Was just told that even if I was the last person on earth she would fw me 😑 now I shouldve just blew my noggin clean off right there… right ? Mind you this was at a smooth 5 in the morning

20F. This happened a few months ago, and now that I’m back from a long break, my brain decided it was the perfect time to replay it on loop.

I liked an older girl at uni. Reserved, respected, intimidating if you don’t know her. And yes, I genuinely thought she was one of the prettiest people I’d ever met. I’m newer, loud, and completely oblivious to the power dynamics at the time. Looking back yeah, there was one. She had social weight, and seemed extremely non judgmental and liberal thru her interest and the way she carried herself.

We became friends naturally. . We shared niche, weird interests. Interests I thought were so obscure no one noticed me or Atleats the people that I didn’t know didn’t notice me but surprise Apparently people did. Even people I didn’t know existed.

I flirted jokingly, like I do. Friendly, teasing banter. I make freaky jokes always have but if it actually comes to sexual situations or obvious affection, I get uncomfortable instantly. She knew this. Completely since I was barely open to anyone since I liked to seem very confident and happy. And yet, she kept giving attention, complimenting, teasing, sometimes flirting back in that “I can deny it later” style.and I took off as a joke and try not to think too much about it.

Then the rumors started. People exaggerated everything my jokes, my attention and suddenly we were “together.” Some even decided we were “cracking.” Cracking. Meanwhile, but I’m asexual and don’t date unless I fully trust the person. But apparently that didn’t stop people.

To top it off, some people speculated about her being bi/lesbian, which made her uncomfortable and extremely upset.

Then came the “talk.” Not privately. In a group. And she was extremely mad and upset so She brought up the rumors, said they made her uncomfortable, and claimed she’d been “hinting” she wasn’t interested. Hints I never noticed, attention I misread, all while she knew about my anxiety, attachment issues, and mental health struggles.

I didn’t argue. There wasn’t a point. The situation was framed like I was the problem. After that? No closure. Just distance. And coldness from both ends cus I wanted her to think I hated her even though I don’t but it was just a way of protecting myself.

Months later, I still care. Not obsessively, but anytime I see her I panic. Tight chest, stomach pains and a feeling like I wanna kms. Ans She knew this. Somehow, she’s still one of the coolest people I’ve met.

Sometimes I feel like she wants to talk. Sometimes I want to reach out. But I refuse to be the bigger person. I’ve never been treated as the bigger person. Publicly attacked, emotionally ambushed, and yet… I still care. I hope she doesn’t hate me. I really do.

Life is weird. People are weirder. And apparently, caring about someone can be a horror-comedy starring panic, attachment issues, freaky jokes, and the entire uni community misinterpreting your existence.

She knew. She shut it down. And I survived. Barely and this how I survived my first unique canon event..

Year one I was just being nice bc I was young and just friendly to everyone in any situation(not like that now, but still a nice person), but for serious how long does someone have to ignore you for you to understand they aren't interested?

So basically I just need to vent about my boy bestfriend. He is truly the one person I would do anything for. I’ve never had such a genuine connection with someone and I’ve never ever felt this way about anyone. I tell him anything and everything, knowing he’s the person I trust the most. I have a really hard time communicating with people but with him I’ve never struggled for a second. I tell him everyday how grateful I am to have him in my life. I started to catch feelings and all I wanted was to tell him everytime I saw him. It’s been about 10 months of liking him and I decided it was time to be upfront about it. Especially because I had a feeling he liked me back and all of my friends believed so also. I texted him explaining all of this and basically confessing about everything. He responded with a blurb about how much he values our friendship blah blah, but overall he does not like me back. I felt really ok with it in the moment and then it kicked in and I just havnt stopped crying. We are still going to be good friends and im choosing myself over stressing about this. As a person, I need a lot of work considering im a hormonal, confused 16 year old girl. I know we both have a lot of growing to do and maybe one day if it’s meant to be well revisit this conversation. It’s been a couple hours and I’m really at peace about what was said. I know how I feel and how he feels and it’s like now I finally am free to be whoever I want without the fear of him not liking me. My message to anyone who is scared to tell someone they like them, just remember the worst they can say is no. I’m really glad I confessed, I meant every bit of what I said and if he doesn’t realize my worth that’s his loss.