Gender Ew-Phoria [OC]

[u/sofiatroni]

[u/Square-Singer]

Interestingly, depending on where you are, these terms aren't gender-specific.

In the UK midlands it's quite common for older women to use exactly the same terms on younger men.

As someone who's not from there but spent significant amounts of time there when I was a young man, this is proper weird.

(Just for clarification, I didn't call the people using these terms weird. I'm from a region where terms like that are reserved for romantic partners or maybe your children, so it was weird to me getting adressed with very intimate terms by strangers.)

[u/JakeJascob → u/Square-Singer]

Same with the american south

[u/ExtraNoodles → u/JakeJascob]

Came here to say the same thing. I loved being a transplant living in Nola. All the old ladies were so nice to my friends and I.

Like we've got sweet grandmas up in New England, but I haven't been called "sugar" by anyone since I moved home.

[u/Dialaninja → u/ExtraNoodles]

At least in the south shore area I often have older women say things like ‘hun/hon’, no ‘sugar’ though. 

[u/Healthy-Confection66 → u/Dialaninja]

All older ladies in my family use ‘sugar’ as a name or ‘gimme some sugar’ meaning come give me a kiss lol

[u/walker3342 → u/Healthy-Confection66]

“I’d give you more sugar, grandma, if you didn’t have adult onset diabetes.”

[u/ianswer-rhetoricalqs → u/ExtraNoodles]

If someone you dont know in New England calls you "Sugar," call the cops, like right then.

[u/WeNotAmBeIs → u/ianswer-rhetoricalqs]

My family is from rural Alabama. I'm a guy but when I visit I get called "Honey, sugar, baby, and sweetie" by complete strangers.

[u/Squirrel698 → u/ianswer-rhetoricalqs]

Oh? Why is that

[u/LunaTunaMaca → u/Squirrel698]

I assume because it would be hella creepy! I'm in the Boston area. We call each other "kid". Hey kid!

[u/Regular_Custard_4483 → u/Squirrel698]

Nobody says stuff like that to strangers up here. It's just not our way. We're still friendly, just not like that. 

[u/5WattBulb → u/ianswer-rhetoricalqs]

Definately. This doesnt work in the north east, its just really suspicious. But Im from New Jersey, where "up yours!" Is considered a polite greeting.

[u/LtColShinySides → u/ExtraNoodles]

Whenever I visited family in Alabama I'd get hit with "shuga" and "darlin" a lot! Didn't hate it lol

[u/RandumbStoner → u/LtColShinySides]

"Aw Sugar, bless your heart."

I grew up and live in the deep south, I understand 100%, been called that my whole life lol

[u/Deckacheck → u/ExtraNoodles]

I live in Minnesota so it's not very common, but one of the restaurants I frequent has a sweet older lady with a thick southern accent, and she always calls me sugar, love, or darling, and it makes me feel so nice every time

[u/DustyRacoonDad → u/JakeJascob]

Yep. As a large bearded dude I still get called darling and sweetheart for doing things like holding the door open, for helping someone get something off the top of a shelf.

[u/hydroxyl_groups → u/DustyRacoonDad]

Do you usually get them from men you are helping?

[u/DustyRacoonDad → u/hydroxyl_groups]

I’d be lying if I said I never have... but it’s usually the opposite sex, and not just old ladies like the trope.

[u/Strange_Chard_2183 → u/JakeJascob]

From the Ozarks I always heard the older women in my life calling the young bucks and belles, sugar, honey, darling, and mon cheri.

[u/FMLwtfDoID → u/Strange_Chard_2183]

Also from the Ozarks and can confirm. It’s a weird area in the US that has similarities to classic Midwestern, Appalachian, and Southern American cultures. But still distinct in being Ozarkian.
Another fun note: The Ozark ‘mountains’ are only the rolling root hills you see today because they’re about a billion years older than the Appalachian or Scottish Highland Mountains. So, when you hear someone say “The Smokies are older than bones”, (because they were formed long before vertebrates walked the earth) just remember the Ozarks are about a billion years older.

[u/ResultsVary → u/FMLwtfDoID]

Came for the neat comic, Stayed for the interesting facts about the Ozarks.

[u/Jonathan_the_Nerd → u/FMLwtfDoID]

Wow. TIL.

[u/Tough_Preparation830 → u/FMLwtfDoID]

Makes me wanna go camping over there

[u/sissyboypet → u/FMLwtfDoID]

Also from the Ozark area currently in Heber springs Arkansas since last year but went to the trade school there two years ago when I was 17

[u/buttorsomething → u/JakeJascob]

You’re damn right. It’s always suga/darlin/baby/other thing that a women would say to a young man.

[u/the_living_myth → u/JakeJascob]

agreed. i’ve lived in georgia my whole life, and get this all the time. i’ve gotten every variant of sugar, sweetheart, honey, baby, dear, darling, doll, love, etc., from both women and men. it’s people being nice - it’s like water off a duck’s back after a while

[u/Acceptable-Ad-3560 → u/JakeJascob]

I moved from the south to the north and had to train myself out of this, because of people taking it the wrong way. Used to call literally everyone sweetheart, man or woman, strangers or friends.Then people here thought I was flirting.

Still tend to refer to people as miss/mr first name which gets me looks, and have been directly recognized as a transplant as a result. Honestly still going to teach my kid to do that/use maam and sir (with people other than my husband and I at least) because it just feels weird/wrong not to.

[u/hailkelemvor → u/Acceptable-Ad-3560]

I'll be in the ground when I stop speaking like this, lmao. Moving to the PNW was a weird one, bc people are nice but not sweet like back home, if that makes sense? Plus, I can practically feel the malice radiating from the spectral form of my mother if I even dream of addressing an elder without Ms/Mr.

[u/Acceptable-Ad-3560 → u/hailkelemvor]

Lmao YESSSS that exactly, like even though no one here would take it wrong I would just feel like I was being disrespectful and was going to be in trouble

[u/XMugetsu_SamaX → u/JakeJascob]

I live in Mississippi, and I was so confused about what was wrong with what they were saying. lol These are some of the most normal interactions you'll get down south

[u/HH_Creations → u/JakeJascob]

Lol yeah! I read this as a Texan and was confused haha

[u/ADepressedTeddy → u/Square-Singer]

Yeah I don't know how it is for other parts of the UK but being from Nottingham, basically all of these are used for any gender, not super often anymore, and mostly by older folks. The classic Nottingham one is "duck" as in "you alright duck?" I got called that by a male bus driver, and at the time I was pretty masc presenting so, just depends on the age of the person and where you are

[u/XyRabbit → u/ADepressedTeddy]

I'm in the Northeast Midlands and everyone is a duck here. He's a duck, she's a duck. I wish they called kids ducklings but nope... Just ducks

[u/BlahajIsGod → u/XyRabbit]

Ducks? Believe it or not: ducks.

[u/cortesoft → u/XyRabbit]

What the duck?

[u/alexwhit80 → u/ADepressedTeddy]

Being called “Duck” takes me back to being a child and seeing my dad’s side of the family that live in Nottingham.

[u/ADepressedTeddy → u/alexwhit80]

You'll probably be glad to know it's still being used, and you can even find "merch" stuff of it, like a decoration that says "ey up me duck" and stuff like that.

[u/Square-Singer → u/ADepressedTeddy]

My job caused me to move around the midlands and South Wales quite a bit, and that kind of stuff is super region-dependent. Every county and many larger cities have their own way of addressing strangers and people you barely know with endearing terms. Duck, bud, butt (common in South Wales), bab, chuck, love, sweetheart, dear, mate, ...

Usually each place also has a fitting greeting to accompany that term: 'right, butt? Ey up, duck?

You can really pinpoint where someone's from based on how they greet strangers.

(It's been 15 years since I last was over there, so things might have changed in the meantime.)

[u/No_Statement440 → u/Square-Singer]

That is interesting about South Wales using "butt." There's an area here In NE Pennsylvania that I spent a good amount of time in, they use butt as well. It led to some very weird and tense interactions as a teenager when I first moved there. A kid walks up to me at a park we were playing basketball at, I can tell he's angry, but I don't know him either way. He says "Ho butt, didn't I see you up the A-hole, butt?" I was annoyed at first, and slightly amused as I took this as a super roundabout way to call me gay. We got loud for a second, but my friends stepped in and explained I legitimately had no idea what he was talking about. The A-Hole is a local swimming hole, and ho butt was just hey buddy. He was being aggressive though, as he mistook me for someone else originally. Luckily it ended in a mildly amusing story to recall and nothing else. I had forgotten about this until I read your comment, thank you.

[u/sleepytoday → u/ADepressedTeddy]

I wouldn’t say that duck is gender-linked. Same goes for Duckie.

[u/Stlakes → u/Square-Singer]

Not even just the midlands. I live in the North West, and get called "my love" and "sweetheart" by older women quite often, and im in my 30s. Its not exclusively gendered either, its definitely an age thing rather than a gender thing. Older women will often use those terms for younger women as well, not just young men

[u/wassermelone → u/Stlakes]

I'm a tall masc cis dude and I've gotten called flower, love, darling, and pet in the NE (newcastle) by older women up here

Its weirdly charming but definitely took me a bit by surprise when I moved here

[u/aerris7 → u/Stlakes]

I live in the Midlands and get called "duck" all the time lol but I'm from the north west and still call everyone "love" or "my love" as it's ingrained into me 😅 I don't bat an eye at being called sweetheart or darling by a man either unless the tone is off. It's just so common as a simple attempt at being welcoming that it just doesn't feel weird 🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/Stlakes → u/aerris7]

The first time you have an old Mancunain lady call you "cock" is an experience, let me tell you

But I do think its just normal in the UK. When I call a woman love, or similar, its with the same intention that I call a man mate or fella

[u/turnipofficer → u/Square-Singer]

Yeah definitely very common in the UK, as you said, primarily used by older or middle aged women.

The thing is context really. There's a world of difference saying such things while holding hands and staring deeply into each others eyes, versus just giving someone a parcel and saying them with a slightly forced smile.

So they aren't weird because they aren't intended as the dictionary-definition, they're intended as a warm kind-hearted affirmation. It shows they mean well and hope well for you.

[u/Square-Singer → u/turnipofficer]

Sorry, I didn't mean that it's weird to do that, but that it was weird to me, coming from a place where these terms are reserved for actual love, and thus hearing them from a stranger was jarring.

[u/Certain_Dream5575 → u/turnipofficer]

I as a UK woman finally realized I was an adult, when I said, "excuse me lovey", when trying to get past a teenage boy.

[u/Tinkabella____ → u/Square-Singer]

I'm from Australia and its the same here - we call people sweetie, love, darl, etc regardless of gender, it's just meant as a warm way to greet someone

[u/I-ate-your-children → u/Square-Singer]

funny enough where I live, most people are informally called boss if boys and darling if not

[u/fredisnotmyboss → u/I-ate-your-children]

“Boss” isn’t a particularly common thing to call someone casually where I am but I was called that once and he corrected himself when he realized that I was a woman and I was left wondering if that was actually a gendered term

[u/AccomplishedAct5364 → u/Square-Singer]

In Leeds grown men call me love, I’m a guy.

[u/PeppercornWizard → u/AccomplishedAct5364]

Yep. Male here. Got called ‘love’ by male bus drivers when I was a kid in Yorkshire. Still get called ‘love’ by some male bus drivers now I’m older than them!!

[u/BesideFrogRegionAny → u/Square-Singer]

Aren't they opposite gender used? I've only seen them older person to opposite gender younger person.

I have limited experience though...

Never got creepy vibe off them, but older female to younger male is what I have seen the most of. I can totally see a different vibe if genders were switched though. 

[u/Front-Pomelo-4367 → u/BesideFrogRegionAny]

As a woman, I've absolutely been called my love by older women. And sometimes women my own age. It's mostly just a filler word

[u/Kyleometers → u/Front-Pomelo-4367]

It’s a fairly common one in the British isles, but it’s often shortened to just “Love”. You’ll also hear “petal” and “chicken” sometimes. It’s just kind of platitude word.

[u/Front-Pomelo-4367 → u/Kyleometers]

I moved to the midlands a few years ago (oh god, a decade ago) and I do have a special fondness for being called duck

[u/FMLwtfDoID → u/Kyleometers]

I would absolutely melt at someone from the Isles calling me “petal”. Hell, they even made calling someone “chicken” seem so sweet and loving.

[u/Acceptable_Durian868 → u/BesideFrogRegionAny]

My wife in Australia will call younger women darling or sweetheart.

[u/justforporndickflash → u/Acceptable_Durian868]

My wife in Australia does the same thing.

   Wait a second.

[u/Square-Singer → u/BesideFrogRegionAny]

I haven't met a man who said that to another man, but at least in the UK midlands older women use that towards both younger men and younger women.

[u/BustedRations → u/BesideFrogRegionAny]

It's gender neutral, I've had women of a similar ish age call me "love" in restaurants and shops in the UK.

[u/aneditorinjersey → u/BesideFrogRegionAny]

Older men don’t use them for younger men, but pretty much everyone else uses them in everyone else. And even men to men have an equivalence, complimenting young men’s youth or bodies, but usually not in this type of stranger social situation. More at a restaurant or on the golf course where there is a bit more time. “God you’re young, what do you bench, 250? Do you wrestle?” Etc.

[u/LouDragonblood414 → u/Square-Singer]

I'm from the southern US, and i use all these terms of "endearment" as part of my customer service voice. Alot of us do actually. Context is the key and in these contexts, I'd say its wholesome.

[u/ealysillyforestthing → u/Square-Singer]

You see this quite often in the South USA

[u/Raephstel → u/Square-Singer]

I’m male and from the East Midlands in the UK and can confirm, I’ve been called all these things, along with duck, babe, love and various others in a non-romantic way.

Pet names vary from place to place. I don’t see any of them as problematic or offensive. I know some people don’t really like them, but I think anyone who was upset by them is being a bit OTT.

[u/Gloomy-Bat-6551 → u/Square-Singer]

Yeah, I’m an ER nurse and see way too many people a day to possibly remember everyone’s names. So pretty much all my patients, no matter their gender, gets “My Dear”. Unless they’re being assholes. Then they get “Sir/Ma’am”.

[u/EverythingHurtsAgain → u/Square-Singer]

Okay. Yes. And I do not have such a strong sense of conflicting emotions because the sweet lady on the corner isn't looking at my boobs. It's the sense of

"Dude everyone around me is just seeing the person I hope in the mirror"
And
"Dude wtf that feels weeeiiiird"
because a lot of people not raised and socialized with this treatment didn't develop the verbal callous to brush it off.

But for real, that delivery guy that held on to the bag so our hands would touch twice was fuckin weird dude.

[u/Many-Ad6433 → u/Square-Singer]

Even for non english speaking countries the direct translations can be used

[u/NeevBunny → u/Square-Singer]

I live in America and a teenage girl half my age working at a Burger King called me sweetie/sweatheart 😭😭 She was always so chipper, I hope she's doing well, her old lady pet names were always funny to me

[u/Momo-Velia → u/Square-Singer]

I’m born and raised in the West Midlands, and it isn’t just older women using those terms, we all do to some degree. I’ve refrained from it to the best of my ability but I’ve heard it so much and so often that I slip it out to people sometimes without thinking.

[u/wynden → u/Square-Singer]

As a male who has also lived in the UK, this is genuinely one of the things I miss most. Sometimes I want to use the same terms but can't for fear of being misconstrued as sexually harassing or diminishing someone. It's a serious bummer such little niceties have become radioactive in our culture.

[u/Drakore4 → u/Square-Singer]

Yeah I live in the US and I hear women talk like this to men all the time, especially in restaurants. It’s a lot of the time more of a where you’re from kind of thing. Anyone who gets offended by this stuff is crazy.

[u/Mckavvers]

as a person who grew up around a lot of English people and interacts with a lot of elderly via work none of these terms of endearment are a problem for me. It entirely depends on the tone and context of it been said.

[u/Nitrogenflux → u/Mckavvers]

See also - being called 'duck' as a totally normal way to refer to a women or man you don't know lol

[u/inaSlomp → u/Nitrogenflux]

"You're an odd duck" is probably the greatest non-hostile phrase.

[u/Lanky_Giraffe → u/Mckavvers]

Also in this context, they’re not really gendered in my experience. Maybe sweetheart. But I’ve been called darling and love a bunch by older women and I’m very obviously a dude. Never got it from men though so I wouldn’t be surprised if there is a gendered component when older men use them. 

[u/LawyerEnjoyer → u/Lanky_Giraffe]

Sweetheart definitely isn't gendered either. As a British guy, I've had many old ladies say "thank you, sweetheart" to me over the years.

[u/ObscureOP → u/LawyerEnjoyer]

Do other British guys call you sweetheart?

2 way gendered is still gendered

[u/UnstableSuccubus → u/Lanky_Giraffe]

I've heard it both ways. I met an old man who referred to me neutrally, calling me a person with neutral terms. Then after he got my gender right he exclusively referred to me as a "lovely lady," "sweetheart," etc. Before I was just a plain person, afterwards I felt like he was trying to set me up as something smaller. There was a definite before and after for him that I don't see very often.

[u/ScissorFight42069 → u/Mckavvers]

There are still rules though. Old men don't call each other "my love." Neither do young men, or any combo of men.

Older women might call a younger woman that, but will use it much less often we ith other old women. Young women typically do not do it amongst themselves either.

[u/Megarlin]

Before i knew i was or looked anything like a lady and more like a nerd twink, there was this big butch lady running a news stand near my mom's work that i would buy bubble gum and pre paid phone cards from, she would always greet me with "'Sup, kitten", that changed the course of my life i think

[u/Koviera → u/Megarlin]

Sup, kitten. The usual?

[u/NydusRush → u/Megarlin]

Newsstand lady out here cracking eggs with the sledgehammer 😂

[u/TheBlankScroll → u/Megarlin]

"... ... .. meow"

[u/tokiw117 → u/Megarlin]

wow, this is incredible. thank you for sharing

[u/CranberryJuiceGuy → u/Megarlin]

pspspsps

[u/Doc__Steele → u/Megarlin]

Damn, I think that would work on me too, and I'm not even trans

[u/Kitchen_Length_8273 → u/Doc__Steele]

Maybe you would have found out you are lol

[u/smeeon → u/Megarlin]

Calling folks Kitter-Kat has been my thing for a while ❤️

[u/warmachlne666 → u/Megarlin]

Oh to be called kitten by a big butch lady...

[u/generally_unsuitable → u/Megarlin]

My wife used to work at a place that had this ancient regular who called the women "kitty cat."

He was like 85, so they just kinda let it slide. A strong wind would break this guy's hip, so he seemed harmless enough.

[u/ghost-eats-dirt → u/Megarlin]

id fall in love and im a puppy...

[u/ToffeeAppleCider]

That's why I like the term of endearment used in the midlands of England: duck

Works for everyone.

[u/sentientketchup → u/ToffeeAppleCider]

Australian version of this (mostly around Queensland) is chook. Anyone can be a chook.

[u/SirMild → u/sentientketchup]

Side thought, is this the inspiration for choom in cyberpunk? Perhaps one of the tabletop writers was Australian or had been to Australia

[u/Hytyt → u/SirMild]

No. Chooms comes from choombata, a phrase coined by mike pondsmith. It's essentially meant to evoke a multicultural/African sounding greeting, whilst not being a real word.

A lot of cyberpunk slang comes from surfer slang as well, so you'll see that as well in games.

[u/PotatoesInMySocks → u/SirMild]

This is what I found and have heard:

In-universe, it's neo-african-american slang appropriated by the general public, as explained in the cyberpunk 2020 ttrpg. Origin word being Choombatta.

Irl, Pondsmith was looking for a work that would sound like it was Afrikaans (I only have a single article on this, so grain of salt unless someone can find an interview). This would make sense, however, with the in universe explanation.

I'd do more research but I'm at work lol, break ends soon.

[u/Joeyrony2 → u/sentientketchup]

Isn't chook also used to refer to chickens?

[u/SaxPanther → u/ToffeeAppleCider]

ayup me duck

[u/Zokon → u/ToffeeAppleCider]

In Newfoundland its commonly used as "Me ducky"

[u/General-Sloth]

Thats why I adress everyone with "Comrade". Gender neutral, 100% inclusive and leaves a confused yet memorable impression.

[u/whiskey_at_dawn → u/General-Sloth]

Once when I worked in retail a customer called me comrade, to be fair, it was because I fumbled over my words and accidentally told them "have a wonderful rest of our day"

I've never forgotten it, though.

[u/ColdPorkChop → u/whiskey_at_dawn]

r/SuddenlyCommunist

[u/Caffeinatedfirefly08 → u/whiskey_at_dawn]

That's a hilarious quip to that fumble, amazing, no notes.

[u/Confuseacat92 → u/General-Sloth]

Thank you comrade u/general-sloth

Sadly this does not work in german since we have der Genosse (m) and die Genossin (w).

[u/CapFuture_ → u/Confuseacat92]

Genoss:in

[u/Confuseacat92 → u/CapFuture_]

Genossi

[u/LuftHANSa_755 → u/Confuseacat92]

Gnocchi

[u/Confuseacat92 → u/LuftHANSa_755]

Knotschi

[u/Tommy_Blues → u/CapFuture_]

Genosses

[u/MajorInWumbology1234 → u/General-Sloth]

The first few seconds of the USSR Anthem play in my head when I see the word “comrade”.

[u/pinkfootthegoose → u/General-Sloth]

That's 'we' address comrade.

[u/tocilog → u/General-Sloth]

I am not your comrade, compadre.

[u/Bonjourap → u/tocilog]

I'm not your compadre, tovarich.

[u/ReadingRainbowRocket → u/Bonjourap]

I'm not your tovarich, kemosabe.

[u/generally_unsuitable → u/ReadingRainbowRocket]

I'm not your kemosabe, tongzhi.

[u/OuterWildsVentures → u/General-Sloth]

I prefer "citizen" lol gonna have to start dropping some comrades though

[u/Ambitious_Ability602 → u/OuterWildsVentures]

Then everyone is gonna think you are a fascist

[u/Quamek]

We don't use those, we hate each other so it's easier.

[u/Frosty_Ad1254]

Today, as a heavily tattooed and bearded man, I’ve been called love, sausage, buttons, sweetheart, horse, wee-man, and big-man. I do love the UK sometimes.

[u/Certain_Dream5575 → u/Frosty_Ad1254]

'Buttons' 😭 That is so cute. I want to start using that

[u/Frosty_Ad1254 → u/Certain_Dream5575]

My favourite is ‘sausage’. It’s not gendered (if you don’t think too much about it), it makes me feel silly. 10/10.

Also I’ve just been called ‘lover’.

[u/No-Fish6586]

Bruh im a dude and been called all that by polite older people

[u/A-Wings-are-Neat → u/No-Fish6586]

It’s really context-dependent. If you live outside the regions where these are common genderless expressions, then suddenly hearing these when you weren’t before is going to feel different than if you live in one of those regions.

I never got any of these honorifics from people until after I transitioned and lost a bunch of weight, so I always feel as though people are saying it specifically because I’m a woman.

[u/Cripplechip]

I call people duck.

[u/momomomorgatron → u/Cripplechip]

I'm here, eating my breakfast in the US, reading about how people in the middle of england call each other duck

And you're like "yeah,I just call everybody duck"

I don't know, I just find it hilarious and cute

[u/Lil_Brown_Bat → u/momomomorgatron]

Same. Let's import this.

[u/unrefrigeratedmeat → u/Lil_Brown_Bat]

We should call everyone "duck", but lets also randomly call people "goose" and then run away from them.

[u/dancarbonell00]

Terms of endearment have nothing to do with the recipient and everything to do with the person speaking them.

However you want to feel about that is on you

[u/FloppieTheBanjoClown]

There are women who call me darling, honey, sweetie, et cetera. Its a term of endearment and they're being nice.

[u/ventrueluck]

I live in UK, everyone does that and it's normal, I am a guy and I get called love and darling in the shops. I also think if the person saying it is older, it's more acceptable as it's less flirtatious. But I am sure it's different elsewhere.

[u/Hazdan_Shab → u/ventrueluck]

Y'll'right bab?

[u/ThatKehdRiley]

My love is the only “weird” one here, tbh. the first couple are quite common, especially depending on the area. that last one is not as common, but still used in places like the American south and uk. this one is only “weird” because people tend to use it when more familiar, but still plenty of especially older women just say it. all of them though are used gender neutrally - i got them all when i was masquerading as a cis man, id actually say i got the first couple more as a man than i have as a woman.

i think we (ESPECIALLY us trans people) need to remember language and idioms and whatnot are different for everyone everywhere and that malicious intent more often than not isnt there. if you dont like it just gotta tell them, if they get weird about it THEN theres issues. reminder too, these are literally all gender neutral.

[u/Natural-Yard-1700 → u/ThatKehdRiley]

Think it’s more of a British thing- super common there

[u/MassTransitGO → u/ThatKehdRiley]

‘My love’ sounds better when pronounced ‘me luv’

[u/CRsteven → u/ThatKehdRiley]

"My love" is perfectly fine in Spanish, specifically in Latin America.

"Muchas gracias mi amor"

[u/EmoYoshi05 → u/ThatKehdRiley]

Nah, here in Scotland I've heard My love a couple times too. I don't think that's necessarily weird either, it's kind of cute to be called that by older ladies. I did start using some of those for my friends in Germany, and they found it a bit weird, so it is apparently a cultural difference. But it's definetely very gender neutral, yeah!

[u/jbootytickle]

I live in Georgia. Besides 'my love', this is pretty normal here.

[u/Speeddemon2016]

This doesn’t make sense to me. Maybe I’m just too old school. The only one I’d have an issue with is “my love” . Coming from an old woman? Sure. A delivery dude? Nope.

[u/Leggerity]

I'm a man and I'm called "sweetie" all day by different women.

People getting offended by this are either genuinely scared of the person or control freaks.

[u/Wave9Nut]

Sometimes people say these nice affectionate terms with no harm intended.

Only sweet aunts or grandmas say "my love" platonically without it sounding weird though.

[u/saltnvinegarwazere → u/Wave9Nut]

Not true at all, my love is commonly used without being weird at all

[u/Phyonix]

Might be a southern/London thing, but I usually hear just “love,” not “my love.”

“Love” on its own can be pretty throwaway here, basically just a friendly term of address, whereas “my love” sounds much more personal/intimate.

[u/Disastrous-Cake-9903]

Yeah these are all used in Ireland too, gender neutral usually. Just terms of endearment or casual sweetness.

[u/Yumesoro1]

Is this an american thing? In Lithuania strangers won't talk to you unless absolutely necessary.

[u/Jonathan_the_Nerd → u/Yumesoro1]

Depends on region. You hear this a lot in the American South (meaning the southeast part of the country). In other regions, strangers don't talk to you. The US is really big, and there are a lot of cultural differences.

[u/Acceptable-Ad-3560 → u/Jonathan_the_Nerd]

To add personal anecdote to this, I grew up in southern Mississippi (about 10mi from Louisiana so darlin’ was also common) and moved to Michigan a few years ago. I had to break the habit of calling everyone sweetheart (regardless of age or gender) because people tended to assume I was flirting or meant more by it. It’s not something you even think about using, it’s just a habit. Then I had a woman blush and say I made her whole day because I said “excuse me sweetheart” in the grocery store. I’ve also been recognized as a transplant due to calling people “Mr/miss” first name since that’s common in the south but not the north. I’ve also had people (at jobs especially) get mildly annoyed and correct me to their last name at which point I explain I’m from the south, and I didn’t mean anything by it (these are often people that northerners wouldn’t even call miss or sir, I notice people usually only do that here if the other person is in a position of authority whereas I will use ma’am or sir with a 10yr old if I’m not close to them)

[u/Correct-Sail-1409]

That language tends to be commonplace as a greeting, especially in rural areas. Compliment & courtesy

[u/code_archeologist]

It depends on geography.

If you are in the Deep South "Sweetheart", "Darling", and "Love" are the equivalent of "Buddy", "Dude", and "Friend"; and are usually harmless with no gendered or objectifying connotations.

Anywhere else, that is some creepster behavior.

[u/AOZ1988 → u/code_archeologist]

Idk about that, I live in the south, and fellow straight men certainly don't like it when I call them Sweetheart, Darling or Love.

[u/AceVisconti → u/AOZ1988]

Sounds like a personal problem for them lmao

[u/Psychotic_EGG → u/code_archeologist]

I've heard all three used often here in Ontario. Tone is what matters here.

[u/Mean-Inspector-8547 → u/code_archeologist]

LOL. I was going to say the exact same thing! Around the South, that's just how we talk.

Now if someone calls you Sugar Tits, then that's probably......probably objectification.

[u/code_archeologist → u/Mean-Inspector-8547]

Oh yeah, that one is way out of bounds.

[u/AceVisconti → u/Mean-Inspector-8547]

I only reserve 'sugar tits' for close friends

[u/-TheArtOfTheFart-]

https://giphy.com/gifs/hM9zK1qvsrwek

[u/mightbedylan]

Cis male here and I get called most of these names daily at work 

[u/dega_devilson-janova]

Greetings flesh bag

https://giphy.com/gifs/26wBaScKIiXUN8lcQ

[u/dmfuller]

Some people just talk like that tbh. In the south it’s very common to get called sweetheart or darling by a complete stranger, from either gender

[u/Reese_Slitherspoon]

Bartenders are supposed to flirt with/endear you. I did it all the time and it really helped with the tips, especially from older women

[u/janacuddles]

I live in the south so I don't really think any of them are weird. I mean "my love" is a bit weird, but just "love" isn't. And I hear "darling" literally all the time.

[u/AkihitoTysko]

Where I am from sweetheart and hun are gender neutral terms I wonder how people feel about them.

[u/23Amuro]

Just sounds English to me

[u/Bsjennings]

Why would it ever be acceptable for a delivery person to call you "my love"? Thats so weird

[u/TheStaffsLad → u/Bsjennings]

Some british people will use terms of endearment with everyone, especially older women who volunteer at museums.

I’d associate “my love” with a West Country accent.

[u/Ace_of_Sphynx128 → u/TheStaffsLad]

Literally, go to Somerset and you’ll be called ‘my love’ ‘my lovely’ etc. whether you’re a man or woman lol.

[u/TheStaffsLad → u/Ace_of_Sphynx128]

Yep, my cousin has lived in Bath since she went there for uni, pretty much every shop I get called them things. Bit odd for someone from the Black Country, but not in a nasty way.

[u/Wind_Yer_Neck_In → u/TheStaffsLad]

My luvver 

[u/PressureBeautiful515 → u/Wind_Yer_Neck_In]

For anyone assuming the above is a joke, it's not. In the British South west, buy a can of 7up or something, "That'll be 80p, moy luvverrrr."

[u/WillemDafoesHugeCock → u/TheStaffsLad]

Yep!

My dear, my darling, and my love are mine. It isn't even a conscious thing most of the time, just as soon as you turn 25 as a Brit you start using those words and feeling the urge to watch Countdown.

[u/paishocajun → u/Bsjennings]

Lady at a grocery store said it to me like two days ago (I'm a guy). We are in the South, though, and she said it the same way I use "my dude" and "good sir" or "ma'am".

To some it might seem over the top but, in the right context, it's just a respectful nicety

[u/shellbullet17 → u/paishocajun]

Can confirm am also in South. Get called "honey" and "my love" on a daily basis by elder ladies typically

Which frankly I'll take of "sweet britches" . That particular one gives me the heebies

[u/paishocajun → u/shellbullet17]

That's a new one to me lol. What the heck?

[u/shellbullet17 → u/paishocajun]

Old people. Specifically ones we pick up on my ambulance use WILD "endearment terms" with us.

Normally it's whatever but sometimes they use some that I KNOW it's cause their horny asses are checking us out.

I remember one dude who called my lady partner "Candy ass". Which normally can means weak or cowardly. But he said it like "look at that candy ass" so...yeah. Old people

[u/aerris7 → u/paishocajun]

"My love" is used precisely this way in northwest England too! I use it all of the time lol 😂 although I'll probably more commonly pronounce it like "m'love" but that's an accent thing

[u/Bsjennings → u/paishocajun]

Maybe its a cultural thing? I feel "my love" is vastly different and more personal than "dude", or "ma'am"

[u/Dude1590 → u/Bsjennings]

It's simply a southern lady thing. Old southern women shower you with terms of love. It's much more rare for men to do it, but it does happen. Typically neither party even think too hard about it considering how common it is.

[u/Ace_Hanlon → u/Bsjennings]

Maybe. I'm a Spanish guy and have been called darling, my dear or love by female workers, both old and young, many times... tbh, I don't particularly like it and never use terms of endearment myself, but I know they mean no harm, it's just they are used to saying it to everybody and it just comes naturally. It's not meant to be offensive.

[u/A4R0NM10 → u/Bsjennings]

Pretty common in Northern England for blokes to call random women they meet, "love". Less common to hear, "my love" but I wouldn't think twice if I did hear it.

[u/Fun_Development_4543 → u/Bsjennings]

It's pretty normal across the UK

[u/Square-Singer → u/Bsjennings]

It's a regional thing. In the UK midlands (and according to the comments the US south) it's quite commonly used by older women to address younger men or women, and apparently some older men use it for younger women too.

I found it very unnerving when I spent a few years in the UK midlands when I was younger. But it was a regular thing, getting called e.g. "love" or "sweetheart" by the older lady at the checkout of a supermarket.

[u/WillemDafoesHugeCock → u/Bsjennings]

It's super common in England and is a very "neutral" expression, not romantic or sleazy or anything like that. Essentially the same as saying "mate." I've joked that I say "my love" all the time but I'd feel weird referring to my wife as such because she isn't a stranger.

[u/BustedRations → u/Bsjennings]

Don't take this away from me, it makes me feel less dead inside 😭

[u/Cortexan → u/Bsjennings]

Not even slightly weird in most of the UK. Totally normal.

[u/ThatGuyYouWantToBe → u/Bsjennings]

Hear it with a West Country accent (like Olivia Colman in hot fuzz) then it sounds a lot more natural

[u/Lord-Table → u/Bsjennings]

Largely a regional thing. When i lived in toronto i would probably sooner hit the 1/10 octillion chance to slign my atoms in such a way as to phase right into the ground than hear such things, but it's a near daily occurence since i've moved to newfoundland. Granted it's mostly older women (50+) saying it to me, a man in his late 20s, but I've also heard it in the same friendly tone going from older men to younger women, if rarer. Idk where OP lives but it may simply be the social custom to refer to your juniors of the opposite sex in such ways rather than a deliberate act of misogyny

[u/MartiniPolice21]

I remember a FTM trans person saying how getting called "boss man" by the local kebab shop guy was the first real affirmation they felt

[u/not-Kunt-Tulgar]

To be fair these are terms that can be used for anyone really though it’s more of a queer thing or old lady thing. I’ve never seen someone use it in a way that isn’t as a filler word.

[u/scholarlysacrilege]

See in the US, yea thats a bit odd behavior, in the uk? Thats just how they talk.

[u/shellbullet17]

This exact reason is why I don't use those kinds of terms. I use what we call "islander slang" from where I grew up.

Mostly gender neutral terms that show gratitude or friendship with the only exception being "dude" but I usually save that for people I know.

When in doubt use plain speak. A simple thank you, you're welcome, appreciate it, etc will go far enough

[u/Gloopgloops]

Honestly getting offended by this stuff is the thinnest skin shit ever. Like obviously there’s a line but when an older person says stuff like this to me it’s pretty clear they’re not trying to be weird so why take it that way.

[u/Wboy2006]

The first two feel like they might just be how those people talk, they don't feel too much like being creepy, that said though, calling a stranger "my love" is weird as hell

[u/CertainAdagio2591]

In England generally, darling is just someone say hello what can i get you woman, its the same for guys. Hello what can i get ya fella. Now yes SOME men are creepy about it but women also do it too. And most women and men just say what can i get ya love

[u/Teriyakichk]

You're either love or cunt round here. Pick one and I'll respect your choice

[u/saegiru]

https://giphy.com/gifs/hM9zK1qvsrwek

[u/Shuttlecock_Wat]

The sweet old black woman that served me lunch during basic training called me "Honey Pie" and I've been riding that high for 10 years.

[u/NoACL13]

I mean, waitresses say these things all the time and it’s acceptable. Should we start raging on them for this as well?