Story When does this get easier?
Our daughter is 2.5 and it feels like the ability to do anything has progressively disappeared. I really enjoy being a dad but I can’t do anything on my own anymore, and my health is paying the price. I can’t exercise, can’t get enough sleep, can’t recharge, hobbies are all dwindling. I’m not sure I’d do this again if I knew it would be like this even with as much as I love my daughter. I didn’t realize being a dad would be the only thing I was within a few years.
thanks.
Edit: thank you for all of the advice. Recently went to the doctor and have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and prediabetic. I’ve never had any problems with any of that stuff and now I drop into bed completely spent every day. I have no idea when I’d work out, unless I started getting up at 3am.
This has been very validating, thank you again.
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u/Graphix1125 2h ago
One kid? Take. Turns. It's so easy if you just give each other breaks.
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u/unoredtwo 2h ago
Aside from breaks, many things are also just faster with one parent.
It took us waaaay too long to realize that both of us hovering around trying to help do the same things during the bedtime routine made it take longer.
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u/Mr_Sloth10 Gen Z father, all daughters 2h ago
This, one kid is the only scenario where you outnumber them.
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u/BigOnionLover 2h ago
This post has shades of that other post from a few days ago. My brother you need to change your mindset, at your daughter’s age YOU take a backseat.
Once she’s self sufficient your old life will slowly return.
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u/OGMcSwaggerdick 2h ago
Wake up earlier or go to bed later then big dawg.
Thems the dad-hours.
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u/WillingElderberry731 2h ago
The truck is to not stay up late doom scrolling. Either do something you actually enjoy or just go to bed.
Easier said than done.
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u/OGMcSwaggerdick 27m ago
Yeah, the fatherhood variant is:
“Delete Facebook, Hit the Gym, *Drink More Water”
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u/Suescattersea 2h ago
They are called the "terrible 2s" for a reason. Chin up and patience. They grow out of it and from around 3+ until almost teens it's incredible. Hang in there!
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u/Swimming_Winter6601 2h ago
It's temporary. It doesn't feel like it, but this phase will pass. You won't even know when it's happening but you'll look back a bit and realize it. The task is not figuring out how to have your old life with your toddler. You need to figure out how to be okay with the temporary disruption of your routine. It will come back piece by piece. Just be patient.
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u/TerminusATL 2h ago
2 and a half sucks!!!!!!! Seriously. We are on our third kid and the third time we have done the terrible twos. It isn’t any better.
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u/National-buffinsbapp 2h ago
Age 4 is the magic number.
Hang in there, 2.5 is literally the deepest part of the trenches.
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u/Yourmaisaride 2h ago
Honestly, it will come. I never thought it would. My oldest is 7 now and only now I'm seeing myself able to exercise again. Parenting can be exhausting and being the rock the kids and your partner need can really just drain every fibre of your being so I really emphasise with how you're feeling. But it will come back.
I spent too long trying to please everyone all the time, but try and allow yourself some time though. Carve it out in stone where you get even 30 minutes for a walk or a run outside every other night. Try roping your kids into your hobbies if possible.
Hang in there man, you're doing class.
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u/twiztednipplez "Irish Twin" Toddlers. 3rd OTW. + 1 dog 2h ago
It gets easier the more kids you have, and the closer in age they are.
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u/No_Seaworthiness_200 2h ago
Is she at school/daycare/etc. yet? That's when it gets a little easier because then it's not quite such a 24/7 task.
Then it gets easier again once they are toilet-trained.
At least you're past the worst of it. The rewards for all your hard work are soon to come as her personality emerges.
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u/Euler1992 1h ago
I'm not a super hard core fitness person or anything but I found I was able to use my kid to get some decent exercise in. Ymmv, but as long as I was making funny noises, I was basically able to use my toddler as a 30lb dumbbell. He thought it was funny, I got a bit of a workout in. Also tag is a great way to do a bit of running. I'll dramatically run past my kid because I'm "too fast" and we have a good time with it.
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u/t0mt0mt0m 1h ago
Yes, but each stage has different challenges. Prioritize your health and focus on clean eating and activity.
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u/PerceptionCalm3642 56m ago
I've got 4 and I feel you...if I'm not working then I'm with the kids...people try to make me feel bad because I dont have the energy to do much else. It's whatever.
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u/Flaky-Breadfruit6220 44m ago
Man, you really need to make some time for your health too. Being a good dad shouldn't mean completely running yourself into the ground. Even small changes now could make a big difference for you and your daughter.
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u/minastepes 2h ago
Mine is 4 month and only contact nap, and when awake need to play with her. I already don't have much time. I fear the 2.5 years lol
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u/Admirable-Type165 1h ago
Great advice from a lot of others here. To add/reinforce ...
It does get a bit easier at age 3.5 or so when they need you a bit less for basic things. Then again at age 5 when they start school. By 6-7 they're pretty much independent. Once they're that age - you get to do all your favourite things but WITH YOUR KIDS. Used caps because that is so incredible
It requires a core mindset shift. You're a Dad before anything else. Yes it's for their sake but actually for YOUR sake. These are the best years when they're fully yours and before the world creeps in. Hope this doesn't come across as preachy - we all need a gentle nudge about this sometimes
You need to learn to be disciplined intentional and flexible. This was a challenge for me and still is - but possible. What makes it easier is recognising your kid's days at this age are very structured and (relatively) predictable. Use that to your advantage in planning ahead
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u/AwarenessOpen4042 1h ago
It won’t last forever. A few years? Maybe. But although it doesn’t seem like it now, it’s going to feel like time well spent when “future you” looks back at it.
All the time you have to sacrifice from your hobbies, sleep, etc. is now building her character and your relationship in the future.
One of my daughters used to throw tantrums. Like serious demonic break stuff tantrums. Somewhere around age 2 1/2, kicked a hole in the island in our kitchen. So I started taking her out to the garage where there was nothing she could really damage. At first, I hated it- standing out there sometimes in the cold, trying to outlast the iron will of a toddler. But we also started a pattern of talking through problems once she was ready. We had a lot of time to practice since she carried her “terrible twos” into age four. But now she and I still have a really good relationship that was really helpful in her teens and also now that she’s an adult. She shares her feelings and asks for advice. It’s awesome.
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u/TheKindDirector 1h ago
My son is about to be 7 and the beginning of this year is when I started getting 50/50.
It is incredible spending time with him. I can have conversations with him and do things with him.
He is literally a miniature version of me.
For example, we went to the zoo this past weekend and I said "Look, a baby rhino with an adult Rhino" and my son replies "Like you and me?".
That moment felt good, I replied, "yes, like you and me".
He even ask if the adult rhino was the mom or dad. I guessed mom because I didn't see any testicles on the adult rhino.
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u/Aaaaaaandyy 56m ago
If you have a spouse who also helps you can do all of those things now and should have been able to for a while.
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u/Unlucky-Oil-8778 7m ago
Take her to do stuff you do like. I mean 2.5 is old enough to kinda tag along, they will fuck it all up but that’s expected. So fashion what you would like to do with free time and know it’s not gunna be about you but the sooner they know how to do the stuff you like then the sooner you will have an excuse to go do it bc they want to.
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u/Mr_Sloth10 Gen Z father, all daughters 2h ago edited 2h ago
Being a parent is about sacrifice. That’s literally what being a dad is, sacrificing what you’d like to do with what you should do. That’s being a husband / father 101. For example: I love fishing, I haven’t been fishing in probably two years; and that’s ok with me because I’m “Dad” before I’m “Angler”
With that being said, schedule “free time” with your wife if you feel like you need a break. Sit down together and pick a day where you can get out of the house and do whatever you feel like, and return the favor when she wants a break. Maybe make it a monthly thing, so long as it does affect your duties as a dad and husband.
And please take what I’m about to say seriously: Ignore what you want to do and enjoy this time. This is such a special time and important time in your kid’s life. You will miss them being this small. I know everyone says “they grow up so fast, you’ll miss it”, and now that mine are leaving this stage, I’m telling you, you will. The gym will be there next year, and the year after that; your toddler won’t be.