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[u/ThrrrowawayyyTM]

Hey Dads,

I’m in need of some help, and I don’t think my lady can help. It’s taking a lot for me to come ask but I’m gonna try my best.

First, I’m 36 and so is my friend group. I didn’t become a dad until I was 35. My best friend, or who I thought was my best friend has been a dad for 10 years now. My question is, is it common that because I’ve recently become a dad that he is just absent from being my friend?

I’ve sent him multiple texts, calls, invites to things. He is just MIA. He is active online; Discord, Video Games, social media’s etc.

He is actively doing things with other friends, playing games I tried to get him to play or playing games that I’ve asked to play with him and nothing.

I’m worried because I thought he was gonna be my best man in my wedding, I use to work for him. We spent almost everyday together from 26-35 years old. I’m the god father to both of his kids.

He has sorta been my guide in this whole fatherhood thing. I’m just feeling lost.

Any help or advice would be appreciated.

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[u/welshdragoninlondon]

Maybe he thinks you will be tired and focused on kid so doesn't want to distract you. But who knows. If he is your best friend couldnt you just give him a call and invite him over or ask him why he hasn't included you

[u/ThrrrowawayyyTM → u/welshdragoninlondon]

I’ve tried. He also finds a way out of it. We will make plans. Plans will come and something always comes up.

[u/welshdragoninlondon → u/ThrrrowawayyyTM]

Seems strange, normally don't have so much time to maintain friendships but don't get cut out completely. Maybe you did something to offend him. And he thought will wait until your kid is born then stop talking to you. But who knows. Could be anything

[u/Lost_Armadillo3875]

Sharing a scenario that is possible even if not likely. Do not judge me.

If your friend has been a father for that long, i am sure he must have socialised extensively with other dads - out of interest but also likely out of necessity. Play dates, advice, school selection .. that sort of thing.

For some men this can get overwhelming. New dads tend to talk a lot ( sometimes exclusively )about their kids and parenting problems.

For last 10 years, you were the friend who allowed him to escape all this. Because you were just a friend not a 'fellow dad'.

Now he doesn't want to get sucked into those discussions again after he has just started redeveloping interests that are not about parenting.

Treat him like a friend he is.. not a senior dad who will mentor you.

[u/abombtwin]

You' ve been friends for so many years, so maybe you should just talk to him directly. He might be deal with something that has nothing to do with you becoming a dad.

[u/SirRageQuits]

I (36M) recently had a friend, who I’ve known and been close to since we were 16, do the same thing. I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old.

Turns out he’s going through some shit and didn’t want to pile it on top of everything I’ve got going on.

Don’t give up on the friendship, but also let him know it feels one sided.