I work with people who like to think of themselves as enlightened, sympathetic, accommodating human beings. But they're not. They're lovely in their own way and I like them well enough, but they do not give one single iota of shit in any real way about what others are going through, and they are ableist in ways that are shameful.

Point of clarification: I have real friends at work, friends who are wonderful and whom I love and who have tried to be helpful through my cancer. I'm not talking about them.

I was working from home today except that I had a 1.5-hour meeting in the office, right in the middle of the heat of the afternoon. It was 95F when I went in. There is construction on site so parking is a nightmare. At this point in my cancer reality, I (62F) am two years past my lumpectomy and radiation and am on exemestane after anastrozole absolutely fucking wrecked me. I tolerate exemestane better than I did anastrozole (no brain fog, pain isn't as bad), but the drug depletes my body of energy -- as in, I have zero in the tank after walking more than 30 feet. I am not sleepy; I am a car that is out of gas.

So I parked a distance away from the building because there was nothing close, hobbled the best I could while having to stop every 30 feet to rest -- I lean on a cane, which also helps with balance -- all over asphalt in the scorching sun. I make it inside the building 15 minutes before the meeting and slip into the room, hoping that no one will be there. Except someone is there. Our team leader. And she's one of the lovely, clueless, ableist people I work with. This meeting doesn't have to be in person, as most of us work from home and do so really, really well. But she likes the "synergy." And she has baked things to share. And the moment I arrive, she asks if I'm okay. ("Yes, thanks, I'm battling cancer right now" -- but I don't actually say that.) I tell her I'm fine but that I need to sit and "gather myself."

And she wants to converse. I do not have the energy to converse. I barely have the energy to refrain from telling her to fuck off, that this fucking meeting -- as genuinely useful as it is -- could have been handled easily by email OR ON FUCKING ZOOM (sorry for shouting), and she keeps talking and I finally have to say to her, "Sally, I'm sorry, I do not have enough in the tank to recover from the walk in from the parking lot and conversation. Please give me a few minutes. I'll be myself in just a few minutes."

And then she has the nerve to say, "Oh, my, well, you could have stayed home, you know."

No, I did not fucking know that. And this meeting -- a strategy meeting -- was genuinely important and I weirdly like to feel as though I'm a vital part of this place where I've worked for 20 fucking years and in which I have been considered -- prior to becoming Cancer Girl -- to be a vital part of the team.

Three in-person meetings last week that could have been held via Zoom or handled by email. (Most of us work from home. Also, in fairness to Sally, she did not schedule last week's meetings.) One of those meetings was a breakfast meeting for which they ordered a single urn of coffee for 100 people and then management chided us for grousing about the lack of promised coffee. Fuck that, too.

But here's the cherry on top.

At the meeting with the coffee shortage, a supervisor -- not my supervisor, but a supervisor, and one of the I'm-your-friend variety -- asked, "What did you do to your leg?"

"Nothing," I said.

"But you have a cane. Is it a fashion accessory?" He asked that with a little wry smile, as though he'd shared some great bon mot rather than persisted in asking really inappropriate questions.

"It helps with energy and balance."

"Energy and balance?"

"Yes. Energy and balance."

"Why?"

"Side effects from my adjuvant cancer drug."

"Oh. You still have cancer?"

(Me screaming, internally. "YES, I'M STILL BATTLING CANCER, YOU ABSOLUTELY CLUELESS FUCK WHOSE UNDERLINGS I PITY WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING THAT ISN'T BEING OBLITERATED AT THIS MOMENT BY EXEMESTANE!!!")

"Yes," I said. "I still have cancer."

"But you look fine," he said, and then added with a laugh and a WINK, "except for the cane."

Ha ha ha! Joke's on me! Ha ha ha! Cancer is so funny!

I have another meeting tomorrow (actually later today, since it's in the week hours that I post this. Thanks for the insomnia, exemestane! I love it as much as I love the incontinence!

Incontinence or not, they'd better have fucking coffee at the next meeting.

It’s honestly been a while since I’ve come on here, but I don’t know who else will understand. I don’t want to go through any more treatment or take medication. I’m 29 years old and I was diagnosed in April 2025. I completed chemotherapy last summer, radiation last fall, and I recently completed the chemo maintenance in May. I’m currently taking tamoxifen and venlafaxine daily. I also have to get injections once a month along with bone density treatment every few months. I’m constantly nauseous and I have no appetite. I’m constantly losing weight. The hot flashes are so bad that I’ve even had panic attacks. A few times I felt as though I was going to pass out. I appreciate my support system so much, but I don’t want to endure any of this anymore. When I told them, they said, I’m basically giving up.

To make things worse I’m extremely insecure because my hair hasn’t grown back properly. I look as if I have a terrible receding hairline. I’ve spent so much money on products and co-pays at the dermatologist. I was told that I have alopecia, and the only way that my hair will grow back is by paying for a hair transplant. More money to spend that I don’t have. The medical bills and the co-pays are so much. I’m just grateful that I’m still working full-time so I can try to at least make the payment plans work. Everything is so expensive. I can’t even afford to have therapy once a week.

Everyday feels extremely draining. I’m always crying. I feel like I’m always sick, and I don’t have energy most of the time. When I do have energy, it doesn’t last long. My bones sound like rice crispies. They’re always snap, crackling, and popping. I really don’t have it in me anymore.

I don’t really know if I came on here for advice, to vent, or to see if anyone else feels the same.

I think I'm more scared to start tamoxifen than I was to have my double mastectomy.

It doesn't help when I get on here and read all the horror stories.

Has anyone chosen not to take it or stopped?

After the year from literal hell, I got my first signatera result back. Stage 2 Tnbc, rcb 2 after surgery, I took my first test after radiation but before xeloda, and it’s negative 🥹

Diagnosed at the beginning of May; my biopsy results said IDC, ER+, PR-, HER2-, evidence of COL and PNI; tumor size at least 1.5 cm (based on biopsy sample).

I'm on ovarian suppression, just had my 4th shot. I was supposed to be on an AI, but my oncologist messed something up and sent a prescription for tamoxifen instead. My research shows this is not a combination I want to be on; it's all of the toxicity of tamoxifen for no gains past what ovarian suppression is already doing (this is just my own research, I realize it's very often indicated for people who can't tolerate AI). So I didn't take it. I communicated the situation to her, but she hasn't fixed it yet. So I'm still on nothing but ovarian suppression, plus all of my own diet and lifestyle changes. And I've made a lot of those! I've hugely changed my diet and really put myself and my health at the center of my life. Oh yeah and I moved out of a house whose walls were full of toxic black mold.

Today I had an ultrasound to make sure that the tumor is shrinking, and to have some real data in hand.

You guys. It's shrinking. A lot!

Claude's read of the numbers in the report says 60% linear shrinkage, 90% by area!! And that is from ovarian suppression only, plus all my lifestyle changes.

No doctor has yet talked to me about these results but I'm so, so relieved. I could feel that the original lump was smaller, but the area out to the left of there had been feeling harder, and I don't feel qualified to know what that means. And then there's been so much (I mean like so frequent -- not so bad) pain in the area lately, and the pain scared me, like maybe that's the feeling of cancer doing its cancer thing--especially given that my dx biopsy showed perineural invasion. But, no, the cancer is on the retreat, and now I have evidence. I can feel this pain with calm or even joy: that's likely the feeling of my immune system taking care of business. Now I don't mind it at all. Go body go!

My surgery is scheduled for November, and it would have been hard to go on with this pain for very much longer without some kind of data showing things are moving in the right direction, so I'm so very grateful to have that.

This is my first time posting to Reddit - be kind :). I'm 41 and am blessed with my first grandson who is 9mos old.

Roughly 12 years ago, after a long family history of cancer I had genetic testing done which came back BRCA1 positive. At the urging of my doctor I had both ovaries and tubes removed. 9 years ago I also underwent a prophylactic double mastectomy with DIEP flap reconstruction. I did not heal well and had 18-24 mos of not healing, including multiple surgeries.

3 years ago, I had a lump on the left side at about the 10 o'clock location. Went to the breast dr who after imaging determined it was an oil cyst with some necrosis. The Dr stated "your dr did such a great job getting the breast tissue you should never need another mammogram"

Fast Forward present day. Within the last year I noticed some tethering at the scar site on my left side. Didn't think anything of it, figured just the scar getting worse. Then came some pain. I also felt like the oil cyst was getting larger. So was again referred to the breast center.

Imaging and subsequent biopsy confirmed stage 2 grade 3 TNBC (I am progesterone positive but weakly). MRI does not show that it has spread to the nodes. I will do Chemo, lumpectomy, radiation.

I meet with Radiology later this week and the medical oncologist next week for my treatment plan. My surgical oncologist seems optimistic, but knows there may be some challenges due to the prior reconstruction.

I am at the point of high anxiety because I don't know exactly what to expect, my mind keeps thinking too far in the further - what about reocurrence (IKIK I can't do that to myself). How did this happen to me when my mastectomy should have greatly decreased the odds, what does that mean for the future, how can I afford this, can I still work during treatment, can I help care for my grandson. I keep trying to bring myself back to the present and live each day as it comes, but man that is so difficult.

I don't need anything - just needed to get this all out. I hope everyone is doing well and staying positive

Hi all, new to this club that no one wants to be a member of. Felt a lump in mid-July 2026, had mammo/ultrasound and biopsy in late July, and diagnosed with a stage 2A hormone negative, HER2+ tumour in left breast. I’m on a course of 6 TCHP chemo sessions every 3 weeks, had my first on 19 August. What followed was apparently a “textbook” response to the treatment: days 1-4 were fine, days 5-7 were miserable (no strength, had a bout of lightheadedness, some mild nosebleeds, mild diarrhoea, and lack of appetite), days 8-10 were better, but with some changes to my taste (everything tastes salty), and an outbreak of chemo acne. I’m on Day 14 now and feel completely normal again (except for the acne, dammit). I don’t pretend to know what the next 4-5 months will bring, but I hope my symptoms stay as mild and as manageable as they were for my first round.

I was on Threads and someone made a post saying they were scared to start chemo because they kept hearing/reading stories of adverse reactions and bad treatment side effects. I replied and said that everyone reacts to chemo differently, and that it’s more likely for people to post their bad reactions than for people to post about their completely normal reactions, and that’s why social media is full of chemo horror stories. I’m sure people have unremarkable treatments all the time, they just don’t post about them.

So come on guys, post your completely unremarkable and predictable results/reactions here. Let’s balance out the stories.

Just a short vent because I sit here for the first time. And yes scalp cooling with paxman is pain from hell. Using the port is pain from hell. (I will use something to numb it next time)

But still. After all. Finally treatment is starting. Finally I start to walk towards the end. Let's hope that enhertu is indeed the promised child for her2+ cancer.

I'm so emotional. Idk what to feel. I want to cry but also it just feels so chill. Cancer and chemo is such a weird space mentally.

Edit: for those newbies who might read it later. Scalp cooling was just shitty the first 15 minutes. After that it's quiet.. The gentle cold feeling. Kind of nice tbh​​

Yesterday a distant acquaintance who knows I had breast cancer reached out to me. This is the first I’ve heard from her in years, and never once during my diagnosis and treatment did she reach out to me - not a big deal because we don’t know each other well. She was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday and now suddenly she wants to trauma dump on me and ask a zillion questions about my experience, did I do this, did I do that, why or why not, how hard was the recovery, etc etc etc. I sidestepped the best I could by telling her my breast cancer is not her breast cancer, and my decision-making process was informed by my docs and my personal circumstances.

This isn’t the first time this has happened, and I know it won’t be the last. I once got a call from a friend’s co-worker whose ex-husband’s mom had just been diagnosed. Like, WHAT.

Anyone else tired of being the go-to breast cancer person ”expert”??

My doctors FINALLYYY got back to me and there's a plan in place. I'm doing 4 rounds of TC, specifically Docetaxel 75 mg and cyclophosphamide 600 mg.

Girlies, I am in full delulu mode and convinced I can treat this as just a temporary inconvenience LOL. ​I am 30 and fairly active so my hope is that if I treat this like I'm prepping for a body building competition (errr without insane workouts so leave out the most significant part of this analogy) I can minimize side effects. My plan is no alcohol. Aim to sleep 8-10 hours a night. Working out anywhere from 2-3 times a week with lifting weights + dance class. Nutrient rich and protein rich foods.

Anyone have any tips? Foods you had, excercise you kept up, tips for sleeping and generally keeping your energy up?

Obviously I have no idea how I'll react so before the cold hard truth of actually going through treatment hits me, I'd like to prep as much as possible.

tl;dr at the end.

Before diagnosis, I was a very sharp woman. I was a problem solver, an ideas woman, and was extremely effective in my very technical analyst role.

I took off work for 6 months during treatment because I could tell after my first TCHP chemo that it would render me completely ineffectual. Well, that and I was exhausted.

I came back to work in December, after I was done with chemo, surgery, and radiation. I had started tamoxifen, and I was still on Kadcyla, but I could handle one infusion every 3 weeks.

January, I started getting excruciating "zaps" of pain in my breast. Turns out it was nerve pain brought on by radiation recall - every time I got an infusion, my breast would swell and turn red, as if I was still going through radiation. Plus, I developed agonizing neuropathy in my feet. Like, I couldn't sleep at night because the blankets felt like someone was taking a cheese grater to the top of my feet. Walking anywhere felt like I was walking on hot coals. Freaking SUUUUUCKED.

So I started taking gabapentin. It was a GODSEND!! Between that and physical therapy, I could sleep at night. I wasn't being tortured by my breast pain. I could use my right arm again, instead of having it protectively curled over my breast all the time.

We all know chemo, including kadcyla, makes you stupid. I thought when I finished it, I'd be good after a few weeks. I finished it June 29th. I was excited to see my vocabulary come back, but I still can't retain information and I forget everything 5 minutes after learning it. I can't keep up with conversations.

Turns out, gabapentin makes you stupid, too. And tamoxifen. And because tamoxifen interacts with so many drugs, my alternatives for nerve pain are limited.

tl;dr: If it's not the kadcyla that's made me a moron, it's the gabapentin. If it's not the gabapentin, it's the tamoxifen. And because of the tamoxifen, my options for alternative pain relief are severely limited. I HATE IT HERE!!!

I've just started my first relationship since treatment and tried having sex for the first time since. It was so incredibly painful. I had no idea. How are you guys dealing with this??

hi there, I had my expanders swapped for implants 2 weeks ago. I made my goals very clear from the beginning. Smaller than my pre cancer 34Ds. Natural and minimal cleavage. My expanders were filled to 200cc’s in the OR during mastectomy and got one fill of 65cc to hit my goal. So total of 265cc. I was at that volume for 5 months and happy. During my pre op appointment my surgeon discussed that i can expect the final implants to be 50-100cc more to make up the difference in the size of the port in the expander. He also mentioned that sometimes he ends up going up a profile to avoid rippling. I didn’t know how I felt about that so he told me he usually asks the patients‘ preference the morning of surgery. He didn’t ask and maybe that’s my bad for not saying anything but I was on the fence so I trusted him. He knew my goals. I woke up to Mentor MemoryGel Boost implants which I know are supposed to hold their shape more than traditional implants. And they are 430cc. I messaged them with my concerns especially since I already had an indentation in my chest naturally (my chest is kinda bony). It didn’t bother me because it wasn’t as noticeable with the expanders. Now it’s an obvious indentation followed by a shelf from the implant. They have significantly more upper pole than I wanted and are larger than I wanted. They messaged me back about waiting until my 6 week post op appointment. But they didn’t answer my question about why my final implants were 65-110cc’s bigger than I expected plus an upgrade in profile.

anyway… I’m wondering if there’s any chance they get better. I was told I am not a candidate for fat grafting since they wouldn’t be able to get enough usable fat to make a difference for the trauma. I pretty much immediately knew they were too big but gave them a couple of weeks to see if my eyes just needed to adjust. I’m still just so confused about the big volume jump. Am I crazy or is that a lot?

Unfortunately I received the news today that I have breast cancer. I’m 35 and am diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma grade 2 ER+ PR+
That’s really all I know so far. I don’t have any family history so all of this is quite a shock and I’m trying to remain hopeful for my son. He’s only two and receiving this news sent me down a spiral where I’m now fearing the worst.
If anyone has any positive stories I’d love to hear them.

Hi there!

A few months ago I wrote here about me having to change my medication plan because my oncotype came back. I used to be on tamoxifen (but gosh it forced me into extreme zombie mode). But then my onchotype came back and my doctor suggested another treatment plan because I had a little bit higher risk of reacurance than they had thought.

I was so sad and so afraid. I asked you guys for advice and support and as always I was met with empathy and you shared your own stories.

I gave now been on the new drugs since the beginning of june. That means I am now on zoladex letrozole and kisqali. The hot flashes followed but extreme cold are definitely troubling side effects. But they can't beat the feeling of content. I love to know that I am getting the best treatment for my exact cancer.

Zoladez and letrozole are nothing compared to tamoxifen, at least for me. It is of course highly individual. But if you are in the same situation as I was a few months ago, worrying about your treatment plan - you'll be fine ❤️

I was diagnosed with Stage 1 TNBC last month. 36F, BRCA1+. I've been in high risk screening for 8 years so a part of me always felt it was a matter of time. Thankfully, it was caught really early, my tumor was 7mm.

I had a lumpectomy with sentinel node biopsy, they took 4 lymph nodes and my pathology came back clean. Seems like the tumor itself was picked up in the initial breast biopsy so I'm celebrating that win.

The next steps are are chemo + radiation. My oncologist made it sound like chemo was "my decision". I'm not here to discuss alternative healing, I'm pro science and will do whatever I need to do to decrease my risk, but I do want to understand why it was phrased as a choice? I will add that she said if it was her, she'd do chemo, but that ultimately I get to choose.

For contrast, my sister had Stage 2 TNBC and she said her oncologist never phrased it as an option but rather a requirement.

What am I misunderstanding?

I had Fistula and an abcess forming at times and it bursts and go back normal while was planning to go for surgery , this BC got diagnosed (er, pr + and her2 -) now in chemo after surgery . After my first chemo the abcess got formed again and the pain worsen so doctors suggested for Seton temporarily.
I was given general anesthesia and the seton procedure got completed in 15-20 mins. Now am feeling light numbness in the left leg able to move but couldn’t walk losing balance.. It’s been 4 hrs post the procedure and still not gaining balance to walk. When checked with doctors this general anesthesia wint cause any numbness may be it ll go off in couple of days..-am really scared thinking of chemo effects btw the first round is AC mediation.

Hi! Im two weeks post DIEP reconstruction.

Week one was actually ok. I didn't feel sadness.

Week 2 has been hard. I feel sad. I cant recall words, or the right words. Wanted to say X but only Y came to mind.

I'm dreading going back to work (remote) on Tuesday.

It's probably a lot of personal crap I guess that's weighing me down emotionally but the mental effort of recalling words .. I think it's making me wonder if I'll be able to cope with work again.

Any advice?

Hi. Diagnosed with invasive lobular in mid August. I've seen a surgeon and a plastic surgeon and I'm stuck on reconstruction or not. I know I have a few options - going flat, recon with diep flap, recon with implants (not recommended bc radiation) and goldilock closure. I just can't decide.

I think I want reconstruction, but if I get expanders and then decide I want to go flat, can we do that? What if I don't get the expanders but decide I want reconstruction later - is that possible?

A huge part of me wants this all over with as soon as possible - that part is leaning flat. But another, vainer part, wants breasts to balance out my tummy. And then a diep flap to help flatten things. It's just going to be so long until I'm done if I go that route.

Did anyone experience mild tingling/numbness in your pinky and ring finger or left shoulder for the side being treated with radiation?

I finished 11/15 sessions so far to my left breast and just started feeling it today. My radiologist said to just take Tylenol or ibuprofen with meals and it should improve in the next 2 weeks. It’s not painful, why would I take pain meds? It’s just feeling weird/not normal and am freaking out. Am I at risk for lymphedema? Should I be worried? No swelling and can still lift things. Nurse line said it’s normal since I’m in prone position.

I actually wasn’t holding the bars today like I normally have because they told me to scoot down, so now I’m spiraling thinking what if it wasn’t aligned and hit a nerve or places it wasn’t supposed to? I’m doing exercises the PT recommended to prevent lymphedema. Any advice, input, or shared experience is greatly appreciated, thanks yall.

I had contralateral breast cancer. DCIS in 2022 and DCIS and IDC in 2025. So am I a survivor or am I still a cancer patient as I continue to navigate radiation side effects and to see if I get to the 5 year mark?
In discussion with someone yesterday, they commented that I was a bc survivor.
Honestly, I don't feel like a survivor - Just had another shitty week when they found a suspicious lesion in right breast. A roller coaster week. Turns out I have necrosis. They will check again in 6 months.
How can I be a survivor, is it just because I am still here?
I am having a hard time "surviving" the mental anguish. Cancer is still stealing from me - 1 piece at a time.
Any words of wisdom from my fellow breasties?

Hi.

Stage 3 TNBC. Two tumors - one in the usual spot at 2.6cm and the other in a lymph node at 1.3cm. PET scan showed clear otherwise.

I’ve finished Taxol and will be starting A/C shortly. Recently had my surgical consult and she’s convinced we can just do a lumpectomy and radiation and be just as successful if not more so than a mastectomy and reconstruction(then radiation). She says the chance of recurrence would be about the same for me either way. That radiation would work better with a breast to work with versus the alternative.

Thoughts? Experiences?

I had so many complications with the Taxol - four blood transfusions, a hospitalization, constant fevers, etc that I’m worried that just choosing a lumpectomy will not be enough. I keep fearing that there’s another tumor cluster hiding in there. Everything that can go wrong has gone wrong and therefore will go wrong, you know?

This is the world’s worst chose your own adventure story.

So again, any advice or experience is appreciated.

To me it feels like everything that is currently going on is so much more difficult than neo-adjuvant treatment. I think with chemo and knowing surgery would follow it always felt like there was a plan and I would know what would be happening next.

Now, after not having a complete response, (triple positive breast cancer) it all feels so.....unknown. I think this is also something only cancer survivors or even people dealing with cancer understand.

I have radiation up next and when I called to make my appointment she even said "Oh you shouldn't have waited so long to call, you should have already been seen" I even explained to her that my oncologist was on vacation and had just gotten back and ever since my operation I am also not able to lift my arm by myself yet, probably due to nerve damage. Her reply was then, oh you can tell the radiotherapist. I of course get in my head sometimes and think, but what if I am TOO LATE to start radiation (MY surgery was on June 16th and I see the radiologist on Sept 14) I keep trying to remind myself to trust the timing of everything and everything is happening the way it should.

Also I should be starting tamoxifen soon, I said I would start today but my friend told me it would be better to start after radiation. I see my oncologist next week and I will tell her I haven't started it yet and ask if its ok to start after radiation. (I know everyone's cancer journey is different)

I have overall just been so much more emotional and stressed out about so many things and also that question is always looming in the back of my mind: What if it comes back? Cancer is hard ya'll and sometimes its all just a lot.

I am on my way for the breast MRI and I am super nervous and anxious actually more than as I had my biopsy

Any reassurance is welcome

Thank you

Anyone out there stay on 200 mg vs the typical 400 mg? I’m exhausted and have dropped back down. Curious to hear others experiences