r/exAdventist • u/MadSadGlad • 2d ago
Just Venting Constant future anxiety
Curious if this is at all related to SDA upbringing or unrelated, but lately I've been trying to understand various negative emotions and have noticed my constant dread of the future. Not the 'something bad is going to happen', but more along the lines of 'what's the point?' No matter the situation, constantly looking into the future is keeping me from being in the present.
Can't enjoy today, cuz I gotta be ready for work tomorrow. At work, but just gotta get through it, but then the thought of 'but why psych myself to get through work? Im going to be back here again anyway..' Anything and everything I do, the future keeps me depressed.
Enter SDAism. I started remembering all the End Time prepping that was drilled into me growing up. "The end times are gonna be hard! Jacob's time of trouble is going to shake everyone and their faith! The Catholics have secret torture chambers waiting for us once the Sunday Law hits! Prepare your mind to not break under the immense physical torture you will inevitably face! You're going to be so hungry! But thank the good lord, hes gonna send us bread via ravens like Elijah! Don't worry about being tortured, God wont give you anything you cant endure"
What. The. Actual. Fuck!
I was a child! A fucking child! And you think this bullshit is ok to fill my head with??? Constant fear of the world being evil, Satan and his angels constantly hovering over me, waiting for God's protection to fall so he can accost me. And on top of all that, please mom and dad, please, I could use some more of that fear you're peddling about the catholic torture chambers! Once a week isnt enough, I need it daily!
Man, I didnt realize how pissed I still am about this after 40 years, but here we are. Anyways, back to the topic. Do yall struggle with chronic anxiety and if so do you think theres a heavy link to it and end times fear mongering? Thanks for reading my journal!
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u/Sharp_Replacement789 2d ago
Looking back, it really is child abuse. It does cause long lasting anxiety. Depending on where you are in your journey depends on how you choose to begin processing it. If you still believe in God, here are some reminders that this church likes to use end days to scare children into compliance. The Bible clearly states we don't know "when" the lord will return. Stressing yourself about it hasn't helped members in their lifetime....and they are still here on earth. We are also reminded in the Bible that this is the day that the Lord has made, rejoice and be glad in it. Enjoy your life! Enjoy your moment. If you don't like your job, is it because your job is a bad fit or is it burn out? It's ok to look elsewhere. Don't like your life and your friends.....same answer!
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u/MadSadGlad 2d ago
100 percent on the child abuse thing. I cant begin to imagine doing that to my kids. Hell, I toned down my own rhetoric at home when I noticed it affecting them. How any parent can be ok traumatizing their children in that manner is beyond me.
Thankfully I no longer believe in any sort of deity, so I'm not concerned about the eternal after. My question was based more on reflection of wondering just how deep psychologically this has affected me, in where I am constantly analyzing everything I do based on the future. It started getting unbearable when my (flawed) analysis started leading to futility, where the present stopped having any meaning. In this I started pondering if SDA doomerism created the future habit to begin with.
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u/HelicopterPuzzled727 2d ago
I can relate to your post. Although I did not realize all of the harm that was done through the way I was taught as a child, as an adult, the doomsday mindset lingers. I have struggled with seeing the point of life because there is no longer this overarching story that we are all participating in. Now it’s choose your own path. I remember having very dark thoughts about natural selection and Darwinian evolution when I finally deconstructed out of organized religion. Like what’s the point if we’re just going to live briefly and die. I think there is some depression that accompanies the loss of faith.
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u/ambientthinker 2d ago
This helped to ruin my childhood and 20s on top of traumas that are unrelated to the church.
I literally didnt go to college because of this.
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u/CosmicCharlie99 2d ago
I spent my youth terrified the government would pass Sunday laws and send me to a camp. Now… I’m kinda terrified the government will pass Sunday laws and send me to a camp… but I understand it’s just the actions of evil men and not a supernatural conspiracy.
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u/Worth-Heat-1348 2d ago
Ich glaube jeder reflektierte Mensch, kommt irgendwann an den Punkt, wo er sich fragt: „Wozu das Ganze? Was macht es für einen Sinn?“
… u die einzige plausible Antwort, scheint irgendwie dem „Hier und Jetzt“ das Maximum an Glück abzuringen … leichter gesagt, als getan … aber eine Alternative habe ich noch nicht gefunden…
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u/MadSadGlad 2d ago
Yeah logically that appears to be the answer, but mentally/emotionally it is extremely difficult for me to apply. My mind is hyperactive and constantly ruminating.
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u/Worth-Heat-1348 2d ago
Wie geht es deinem Grübeln, wenn du in der Sauna bist? Beim Sport? Oder wenn du mal bewusst einatmest u aus? Wenn du was richtig leckeres isst? Wenn der Regen dir aus die Nasenspitze fällt? Wenn du deinen absoluten Duft in der Nase hast?
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u/MadSadGlad 2d ago
Appreciate the suggestions. Once again, logically sounds good; implementation more challenging. I do try to meditate and train my mind to be more present and self aware. When successful yeah its great, but temporary. Hopefully with more practice it becomes easier.
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u/Worth-Heat-1348 2d ago
Hey … u genau das ist der Weg! Ich bin auch eine Grübeltante, doch es hilft manchmal echt sich auf das körperliche zu konzentrieren. Reize, die du in erster Linie körperlich wahrnimmst… Wärme, Kälte … Erschöpfung nach Anspannung … Ruhe, nach Lautstärke… usw. … durch das Meditieren kann man vielleicht sich diese körperlichen Reize auch für den Kopf erhalten … u damit eine Pause im Kopf etablieren… doch Schritt für Schritt …
Wenn du ein Aussteiger bist, dann hast mentale Megakräfte! Du schaffst es im „Hier und Jetzt“ anzukommen… doch immer Schritt für Schritt …
Hast du therapeutische Hilfe?
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u/Flyingtypewriter 1d ago
I’ve never heard of the Catholic torture chambers before but I can tell it was probably very mentally distressing to think about.
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u/Clean_Economist_2188 1d ago
Yes. Definitely. I wake up in a panic sometimes, worried about my kids. It's normal to have concern about your kids but you shouldn't panic at 3am over kids who are safe and sound, average students, with decent behavior. There are other 3am panic topics but luckily the judgement is no longer on the list. I've revised my opinion of theism and my position is logical enough that I don't lose sleep over it anymore.
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u/ArtZombie77 2d ago
Dread is the point... why else would you teach people this shit? Cults need you to fear and hate life. That way you'll lust for heaven and obey. "Negative reinforcement" is how Adventists control.