r/expats • u/sassythealien • 2d ago
Social / Personal Missing home
I moved to the US 5 months ago and I just really miss home. My husband is doing his PhD here and I followed him here. I'm on an F2 visa and can't work here. I was teaching back home and even though I enjoy not having that responsibility, I think my mental health is starting to decline a bit because of feeling a lack of purpose.
I have made some friends here and am volunteering tutoring English. I miss my friends and family back home but it feels like they have all moved on and don't miss me as much.
Any advice on how to feel more settled? Also any advice on possibly converting to a J1 visa as a teacher?
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u/picasso-enjoyer 2d ago
Depending on where you are, there’s likely an expat community you can get involved with. Give yourself some time though, relocating can be overwhelming and can take time to settle in. You’ll find your groove. Look for meetups, or groups on apps. And your friends and family miss you back at home. Keep in constant touch with them, that part’s ok too.
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u/ShiningReflection 2d ago
Thankfully with technology you can hopefully find meetings online from your country for either interests or maybe spiritual/religious or mental health support. If not, look for MeetUp groups in your area, check out the calendar of activities at the nearest library, community and recreation center. If you can afford it, join a fitness center or gym and take classes. Explore your neighborhood by taking daily walks on good weather days. Contact your nearest Embassy or Consulate from your country to see if they have a contact list for social events you can be signed up for to attend. Find out if there's also spouses in the same situation as you at your husband's University that maybe you can befriend. Meet your husband for a regular meal on campus so you get out of the house. See if the University will give you an identification card to access their library or recreational facilities.
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u/Eldiamante-Artigues 1d ago
I think you might be missing the structure of your old life as much as home itself. Going from teaching every day to suddenly not being able to work is a huge change.
Since you’re already tutoring, maybe try building a proper weekly routine around that, classes, hobbies, volunteering, anything that gives you somewhere to be regularly. Five months is still pretty early too.
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u/Vivid-Minute6852 1d ago
Moving abroad is always incredibly difficult , I have moved and lived in 4 different countries and never gets easier , it generally takes about 1 - 2 yrs minimum to find yourself happy and within a community you feel settled and supported. The one things I do have is confidence that wherever I move to next, I know I can do it again, make friends and find my people. It just takes time! This is not the easiest suggestion but maybe try adopting a dog! I did this when we lived in America at one point. It helped with loneliness, gave me a purpose before we had kids, and it was an incredibly easy way to meet people, there are loads of dog parks in America! The only problem is getting a dog back your country, that's another topic 😂😂 Anyhoo! Best of luck!
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u/guinnesslatte 1d ago
I’ve been in your shoes! My husband and I are both from Ireland and moved to the US so he could do his PhD there. Like you, I was a dependent (F2) and couldn’t work or study for the 4 years I was there. It took me about 2 years to even make my own friends :/
It was very difficult not having my own income and being dependent on my husband’s stipend, and there were times I’d feel absolutely miserable. I felt I wasn’t an equal to others and my circumstances were these huge barriers keeping me from doing things I wanted to.
What helped me was that I started volunteering at my local library for a program teaching literacy skills to adults, volunteering at my local community centre and farmers market, and helping out in any way I could. I gained a sense of purpose and eventually felt like the neighbourhood and the people were my new home. We were very sad to leave to be honest!
I also started learning languages and worked on my cooking and knitting skills, joined all the events at the library, went to all the events in town and got to be a regular at my local coffee shop and bar for trivia nights. This way I met a ton of new people and also had my own little community outside of my husband and his university group- this kept me very sane!
Best of luck friend! ◡̈
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u/DependentAnimator742 2d ago
Try Internations. It's a huge global network of expats who feel like you and want to connect. It's great. They meet up for just about any reason: tea, gallery openings, hiking, picnics, dancing, book clubs, sailing, window shopping, dog walking, card games. All ages from everywhere.