circular?

For example:

- Once you realize you are not the body-mind, do physiological needs and safety still feel like the "foundation" in the same way?
- Belonging and esteem seem to dissolve quite a bit when you see through the separate self that needs to belong / be esteemed.
- A lot of us actually touched transcendence/self-actualization when our lower needs were not met at all - during crisis, grief, loss.

Maslow says peace is at the top of the ladder. You have to climb all the other steps first to get it.

I say peace is not at the top. Peace is the ground the ladder is standing on.

It was always there first. You were just too busy climbing to notice.

I'm curious how you all see it now:

1. Does the hierarchy still hold true for you in daily life?
   
2. Did awakening flip it, collapse it, or transcend it entirely?
   
3. How do you navigate survival needs (money, relationships, health) after seeing through them?

Would love to hear your takes.

Hi,

Anyone up for a discord convo (text, not vc)? I just want to share my thoughts.

A shadow stretches before the orange sun, digging through the sands in the desert of time. It is the silhouette of the ONE TRUE SEEKER – a bearded man with a cowboy hat, wearing a brown vest and a beige dress shirt underneath. He wipes sweat from his forehead and then returns to digging. After hours of shoveling sand, he finally hits hard stone.

“It's real... I finally found it. The map to enlightenment.”

He wipes off sand from an ancient stone relief, uncovering chiseled lines and symbols. He carefully reads the lost relic. Following a path through deserts, canyons and rain forests with his index finger. His finger stops at a mountain, marked with the symbol of a monkey skull and an 'X'.

“The monkey king... So this is where the spark of enlightenment is hidden.”

He lays a piece of parchment over the map carved in stone and rubs a charcoal copy. Putting the map in his backpack, he walks northward beneath the burning orange glow of the setting sun.

The ONE TRUE SEEKER is the greatest explorer of consciousness. No matter the challenge he always finds a way. Never giving up on finding answers.

As he walks through the desert, the Seeker suddenly feels a sharp sting in his heart. Pain forces him to his knees. He opens the upper buttons of his shirt, revealing dark spots and swollen veins around his heart area.

“My suffering gets worse each day... Only light can heal my broken soul. Attaining enlightenment is my last hope...”

The Seeker stands up and forces himself to walk. Wandering through barren, dead landscapes. He passes by ruins of ancient temples buried in the sand. Remnants of lost civilizations forgotten in time. Walking on the cracked, hardened mud of dried-up river beds.

His wounded heart burns from the unwavering desire for truth. The longer he wanders aimlessly through the desert, the more his illness spreads through swollen veins. Even worse, his flask with sacred water is nearly empty and the desert heat is unbearable. His skin begins to turn red. He looks again at the copy of the map, unable to recognize his location.

“I have lost my way,” admits the One True Seeker. He notices a moving shadow in the sand and looks up. A black vulture circles above.

He raises his fist to heaven. “I am not dead yet! Leave me alone!”

“It's just a matter of time,” grunts the vulture. “Permanence is just an illusion. Everything eventually turns to dust. Sooner or later the sun will claim your life and when that moment comes, I will be there to feast on whatever remains of you.”

The vulture flies away with cackling laughter.

“What even is permanence?” questions the One True Seeker as he strolls along endless dunes of sand.

“Is there even any truth at all that is fixed? Or am I running after illusions? I desire stable answers that never change, no matter how often I ask the same question. But is there even something as an unchanging answer or is it possible that I have approached the question wrongly? Everything changes. Wind and weather will turn these dunes unrecognizable after some time. These ruins were once part of a thriving civilization. Those dried up river beds once flowed with streams of water. The clouds above will look different in just a few minutes. Everything around me changes and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

So what remains constant apart from myself? But then... Even this self... Isn't it also subject to change? My body ages. It goes through various stages of development. Childhood, adolescence, adulthood, old age... The food that I consume sustains my cells, but after a certain time period all my cells are completely replaced. So what remains constant, if my body changes itself? Is my mind permanent? After all it always records new experiences as memories and identifies with them. The mind always accumulates new knowledge and re-writes its own self-identity. Thought also changes itself constantly. I am always thinking about new things... So are these thoughts ME?

Thought always tries to convince itself, that it is a separate entity that controls this mind-body system. But isn't the thinker itself just another thought? A thought that keeps spinning and by giving it attention I am just feeding it with more significance. Without a thought coming up, trying to convince itself of its own realness, who else sustains this image of self? Isn't it generated by the mind? When thoughts are silent, there is no separate being who thinks them. Then there are just things happening. No need to describe what's going on. Just the quiet observation of what can be seen, felt, experienced, without the need to identify. So what does that leave me with? If nothing is permanent... Neither outside, nor within... If I am neither body, nor mind... Who am I?”

Suddenly a loud noise interrupts his train of thought. Not far away, there are four figures in the desert. A hyena, a coyote and the vulture from earlier stand before a thin, red horse who lies broken in the sand.

The laughing hyena, the excited coyote and the hungry vulture discuss who eats which part of the horse. They lick their lips and grind their teeth.

The Seeker thinks aloud: “This does not concern ME. I should just move on. No time to waste. I have MY own problems to deal with.”

Just at that moment, the Seeker feels a sharp sting in his damaged heart. He grabs his chest with both hands, writhing on the sand floor. Biting his fist to suppress a scream. When his suffering becomes unbearable, a new sudden insight emerges somewhere from the depths of his mind and bubbles to the surface.

“Is that why it hurts so much? Is that why I am all alone? Is it because I am always thinking only about myself?”

He again looks at the horse in misery. “I understand how he is feeling... He must be suffering just as I do...”

Something shifts. Pain subsides. Slowly, the Seeker gets up and pulls out a slingshot. His hands are shaking as he picks up three stones and aims for the predators.

“Leave him alone!” yells the One True Seeker and shoots stones with his sling, hitting each of the scavengers. The vulture, coyote and hyena disperse in different directions.

At sunset the One True Seeker slowly approaches the red horse. From up close he takes a good look at the steed. His mane and tail are red-yellow like fire. His rib-cage and bones are visible under a thin layer of skin. Barely breathing.

“Water,” utters the weak voice of the starving horse. “P-Please... I am dying...”

The horse loses consciousness. For a moment the Seeker hesitates. He considers just walking away. Instead he shakes his head, pulls out his flask and sighs:

“That's all I have left from the source of the river of life... This magical water will saturate your thirst. I actually need it to treat my own suffering... Let's hope that this won't be in vain.”

He pours the last remaining drops of sacred water into the muzzle of the dying red horse. The Seeker observes how light returns into the steed, how his breathing stabilizes. As the horse is fast asleep, the Seeker sets out to collect dead wood for a campfire during the cold desert night.

On the morning of the next day, the One True Seeker is woken up by the wet sensation of a tongue licking his forehead.

“You have saved my life,” wheezes the red horse, whose body looks much healthier. Overnight flesh has returned under his skin. The steed is alive, blazing with newfound vigor and energy.

“I owe you. Let me repay this debt to you. Wherever you go, I will be there to carry you.”

“I don't need any company. I prefer to walk alone. You don't owe me anything. I helped you, because if I hadn't, it would have only made my suffering worse.”

The Seeker opens the upper buttons from his beige shirt and shows the black-blue swollen area around his chest to the horse.

“This is my suffering. That's why I'm after enlightenment. I'm on a journey to the hall of the monkey king. The path to enlightenment is one that needs to be walked alone. Joining me may lead to your death.”

The red horse looks around. “You are lost, aren't you? You don't know the way out of the desert and walking will take you lifetimes. I have never been to his hall myself but I know how to get to the jungle of illusion where the monkey king resides. You should know, I am not just any horse. I am a FIRE HORSE. Nothing will carry you faster to enlightenment than me. I am the burning aspiration towards truth, the flame that burns all illusion. Ride with me and nothing will stop us on our quest of self-transcendence.”

“A long time has passed, since I walked together with a friend... I have always relied on myself and it only got me so far. I have reached my limits. Perhaps you are right. Tell me, fire horse, what is your name?”

“I don't have a name. I was never given one. No one could keep up with my speed. I outran all the other horses and riders until there was no one left to name me. I had already accepted my death, until you came along.”

The One True Seeker scratches his beard. “A horse with no name, huh? Then let me be the first to name you. I call you DEVOTION. Because nothing carries one faster on the spiritual path than the flame of devotion.”

As soon as the fire horse is named, a light emanates throughout his body, igniting his hair like an ethereal flame. Devotion's mane and tail burn with a bright, red-yellow fire. The red steed is brimming with energy. A flame flares up within his eyes.

Devotion raises his forequarters and keeps his hind feet firm on the ground, wheezing:

“Then let us ride together to find the spark of enlightenment.”

Thus the One True Seeker climbs on Devotion's back, riding towards the north. As the fire horse gallops, his hoofprints burn in the sand.

Together they ride along endless dunes of sand and pass by savannas where giant sandstone mesas adorn the landscape. Riding through canyons and pastures with flowers, along rivers and lakes, through marshes and swamps. Days pass, weeks pass, months pass, and the heart condition of the One True Seeker worsens. The dark area has now spread all the way up to his forearm.

As they progress further through pathless lands, the Seeker notices something else. His sense of awareness becomes keener, his mind clearer. No longer is he easily distracted. He is more mindful of his surroundings, of his thoughts and emotions.

“I am starting to see clearly now,” notices the Seeker.

“Thoughts arise automatically. It's not that there is a ME who thinks them. They just arise and fall in accordance to patterns. Sometimes they are loud, sometimes they are silent. Thoughts just come and go. Just as the mountains or trees or lakes that we pass by. Nothing is fixed.

Emotions also come and go. Sometimes I feel angry, like when a fallen tree blocks our path. But my anger doesn't improve the situation. When something blocks our path we just find a way around it. Never have we overcome a challenge by resisting it. I may feel sad or laugh or be afraid, but those emotions arise as a reaction to outer circumstances. Dwelling on them creates friction within myself. There is no need to carry them over, after their purpose is already fulfilled.

Now that I see this whole movement of thoughts and emotions... The power they used to have over me dwindles. I no longer think or react the same way as I used to. Instead, in the absence of identification to thought and emotion, there is an inner peace, that has always been present. I just couldn't see it until now because of all the noise within me and around me. I no longer feel that there is a fixed person who experiences the world. Instead I feel like the ever-changing experience and its observer are one. And yet... There is still something that always remains: Suffering. So I ask myself, why? Why do I still suffer? What is the root of suffering and how does it come to an end?”

Devotion suddenly stops galloping as he reaches a lake. On the other side of the shore begins a massive rain forest with mountains in the far distance.

“This is it,” wheezes the fire horse. “We have reached the jungle of illusion. Let us rest here at the lake of clarity and quench our thirst, before we get lost in appearances.”

The Seeker climbs off from Devotion's back, puts down his hat and washes his face in the lake. In the clear water he discovers a shiny, partially buried object in the sand and picks it up.

“A key... I wonder what it's for.”

The next day the Seeker and Devotion enter into the jungle of illusion. A dense pathless rain forest. He walks in front and cuts down branches, bushes and vines with his machete, paving a way for his horse to follow. They push forward slowly through the dense vegetation.

After hours of marching, the Seeker is suddenly startled by a loud scream from his feet:

“Hey you! Don't you have any eyes?! Watch where you are going!”

The Seeker looks down. A tarantula crawls on the ground and raises its front leg like a fist.

“Sorry... I didn't mean to step on you. It's just that I am new here in this dense jungle. We are seeking the monkey king. You don't happen to know the way, do you?”

The spider calms down. “No... But the great enlightened master may know. He teaches his disciples not far from here. Come, follow me.”

“A master, huh... Perhaps he can enlighten me.”

Thus the Seeker and his horse follow the spider deeper into the forest.

The tarantula leads the Seeker to a clearing, where a parrot in an iron cage speaks to a gathering of thousands of insects, beetles, ants, spiders, flies, mosquitoes, butterflies, fireflies, crickets, maggots and termites. All dressed in orange garments.

The parrot quotes an ancient phrase: “BEFORE ENLIGHTENMENT CHOP WOOD CARRY WATER, AFTER ENLIGHTENMENT CHOP WOOD CARRY WATER.”

The gathering students bow before their parrot master in reverence. All look at the master, as if they were looking at a god embodied in flesh. Some recite sacred mantras. Some sit in lotus position. Some hold hands for prayer.

“Why are you stuck in a cage?” questions the Seeker and points at the cage in which the parrot sits. All heads turn. Every eye stares at the Seeker, as if he had spoken forbidden words.

For a moment everyone, even the parrot himself is speechless. After he organizes his thoughts, the parrot shouts defensively:

“Umm... Uhhh... Who do you think you are?! Isn't it obvious?! The cage is just an illusion. It doesn't even exist. Your mind is playing tricks on you! The finger pointing at the moon is not the moon!”

“How dare this nobody question the master?!” shouts a praying mantis.

“It's just this guy's spiritual ego,” explains a caterpillar. “Otherwise he wouldn't even ask such stupid questions...”

The Seeker frowns. “I still don't understand... Why would an enlightened being be trapped in a cage?”

“There is nobody here,” responds the parrot with a smug face. All insects are awestruck, as if they had witnessed a historic moment of great wisdom.

The Seeker's eyebrows pull together. “You didn't even give me a straight answer... Isn't enlightenment supposed to liberate?”

The parrot squints his eyelids. “Who is it that asks this question?”

The entire crowd cheers on the parrot, all nodding in agreement that their master clearly won the argument.

“It's useless trying to reason with them,” sighs the Seeker and turns to his horse. “Come on, Devotion. Let's go find someone else. We are just wasting our time here.”

“Hey, don't just ignore me!” squawks the parrot. “Take me seriously! I have memorized all the scripture, all the koans, the mantras... Even the catchphrases! No one has a better knowledge of the sacred traditions than me! You wanna be enlightened? Then you NEED my guidance!”

“All we want is to find the hall of the monkey king. If you don't want to help us that's fine. It's obvious that you just repeat words without actually understanding them.”

The parrot suddenly gets nervous, puts his wing in front of his beak and shushes: “Pssst... Will you keep it down? Come over to me, I have to tell you something.”

With rolling eyes, the Seeker walks up to the cage. The parrot turns to the crowd:

“Disciples, I need you to close your ears for a moment. I will discuss something with him in person. If you were to listen, it might explode your brains.”

All disciples stuff their hearing organs with moss or cover their antennas. When no one else but the Seeker listens, the parrot whispers in his actual voice:

“Look bro... You know... I got this thing here going on and it really messes up my scheme, if you keep on asking those questions about the cage 'n stuff. Yes... I am not actually an enlightened master. I just know how to sound like one. I got stuck in this cage known as 'the mind', because it baited me with fruits called 'pleasure'. I fell into the trap and lost the key of 'awareness' somewhere in a lake called 'clarity'. For some reason the insects were interested in my knowledge of the ancient traditions and wanted to hear more. Before I could even blink, this whole thing blew up. They can never find out that I am a fraud, otherwise they will stop feeding me with those wonderful 'pleasures'. So please bruh, keep it a secret, will you?”

The Seeker pulls out a silver object from his vest. “Is that the key you were talking about?”

“THE KEY OF AWARENESS?! YOU HAVE IT?!”

The Seeker puts the key into the lock, turns it around and opens the cage door. However the parrot hesitates to leave.

“Should I really just fly away and leave all that behind? Here I live in comfort. All my needs are catered for. They serve me like a king. Should I really give up on the easy life?”

A cicada who failed to close his tympana chirps: “Master, don't leave us! We need you! Who else should we ask about even the smallest life choice for which we are too insecure to make our own? What should I eat? Whom should I marry? I need an authority to be responsible for my life!”

The parrot flies out of the cage and lands on the Seeker's shoulder. “You know what... I don't have the patience to keep up with them. Hurry up. We need to run!”

With the parrot on his shoulder and his horse right behind him, the Seeker runs away. One after another, all insects open their hearing organs and follow after them.

“Go after him!” shouts the tarantula. “He's trying to kidnap the master!”

The Seeker, the parrot and his horse are hunted down by thousands of insects, spiders, bugs, flies and mosquitoes.

After hours of running, the Seeker manages to shake all pursuers off.

“My entire body is covered in mosquito bites,” breathes out the exhausted Seeker. “Why the hell did you rest on my shoulder, instead of just flying?!”

“Thank you for freeing me. I owe you. From now on we are companions. Wherever you go, I will be with you. You said you wanted to visit the monkey king? I know where to find his mountain.”

The Seeker sighs: “Another companion who invites himself... I really didn't ask for this... Alright... As long as you bring me closer to enlightenment, that's fine by me. Say, what is your name?”

“I don't have a name,” squawks the parrot with a sad face. “My parents abandoned me before I was named, because I talked too much. The insects just called me 'master'. But that name is based on a lie.”

The Seeker scratches his beard. “Then let me give you a new name. From now on you are called KNOWLEDGE. Because without knowledge there is no learning.”

A light emanates throughout the parrot's body. A flame burns in his eyes.

Thus the Seeker and the fire horse are guided by the parrot through the jungle of illusion. They march for weeks through dense vegetation. Soon the Seeker would find out that his parrot didn't just talk a lot. He talks without end.

“...And ever since that day I have been afraid of silence. It's my biggest fear. Even the stillness between two words feels uncomfortable. That's why I am always making noises... To escape from that presence that lingers in the void... Anyway, looks like we are here.”

The Seeker, Knowledge and Devotion stand before the foot of a giant mountain. So high that its peak is covered with snow. Up there, the Seeker spots a structure chiseled into the mountain that is shaped like the skull of a giant ape.

“The hall of the monkey king... Will you guys wait down here or will you...?”

As the Seeker looks around, he notices that Knowledge flies right up to the top, while Devotion rides up the mountain vertically, leaving burning marks in the stone.

“Guess, I'll climb on my own then.”

He pulls a rope out of his backpack.

“There always is a way... Let's see how far this gift from the concept weaver will carry me...”

He swings the rope like a lasso, fastens it to a protruding rock, and pulls himself up. For hours the Seeker climbs the mountain. The further he progresses, the more he becomes aware of a heaviness in his backpack that wears him down.

With a heavy heart, the Seeker pulls out a bag with gold coins and lets it go. “Collecting them took a long time. But the treasure weighs me down. I hope that I'll find the coins again later.”

After hours of climbing, he again feels the weight of his backpack. Every meter upward is a struggle. When the pain reaches its limit, he takes a look into his bag. It's filled with golden artifacts from ancient temples, sacred scriptures, rare items and unique weapons.

He inhales deeply and lets the entire backpack fall down below. A weight is lifted from his shoulders. He exhales in relief. Finally the Seeker is at ease.

“I think I get it now... I made this journey up here so hard on myself, because I cling to my possessions. My unwillingness to let go made me suffer. I could have avoided this hard struggle, but I insisted on the permanency of impermanent objects. It's the same with attachment to psychological objects like beliefs, status and relationships. I believed I needed this stuff, I believed it protected me. But actually it was keeping me down. My attachment turned out to be my imprisonment. Even though it's a struggle to let go, once I release my attachments, the freedom it gives me is priceless.”

The Seeker climbs, until he is almost at the very top. Just as he is about to reach the edge of a cliff where the monkey skull is etched into the stone, a strong gush of wind blows away his hat. While he clings to the cliff with one hand, he stretches out the other and barely manages to catch his hat. He struggles to hold on to the edge of the cliff with just one hand, while his hat feels unusually heavy.

“Not my hat! It's my trademark. My identity... It's what makes me the ONE TRUE SEEKER. Without it I am nothing! I can't just let it go... Not yet...”

As the hat weighs him down and each of his fingers slowly lose their grip, the Seeker inhales deeply and lets go. His cowboy hat is blown away by the wind. With both hands, he pushes himself onto the plateau.

For a moment he mourns the loss of his identity but then a newfound freedom settles in.

“Now I have become nobody and am free of the burden of having to be someone.”

A grin forms on his face. He breathes in the fresh air of the snow-covered mountain and looks down thousands of meters. As he gazes over the wide landscape, he takes a moment to appreciate his progress.

He then turns his head to the gate into the hall of the monkey king. Devotion and Knowledge already await him in front of the entrance.

“I have arrived.”

Together they walk into the cold halls, lit by a thousand candles. Hundreds of columns. Mosaic floor tiles. Icicles hang from the ceiling. A giant ape with white fur stands before an empty throne. He wears sunglasses.

The Seeker bows before him.

“Oh wise monkey king, I come before you to attain the spark of enlightenment. Please bestow upon me your enlightened truth.”

“Neti, neti,” responds the Yeti.

“But... I have come all this way... Don't I deserve this light after struggling so hard to obtain it?”

“Neti, neti,” repeats the Yeti. This angers the Seeker.

“I won't just leave after all this endless seeking. You will enlighten me, even if I need to force you!”

The Seeker throws a punch at the Yeti, but he blocks his fist effortlessly. Next he swings a kick, which the Yeti dodges. The Seeker strikes again with a succession of attacks. The Yeti avoids, redirects and absorbs all hits without fighting back.

A final attack of the exhausted Seeker hits the Yeti's chest. His punch merely bounces off and launches him backwards through the air.

Tired and broken, the Seeker lies on the ground.

“I can't beat him... No matter how much force, effort or willpower I exert, it does not bring me closer to enlightenment... It's futile... I... surrender.”

Suddenly someone new walks calmly through the hall and seats himself on the empty throne. A human-sized monkey with golden fur, clothed in celestial robes, wearing a golden diadem and carrying a staff. He's spinning the hat of the One True Seeker around his left index finger.

“Why are you attacking my bartender?”

“Your bartender?”

“Yeah, he keeps the drinks cool and the void poppin'.”

The Yeti with sunglasses polishes a glass behind a counter and points finger guns at the Seeker.

“Does that mean you are the monkey king?”

“It's just a title. I have had many names in the past. In the south I was known as Hanuman. In the east they called me Sun Wukong. In the west they called me Ek Chuaj. I am the trickster of tricksters. I appear in many stories. In the Ramayana... In Journey to the West... You can also call me by my secret name: JOY.”

“Then can you enlighten me?”

The monkey king laughs. “No one can enlighten you, because you are already enlightened. You cannot seize enlightenment, because it is not an object separate from you. This light that you seek can't be given to you by another. You won't find it by attaining more identity, achievement or knowledge. Just remove all the things that is not enlightenment and the light reveals itself within you.”

With a single breath, he blows out all candles in the hall at once. First the Seeker is startled, but then he realizes that the hall is still lit brightly.

He looks around. The light source is nowhere found. Only when he looks at himself, does he realize that the light illuminating the hall was never external. He opens the buttons of his shirt. The dark swollen skin around his chest is completely healed and his heart radiates warmth.

“How can this be? My suffering... It's gone... When did this happen?”

Joy puts the hat back on the Seeker's head. “The light was already within you. Just keep remembering and embody it every single day of your life. Old patterns may still need time to fully dissolve but eventually even they will no longer haunt you.”

The Seeker is awestruck. A sense of liberation, peace and bliss washes over him.

“So what is next? Now that I have found the answer? Is there still a question left to explore?”

The monkey smiles. “You know... I have been waiting for a Seeker like you for a while now. There is one question that is even beyond enlightenment. The ultimate question to which no one knows the answer. Let us go on a journey to discover the meaning of life.”

“The meaning of life? No one knows if it's real. There might not even be an answer at all...”

“That's exactly what makes it so exciting. Are you ready for the journey of a lifetime?”

With burning eyes the Seeker makes a resolve: “Let us go and find the answer that ends all questions.”

Thus the One True Seeker, the fire horse, the parrot and the monkey king set out on a new journey to hunt after the answer to an impossible question. Together they embark on an adventure to find the meaning of Life.

THE END

Still, if you don’t solve that puzzle correctly you lose your hands in the most painful way possible, and then you have no hands for the rest of your life, and you become a great burden on your children whom you are supposed to carry the weight of their mind bodies and souls; not the other way around.

This is an exaggeration, if you don’t solve the puzzle correctly, maybe you just have inevitable painful diarrhea later. A very real problem that can occur if you are an American.

Sure, realizing you are the unchanging consciousness will help as you become a parasite on your children who are resentful of you for giving them caregiver burnout.

But wouldn’t you have rather not failed at that puzzle?

How many puzzles, mazes, and hoodwinks are there? Spiders, poison ivy, ticks like disease, etc, these are real things.

Be sure to listen to others. Allowing someone an uninterrupted ear gives them the ability to get it all out. When any negative energy is released it is available for others. When you listen, you absorb that energy. If you're awake it is neutralized, you are protecting weaker people who are unable to do anything but allow it in as negative energy. All the spirits are asking is for us to do our part. We don't have to save the workd, we just have to make it better, that's a very easy way.

You were never short on potential. You only mistook the mask for the one who wears it.

Potential is not something a seeker collects. It is what remains when the seeker is seen through.

The mask says I will become infinite if I try hard enough.

The Self already is what the mask is trying to become. You are not almost the Infinite. You are the Infinite, briefly convinced it is almost.

It does not need unlocking. It ONLY needs unmasking.

Tat tvam asi

Unmask The Self

🎭❤️✨️♾️

For billions of years, I did not exist. Then, somehow, I woke up as me.

As this particular person, with these particular memories, looking at the world through these particular eyes.

And one day, this experience will disappear.

Perhaps another person will be born, another consciousness will emerge, another “I” will look out at the world. But why was this “I” ever here? Where was this experience before it appeared? Where does it go when it ends?

The strangest mystery may not be death.

It may simply be that, for a while, **there is someone here at all, who doesn't even know who they are.**

I have been experiencing intense guilt, shame, sadness, and literal dis-ease in my body anytime I am around other people. Basically, anyone that I perceive as being less fiscally, healthy, or mentally/emotionally fortunate than I, I feel immense angst in my body.

Here's an example - I'm staying in a hotel right now because I just moved to a new city and I don't have a home. I wanted to order takeout. I ordered it. I feel so much sadness of all the employees - the door man standing there with no customers, the bartender and waiter with no customers, the worker taking his break eating a meal. I feel like they are all suffering. I imagine myself standing around for $15 an hour or whatever it is. I make so much more an hour than them. And I feel SO GUILTY.

I don't know how to get over this. It's like every bit of suffering in the world, I feel terrible that I make what I do, that I have a place to sleep, that I can afford to buy myself medicine, etc.

Can anyone offer any help? I don't know how to enjoy the fruits of my life. Thank you.

All the universe story is already done from creation to conclusion. All time lines already exist. This universe and all other existing realms.

At the absolute essence, you are God that forgot about that because you are playing your own game. The only difference between me and you is that we are different threads of consciousness (like fractals of councioness) that are playing different characters in some sort of sequence that is not defined by time, but by lesson, even though this sequence exist, they are all existing together already. Like the alphabet, B comes after A, but B exists already, you know B comes after A and both exists together. This is a similar logic for "past lives" or "parallel lives". All your lifetimes as this character or any other character that is part of the same councioness thread are happening at once.

Now, if you ask me, then what is going to happen after death? I really believe that is absolutely what you want to happen. Your awareness and focus will create the experience. Do you want to live in a different century? So be it. Do you want to experience being a tree in Amazon? Fine. Do you want to experience living in a different planet? Possible.

Also, you may want to create your own realm and stay there, also possible.

Nothing is impossible for councioness, as the pure councioness is the source of everything, limitless, endless, forever united.

The big news is that, you are this councioness. Only you actually. As all of us are indeed the same being pretending to be several different beings in order to experience thyself in every possible way. You can't run away from the fact that you are eternal.

I don’t know how to word this other than that I guess. What habits can I form that will help me keep this “awareness” I’ve heard fasting helps which is so cool because I’ve been practicing them since I was young because I’m Muslim but never intentionally, and I also know meditation should help but I’m not sure how?

I feel like I’m not wording this correctly

Genuinely not intending this to be disrespectful, and I don't want it to come across that way.

So I had always previously thought that the Dalai Lama must be deeply realised, but in the last year or two when I've actually watched him in videos I've been really questioning that.

I've now watched a fair bit of him and I've never heard him giving much of a pointing towards "that". I appreciate most of his role is public facing and talking to people at a different level, however I've seen plenty of times where someone asks him a question which is clearly coming from their genuine practice and he still doesn't meet it with or help point them towards "that".

He usually pinpoints the "subject area" which they are talking about and recites what Buddsim has to say about it. But he doesn't really meet what they're actually saying at all when they're asking from something real.

I just recently also saw his interview with Piers Morgan and while Piers himself is an asshole, I did feel the Dalai Lama seemed to say some things that were more about certain "ideals" rather than addressing the heart of the question.

Like when Piers asked him about sex, he seemed to imply that it's fine for reproduction but other than that it's not a good thing. This is something monks often give up as part of their specific way of practicing but I don't think many awakened beings would be saying for people in general that it's a bad thing. Similar to the way he talked about marriage as though he can't see the beauty.

To me, he definitely doesn't feel enlightened, but I'm also wondering beyond that, if he's not even awake in the sense of actually even having an experiential connection to "that"?

I am a bit lost in my life.

I had a weird upbringing due to whatever reason I didn't grow up with skills that help me cope with social situations (bullying, zero friend group etc)

This means I approach every situation with a defensive attitude: I'm afraid of negative reactions, so think 100 times before saying sometimes or posting something in professional situations, and when someone replies I think of a 100 different interpretations of how it can be interpreted in ways that are critical towards me.

I feel I don't grow at all, while I see newer people climbing the ladder much more effortlessly, while I stay in the same position.

I'm also gay and I'm not come out to my family who are conservative and in a secret relationship (only to my family, who are in a different country)

I have zero social life, and I feel I'm living someone else's life. Everything feels like an obligation, in every situation, be it my career, be it my personal life, the rules are set by someone else - my company, my partner, my family - and I have little choice than go with it.

I have tried therapy, I read self help books. I don't know a way out of this. Am I stupid? Am I a sheep? Am I a coward? I'm nearly 40 and I don't want to be like this when I'm old or dying. I want to feel like I own my life.

Has anyone felt like this?