Just joined this sub and thought you’d lovely ladies would appreciate this.

One thing I've noticed as a childfree woman who wants a childfree marriage is how often people act like a marriage isn't fully legitimate without kids.

I've heard things like:

“What man will stay with you if you're not having kids?”

“What's the point of getting married if you're not having kids?”

“Then you're basically just dating.”

“What if he wants kids and changes his mind?”

But why?

Why does the existence of a marriage suddenly need children to give it meaning?

Two people can choose each other, commit to each other, share a home, build a life together, support each other's goals, travel together, experience life together, and grow old together.

That's still a marriage.

The relationship doesn't become more “real” because two people add children to it.

And honestly, I find it strange that a childfree couple can be married for decades and people will still talk about their relationship like something is missing simply because there aren't kids involved.

A marriage is a relationship between two people.

Children can be part of someone's idea of family, but they aren't a requirement for a marriage to have love, commitment, purpose, or meaning.

I don't want a marriage that people consider complete only after kids are added.

I want a marriage where the two people involved are enough.

Why is that so difficult for people to understand?

My friend made this video and I thought it might inspire people to live life honestly with themselves and help destigmatize living child free

I am well aware that by bringing a child into the world, I would be condemning them to live in a dangerous place and if not them, then one of their descendants; at least with me, the cycle stops. I can already see the planet warming up and the world looking more and more like an episode of *Black Mirror*. Yet, for a long time, I wanted children; but not having one means saving them!

Basically I’ll have to lie to my family very soon. They’re going to think the doctor found an ovarian cyst and is going to remove it. Really this will be a bilateral salpingectomy.

I can’t tell them the truth or else they may not help me go home. They want me to have children someday and I don’t feel comfortable telling them I’m childfree. At least not until the surgery is completed.

I feel scared and guilty for deciding to lie. Which is weird cause I’m an adult. I understand that I don’t owe them grandkids or complete transparency about my medical decisions, yet my mind is panicking.

I guess I need help remembering that the surgery is absolutely worth however my family reacts to the lie. That I shouldn’t stop my plans because of them.

If they can make their own reproductive choices then I can too.

Thank you for your responses.

I always wondered why we don't push fathers (who shouldn't need pushing because it's their literal job to help raise the children he created) and other male family members to help with raising children.

This morning, my fiancé and I were at his parents' house, and the TV was tuned to the "Addik" channel. Since we don't have cable (too expensive and not enough choices), I was curious about the show called "Watson," yet another medical drama with a super-intelligent doctor. The episode was interesting and dealt with the subject of deadly infections in seemingly minor wounds, and suddenly... the character of "the lawyer girlfriend of X doctor on the medical team" arrives with a "birthday cake" for her partner... which turns out to be a HUGE cake with "I'M PREGNANT!!!" written on it.

The next scene, doctor X and his lawyer girlfriend are discussing the "situation" face to face and how to put it... it was very awkward. I don't remember the exact words, but basically it goes like this:

Woman: "I know we didn't plan this baby, but it's great, isn't it?😃

Doctor X : Oh, eh... Yeah, yeah great. It's just... Very early, I didn't expect that so fast. 😶

Woman : you're not happy? 🫪

Doctor X : Yes of course!

And then there's a whole scene with the doctor and his colleague... Horrible. As if Doctor X wasn't allowed to be unprepared, especially since the girl just threw the news at him without having discussed it.

It was like :

Co-worker : Hey, chill out dude, you'll be father! Isn't that great? 😁😉

Doctor X : Yeah, but I'm not... Ready, now...It's to soon!

The "future father" is very clearly extremely anxious about becoming a parent and really not ready, and I felt like the series was trying to shove something like "Lol, he's not ready to be a father but look, he's going to be a SUPER dad!" down our throats.

I felt very uncomfortable for this character of "Doctor X", who finds himself trapped in the plot of "Oh, look darling, WE are pregnant, isn't that great!"

This kind of plot where, as soon as a woman gets pregnant when it's NOT planned, there's no logical conversation between the partners, it's immediately: WE'RE GOING TO BE PARENTS!

I think that television shows have bombarded us with so many of these kinds of "tropes" that women are reproducing them in real life, and honestly I feel very bad for the men involved, like the doctor in the series.

I know this Reddit is for women, but I can't help but feel empathy for the men who find themselves literally stuck in this kind of situation where they "don't have the right to doubt," because "obviously," every pregnancy announcement is ALWAYS wonderful news...

And at the end of this episode, OF COURSE we see the "baby ultrasound scene", and OF COURSE the "future mom" is overflowing with joy...but the camera show the "father's face" and he is.... Poor him, I didn't have the words. He's trying so hard to being happy....

It might be a weird question, and I definitely don't want to put down women who choose to be mothers.

I'm still very young (early 20s), but as I get older I feel like my choice to never have kids intimidates some men, and for some reason, it makes me feel stronger.
It's no secret that for centuries women were controlled and exploited because of childbearing. Pregnant women, women during delivery, mothers with small kids - all of them are vulnerable to abuse and control (and to natural consequences of giving birth, of course).

And I just feel that by deciding to not have kids I kind of remove this threat from my life? And I'm very happy I live in time and country where I am allowed to choose, even if people around me don't really support this choice

I'm 37F, live alone with a small dog. Today, I woke up around 9AM, made coffee, watched some true crime then took a three hour nap. No reason, I was just burned out from the week and my couch felt perfect. My dog just napped beside me. It was perfect.

Just makes me grateful to not have kids whenever I have days like this, where I do whatever I want to do – which is often.

My husband has been watching "Suits" and I haven't really been interested mostly because Megan Markle's character is such a stupid woman trope I can't stand it. But of course I'm around the house and have absorbed most of the drama.

I don't know what season is playing but we just got to the part where Louis and his fiance broke up because she didn't want kids. She was willing to uproot her career at Harvard to move to New York. And then he wanted kids and she didn't. I loved the line "I'm willing to give something up to move here, you can't give this up for me?" LITERALLY DUDE.

Well this little issue forced me to look up spoilers because I have noticed how this writing goes so I had a hunch... and OF F$&#ING COURSE SHE CHANGES FOR MIND! Of course she's doing all the bending backwards. Now I REALLY cannot stand this show. I'll probably be mad about it for the rest of the day AT LEAST. UGH!!!

Just saw a tweet that literally said:

“When we got married I promised my wife she’d always be the person I’d love most…

I didn’t think I’d break my promise less than a year later.

I’m going to be a dad.”

I’m selfish af so if my partner told me a clump of cells had immediately replaced me as the person he loves most, I’d genuinely tweak tf out.

I hate this sentiment so much. Why does your spouse suddenly have to become second place the second you have a kid? Let alone finding out you’re pregnant. Especially for women, they’re just downgraded to incubator. Actually dry heaving rn.

But idk if I’m being too scrooge rn lmao

i don’t want people who disagree with me on this post so don’t comment if you’re gonna be nasty. anyways…. i just wanna talk about how being pregnant and pregnancy announcements, gender reveals, etc… get more recognition than if you graduate from higher education. like….i just graduated from college and barely heard a congratulations. but on my feed, it’s like congrats to every single pregnancy announcement and the sad part is it’s my own brother’s fiancée who never once said congrats to me but she will not hesitate to congratulate pregnant women she knows. this also goes for other family members of mine. i guess being pregnant gets more congrats than graduating from school lol. it’s quite sad if you ask me.

YET men have the SAME complaints once their wifes actually have their babies!!!!

I once stood in line to get food and there was a family of like 5..?

The husband started checking me out, which made me uncomfortable. Then i saw him look back at his wife back to me. It got pretty obnoxious. Then i overheard him saying, in a annoyed tone, man you really let you self go….. I looked away but from the corner of my eye i could see him pointing to me as an example. Mind you, i was definitely a few years younger than her and ive never given birth. Also I saw like 3 young kids which means she gave birth back to back, girl yikes. Oohhhh and get this! he was BIGGER THAN HER!! What is HIS excuse.

Omg i get so angry thinking about it. Imagine tying yourself to an ungrateful PIG by having his babies and becoming dependent on him. This is yet another thing a cf women will NEVER have to deal with.

I wanted to say something but then decided i didn’t want to get involved. I go my delicious order, that i didn’t have to share and could eat in peace, and left.

​

People are going to hate me for posting. I had so many people wish a kid on me knowing for a fact that I'm childfree and tokophobic. It also doesn't matter how respectful I am towards people who want kids and have kids, they still don't respect me as a child free person. It's so annoying. Here are some personal examples that I had to deal with:

\- When I was 20 years old, my mom said that I shouldn't get my tubes tied. She said that I should instead give her the baby, don't get an abortion because she doesn't believe in it just in case if I ever get pregnant by accident.

\- My auntie kept saying that I would have cute babies because it seemed like I liked white/Asian men (I've never stated my preference in men to anyone. They assumed this because I "talk and act white" and listened to kpop).

\- I was talking to my cousins and they stated that somebody they know got pregnant after meeting someone while clubbing. I said congratulations. In response, they said that I was next as a joke. I froze up and looked at my phone with a confused look on my face.

\- I told my cousin that I stopped dating someone because they wanted 2 to 4 kids (which I respect their decision, but I didn't want to change my childfree status). She acted as though I was the most ridiculous and petty person for doing something like that. She then told me that if I was to get married, I would have babies because "that's what happens anyways".

\- Growing up, my mom told me that I should give her at least one baby. She knew that I wanted to be childfree. Nobody in my family cared anyways cause they assumed that I would "mature".

\- Lastly, my parents told me that I should keep dating a guy that wanted two to four kids because I might change my mind.

These aren't even all of the things people say to me, but why is it so normalized to be rude towards childfree people. I would never try to convince anyone to not have kids. If it was any other decision, it would be rude to say that somebody would change their mind. For example, it would be rude to say that somebody would change their mind about their degree, car of choice, house, pets, etc. Imagine me coming up to a parent and telling them they'll change their mind about their children... Some people are extremely pushy about children and it's actually creepy and very rude.

I (F30) have been wondering for several months what consequences (and lack thereof) can be observed on the body of a woman who has never had children. Is it easier to manage weight flucuations? Does it have an impact on menopausal symptoms? Does the skin stay firmer? Anything else (in a positive or negative way)?

Also, natalists prove over and over again that they care more about bringing people to life than the quality of life. In a society where people are socially expected to have children, there would be more abusive and neglectful families and more people being born in economical hardships, and also many women would go through the horrible experience of pregnancy and childbirth when they could have the choice not to, and also societies where people are socially obligated to have children are more conservative by default, and not only that, but they are more misogynistic, racist, and homophobic, which brings more suffering. Many natalists admit that they would make world conditions worse just so people can have more children without caring that those children would be more likely to suffer than people in today's western world. Sorry for not explaining it well.

I was recently diagnosed with a condition for which my doctor has recommended a hysterectomy so that I don't develop cancer. I am getting a second opinion in a couple weeks. Honestly, throughout the whole process, I was so relieved that a hysterectomy would be available to me. For one, to keep me from getting cancer. But two, it will relieve me of so much societal pressure I am feeling as a 30F right now. I know that saying "I'm childfree and don't want children" is enough. But being able to say "I will not and cannot have children" feels safer to me... like I feel so safe that if I get this hyst, I am not at risk of pregnancy. I will just feel... free. I avoid sex so much because I am terrified of and honestly repulsed by pregnancy (for me).

The thing is, every time I tell my family or friends about this, the response is total despair, "oh my gosh, I'm so sorry" or "You can always adopt/foster!" I tell people, "Thank you for saying that, but I am happy with this outcome." The way people react is as if I told them someone has died. It pisses me off. The only person who has been happy and understanding about this is my amazing mother. She always makes me feel like I am enough as her daughter, whole without motherhood, and supportive of my every decision. I am very grateful to have her.

Lastly, I love children. I am an auntie to several and take my role seriously. I try to set an example of a woman thriving and doing things differently than society insists. I want to be a woman in their lives who they admire and trust. I love them dearly.

Anyway, I'll let ya'll know if that hyst happens! Love this community, enjoy your weekends 💋

In my welcome post I forgot to put the beagle task

"ChilLdReN aRe tHe fuTuRe"

— Then we are the present.

"The woRld neEds childReN"

— The world doesn't even need humans. And if it would, it needs adults, too!

Figure this out: I saw a post in another sub mentioning that "adults need to tolerate" the HOURS LONG SCREAMS of children playing in front of other people's homes; with their neverending SHRIEKS blasting through the walls. Just put noice cancelling headphones on". "Wear earplugs then." "Just move away."

Excuse me, WHAT?

This is wrong on every imaginable level.

Some a**hole even pushed that another user who said was rightfully stressed out by the shriek pollution of their neighborhood should leave their OWN HOME if playing kids are unbearably loud and "just go to a library instead".

Translation: "Screaming kids playing outside making your own home unhabitable doesn't give you the right to tell them to be more quiet! Go flee from your only safe private space instead! Leave the of the sanctuary of your own fucking home if my precious Bratleigh, who is more worth than 10 of you worthless adults combined, keeps psychologically assaulting you by critically rising your adrenaline and cortisol levels."

Hell no.

I just need to vent. I’m a hairstylist, and I work in a suite style setting. My coworker directly next to me had a baby last year, and ever since returning to work, the baby comes with her most of the time. There’s a day or two where her mom will watch him. Otherwise, he’s here for 8 hours with her. Screaming, crying, kids YouTube videos being played at full blast, you get the picture. We don’t have full walls that separate us, so there is absolutely nothing to drown out the noise. It’s so irritating and inconsiderate, and my clients pay good money to come in here and relax AWAY FROM their own children. They were patient initially, but they’re getting extremely annoyed now that it’s been going on for 8 months.

What’s worse, her family has A LOT of money. It’s not a case of a single mom who is struggling to make things work, they just don’t feel like putting him in childcare for whatever reason.

Also, having a baby around chemicals and fumes all day can’t be good, right? Like why do I care more about your child’s health than you do? What makes it worse, I seem to be the only stylist in the building who has a problem with it. Everyone else are parents, and stop by her suite to “ooh” and “ahh” at the baby. It’s very isolating to be the only one bothered by it (they also don’t work anywhere near her) so I gaslight myself into thinking I’m overreacting.

I’m afraid to complain because everyone will know it’s me, but also don’t feel like dealing with a loud, chaotic work environment. How would you all handle this?

Edited for spelling/punctuation error

I have this friend that I was hanging out with more and more, really putting in the effort to make a good connection since I don't know many people where I live now. I've know her for about two years. She was pregnant when we met and I was very supportive and generous during that. She disappeared for a few months post-partum as she was taking care of the baby, which was totally understandable and since it was a new friendship. This past year, we started hanging out again and establishing a nice friendship. Sometimes she would bring her kid to the coffee shop, which again, I totally understood. Here is where it went sideways and I am curious if anyone ever faced something similar: the last time we hung out, I went to her house after much planning. I brought her a hostess gift (they just bought the house and my first time there). I arrive and she has nothing set up, planned, or cleaned. Again, I am understanding and just smile and help. Then the child who is about 1.5 years old now starts coughing, badly, all over the place, and it is clear she has been very sick for a while. I freeze. It's too late to really leave because the kid just coughed all over me and has been touching everything I touched. We had a nice conversation, and eventually I leave, hoping I didn't get sick. Of course, I got sick. Deathly sick. In bed for a week, hallucinating, struggling to breathe. It must have been a nasty sickness that kid had.

I am super bothered that my friend didn't warn me her kid was sick because I wouldn't have come over. I find it really disrespectful and inconsiderate, especially since she knew I was dealing with a lot of busy things (selling house, renovations, personal things). I had to delay putting the house up for sale by one week because of this and it caused a whole thing with the agent. But she is otherwise very nice, and we've talked about some deep topics well together, so I bring it up. She texts me to confirm our next hang out and I say I can't go because I am actually in bed sick after catching it from her kid. She is apologetic and I thought we talked it out nicely. She said she debated whether to tell me but didn't want to seem flaky. I said I understood and that next time not to worry, just tell me and I'll understand. We leave as she will let me know when to hang out next. That was three months ago. I feel really disappointed and sad she has just ghosted me. I understand feeling a little awkward, but this feels so immature. It's hard enough to make a new friend as an adult. I'm not sure what else I could have done to be understanding while still being real. Is it too difficult to be friends between a childfree woman and mother nowadays? The constant schedule changes and incessant interruptions I could be more understanding of, but not warning people when your kid is spreading disease is too far imo. Or AITA for saying anything?

Soo, the title says it. It’s their life ofcourse but i was a little disappointed. It’s nice to see fellow cf people live their life and it feels a little awkward when they change their strong stance because they met someone who, apparently can change their mind. It kind of validates the bingo we cf people often get “ well what if you meet someone who wants kids”? Everyone is allowed to live their life the way they desire and even change their mind about things. Being cf is not a cult but a person choice. But in a world that is pushing so hard to change us, i do feel something when i see another one “bite the dust”, even though it’s not completely fair to feel that way. Life isn’t about proving a point to others.