For context, my house has 2 fridges for 5 people. My partner and I share the smaller one and the others are in the other fridge. So placing locks on the pantry items and the fridge was discussed and agreed upon.

Lately we've been noticing food items going missing left right and center. Started with an energy drink, then a 6 pack of Cobs scones (in one day mind you), ramen, entire jar of nutella, and potentially more which we are unaware of. Apart from that my roommates have also noticed missing food items.

We know whos doing it.

My cat went into Karla's room (fake name) one day and I had to get him out. Because I didnt know what was in there and if there was anything harmful. So I took him out but in the process I notice the empty box of Cobs scones on the ground of her room. My partner and I confronted her, though she continues to deny.

Anyways, this is the solution. A lock on our pantry cupboard and a lock on its way (amazon - the picture that looks fake) for the fridge and freezer.

All the items on the shelf outside of the cupboard are all numbered as well. So we know how much of what we have. It sucks that I have to do this. But in an already poor financial situation, I cannot be wasting money on extra food.

So I was coming back up the stairs when one of my housemates just started shouting and hitting things in the kitchen about losing his money or something.

He has lived here for about a year or something and he has serious anger issues but I didn't think it would actually get this bad.

He wasn't attacking me or anything like that he was just shouting and hitting things in the kitchen and in the hallway too.

I was practically shell shocked just hearing all that from my room and I think I could even see my door vibrating from all the banging he was making.

It was terrifying.

TL;DR my sister have been going to music festivals, eating out ordering thing online etc while she owes me (now that it’s the first of the month, $2690) and says she doesn’t have the money to pay me when I ask her. What do I even do?
I’ve been considering posting in here for awhile now and I’ve finally decided to gain some outside perspective. A little background, my sister, I’ll call her j has a 11 year old daughter who also lives with us, our situation as to why we decided to move in together in the first place was very difficult/complicated. Had to suddenly move out of my moms place last year with a months notice, Mom and J convinced me to get this place with J because otherwise, J wouldn't be able to afford her own place (I was planning on getting a studio by myself). I really didn't like this idea because J is not financially responsible, (and is very messy). I told them that I will only do this if her paying won't fall back on me, my mom said she will even help out with rent, and she did for a couple months, J's half anyway. Once she stopped helping because of her own problems, J stopped paying me, here's what she owes me at this point; Jan $40 Feb $840 April $40 May $440 June $90 July $440 August $840

I have confronted her multiple times about this, at first it was sorry I'll get back to you my next paycheck, which pissed me off in itself because no, you know rent is due on the first of every month you should already have it set aside, and I have told her this and she just gets upset like "what do you want me to do I just don't have the money right now" and other excuses other times I've brought it up have been like; "I'm sorry I have other bills too" "sorry I forgot" (for a week) "I haven't been paid child support". I understand, and I try to be sympathetic because I know she has more bills than I do, but I am also 12 years younger than her, and she didn't even give me the decency to say something like "hey sorry I'm behind on rent this month I had this this n this to pay for I'm really sorry and I will get you on this date" because even something like this would make me feel better, but she never acknowledges it until I bring it up. This is incredibly frustrating for multiple reasons. One being her and my mom had agreed to being able to afford this places and that this exact situation I was nervous about wouldn't happen. And it's not like she's here pinching pennies to make ends meet, she isn't. I come home from work and she has a different fast food bag every single day. And this was another excuse, her having a bad relationship with food and not knowing how to cook. Another reason being she went to a huge EDM festival across the country in Vegas a couple months ago, and brought up once that she has another festival planned (same state) sometime this fall. I'm not a confrontational person in the slightest, I really struggle talking to people about things that bother me, so I had to work up a lot of courage to even first tell her "You need to pay me rent" and that turned into a trauma dumping.

Basically, I don't know what to do anymore, I have spoke to her about you need to pay me, if you can't afford rent then you can't afford things like music festivals, fast food, little plants, or amazon packages. It's emotional manipulation or anger, she's the kind of person that is always right, and my whole family has said this before as well. I just need advice as what I should do, this is my first time living on my own and it's just been a complete nightmare, our lease doesn't end until December, and if I do break the lease will I ever get my money back from her? Would breaking the lease cost me more than just paying the full rent for 4 more months? And is this something I could take to small claims court maybe? Her name is on the lease, I'm the one that pays the full amount every time because the portal our complex uses for payments only allows one full payment. Is there a possibility of this not ending with her owing me thousands?

I don’t know what to do anymore, let me preface my roommate is a very sweet girl. She got a kitten back in March, the kitty is very cute and fun but she has a problem with pooping everywhere. My roommate just lets the poop sit instead of cleaning it up after it happens. It’s getting to a point where the litter box is constantly dirty or there is poop on the ground in the upstairs. My roommate has never had a cat so I think she doesn’t really understand that cats are clean animals so when there is poop messes they get stressed. This poor cat is also very matted in her butt area due to lack of brushing and care. A part of me wishes she never got the cat and she’d just rehome her. It doesn’t help my other roommate also has a cat, so combined the smell is awful. My boyfriend and I have to keep our room closed off constantly because there has been numerous times where the kitten comes into our room and poops under our bed. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

UPDATE*
I texted her and she said she’ll clean it. I also texted our landlord who also happens to be my mother in law since the roommate is my boyfriend’s sister in law. My mother in law said she’ll reach out to her older sister to have her get through to her.

TLDR; I've since moved out myself

During covid I lived with a 40 year old single woman attempting to get a PHD in fine arts.

She had a son in his early 20s, who had a girlfriend, and the couple would come over sometimes (once that was permitted ofc).

One day, when lockdown was coming to an end, my housemate told me she was taking a short trip away and subletting her room to her son and his girlfriend.

She adopted a cat at the height of the pandemic and she said her son would take care of it.

A few days in to this new situation it became apparent her son was abusive.

The couple would yell and throw things at each other. Once the girlfriend drove off in her car after I know she had been drinking.

It was so uncomfortable for me but I looked forward to my housemate coming back.

She never did though. She didn't even say she was moving out. She just literally never came back, stopped responding to my messages, got her son to take the cat back to the shelter and now I occasionally am reminded of all this when she advertises her life coaching business on facebook.

Thank god that's all behind me. I wish I could call the cat and debrief.

I live in a hostel room with one roommate. The room uses a traditional lock/padlock system, so if I lock the room from inside while sleeping, someone coming back later can't get in without me opening the door.

My roommate regularly comes back around 1–2 AM and expects me to wake up and let her in. This isn't an occasional thing for an emergency—it's her normal routine.

The problem is that I'm asleep by then. I've told her that I can't keep waking up in the middle of the night every day just to open the door. When I suggested that she either come back earlier or find another solution, she told me to just leave the door open.

I don't think that's reasonable. I keep cash, a laptop, and other valuables in the room. There have been thefts in the hostel recently. On top of that, the corridor gets strong winds, and if the door isn't properly secured it can slam shut or swing around, so simply leaving it open isn't even practical.

One night she came back after 1 AM and sent multiple messages and calls trying to wake me up. When I didn't respond because I was asleep, she eventually stayed in a friend's room and came back the next morning. So there are clearly alternatives available when she gets back that late.

What frustrates me is that the responsibility for her late-night schedule seems to have been placed entirely on me. Either I sacrifice my sleep every night, or I leave the room unsecured and risk my belongings.

Am I being unreasonable for refusing to leave the room unlocked and refusing to be on-call to open the door at 1–2 AM every night? How would you handle this? Should I escalate this to hostel management and ask them to provide a proper access solution?

A lot of people seem confused about the lock, so here's how it works: There are two completely independent latches. An inside latch can only be operated from inside the room. An outside latch can only be operated from outside using a padlock and key. When we leave for the day, we use the outside latch and padlock to secure the room. At night, if I'm inside and use the inside latch, she cannot enter from outside. If I don't use the inside latch, the door is effectively unsecured from my side and anyone can open it. The issue isn't that she doesn't have a key. The issue is that she regularly comes back at 1–2 AM and expects me to leave the room unsecured or wake up to let her in.

Edit 1: A lot of people are suggesting replacing the lock, but that's not an option. I live in an institute-owned hostel dorm on campus. The room and lock are hostel property, and I'm not allowed to modify or replace any part of it. So "just install a better lock" isn't a solution available to me. Any change to the locking system would have to be approved and done by the hostel administration, not by me. I'm looking for advice based on the situation as it currently exists, not on changing hostel property.

Edit 2: A lot of people are suggesting that I ask the hostel to replace the lock. This is an institute-owned hostel on campus, and students are not allowed to modify or replace hostel property themselves. Realistically, a lock replacement isn't something that would be approved for a single room. The same lock arrangement exists across many rooms and hostels on campus and has been used for decades. Moving off campus is also not an option, as students are generally required to stay in campus housing. So I'm mainly looking for advice on handling the roommate situation within the existing hostel rules and infrastructure.

Edit 3: Some people have suggested organizing students, filing petitions, or raising safety complaints. In theory that sounds simple, but in practice that's not how things work here. As a student, publicly challenging long-standing hostel policies can have consequences, and most students are focused on finishing their degrees rather than taking on administrative battles. There is very little incentive for others to get involved when the current system has existed for decades. I'm not looking to start a campus-wide movement over the lock system. I'm trying to figure out how to handle a roommate who regularly returns at 1–2 AM and expects me to either wake up to let her in or leave the room unsecured all night. That's the issue I'm trying to solve.

This is an update to a post I made a few months ago, called "My roommate has spent 400 hours on beans". The TLDR of the first post was that my roommate spends around 2 hours a day on cooking beans, and he's loud at night.

TLDR; my roommate has a rice cooker but he's still occupying the same amount of space and time

So: yes, I got him a rice cooker. He went on holiday, and I found him a used rice cooker that I cleaned and put in front of his door with a big bow on top. At first, he moved it out of the way. Then I wrote a note on the wall, stating that the cooker was a gift for him. After three days with no response, I wrote him a message saying that the rice cooker was a peace offering; that it was a way for him to cook in his room if the kitchen was occupied, or a way for him to reheat his beans at night should the need arize.

Then a few days later, I came home to this. The electric rice cooker, taking up about 1/4th of the stove. That was a month or two ago. Although this usage of the stove was funny and not more than mildly inconvenient, it still has been digging at me recently. Now that school and work is picking back up, I'm coming home hungry after a long day to find the stove occupied for the next 2 hours. My schedule is pretty irregular so I don't think we can come to any hard rules about this.

I also have the sneaking suspicion that he has no intention of cooking in his room. The other day I was making lasagna from scratch, and he kept asking when I'd be finished. It took me a good two hours to make it and clean up after (something I tend to avoid since I live with someone who cooks so much), and as soon as I finished, he put the rice cooker with beans on the stove. He could've started two hours earlier had he simply plugged it in in his room.

Is he an irredeemably bad roommate? no, of course not. I only came back to Reddit because I think this update is mildly infuriating and I think it'll give you a chuckle to know this man still maintains his need for beans.

There are other ways he annoys me. Like how he always has his phone on vibrate. Or how he cleans the stovetop like he lives in the military, but leaves gray soap stains on the shower wall. Or that one time I tried to leave my room in my pajamas to use the bathroom, only to see him in the kitchen directly in front of me, wearing a go-pro camera to "film his cooking". But ultimately, we ignore eachother. We coexist. Second picture shows how I got fed up and moved his beans to the sink so I could cook in peace, which works fine. I just don't understand the concept of spending two hours a day on beans when you share the smallest kitchen in the city.

Again, that's Beans Roommate.

Hello, due to my studies I moved to the big city with my big brother, the apartment is my dad's, but my brother has been living there for about 2 years. I've been living with him for 7 months now and its not working. Each of us have their own bedroom but the living room, bathroom and kitchen are shared areas. Each of us buys its own food and clean whatever each of us used. Even the drawers of the fridge are separated are we're cool with it.

The things is... he leaves shit on the toilet, and never cleans up, he fucking laughs at me when I clean it bc it reeks. He "sings" horrensdously each night when Im trying to sleep bc I have to get up early to uni. He has horrible smell, to the point that I leave all the windows and the doors open to get rid of the odor, I dont use the sofa nor the dining table because of it. I just stay in my room and use the kitchen. I've talked to my dad but he gives a shit, and thb he's kinda sexist so he doesnt mind a woman cleaning other people's shit. He even turned violent once and I had to stay in my room putting my bed against the door, he kept hitting the walls and the doors.

Rn I dont have money to get my own place, Ive talked to my brother but he refuses to change his behaviour and I dont want to live in a filthy place.

What can I do?

As I am entering my 5th year at Uni soon, I had my fair share of incidents with my roommates. In those moments when it happened, I thought I was in the right, but now I am not so sure so I was thinking of asking other people for their opinion and maybe some suggestions so it doesn't happen again. 💃🏻

As I am studying for the top 5 hardest degree worldwide 🥲, you can guess that it is a lot of work all the time. 90% of the time in a day I trade socialising and sleeping/eating for working on my projects so I can be on top of my work. If I am not at uni, I am in my room studying at the laptop day and night. I am also kind of broke so I can only afford housing offered by the University which is 🎉🎉 4 people in one 3 x 7 m room 🎉🎉.

As a result of all of this, my roommates complaint to me that they could not sleep because I am at my laptop working all night. I tried to mitigate this issue over time by not listening to music (not even with headphones), buying myself a new silent mouse, typing quieter and bringing the light of the laptop as low as I can. With all of this in mind, they still complain. I don't know that to do more and BTW I am not sacrificing my hard work by not graduating because I had unfinished projects because my roommates complained. Maybe I am selfish, idk.

Any suggestions will help and if someone experienced something similar, let me know.

Ciao! 💕

Hi so my roommate and I are sharing a place, we agreed to since the rent was low. However, my roommate is loud and comes home around most evenings. Today I let her know how unsafe I feel when someone startles me from the constant door slams after 10pm especially on weekdays when I have work the next day. Instead she takes it personally and accuses me of telling her what to do. I feel like I can’t share my problems with her as she feels like I’m bossing her. Anyone else got a roommate that’s loud but doesn’t want to admit it?

I was 19 home for the summer after my first year of college. A second cousin 2 years older than me asked to stay in my parents’ house that summer because she had an internship in our city.

She was getting paid really well but didn’t contribute to anything, was eating all our food, using all our household stuff, etc. When she left she did mail my parents a Macy’s gift card (they don’t even shop there lol but it’s the thought that counts) and even though my mom bitched about her freeloading the whole time, my parents promptly mailed it back to her because “they could never take money!” So that’s how I was raised with all those people-pleasing, bend over backwards tendencies.

ANYWAY, she was eating snacks I bought, using my toiletries in the bathroom and my laundry detergent and it was all stuff I paid for with my own money from working. I let it be to be generous and giving and hospitable. I also have issues with over-giving to gain acceptance. But then she asked to borrow a pair of black socks. I gave them and when she didn’t return them weeks later, I thought “ok, I’ll go ahead and be assertive this time.” I went into her room and asked and she looked around blankly and said, “oh I don’t know where they are.” I mean, where else could they be besides the drawer or laundry hamper but ok. I left feeling embarrassed and stingy for even asking for them back. And then she never returned them. If it had been me, I would have returned promptly or bought the person new socks.

Why are people like this? Has it happened to you? And then I proceeded to give her a nice birthday gift later and she never reciprocated. We also had taken a roadtrip to where I go to school 2.5 hrs away and I gave her gas money which she accepted. Why am *I* like this? It’s like, in the moment, I give, give, give and then much later after reflection I’m bothered by the imbalance and feel like the other person is being audacious. Wow, this went much deeper than socks! Thanks for listening.

Good evening everyone

I have faced a problem

My roommate told me today not to bring any non veg food in the room. I live in a 2 bed non AC room.

The reason he gave me was as there are statues of God in this room. So what should I do?

I always follow veg on Tuesday and Saturday so the remaining days are Monday, Wed, Thurs, Fri and Sunday. Out of which I don't bring non veg on Sunday, Monday so only 3 days remain. I have never faced such a problem so what should I do?

And I am a non violent person.

So as a pre warning my flatmate does suffer from mental health struggles, and my reaction should be cautious of this. Long story short my flatmate is incredibly reactive and I've been walking on ice for a year. They'll start all conversations with "hey guys", send personal grievances in the public chat, and constantly create rules when we all have equal rights to the home.

Day one I got asked to tell them every time I cook any food that produces an odor so that they can mentally prepare, day two I got told that I'm hanging out clothes wrong, day three I got told I'm microwaving wrong. They were blocking my parking spot earlier with their own stuff and I asked if it was okay if I park in my spot. They preferred that I didn't so I didnt go in their way, but I'll need to move my car later or risk being towed. And I know he's going to send a public chat about it.

Their dog has been causing issues and making a mess so I don't like him in my room as a result, we keep the hallway door closed, this side of the house the flatmate doesn't need to access as their room is on the other side of the house. And they keep opening the hallway door when I shut it. But if I don't shut it they'll see me come from the shower in a dressing gown which they don't like, their dog will go into my space, and the doors will slam as he has the front door open, and the slamming doors make him angry. But he'll complain the door is shut anyway.

When he sends a "hey guys" message I explain my reasoning and apologize, but how should I respond to their unreasonable demands, should I just ignore them? Or will that set them off more?

TLTR: roommate is easily annoyed and I'm walking on ice, I don't want to make things worse so what's the best way to accommodate them whilst coexisting. Moving out isn't an option for me

Summary: roommate won’t pay her half of rent, lies to everyone, always on call from 12 pm - 4 am, doesn’t clean up after herself and violates my boundaries. Might be getting kicked out soon.

Literally hate my roommate.

I’m (19F) a college student renting a room with my roommate/(old) semi-friend, 20F. I decided to do this because the rent is just $350 for both of us individually (REMEMBER. ONLY $350.) utilities included. Plus it’s in town, before this I was living with my family in the middle of nowhere.

I didn’t know coming into this how disgusting this person would be. At first it was just a couple of half drunken soda cans left out and about, which I cleaned up, it was fine. I like cleaning anyways and I told her I did. Then it quickly became fast food trash left on the floor, dishes taking up the minimal counter space we have, all added up making the room smell like something I can’t even describe.
Honestly though the cleanliness is the least of my worries. If she was a decent person just going through depression I would absolutely clean up after her and help her out. It’s just everything on top of it that’s making me go crazy.

Our landlord isn’t some scum taking advantage of young adults trying to make it work. She’s a single mom taking care of her troubled teenage son and her disabled brother. She works two jobs and donates plasma as she’s the only one making income rather than me and my roommate. She seriously deserves a lot more than $350 a month, and as my paychecks start fully coming in I plan on helping her out as much as I can.
My roommate has not paid her rent. She’s paid $200, but it’s like she refuses to pay the rest. This is our first month (August), the first of September is literally two days away. It’s not even like she can’t she just refuses to. Her cycle is this: get a job, go to the first day, then either A) call out for 9/10 shifts or just quit immediately, and claim she’s either looking for another one or already found one. She’s not been to a single shift at any job in like two weeks.

She’s an artist and recently she’s gotten a $600 commission, fully paid upfront. I asked her if she planned on using some of that to pay her rent and she told me yes, but after talking with my landlord she has only received that $200 once and every time she brings it up to her again my roommate dances around the question, apologies profusely or makes promises she doesn’t keep. What did she do with that $600? She bought $400 concert tickets and a shit ton of fast food. I know this not because she told me, but because she’s on the phone with her friends CONSTANTLY. ALL DAY EVERY DAY, ALL NIGHT EVERY NIGHT.

It’s getting unbearable. Considering I’m the only fucking person that works between the two of us I’m pretty sure I need sleep and rest. I walk three miles to work 10 hour shifts. On top of that I’m a student. I NEED SLEEP. But no, she stays on the phone until 3-4 in the morning. Even when she does decide to go to bed, she stays on call and I can hear her little discord group murmuring about whatever fucking drama of the hour they’re having. If she was normal about it I wouldn’t care half as much as I do. But it’s so insufferable because when she calls she puts on either this weird cartoonish bubbly voice or a mommy voice depending on what group/person she’s with. She doesn’t even wear headphones so I can hear her discord kitten and alpha friend group in my ear like flies. I have to wear headphones with sleep music on full volume just so I can sleep without the cringe twisting my soul. Sometimes I can hear her laugh or yell loud as fuck over it. Bitch it’s 2 in the morning go to bed. Sometimes she even wakes up before me and I wake up to the same shit I fell asleep to and it’s making me go crazy.

I don’t even want to wear the headphones sometimes but she tells me to. If she hears me playing a video or something she’s like “uhhh, so sorry so sorry 🥹 can you wear headphones?”. I have ear problems. I have narrow ear canals, so they can’t drain right. Headphones are awful for me. But no, I have to so she can call her weird ass discord friends for like 16 hours a day.

On top of THAT she literally has multiple online friend groups, where she talks shit about the two of them to the other friend groups. When I noticed that in the first few days of us renting I totally lost my trust in her. She uses the same lines like “I love them, but…” “you’re so ___, my other friends…”. Bringing the other friends down and praising the ones she’s talking to. Its manipulative. They’re all hundreds of miles away, they don’t she how she lives and what she’s like, they don’t know anything. It’s embarrassing. I think now that she knows I know what she’s like she just doesn’t talk to me anymore. We used to be cool before we rented out. It’s not even because we were best friends or anything we were both just trying to get out of bad situations.

If I’m not behind her babying her telling her to clean up after herself she literally won’t. It isn’t procrastination she literally just won’t ever do it unless it’s mentioned over and over and over. I told her to clean her side of the room, she did but because the outside garbage can was full and the next day was trash day she told me she’d take out her mountain of fast food trash and soda boxes the next day. It’s still there. That was 5 days ago. I don’t even want to tell her to do it because then she’d just get used to having me tell her to take care of herself. She doesn’t clean, she doesn’t shower. If I can’t smell the trash I can smell her B.O.

She lies CONSTANTLY. She lies to her friends about working, she tells them she goes to school, she lies to her dad about being harassed by men on the street in this town which I KNOW DOESNT HAPPEN BECAUSE SHE DOESNT GO OUT??? She lies about working too which is funny because she’s like a walking unemployed stereotype. I’m surprised her online friends haven’t caught on considering how much she’s on call. When the landlord confronted her about not paying her rent, one of her excuses was “oh since (me)’s money situation has been rough, I’ve been paying for the groceries for the two of us… once (me) has more money coming in and can buy her own groceries, I can pay my rent quicker!” YOURE LITERALLY JOBLESS. I’m getting out of a really rough situation family and money wise, so I feel like her throwing me in like that is so unacceptable. Not only that I literally haven’t touched her groceries, I eat $1 pot pies, landlords left overs she lets me eat and food from work/neighboring food places when I do have a bit of extra cash. She knows I haven’t eaten her groceries because she’s home all day every day and has not seen me even touch the mini fridge in our room. She orders groceries from the Walmart app she shares with her sister (love her to death by the way), so her sister can see the groceries she gets and knows she’s lying. I’m friends with her sister, and her sister is best friends with our landlord; it’s the only way we even got this room. (The landlord and her sister are like in their 30s, a lot older and smarter than us, they know she’s full of shit). Before this I was couch hopping on her sisters couch with my roommate, she said that I didn’t even eat enough and when I did it was like she had to force it down my throat. Not because I don’t want to eat, but because I’d rather starve than take from other people I know are struggling, too. That’s what baffles me about my roommate. She takes, she borrows and never gives back, she just expects people to work around her and give blindly. I don’t see how anyone could live with that mindset without being embarrassed with themselves. Her sister even said she’d be more willing to help me out than her sister if we were to be thrown out because she knows she will take advantage of it. I feel bad about that because I don’t want to get in between family bonds or seem like I’m one upping my roommate but compared to her the bar is in hell. It isnt even her grocery money, she either borrows from her sister or her online friends. Remember SHES JOBLESS AND BROKE. I have $1 to my name as of now and I still have more than her.

I have a boyfriend. The sweetest gentleman I’ve ever met, everyone I bring him around says two things. He’s sweet and tall (🤤) but I can’t even bring him over because she’s a fucking mess and I don’t want to bring him into filth. He says he doesn’t mind but I do. He’s heard about all of this, I talk his ear off, he knows it isn’t me but I feel like having him over whether or not she’s there will just ruin the visit because of the condition she leaves her side of the room in. One of the reasons I moved out here was to see him more often and have a place for us to hang out but I can’t even do that because of her. She’s also really weird about me bringing my boyfriend over, like god I’m so sorry you have to clean up a bit and maybe hang out somewhere else in the house while I get time with him. He works 6 days a week. I get one day with him. It’s not like I want to bring him over every day or even every week, just a few hours for maybe one or two days out of the month. Considering she’s always on the phone hootin and hollering I think it’s fair.

What makes me the most uncomfortable is her fucking MASTURBATING. She doesn’t even check to see if I’m asleep at night, if I’m quiet and still (usually just on my phone) she just assumes I am. She thinks she’s discreet about it but she’s not. Like I said she doesn’t shower so IT MAKES THE ROOM SMELL. Honestly what prompted this rampage about her was an incident that happened tonight. I have a really bad habit of not sticking up for myself, but tonight I did. I heard and smelt it so I shot up from my bed and said “Do it in the bathroom.” She immediately was like “what? WHAT!!” All defensive, I didnt respond. I’m not letting her make me feel like I’m stupid or letting her make me doubt myself. Any other night I would have just stepped out of the room and hung out in the bathroom or living room or something, but no. I sat up and I stayed on my phone without any headphones and played a mobile game. I know she was awake but for the first time she didn’t hop on a call, she stayed frozen. I’m really proud of myself. Our first day moving in her sister told me not to let her bully me or push me around but I’ve been letting her do that. Now that that bridge is crossed it won’t be so hard to respect myself and not let her cross my boundaries like that.

Honestly I fully believe she’s getting kicked out soon. My landlord knows about the issues I’ve had with her and although she sympathizes I don’t think she’ll kick her out unless rent is paid. I fully understand that as frustrating living with her is. It’s my problem, not hers. Our combined rent is $700, if she kicks her out while paying rent that’s immediately shot down to $350. But like I said my roommate hasn’t even paid her rent fully for this month, she’s still behind $150 and the first is just a couple days away. The landlord said she WILL kick her out if she has to in September and she is very close to being homeless. I feel bad about it because I know she has no where to go but I feel like I’m celebrating the day she’s thrown out. The landlord has already made it clear if she’s kicked out I can stay, my rent might go up like $50 but that’s it. Even if I can’t pay on time one month in the future she won’t kick me out because she knows I’m honest about it and knows what situation I’m trying to get out of with my family.

I don’t understand how someone can be such a filthy individual inside and out

I had a huge fight with my roommate, who I’ve shared a triple-sharing room with for around two years. We were never particularly close or best friends. We have separate friend groups and lives, but we got along fine, laughed together sometimes, and had managed living together for a long time.

The fight started over something that had been building up for me.

The night before, she asked if she could turn on the room light early in the morning to do her makeup because it was too hot in the bathroom. She had an early class while I had a much later one, and I agreed.

The issue is that she regularly does this. She often turns on the lights while the other two of us are sleeping. My other roommate is used to it and can apparently sometimes sleep with the lights on, but I genuinely cannot sleep with bright lights on. I’ve tolerated it many times before and never made a huge issue out of it, but I think I’d slowly lost my patience.

So when she turned on the brightest white light at around 7:25 a.m., I was surprised because I assumed she would at least use the softer, golden light. I asked her, admittedly in an annoyed tone, if she could switch to the golden light. She said she only needed 10 minutes, but I couldn’t properly fall asleep afterward. I’ve also been struggling with sleep recently.

Later that afternoon, I came back to the room feeling tired and extremely hot and turned on the AC. She immediately told me not to because of the electricity bill.

The thing is, we don’t have a rule that the AC can never be used. We generally try not to waste electricity, but if someone genuinely wants it on for a reasonable amount of time, we usually allow it.

What annoyed me was that she had recently used the AC for around four hours while packing. She had come back late after extending her holidays, while I came back when university started. She justified her AC usage by saying she had come back late and therefore needed it while packing. I told her that coming back late was her own choice and didn’t mean she was entitled to use the AC for hours while I couldn’t use it for even 30–40 minutes.

I admit I was already irritated from the morning and spoke annoyingly. I said something along the lines of, “Please just let me keep it on for a little while; I’ll turn it off later.”

I then went to shower and change, which took about 15 minutes. Before I had even sat down afterward, she turned the AC off. I got angry and turned it back on. She asked for the remote, and I refused because I felt like I was being denied something reasonable while she expected exceptions for herself.

That’s when the argument exploded.

She repeatedly called me extremely rude and then started saying things like, “You don’t f***king matter,” “You’re just a f**king roommate,” and repeatedly, “Now I know why your friends left you.”

She knew I’d had painful friendship issues before, which made that particular comment hurt significantly more.

I know I wasn’t innocent. I was irritated & didn’t want to give remote. But I also had plenty of personal things I knew about her that I could have used against her during the argument and deliberately didn’t because I didn’t want to permanently hurt her.

After the fight, she unfollowed me on social media and I blocked her. We currently don’t talk at all.

The difficult part is that our beds are literally right next to each other, so there is almost no physical distance. Every time I enter the room and see her, my mood immediately drops. I find myself hyperaware of her.

Our third roommate also has a very bad relationship with her and barely talks to her, but is a great friend of mine. So the room situation is now incredibly awkward.

What really confused me, though, is that literally the next day she turned the AC on for herself after arguing with me about the electricity bill. So does that rule only apply when I want to use it?

I genuinely don’t know how to move forward while having to see someone who hurt me this badly every single day for this entire year.

This is an old situation that I feel ok sharing on reddit now that I’ve graduated and will never see this insane person again. But I am still affected by it today lol.

During the Fall 2025 semester at my college, three other roommates and I lived inside the student on-campus housing apartments for 21+ seniors. We got along well with literally 0 issues. One of the roommates had to move out because she was switching to part-time status the next semester and wouldn’t be eligible for housing anymore. The new roommate to fill her spot came in the middle of the winter 2025 be semester because she was homeless due to her family situation and my school provided her with free housing. This is the most expensive housing option and she never paid for it. She was also not a senior, but a junior.

During the winter break, I’d come to check on and water my plants once a week. The first red flag was when I came back to my plant light moved, unplugged, and tucked away in a corner. The blinds were down. More than half my plants died- over $200 worth-because of being in complete darkness for a week. She apologized and told me it was her. I cried to my boyfriend about it and did nothing because it was a mistake. The plant thing became an issue again because we would leave the window blinds open for natural light to get in (the window just faced the forest, nobody walked that way). She closed it every night and never reopened it, then when I opened it one time, she said that she doesn’t want people watching her while she walks back from the bathroom after her shower. My room is even closer to the window than hers. Every time her boyfriend showered, he would walk back to the room shirtless (only a towel covering his lower half) through the living room. Idek why her boyfriend showered at our apt and I found it weird.

Literally day 2 of us coming back, she accused my roommate of watching her in the shower, but that was impossible due to the two-door layout of the bathroom. She also accused my other roommate (who is white) of being racist to her, and saying “you’re one of the good ones!” She told me, “and I know you know what that means…” because I’m Native. This was not at all what the roommate said, it was: “I’m so glad we got a nice roommate!” when they met for the first time. I heard this as I had my room door open.

That night, we had a nice chat in the living room and she told me what happened with her mom; why she was in an unstable living situation. She mentioned that she had to go to the hospital tomorrow because of an issue with her pain medication. I asked if she had a ride, she said no, I offered her one. I spent ~5 hours taking her to the emergency room and waiting for her and driving her back, where I legit almost died because of a woman driving the wrong way on the highway and nearly crashing into me. I didn’t ask her for money or any repayment. I liked her and wanted to help her- that’s it. I thought we were friends.

Thennnn she accused us of stealing/touching her things often. The first being a dollar tree sponge. I saw it on the bathroom counter for a few days and I noticed it was gone one day- I just assumed she moved it. I already told her I didn’t know what happened to it, so I didn’t reply. I also noticed we needed more dish sponges a few days before, so I bought a huge pack from Daiso. I let her know she could use those sponges if she needed. The next was pears- literally what lol. I hate pears and I’m allergic to them (OAS). This was apparently a reoccurring issue for her- but somehow this never once happened with our previous roommate.

I’m not really sure how else to say this, but she was heavily overweight and would take up almost the entire walkway in the kitchen. None of the other roommates had a problem passing by each other in the kitchen, but I couldn’t physically squeeze past her. Yet every time I would enter the kitchen, she would coincidentally have to use it the same time as me. Then I would have to awkwardly ask her to move or go all the way around the island to grab something. Every single time. When she used the kitchen, she used EVERY PART OF IT. She would have her air fryer going, pots/pans on the stove; the fridge open with her groceries on the floor in front of the door, something cooking in the oven, all the cabinets open, and the pantry door open. One time I was cooking rice and she came in the kitchen to start cooking from 10 PM and didn’t finish until 2 AM. Every time she cooked, there’d be crumbs, grease and food splatter all over the stove and kitchen island. She always left food in the sink. Her food items took up the whole pantry, all the cabinets, and the top of the fridge. She also had pans in the oven and pans perpetually on top of the stove. I have my things in a separate cart on the side with my other roommate. She sent us pics of bugs in HER food, saying that the pantry is infested and we all need to clean up more and throw all of our things away. I explained that I’m not doing that (I literally just spent $100 on groceries the day before) because that’s not mine and she started tweaking. She insisted it was bc we didn’t clean enough (LOL) that the bathroom has roaches, ants, and spiders ??? All of which Id never seen in the bathroom once and would probably scream my lungs out and run if I did.

I’d never once seen her take out the trash, but she complained about us not taking out the trash/recycling often enough. She used ONLY paper plates and plastic utensils, only single-use plastic water bottles, and huge jugs of Arizona iced tea that she would pile up in the recycling. I would try to change the trash and it would have a mountain of Poland spring water bottles that just topple over and I had to pick up one by one.

So much weird stuff. She left her things all over the living room (art supplies, cleaning supplies) even tho we have our own rooms to put things in with desks to work on. She had a TV on her desk that I would hear blasting all night through my room wall because she needed it to sleep. She did her laundry til 4 am pretty often, even washing her clothes for the entire day or more. She said she would wash her laundry multiple times to make sure it was clean. I walked out of my room one day to find her cleaning her door frame with bleach???? She always had alarms going off from 12 AM - 4 AM every 20 minutes, which I heard through my room. I never understood why. (I barely interacted with her so most of her reasoning came from overhearing her conversations with her boyfriend on FaceTime through my wall.) I never cared about noise, since I can sleep through most things… I just didn’t understand wtf was happening.

She was verbally abusive to her boyfriend, who I saw walking to the bathroom with tears in his eyes after they had an argument. She would get him to carry in and buy all her groceries for her because she didn’t have a license or a car. She opened the door for him while I was in the kitchen one time and he was holding three huge 24-packs of water bottles. She immediately yelled at him, “you got the wrong brand! That’s not the one I told you to get!” He didn’t say anything and tried to go bring it to her room, but dropped it on the way. She yelled at him “I told you not to hold it that way, now you ripped my water bottles!” Another time, he closed the door to her bedroom wrong, and she yelled “I TOLD you not to close the door like that you know it auto-locks.”She suicide-baited her boyfriend and overdosed on some drug. I know this because her room is right next to mine and I overheard some of the argument with her boyfriend: she was slamming things against my wall at 11 pm, yelled at him about breaking up with her, and then I heard her fall on the floor (I think). At this point I was super uncomfortable by her so I didn’t bother checking on her and that was absolutely not what I thought was happening. At 2 AM, paramedics were banging on our door and asking if we’ve heard from her today. I overheard her telling the paramedics she took too much of her pain medication and that her head hurts. She was in the hospital for a week. I heard her lying on the phone with another guy saying that he drugged her. She called her bf later and was screaming and crying on the phone about him not picking her up from the hospital.

She eventually emailed the RA about her one-sided issues with us, and I guess the stealing accusations is what made this become a MANDATORY roommate meeting. I told the RA I couldn’t attend, as I work at my school’s free store every day until 9 PM. RA said then we would have the meeting at 9:30, yay! I had an 8 AM class the next day. The meeting was an hour long and consisted solely of her listing off a 10+ issue list of things she had been harboring inside with no confrontations–just immediately contacting the RA. Issues that didn’t exist until she arrived.

Her boyfriend worked at the gym near campus and she told me that he would steal paper towels, toilet paper, soap, and bath towels from his job for her. She complained to the RA that she was the only one who was getting toilet paper, soap, and paper towels for the apartment and couldn’t afford to do this. One of the other roommates used her OWN dish soap and sponges and I’d seen her buy paper towels and toilet paper several times... On Feb 9th, there was an issue with melted snow leaking through our window and she used those stolen gym towels to clean the water. She left those dirty towels there for over 2 months- I asked her in April to clean them up 3 times and gave her a week. The snow had long melted (this happened once) and it was pretty much summer. On April 9th I had enough of those gross ass towels sitting there and washed + dried them for her, folded them, and put them in a clean bag in front of her door. The towels legit had MOLD stains on them and were crunchy.

I would often sleep at my friends apartments because I was too uncomfortable. I have contamination, relationship, and social OCD, which leads me to ruminate about things like this over and over and over. It was haunting me and I couldn’t have a normal interaction with any of my friends because of this. I told my close friend about this and she said her friend hates her and had a similar problem with her. I told my therapist about everything and she said this girl likely has HPD and not to engage at all. I listened and tried to keep any interactions to a minimum. I am so glad I’m free now that I’ve graduated.

There’s sooo much stuff and I haven’t even covered all of it but this post is getting very long :P but writing about it is helping me process it all lol

Edit : agh SORRY for the duplicate screenshots I was having a hard time trying to compile everything !!

My roommate has been unplugging everything from large appliances (washer, dryer) to things like TV, lamps, chargers, everything in the kitchen, anything. I’ve been asking her to stop unplugging my stuff because it is annoying. She replied that the household has always unplugged items when not in use but that’s simply not true. It’s only her doing it and some of my other past and current roommates have even expressed frustration to me about her unplugging their TVs and other items and said she’s doing too much and that they didn’t understand why she’s doing it.

It seems like she has a habit of unplugging everything but for her to want us to adopt this habit seems crazy. I have never even heard of people doing this and I don’t even know why she does it. I told her no one does that and don’t expect me to adopt her habit. Am I wrong for this? The only thing I ever grew up unplugging was things like toasters and air fryers because of fire hazards. But unplugging TVs and lamps seems insane to me.

I am going to post the full story on my page cause this is just the start. Go share it please lol

She never paid rent on time and constantly asked me for money. I calmly asked her to move out and she started breaking all my shit, tried to poison me, keyed my car, and said the most heinous things including to kill myself.

in 2020ish i moved into a townhouse with my best friend shocking to no one it ended terribly. i grew up in a chaotic environment im just built to withstand horrible conditions it did not occur to me just how bad my living conditions were until about 3 years after i left. where should we start? first thing bsf had a bf who didnt pay rent who also dominated the common area as in, in the two years i lived there i maybe got to use the tv 4x and that was only because they left me alone in the house with their 5 cats, who they didn’t ask me to watch but obviously i was going to because im not a monster. said bf also insisted on keeping the house at 68 year round even tho it was just me and gf paying the bill. but the cherry on top out of the 5 cats they had 2 of them peed on EVERYTHING. the entire house was unlivable because it STUNK of cat piss, my dog was sick, i was sick it was gross. anytime i brought it up to them that “hey maybe the cat would be happier somewhere else” they accused me of being an animal abuser (a statement they still stand by to this day. couldn’t tell u why) SO obviously i left, got written confirmation from her that she would pay my portion for the rest of the lease. but as i was packing she decided to share that they were gonna put the “piss cat” down because they didn’t want her to pee in their new apartment. still not a monster so i nabbed her. 3 years later i still have the cat (who doesn’t pee on anything anymore it was absolutely because she was unhappy) and she still has the worst bf in the world. so yknow i win. lmao.
(also for context the photo is one hallway. they peed from the first floor entry to the second floor bedrooms) it was something couldn’t invite anyone over for 2 solid years because our house smelt SO bad.

edit : the cost for the carpet after i left was over 4000$. bsf tried to get me to pay half and that’s what finally ended the friendship. oof love not being 23 and a pushover.

edit 2 : have to add. one cat box with pellets?? for 5 cats, and they never cleaned it. they also had an automatic water dish that i spent two years cleaning and refilling because if i didn’t the cats would be drinking orange slimy water smh.

tl;dr: my housemate is a misogynist, biphobe or both.

I (34M) am a bisexual man. My housemate (33M) is a very gay man.

They know I'm bi.

They decided to take issue with my girlfriend visiting me and staying over on weekends.

Only my girlfriend. They don't have any problems with any guys I've been with.

It started off with saying they feel "uncomfortable" around women.

Then it became "hey, I'd appreciate it if she weren't here." at 8pm ten minutes before she's meant to arrive.

Then it became "I thought you were queer. If i had known, i would have not moved in."

Last night because i put my foot down and told them i wouldn't ever kick them or whoever they're dating out of the house, they threw a tantrum and slammed the door as hard as they could at 12:30am.

We have separate bathrooms. I spend time with my partner in my bedroom or on the deck away from the common areas.

In no way is she in his space. He just seems to have to have the opinion that I'm not gay enough and he can't use his "it's a gay thing" card as an excuse because i also happen to be queer.

Update: He's dramatically spent the entire weekend away, probably holed up in his office. He usually complains about how it has no natural light and how that's affecting his mental health.

He's spent all of ten minutes in the apartment this weekend. He brought someone over unannounced and "chatted" right outside my bedroom door (it opens into the kitchen) much louder than he normally talks.

No idea what he was talking about because it was in Malay. But I'm pretty sure he was giving the other person a tour of the place.

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UPDATE 2: Begun, the Pettiness Has

It is now Monday. He hadn't been home all weekend because he couldn't stand to be in the same apartment as a woman, apparently.

So traumatic, it must be, that he has spent his entire time at his office.

How can I tell? He came home to shower, shave, and probably nap (He's currently on leave from one of his job, so he often works from home and naps during the day).

Had he stayed at a friend's place, he would have already done so.

He obviously wasn't expecting me to be home. I normally have classes at this time on a Monday. I happen to have an one-off schedule today, so I was home prepping for a presentation.

He walked in, leaving his bedroom door open, and had started getting his stuff ready for the day. At this moment I was in my bedroom also getting ready for the day. So I went to start making breakfast. Upon hearing the fridge being opened, he slammed his bedroom door closed.

He clearly has no intention of being civil or initiating any de-escalation with a conversation like a normal person.

So anyway, i decided to play music out-loud for once. I was in the mood for Rammstein. Not obnoxiously loud. I live in an apartment building. Just because my housemate is an asshole doesn't mean I'm going to make my neighbours suffer.

It's nothing he doesn't do. He will often play music and sing to himself while cooking, or watch Modern Family while I'm studying. It doesn't really bother me that much, as I have some pretty good headphones (Sony WH-1000XM3's, if anyone was curious). He does however expect me to vacate the room whenever he has a video call meeting with his colleagues (shan't be doing that anymore).

Within four tracks of my playlist (Deutschland, Benzin, Weit Weg, Engel), he left the apartment in a huff. He clearly wasn't able to pray (he's a Muslim) or otherwise felt like he wasn't the centre of his own world.

Can dish it out, but can't take it. He obviously thinks I'm going to apologise or cave to his rediculous demands.

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UPDATE 3: Itemised Pettiness

It's still Monday.

As it turns out, he stayed in a hotel all weekend.

I have received an email from our property manager. It looks like my housemate has tried to circumvent the situation by trying to complain to her and getting her to resolve the dispute on his terms.

Obviously that is not her job, and she's responded with an email that outlines that sentiment. It must burn him up inside to find out that the lease cannot legally restrict me from having guests over.

My housemate's response was to draft an email seeking itemised costs of all paperwork involved in breaking the tenancy as well as mentioning that he intends to itemise his hotel bill.

He has finished up by writing another email (with our property manager CC'd in) to extend the gracious offering of allowing my partner to stay on some weekends with advanced notice at a time to be later decided by him when his "mental health has improved". If I refuse, he intends to take me to the state tribunal for settling tenancy disputes and charging me for the privilege.

Our property manager has responded to this email with a desperate plea to not include them in an interpersonal dispute like this.

He thinks that because he knows how to write like a lawyer, he can intimidate me into capitulation.

He will quickly find out that I have the powers of autism and not giving a shit on my side.

It appears there may be more to come from this little drama.

My housemate got mad two weeks ago because he said he saw my boyfriend use my knife without washing it with soap. Just water. He said he was scared because it might make his girlfriend sick. So he started being passive aggressive about it. Later on, he apologized after he realized it was sloppy of hin. For two weeks my boyfriend, did not come over. The agreement was that he can come over anytime as long as his girlfriend can stay here for three weeks. I had him come over this weekend. Just in the morning, 6 am to 6 pm. Now he is acting passing aggressive again. His girlfriend stayed in the house for three weeks, including on days that we are working.

tldr: RM wants me to pay her rent, has mean girl vibes, puts me down. she is family and I love her but I also feel afraid of her and don’t know what to do.

hi both me and my roommate are girls in our twenties. we are family. I love her and care about her very much. at the same time, I’ve noticed patterns in how she acts towards others. she has a lot of conflicts with people and has a tendency to interpret others as being aggressive towards her in situations that I would have assumed were neutral. ex: we go out shopping together and she assumes every person we meet is secretly being aggressive towards her, but all i see are people who are acting normal and neutral or even friendly and nice. she speaks negatively about all of her friends behind their backs. i don’t think that I’ve ever met someone that she hasn’t spoken negatively about. the things she says about other people I don’t agree with — and I was never thinking those negative things to begin with and im surprised that she even came up with something so mean to say. to people’s face she is extremely friendly and outgoing and kind but she interprets people’s behavior towards her as negative and then tries to get back at them. she can also be passive aggressive and manipulative. she has a tendency to hold power over people socially and has a ringleader sort of personality. also she is very emotionally unstable. like im talking really really big mood swings and rapidly shifting opinions of people (one moment they are a great friend and really showed up for her, two hours later, without contact to that person, she is suddenly shit talking them because of a seemingly neutral comment that they made a week ago that she now sees as an attack).

her and I have never had a conflict. I looked up to her so much growing up, but now living with her I’m seeing things I didn’t see before. I feel nervous and anxious around her and I feel like I’m walking on eggshells a lot of the time. she has been extremely kind and generous towards me (like way over the top generous.) and I’m very grateful for that, at the same time sometimes she does so much for me I feel uncomfortable and ask her to stop or try to not to accept things but she keeps pushing. she has some really amazing qualities that i’m not listing here but just know that they exist and she is not a bad person. she does really show up for people sometimes in big ways, but on the flip side she has also bullied many people (relationally/emotionally/socially, not physically). she hasn’t bullied me but she makes a lot of comments towards me that make me feel uneasy. it feels passive aggressive. it will be stuff that’s like a subtle put down, or backhanded compliment, or just demeaning my accomplishments or me generally when I’m having a good day. I tried to bring this up to her 7 months ago (right before we moved in together) the first time I noticed it. I told her I felt like she was putting me down and making comments that hurt my feelings and it was making me feel insecure and sad and distant from her. she said she didn’t mean to and said she remembered the comments differently. she implied I was sensitive but also hugged me and apologized that I felt hurt. since then things didn’t change she would just be over the top generous again (but still subtly mean). I’ve brought it up 3 more times since then and it hasnt changed. because of that, I’ve stopped trying to communicate about it and just keep my feelings in because it hasn’t changed and I’m really scared of her reaction if she turns on me. she holds a lot of power socially, and I’ve always been very quiet and not socially motivated. I have friends but they are more like one on one deep friendships with people I feel close with, not big groups or anything. and I’m not charismatic or influential the way she is. I also don’t play social games at all but she is very good at that kind of thing.

I’m in a vulnerable place in my life right now and I feel like she was really there for me after a lot of unexpected hard things happened, but I also worry she might be taking advantage of me. rent is not distributed evenly/according to Sq footage that each of us personally has. my room is much smaller than hers. she also has like control of how everything in our apartment is done - cleaning and rules wise. she criticizes what I do a lot but I swear I’m not an unclean or bad roommate. I’ve had multiple other roommates before in college and I’ve always been the clean one, kept a very clean space, never had cleanliness issues between roommates. people have complimented how clean my past living situations have been. also I have a guy over for short periods of time 0-2x per week. he stays over probably 2x per month, and i always let her know in advance, but she doesn’t like it and asked me to stop having him over, so I stopped but she still has groups of her friends over at least once a week without giving me a heads up. additionally, she has 2 dogs, 2 cats, and a rabbit and she cleans up after them well, but they do still have accidents very frequently, and it just feels like the cleanliness standards & rules aren’t about my actual habits but rather her being able to have some power over my choices and pick at me.

oh also, she wants me to get my mom to pay for both of our rent using a fund that my mom saved for my college. she wants me to lie to my mom about how much my portion of rent is and cover all of it. she is renting to buy this house. also, her parents are well off and she has lots of money herself, she doesn’t need me to pay for her rent. I really don’t want to pay for her rent and I’m not trying to be selfish I’m just not feeling good about that.

lastly, i recently got out of a bad situation where I was severely bullied last year by close friends. it was extremely hard for a long time but I’m finally starting to feel like myself again. some of the patterns within her feel similar to the patterns that i noticed in my ex-best friend who turned our friend group against me and bullied me. I feel like this is a warning and even though nothing has happened between us yet I should just get out now before something happens. at the same time I’m afraid that if I leave and room with other girls it will trigger her to hate me and she will try to ruin my life the way my ex friend did. and I’m afraid if I stay she will grow to hate me and do the same.

also, I’m worried that my recent experience getting bullied by people who I trusted is coloring my perception and making me anxious and paranoid. she is very smart and has noticed my apprehension about certain things and has said this as well, that I may not trust her fully because of what happened to me last year, but that my lack of trust is unfounded. although she has also said that she sees herself in the ex friend I had that bullied me.

looking for advice and any similar experiences. questions about the situation welcome. apologies for the length.