ENTP dating an ENFJ — how do you make this dynamic work?

I’m an ENTP and I’ve been seeing an ENFJ for about a month. He recently ended a very long relationship (around 6 months ago) and has been extremely enthusiastic about me.

He’s already making big declarations, telling me I’m his soulmate and that he’s never met anyone he’s had so much in common with. He brings me flowers and has even met my parents already.

I’m not entirely sure how to navigate this dynamic because I’ve made it clear that I want to take things slowly and actually get to know him, but he already seems extremely invested.

I do enjoy spending time with him. He treats me really well, is open to talking about pretty much anything, and he’s great company. However, I sometimes feel like I’m missing that intellectual stimulation — being able to debate deeper topics and really challenge each other’s ideas.

I’ve tried bringing up those kinds of subjects with him. He seems genuinely interested, but he doesn’t tend to go very deep into the arguments, and somehow always ends up turning the conversation into another declaration of how much he likes me. 😂

Have any of you been in a relationship with an ENFJ? How did you make the dynamic work?

I’m also open to suggestions for interesting everyday topics or things I could learn about that would make for good conversations with him.

● My inspiration came from characters like Olive Penderghast and Felix the Cat, characters who possess a mix of cunning and sweetness.

It’s easier to love this type of ENTP than purely cynical characters, because they have a heart.

● She is an 18-year-old young girl who is sharp, creative, and socially magnetic. She reads body language easily, notices what goes unsaid, and uses quick thinking and cleverness to navigate trouble while staying calm and good-humored. Though she usually comes out ahead, she can be manipulative or bend rules when it serves her goals.

Jovial and eloquent, she speaks correctly with an intelligent sense of humor and offers insightful remarks on society’s flaws. She is selective about her inner circle yet warm and supportive with those she trusts. She dislikes monotony and solitude, gives solid advice, and remains flexible with rules. Curious and resilient, she rarely shows emotional instability openly, becoming merely more serious when she is unsettled. The few things that truly shake her are when something very serious happens, when she is left alone for too long, or when something bad befalls the people she loves.

She enjoys singing (for example, in a church choir), listening to music, dancing, swimming, and anything involving water or cleanliness. She is good with children, cooks well, and values her own well-being. She prefers savory everyday flavors over overly sweet ones and has a weak short-term memory. Animals that feel dangerous unsettle her. Academically she struggles with exact sciences but thrives in the humanities and enjoys thoughtful discussion.

Her usual expression conveys youthfulness, shrewdness, and ease. She dresses with style, often in a polo shirt, long pleated skirt, belt, and sneakers. She trusts her creativity to solve problems, her catchphrases are optimistic, whether ironically or not.

Looking back now at 33 inrealise that was obviously wildly inappropriate.

But…! For some reason, my brain has skipped straight past the grand psychological processing and landed on the most useless question imaginable:
Wtf does she look like now?

I dont even mean that in some revenge or confrontation way. I’m just weirdly fascinated by the fact that, in my memory, she’s permanently frozen at 16, while in reality she’d be around 39 now

Apparently my brain doesn’t want closure, it just wants to know what became of this random character from a deeply questionable side quest 23 years ago.

I think since the start of the pandemic I've lost a lot of my former social pizzazz but this might actually be something completely different.

There are levels to this issue counting from the fact I've deliberately been avoiding interacting which the majority of my closest friends for years (don't ask me why just happened. It started with lemme lock in and ended with actually ppl stress me out and I've just stayed there.)

But that's not even what im talking about though it's part of it.

Over the past few months there have been times when something has happened or i was going through something and i recognised that i had the urge to tell someone or talk to someone but even though amidst my reclusion i still had plenty of options of people that i could vent to from family to friends over the Internet or colleagues i was close with. A list of people that although not all deep connections would genuinely want to talk to me or listen. I know this because each have probed me to some degree in that period for me to let my guard down. Or at least see how i was doing.

The point is i seem completely unable to confide in anyone anymore.

At first and technically even now im fine with it but on some level i realise that it sucks and might be a problem.

Ps do not advise for therapy. Im not a fan i don't think it'd work. Tried it once. It didn't help. Im introspective enough to know what my problems are and how to solve them. Im just not proactive enough to actually do the work.

I'm constantly surounding myself with ENTPs by nature of what I do in my day to day. It's always conversations about Ne, but as someone who doesn't like to think of the vision but rather the steps to build the vision, I always find myself breaking down what they are saying which I feel keeps the conversation a bit show-offy on my part and also just not matching the vibe of the conversation. What is the best method to talk to an ENTP? Would it be to "support their vision" by data? Would it to just talk in general "trends"?

For my motivation, I'm looking to build rapport with these ENTPs and to build familarity (and comfort on my part) with understanding what they want in a conversational partner.

Thanks for your tips and advice.

I felt like being organised daily and sticking to a specific routine for a long time (a month for example) tuns off my Ne and it feels like intentionally getting slumber. Have you felt something like this?

So as arrogant as it may sound. I’ve noticed I have a fear of being perceived as “too cool” or “too charming” and so I dim my light. For example if a woman tells me I’m handsome or something ect and it’s in ear shot of others, or a woman is interacting in a way that it’s obvious she’s attracted to me in eye view of others? I worry they’re looking and going “oh I bet he used to that” or “oh I bet he’s the man” not even in a hater way, more so in a self pity way like man you’re cool af bro I wish I could be like you. Like envy but not hateful type of envy. I have no idea why I feel this way. Sometimes I won’t speak to or even approach people because I feel like I’ll come across as “oh this guy thinks he so cool” type of way. I’m sure I’m very naturally “smooth” or cool (and people have told me so) but that makes me uncomfortable and I have no idea why. I feel like it’s such a stupid problem to have.

I’ve had many people tell me that like “oh I’d never approach you outside of work cause you look like I’d be bothering you or your too cool to interact with” and it kind of hurts my feelings. Sometimes it makes me feel a bit bitter though. Of course I know it’s not a terrible problem to have it’d be like crying about pretty punishment ya know. But I can’t help feeling this way at times. I know it’s a weird insecurity to have. Any advice?

this entp stuff sounds straight bullshit but still matches me and im left wondering if people also find it extremely hard to find people to talk with a person who just scratchs that one itch the head and talk for hours and keep me engaged why is it so freaking hard to find someone like those and why is it so irritating to think how people can talk as such and still have freinds

Hi I’m shifting to tech. Fellow ENTP what is your career in tech? I am searching which role me best.

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I have no background in tech, but I realize most of my rich clients are in tech and I would like to shift. I search about that ENTPs are great as a project manager, solutions engineer, ux dev, full stack dev.
My background is more on finance, sales but there a lot of admin and documentation and repetitive task. I like the part where I talk and meet clients. But the admin and manual task kills me. I am also good at doing solutions in our company, but somehow they don’t have budget for the improvement I asked so I resigned lol. I am fully determine to switch to tech my motivation is to do what I love otherwise I’ll be force to do documentation all my life which sucks lol!

Thank you Guys

Here's an interesting question, I'm in a phase of finding employment (unfortunately) and the thought of doing the same exact thing 9 hours daily is haunting. I even got a good internship opportunity that even gives you money after 3 monthes of internship and didn't even continue it after I went for 1 day

Tell me how did/do you deal with it

how do you even commit to things in life

Give advice to someone who has never held responsibility in life

I want money so bad too

But I genuinly can't handle 9 hours of the same thing 5 days a week for years

Oh the horror

Some of you might be familiar with the quote: “A smart man learns from his own mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others.”

But why?I understand the surface-level answer: wisdom, experience, perspective, blah blah. But what specifically allows someone to avoid a mistake without having to personally experience the emotional weight of it first?
Is it because a wise person sees more broadly?

They’ve observed enough experiences that they can extrapolate the consequences—the pain, regret, loss—and internalize them without having to go through them personally?

I think the biggest reason I struggle to learn from other people’s mistakes, especially in situations where there’s something to gain, is that I don’t fully believe their outcome will be mine. Maybe I subconsciously tell myself I’m different. That I’ll be the exception.

And I think that’s the real problem: how does a wise person overcome that? How do you genuinely internalize a lesson you haven’t personally paid for?

I know that MBTI shouldn't be the basis for relationship alone but I just lost my infj...I hurt him so much. I hate myself.

I feel like a wasted potential

Being late at everything.... doing everything last date last moment.....not always giving 100%

Not being consistent and disciplined....I started my YouTube channel then got got bored when I started getting views and subscribers....... not going gym for weeks when I start getting compliments (sometimes opposite) ......stoped playing basketball when I reached state level.... basically not doing something when it gets easy ....also hating to follow crowd cuz i don't like to be a nornie .....either I'll top the exams or not study like an average like my peers

all the entps i've ever known are skinny and have no ass - regardless of gender

I feel that as an ENTP, it’s extremely difficult to chose or identify with a certain religion. My Ne tells me that there are endless possibilities and that there isn’t one definite answer. Even beliefs like nihilism of polyism still define the universe is one specific way. My Ti wants things to make sense for me and rejects ideas that can’t I can’t quite comprehend. Because the concept of religion is so hard to grasp, cannot be explained or defined, and solely relies on faith, it’s hard as a Ti user to fully accept it. Does anyone else feel the same way?

Bro i searched for my personality type on reddit and saw this sub

Bro everything is so relatable.... y'all are so intelligent like me

We are the coolest

So I’m more certain I’m an 80% ILE/ENxP. (I cannot determine if I’m a ENFP or ENTP for like a year now istg I cannot decide still)

Can ENTPs even be emotional and sensitive? Like is the debater stereotype actually what ENTPs are like or is it how they are perceived? I thought I was mistyped like srsly. Ppl on this subreddit said I was ENFP in the past and I’ve been in thinking spirals like now I don’t know my type. What’s it like having Fe tertiary? I mean I need your opinions.

So I do relate to having a good relationship with my dad. We do like to joke around and be random and stuff. People also describe me as random, goofy, playful, etc. (My dad is a SEI/ISFJ btw) Also we also could talk endlessly about abstract theories and concepts too, like time travel and time warps. While I enjoy talking about that stuff, I do appreciate his warmth and empathy and support too. He can be sarcastic and I appreciate his logic and we seem to get along well too, Sometimes also with my other SEI, (she’s nice btw) I get to vent and express my emotions to her and I feel safe too. Like for some reason, with people like my dad and her we get to express freely (to be honest) like something in both of us we get along. Also, sometimes when I’m emotionally insecure I want like a physical emotional anchor or to be held like I’d feel lonely or lost or a deep sense of dread I do crave someone to just talk to. Or someone to support me emotionally.

With my life style and everything I absolutely love to talk about the solar system, the science and the universe. In science class we are learning about chemistry and it actually fascinated me. Especially the endless possibilities too like understanding the mechanics and how things work. Sometimes I do some research about it or typology too. I’d find myself daydreaming too, but also wondering about how stuff work. While I’m also deeply emotional, sensitive and volatile I also have a deep intelligent brain. I also enjoy making storybooks in my free time when I’m bored.

With my other relationships: SEE aunt, we do get along fairly well. I mean we can talk about kpop boys and aesthetics like art and trends but in a deep friend relationship, not really. My dad and aunt fight sometimes like they don’t get along because my dad is a peacemaker and my aunt is a troublemaker.

I don’t really feel comfortable because she seeks attention and wants to annoy people. Also one time she spilled water on my papers and started crying. I’m not gonna even get into detail here.

Also in MBTI I’ve been stuck for my type for a while. Lemme know what you guys think. Also I’ll try to answer your comments too!

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No need to say « every type can be empathetic » the question is « Which type is the MOST empathetic? »

I often heard from an enfp that she was empathetic but one time she mocked a girl on tv because she was wearing something ugly but i literally had the same thing as the girl and the enfp has definitely seen me wearing that lol

We've been together for 4 years and I just recently thought of resorting to MBTI to understand our relationship more. I'm 32F, always been INFP, but I recently realized that I'm a possible mistyped ENFP. I rely on my intuition first, and I realized that in the last few years social interaction energizes me, while a lack of it makes me so bored and lifeless, but I heavily relate on identifying tracts of both types.

This is coming from a person that was kinda into MBTI ~10 years ago and doesn't care much about it anymore, I never actually questioned or thought about his type till today so this might be an occasion to understand things from a new POV for me.

I'm making this question because lately, I kinda sense that he's not 100% happy in our relationship, but he never tells me openly about it. On the contrary, he keeps confirming that he loves what we have and wants to stay together, which I think is draining him a lot itself. Meanwhile, I feel guilty because I know I should just trust his words, but I keep getting doubts.

The thing is I noticed that he is detaching more from me, probably trying to soothe from the stress I'm causing him, because I try to bring up issues in hopes of resolving them, which naturally would include talking about emotions, sometimes in an emotional way. He's always been super focused on his projects and interests and I genuinely love how he does that, but it seems that lately he resorts to that to "avoid" me, which has never happened in 4 years.

Like we're just in the same area of the house together, and he vanishes to his computer without even saying anything. To be clear, this is not something that hurts or offends me in any way, I understand completely wanting to do his own stuff and love it, I'm the same, but I am surprised because it is a specifical "new" behavior and it scares me a little bit. It started happening in a timeframe when I've been open about not being happy about some things (spending our precious summer holidays without going to the seaside, lack of desire from him).

I see myself as a highly stable, healthy and mature person, ofc I am sensitive and have very strong (mainly positive) emotions, but I never make the mistake of burdening them on other people, I have a very positive and loving outlook on life, and feel so happy and fulfilled when people around me are completely free to express themselves without feeling burdened or obliged to please. Basically I'm not the kind of person to guilt-trip or pout, but lately to my surprise it's becoming so hard not to, since I state my needs super clearly and he struggles to satisfy them. I get sad and stressed and I wish he addressed that, but he doesn't, and I don't want to overwhelm him by repeating the same thing on loop.

He's always been very affectionate to me, I can see that he really loves living in the same house with me, he loves fun and random times with me, he's loyal and smart, we both yap a lot and I love listening to him, we are both crazy and weird. We religiously respect our respective boundaries, but I can see that he struggles with 1. understanding and 2. stating his.

I am scared that my emotions and needs will one day turn to be too much for him, and he'll become tired of me, and most of all that he won't tell me about it. I am terrified at the idea of dragging our relationship because he would not be able to tell me he's tired of it. And also I don't know how to solve some stuff.

Pretty much he looks uninterested about sex with me, we have sex like once a month and when we do it's amazing, but aside from that he doesn't express much desire, while I love everything about sex, I think he's so handsome, I love expressing my love for him that way, I love to be desired etc.. and from the start of the relationship he's often turned me down because it was making him anxious and he was self conscious about his body. So much that while understanding totally where he comes from and respecting him, I have become kinda scared of initiating, because it was incredibly hurtful being rejected a lot especially in the honeymoon phase. Side note I haven't become less attractive, as time passes I feel I'm getting hotter, I love my body and I take good care of it, also he doesn't look at porn and I'm 100% sure he's not cheating.

He is vocal about finding me hot, but he always says it in a joking way, which normally would be funny to me as well, but it starts pissing me off a bit if he only jokes about it and doesn't ACTUALLY do "it". I've told him this as well, I would love joking about sex and even during, but only in a scenario where our sex life is actually healthy, it turns me off otherwise, because it looks like the whole thing is only a funny joke to him.

The most ironic thing is that I am usually the avoidant one whenever a friend is very affectionate or appreciative. :'(

What would you do in my situation? Am I being too blind about something? Is this avoidant behavior common or does it mean anything? How can I make him happier without sacrificing myself? I know I've wrote a lot of stuff and probably most of it is unhelpful or useless, but I'm so in need of a new perspective about this, especially the part where I'm scared of him eventually falling out of love with me without realizing it is

I feel like no one in this sub acts like a true ENTP. Maybe I just have a false perception of what an ENTP is like, because I don’t see any accurate representation here. Everyone here seems to be sorta goofy and dumb. None of the posts I see are actually ENTP related. All of it is just dumb random stuff. Where are the MODs? Things like this in any other sub would’ve been taken down so quickly. I thought we’d have actual interesting debates, talk about our experiences as ENTPs, and answer questions about ourselves. However, instead, we talk about who has the biggest butt! It’s ridiculous. Has anyone else noticed this?

Most of the time ENTPs are represented as "bad boys" that break rules smoke etc. It's sometimes even hard to tell if they're describing an ENTP or ESTP.
As a woman, I don't relate to that image. I don't break reasonable rules, though if it is smth I don't find reasonable, like religious rules such as covering your whole body (no offense to anyone who believes in this, this is just my opinion), I don't welcome them. The same for some social rules like women's role being a mother and a cook. But I don't relate to the image of ENTPs I often see everywhere.
Is this a gender thing, or a highly stereotypical misunderstood interpretation?

It’s actually kinda embarrassing. I see so many people on here trying to fit the cliché of what an ENTP is supposed to be. Like you have to debate everything, be controversial, outsmart people, and prove your logic is superior. That’s not really how MBTI works lol.

Debate isn’t a bad thing, but when it turns into “I’m smart, we’re smart, everyone who isn’t an ENTP is dumb,” what are we even doing? 😂 Sometimes it feels like a competition to see who can act the most ENTP instead of just being yourself.