r/exmormon • u/Short_Seesaw_940 • 13h ago

Humor/Meme/Satire 🤘

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196 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

21 comments sorted by

23

u/Silent_Wealth4872 12h ago

Christ would still be with us if there was a safe word.

9

u/BlueLeaderStandinBy 11h ago

I believe the safe words were "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit!"

How very vanilla.

8

u/Small_Permission8132 11h ago

Father into your hands, why have you forsaken me? In your eyes forsaken me? In your thoughts forsaken me? In your heart FORSAKENNNN MEEEE OHHHHHH

14

u/UtahUndercover 12h ago

Hmm… I’d like to see the rest of your basement.

8

u/Hairy_Armadillo_2935 Recent Ex-Convert 12h ago

So Jesus was way kinkier than they told me in Sunday school.

3

u/QuickSpore Cry 'Havoc!', and let slip the cureloms of war 10h ago

It’s usually called Saint Andrew’s Cross after the Apostle Andrew who was purportedly crucified spread eagle on such an X shaped cross.

8

u/ritzcrackerman 12h ago

This speaks to me

7

u/RevoltYesterday 11h ago

When I was Mormon we didn't do crosses. Did that change?

4

u/Lopsided-Doughnut-39 7h ago

It is in the process of changing, particularly around Easter.

5

u/betsylang 10h ago

Ugh. Heck yeah dude. Goid times for everyone.

3

u/Lanky-Performance471 8h ago

Hay that’s your cross to bare . 😏

2

u/Lopsided-Doughnut-39 7h ago

Well, they didn't say what kind of cross.

Whip me, beat me, make me do a two-year mission.

1

u/wutImiss 2h ago

Oh_My.gif

1

u/MNGraySquirrel Dudeist Priest 13h ago

Uh, did I really need to know this?

10

u/Silent_Wealth4872 12h ago

It's for spinal health; it's a workout machine.

6

u/MNGraySquirrel Dudeist Priest 12h ago

Three hours later in the ER:

“Honest, Doc, she said it was good for my back!”

3

u/penguins-are-me Joe’s Seer Stone 7h ago

Six hours later in that same ER.

Doctor is still busting up laughing.

2

u/Whiskytigyote 1h ago

I initially read that as “spiritual health” and just thought “well they will probably be calling out to god…”