I have a bilateral cleft lip and palate. Throughout my life I am plagued with my multiple dental issues. 5-6 years of braces, large cavities at all my molars before 20 years old, now have almost cavities here and there yearly. Had a few root canal too. Been trying to control my diet but these dental issues are still there.

Is this a cleft thing? I have persistent dry mouth as I still have a gap in my palate.

What kind of retainers do you use too? Thinking of changing from Hawley to Essix.

Hello, I have a unilateral cleft lip and palate and I would just like to know your opinion if I should redo my lips and also what type of operation I should have to make my lips more symmetrical.

Thanks in advance

In popular culture I have seen way too many times people make fun of people with cleft lips, or somehow turn it into a punchline....and it always makes me very sad.

I've seen stand up comics use it as a joke

I have seen TV shows that have used it also as comic material (Schitts Creek)

Most recently, my favorite author and humorist David Sedaris, in his new book "The Land and Its People" (2026) said that he was tired of receiving Smile Train mailings because it gives him the creeps to see human "jack-o-lanterns"

At that moment I chucked the book in the trash and broke down and cried. Why are we the punchline of so many jokes.

It is NOT OK. ANYONE ELSE FEEL THIS, TOO??

Hi everyone — my name is Matt. I wanted to check in and see whether there are any other LGBTQ+ members in this group.

while i’v been able to form good friendships and meet partners i’m genuinely both physically and romantically connected with. I feel like being part of a community that can sometimes be very appearance-focused, while also navigating the insecurities and challenges that can come with having a cleft lip/palate, creates a really specific experience that can feel doubly hard—and sometimes pretty isolating.

I’d love to hear from anyone who relates: how you’ve navigated dating, confidence, body image, or just finding your place in the LGBTQ+ community. I’d also genuinely love to connect with some like-minded people, whether that means sharing advice, commiserating, or even making a new friend who understands this particular intersection.
Feel free to comment or message me privately. It would mean a lot to know I’m not the only one navigating this. ❤️

Honestly guys I’m so tired of having a cleft lip. I just got rejected today from a guy who was also my friend and just seeing all my friends get into relationships so easily is so hard especially as a younger girl. Having a cleft lip has done irreversible damage to my confidence and my social anxiety. I hate meeting new people and having them stare at my lips. Yes I know I need therapy and need to think positive but it feels impossible knowing I’m going to have to live with this for the rest of my life. I’m no longer a follower of Christianity because I feel like my one chance at life has failed. I don’t have the confidence like other people with cleft lips or empowerment. I’m growing resentment towards my parents for even choosing this when I’m in a lower class household. I’ve always wanted to experience that teenage romance and yet nothing. How am I even going to find someone to marry if I can’t even find someone to like me back? I used to think it was insecurity but no I just want to be normal. I don’t even know what I did to deserve this.

Olá! Estou aqui porque sou mãe de uma bebê com fissura lábio palatina bilateral. Ela ainda está com 3m de vida e vai fazer a primeira cirurgia aos 6m. Entrei nessa comunidade pra ler os relatos e aprender com vocês um pouco mais sobre a realidade de quem convive com a fenda palatina. Aceito sugestões e dicas pra aplicar na vida dela, principalmente sobre autoestima, pois é uma das minhas maiores preocupações.

After a cleft palate is closed, is there a “soft spot” left on the roof of the mouth? Sorry if it’s a weird question, but I’m curious and Google can’t give me a clear answer. My understanding is that cleft palates is the bone on the roof of the mouth not forming together.

I'm a 22-year-old second-year B.Tech student. I was born with a cleft condition and I'm still undergoing treatment. Most of the time I manage fine, but when it comes to dating and relationships, I often feel like my looks and my voice are holding me back.

I've never been in a relationship, and over the years I've started wondering if I'm simply not lovable.

Last year, one of my friends introduced me to a girl. I was in my first year and she was in 12th grade. We talked regularly for about 2–3 months. The idea was simple: get to know each other, meet in person, and then decide whether we wanted to take things further.

When we finally met, everything seemed to go well. We had a good conversation and I felt positive about it. But when I later asked her where she saw things going, she never gave a clear answer. She said she needed time and suggested we could just be friends.

I told her honestly that we both knew this wasn't started with the intention of being just friends. We were getting to know each other to see if there was potential for something more.

About a week later, I found out she was already in a relationship with someone else.

That hit me hard. Not because she wasn't interested, but because I felt like I had been led on. I spent a long time blaming myself, wondering what was wrong with me and whether my appearance or condition was the reason.

Since then, I've been stuck with this question: am I genuinely unlovable, or am I letting one bad experience define how I see myself?

Part of me wants to put myself out there and try again. Another part of me is tired and wants to stop caring about relationships altogether.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you move past it? What should I do now ⁉️

Hey everyone,

I’m 18 and looking to make some new friends. Living with a cleft lip can get pretty lonely at times, and I’d love to connect with others who relate or just need someone supportive to talk to.

I’d naturally prefer connecting with girls around my age, but anyone is genuinely welcome to reach out. We can talk about shared experiences, vent about a rough day, or just chat about hobbies and daily life.

Feel free to send a DM or leave a comment anytime!

Hi everyone, I wanted to share my experience and hopefully connect with others who have gone through something similar. I’m 17 and was born with a unilateral cleft lip and palate on the left side, which also affects my left nostril.

I’ve always struggled with socializing both at school and outside of school, and it’s something that affects me in my everyday life. I’m often scared or insecure about my appearance and the way I sound, especially because I was made fun of and called names growing up.

I’m currently a senior in high school, and I’m hoping to eventually learn more about my options as I get older. I’d also really appreciate any advice from people here on how you’ve gotten over the fear of being judged or became more comfortable with yourself. I’d love to hear from anyone who can relate.

This is my first time posting here, so I'm honestly a little nervous. I just want to share something I've been carrying for like a little long time alr. I don't necessarily need anyone to fix it.. I think I just want to be heard.

I was born with a cleft lip only. Well, except that I don't have the little thing at the back of my mouth (the bell thing)—it was just naturally split into two since birth. So, I only had one surgery for my lip when I was like 2. As I grew up, people started bullying me because of my voice. Now that I'm 18 (I do sound like I'm 13. My family says I sound okay but nah I doubted), I do admit that I've started listening more to my positive thoughts—like, "Ignore those criticisms about you. Who cares? What can they contribute to your life or your success anyway?" None. So, get your ass up, focus on yourself, and do what makes you happy.

But aside from all of that, there's another side of me. And honestly, one thing really broke me when I found out that when I was born, everyone was like having these reactions because they didn't expect me to be born with this condition. My maternal family (esp mama's cousins, mama's sisters— my aunts— were just shocked when they went to the hospital and found out that I turned out like this but mama's cousins? they're worse) was even ashamed of me when I was brought home. They (mother's relatives) bullied my mother and me, saying that they didn't have this kind of condition in their family line at all. I was also told that one time, when I had a fever, no one would dare to take care of me. My mother was abroad working, and my father was supposed to take care of us while she was away working for our family. My father was also working, though, and he made excuses, saying that there was no one who could take care of me at home. At that time, we were living in my paternal grandmother's house.

I have two other siblings, both boys, and they were born without any condition. My eldest brother was very adored when he was born. My parents even prepared for his arrival. But when it came to me? Nothing. They didn't even prepare money for my mother's delivery. Then there was my younger brother, the third child since I'm the middle child. He was also adored because he was born just as expected and a jackpot that he got the fair skin that my mama has —what they would call him "a handsome baby boy."

No one from my paternal side of the family even dared to come to the hospital when I was born. My maternal side of family is ashamed of me. Imagine the only girl as the child of you guys' pretty cousin just came out with a condition.

That's why, when I found out, I have this hatred toward them..

And there's another thing.

I have very pretty cousins from my paternal side of the family. I've been close with these cousins since we were little, probably since I was around nine years old until now. I love them, but I still have this feeling deep inside that I'm the only one who's different. They have such pretty faces, beautiful voices, good personalities, good grades, and they've even had boyfriends.

While me? I don't know.

Sometimes, I just lowkey want to disappear.

Another thing that really hurt me was finding out that when I had that fever (the one I mentioned just few words away), no one wanted to take care of me. My favorite grandma, from my maternal side—my mom's mother, the one who defended me (when they tease me) and eventually told me all of this, said that she was actually on her way to sail to another city when it happened. She told me that my father came running to me and held me while I was shivering with a fever. He called her because he wanted me to go with her.

Because again, no one f dared to take care of me at home.

My father had work. I had relatives who acted like hyp0crites. So who was going to take care of me?

Thankfully, grandma said she took me with her. She took care of me and even bought my medicine at the very last minute before the boat sailed.

(I don't want to cry, but I'm literally crying while typing this hahaha)

She told me that during my toddler years, I was mostly in her care. My father would just come to her house to pick me up, and then the next day, he would drop me off at my grandma's again and go to work. My childhood was mostly spent with my aunts—my mom's younger sisters. They're adults, obviously, and they also helped take care of me.

It's just. I really wanted to let this out.

There still this part of me that's hurting, even though I was so close to finally being able to fully focus on positive thoughts and stop letting those hurtful things affect me?

I just can't help the fact that they did those things to me and to my mom.

For the longest time, I thought they were okay with me. I thought they accepted me.

But finding out the truth about how they were ashamed of me when I was born...

I don't know.

That's the part of me that still hurts.

Because I didn't deserve to be treated like I was something to be ashamed of.

So, for now, I don't really have much contact with my maternal side of the family aside from my grandma, since she has a phone and she's the one I'm still close with. If I ever get to talk to the rest of them again, I feel like it would probably be awkward. I don't even know how I'd act around them after knowing all of this.

As for my paternal side, I do have these great cousins of mine (yes, the pretty cousins ) who've been there with me since we were little. I love them, and I don't blame them for any of this. They're actually some of the people I'm closest to.

It's just... I don't really want to talk to them about this. I want to be heard, but somehow, I don't want to be heard by the people who are actually around me. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe because they're part of the family I'm talking about, even though they personally haven't done anything wrong.

As for my uncles and aunts on my paternal side, we don't really talk much either. If we do, it's usually just awkward small talk.

I guess that's another reason why I'm posting this here. I can finally say all of this without having to look at anyone's face afterward. Lmao. I just wanted to let it out somewhere.

Soo yeah, I don't really know what else to say. My maternal grandma just opened this up when I finally asked that time what their reaction was when I was born.

Maybe I'll eventually stop letting this truth hurt me.

Maybe I won't. I don't know.

But I know one thing is just.. I was just a baby. I didn't choose to be born with a cleft. And mostly again.. me, we- we don't deserve to be treated just because we have a cleft. We deserve to be treated better.

Anyway... thank you if you actually read all of this. really, I appreciated it. I just really needed to get it off my chest. :)

My first boyfriend broke up with me because of his mental health. He has a bipolar mother who takes up so much of his time, and he said he can’t be in a relationship.
I feel terrible. He’s a wonderful man—one of the few truly good ones.
I don’t know how I’ll ever get over this breakup because it feels like I lost someone I’ll never find in anyone else.
I’m so depressed. I keep thinking that no one else will ever notice me or love me for who I am.

Hi everyone, I have a cleft lip and palate and I'm starting to think about applying for jobs. I'm curious how others here handle their disability when applying.

Do you mention your cleft lip/palate on your resume/CV, or do you leave it out and only mention it if necessary?

I'd really appreciate hearing about your experiences. Thanks!

Hi, I have started to run for the first time ever for personal fitness, but I have trouble breathing and I took more breaks than I should have ran. I have a unilateral cleft lip and palate but it makes it harder to breathe when I inhale through the nose and exhale through my mouth. What should I do to improve my breathing and practice breathing techniques better since I feel like I have allergies for some reason and it’s difficult to keep my breathing steady

Hey guys, Currently I have decided to build my career in tech sector for which I am pursuing Btech CSE. Did I do the right thing bcz I thought in this field I have to talk less and don't have to present myself to the peoples frequently. I just wanted a carrier to do my work silently and without any public approach.

Can anyone suggest which skills should I learn to get a job of this type and it would be best if it could be a remote job too.

Hey everyone,

Following up on my previous thoughts about finally tackling my cleft lip scar, unbalanced nose, and overall lip asymmetry. I’ve decided I want to look into going to Seoul to get everything done together: the philtrum scar revision, lip reshaping/adjustment, and a cleft rhinoplasty.

Since I want these three areas addressed simultaneously (as they are all structurally connected in cleft cases), I've been researching clinics in Korea that specialize in lips and noses. Right now, I'm heavily looking into specialist clnics, Choi Wooshik Noselip Plastic Surgery and Geurim Plastic Surgery as they both seem to

focus a lot on lips and philtrum revisions.

• Has anyone here had a cleft-related revision (philtrum scar, lip, and nose) done at either of these clinics?
• Is South Korea really at the highest level in the world for cleft lip and palate surgeries?
• Are there other specific clinics or specialists in Seoul known for handling cleft scar/nose/lip combos well that I should add to my list?

Any honest feedback, advice, or shared experiences would mean a lot. Thanks in advance!

Always hated my scar, do my lips look even yet?

It’s been a year since my cleft lip revision and revision rhinoplasty! So worth every cent, the surgeon managed to even restore my cupids bow and made my nose tip more proportionate + slimmer but also somehow made it wayyy easier to breathe. I’ve accepted it’ll never be fully symmetrical solely bc my cleft lip went through the left nostril and they basically had to build one but it genuinely functions so much better now :)

Hi! I am looking to connect with some new people who want to form friendships with others who have also experienced having a cleft lip and/or palate. I love listening to music, spending time outside, video games, working out, baking, grabbing tea, and doing very low key activities.

Hi all.

So like many here, I was born with a cleft lip and palate. This has led to difficulty breathing with my nose. I can breathe with my nose, but not all the time. Breathing with my nose is inconsistent.

Now, I am interested in swimming. I haven't swam for many, many years. Back then, I wasn't as focused on breathing with my nose. I think I mainly breathed through my mouth.

These days I am trying to breathe through my nose more, but it is difficult and as mentioned, inconsistent.

Now breathing with my mouth whilst swimming sounds like it could be awkward and not ideal.

So does anyone have any suggestions on how to breathe whilst swimming? Any advice? Is breathing with the mouth when swimming not awkward at all? I am imagining it will be

Hii did any of you restarted speech therapy at an older age? My speech still sounds like shit. But tbh I am kinda too tired to start speech therapy again. I hate my speech but on the other hand I really hate it that everyone around me doesn't need speech therapy and sound better than me after a history of 8 years of speech therapy + pharynxplasty. Not sure how to get past that feeling of hopelesness. I know that nothing will change if I think like that but it just feels so unfair. I really get treated different because of my speech (and the way I look). Now I just sit in my room all day. I avoid people in general. I don't want to be seen or heard. I just nodd my head but don't want to say a word. I've hated my speech for so long. At school I also rarely spoke. Don't know if speech therapy will be even worth it. I don't even know how to live with myself. Struggled with depression and sui ideation since I was 9. I am 20 now.

Also how do yall move on after secondary revisions. After jaw surgery I only the life that I could've had if I weren't born with clp. Jaw surgery helped me so much. I really really hated my severe underbite and it was so painful having to wait for so long. Still waiting to get rhinoplasty though.

Sorry it's kind of venting/ asking for advice/ experiences.

like theres no way I’ll ever even be normal 😆😆 I’ll be ugly forever because of this shit and even surgery isn’t really effective.. i hate god

ALL İ EVER WQNTED WAS NORMAL FACE .just NORMAL

Reposting because I had to replace the photos — the original ones weren’t cropped properly. The text is otherwise the same.

My treatment was done by a doctor in Michoacán, Mexico, at a public children’s hospital. Honestly, I think the result turned out pretty well.
I was born with a cleft lip and gum/alveolar cleft on the left side. I did not have a cleft palate. After around four surgeries, this was the final result.
Now, 10 years after my last nose surgery, I still love the way it looks aesthetically. However, my septum had become deviated, possibly due to the asymmetry related to my cleft, even though my lip and gum/alveolar cleft had been completely repaired.
I’ve now had my second nose surgery, this time with an ENT surgeon, to correct the deviation and improve the functional side. We agreed to keep the appearance of my nose basically the same and focus mainly on improving my breathing.
I’d love to hear what you think, especially about the lip and the overall result.

I'm a month post op my double jaw surgery and I am sad that I still have a flat face and my side profile could honestly still pass as "not normal". My cleft scar never really bothered me but my underbite always has cause it makes me look disfigured. At least now I don't have a jetting out bottom lip but I am still sorta sad that it didn't fix all my problems as I hoped and my nose appears a little bigger too, now that its projected more. But yeah just here to complain, but on the bright side my breathing is soooo much better its insane how much better it feels.