r/casualiama • u/LeadingObject2282 • 15d ago
I'm a fat mum in my early 40s. AMA
I'm a woman in my early 40s, a mum, married, and quite unapologetically fat (5'3, 264lbs). I've been overweight most of my life, but I've gotten considerably bigger over the last decade. Pregnancy certainly didn't help, and neither did the combination of working, raising kids, and being permanently tired. I really am at the point where I don't really know what else to call myself besides fat. I'm not using it as an insult toward myself, either. It's just a description. I'm a fat woman; I have a large stomach, wide hips, thick thighs, and a fairly big bum. So I figured I'd do an AMA because I'm curious what people actually want to know about the day-to-day reality of being a larger woman in her 40s.
Obviously, I reserve the right to ignore anything obviously creepy or unnecessarily rude. Otherwise, ask me anything.
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u/Numerous-Leave-2150 15d ago
Do you worry about your health long term?
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u/LeadingObject2282 14d ago
Yes, probably more than I let on. I'm at the age where I can't really tell myself that I'm young enough for everything to sort itself out eventually. As a mother, I'd like to be around and active with my kids for as long as possible. I do worry about things like diabetes, heart problems, mobility, and what my health might look like when I'm 50 or 60 if I continue on the same trajectory. At the same time, I try not to spend every day terrified about the future. I'm still living my life, and I'm trying to make better choices where I can rather than beating myself up over everything. So yeah, it's definitely something that's on my mind. I just don't think worrying about it constantly would actually help me.
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u/CanofBeans9 15d ago
What do you do for work?
Do you think the weight is related to being permanently tired, or is that just more to do with life and kids and stuff? Is your weight something you want to change or are you happy as is?
Do you feel like you had to give up a lot to have kids?
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u/LeadingObject2282 14d ago
I'm an administrative coordinator for a medium-sized company. So I spend a significant portion of my time answering emails, organising things, and booking meetings. It's mostly a desk job, which definitely doesn't help with the activity side of things. I'm not sitting down for literally eight hours without moving or anything, but I'm nowhere near as active at work as I'd like to be.
I think the thing of me being tired is probably both. Having kids absolutely contributes to me being tired. It feels like there's always something going on, but I know my weight also doesn't help. Carrying this much extra weight around all day takes quite a bit of effort, and there are things that leave me more tired than they probably would if I were smaller. As for whether I want to lose weight, I'm conflicted. I'm not sitting here thinking, "I love being this size and never want to change." There are definitely things about being this big that I don't enjoy. But at the same time, I don't hate myself. I don't think I need to spend every waking moment feeling guilty about my body either. Ideally, I would like to be smaller, particularly for my kids, but I want to approach it in a way that's sustainable rather than starving myself for three months and then gaining everything back.
And that last question is a very complicated one. I definitely gave up some freedom. Before I had kids, if my husband and me wanted to go somewhere together, we'd go without giving a second thought. Now there are school schedules, activities, appointments, meals, homework. And I really just don't have the time anymore. I've also put parts of my career on hold at various points, and there were definitely hobbies and social things that became much less frequent. But I don't really like looking at it as "I gave up my life to have children." Even though there are things I miss about being younger and having fewer responsibilities. I am still always glad that I decided to become a mum, and the good far outweighs the bad. So I guess the honest answer is that motherhood has cost me some things, but it's also given me plenty of things I wouldn't trade for anything.
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u/kinky_skittle 15d ago
Does your weight hinder you to do things that you like?
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u/LeadingObject2282 14d ago edited 13d ago
Yes, absolutely. Sometimes it's practical, sometimes it's embarrassment, and sometimes I just don't want to deal with the possibility of something going wrong. One example happened when I was invited out with some friends. They had these plastic outdoor chairs, and when I stood up to go inside, the chair actually came up with me. So I had to awkwardly push it off my arse while everyone tried not to laugh. I laughed too, but I was absolutely mortified afterwards. And I ended up becoming reluctant to go back there because I knew they'd probably remember it. Theme parks are another one. I've taken my kids to plenty of them, but there are rides I've just completely avoided because I know there's a good chance I won't fit in the seat or the the restraint won't close. One time I actually tried a ride and they just couldn't get me secured. The attendant had to tell me I couldn't ride, which was incredibly embarrassing, especially with people waiting behind me. Airplanes are similar. My hips always spill over into the seat next to me, so I normally just buy a second seat. It's expensive, but I'd rather do that than spend the entire flight worrying about invading someone's space. There are smaller things too. I'll check restaurant seating before sitting down, I've had trouble finding clothes in my size, and I've avoided activities because I knew the equipment had a weight limit. I'm not ashamed of being fat all the time, and I still go out, travel, and do things with my family. But I definitely plan around my size more than I'd like to. That's honestly one of the big reasons I'm thinking about losing weight. So things like that won't happen as much.
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u/Quarter_Shot 15d ago
What is your favorite thing to do in your freetime?
What do you wish people understood about you and your perspective?
Do you accept and love yourself as you are? If not, why?
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u/LeadingObject2282 12d ago
My favourite thing to do in my spare time is probably reading. It's something I've always enjoyed, but I appreciate it even more now that I'm a mum. Once the kids are settled and the house is finally quiet, there's nothing better than getting into bed with a book and being able to switch my brain off for a while.
I wish more people understood that there's more than one reason for being overweight. I think people can be very quick to assume they know exactly why someone is fat just by looking at them. It's not always as simple as "you eat too much and don't exercise." There are lots of different factors that can contribute to someone's weight, and everyone's situation is different. I just wish people would remember that there's an actual person behind the number on the scales.
Well, I definitely don't hate myself, and I don't think being fat makes me a bad or lesser person. But I also wouldn't honestly say that I love my body exactly as it is. There are things about my size that make everyday life harder, and there are things I'd like to change. I'm trying to get to a point where I can accept myself as I am right now while still working towards becoming healthier. I don't think those two things have to contradict each other.
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u/edward_furlog 15d ago
What tips do you have for finding clothing that fits right and is comfortable for fat bodies?
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15d ago
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u/casualiama-ModTeam 7d ago
You are not contributing to the discussion and/or you are being a nuisance or a troll with your comments and/or post.
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u/Alicatmaui 15d ago
Do you want the same for your children, or do you worry about what kind of example you are setting for them?
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u/wreathyearth 14d ago
As a fellow fat mom, how old are your kids? I'm worried being fat will keep me from playing with/having fun with mine
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u/Terrible-Fun-1193 11d ago
I would love to be smothered and eaten by a beautiful girl. Now I am turned on if she has her Boyfriend finish me off and stomach me! I belong in a sexy stomach!
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u/SevenToucan 15d ago
Ever consider a glp1?