I have been vegan for over 10 years and am considering reintroducing animal products.
I was raised vegetarian and went vegan on my own volition when I was 9. I am now in my early 20s. I live with my partner, who is an omnivore but eats mostly vegetarian (other than poultry). I eat a primarily whole foods diet and do include some vegan replacements (such as vegan meat and cheese -- although I try to steer away from highly processed foods and more regularly reach for tofu or nutritional yeast). I take a handful of supplements regularly (mainly B12 and algae oil) and overall am in good health. I went vegan initially for ethical reasons, but as I grew, I became more motivated by the health and environmental aspects of veganism as well.
I have also struggled with disordered eating, and veganism has been a form through which I was able to create strict rules for myself, restrict, and make excuses around others. I would like to say clearly that veganism did not create disordered eating, but did become a convenient crutch and excuse.
Over the past few years, I have begun feeling like the morals of my strictness didn't align with my intentions (i.e. household leftovers that go to waste because they have eggs, refusing a homemade dish that a friend makes because it has 2 tbsp of butter in it, etc). I also personally know a number of farmers with animal farming setups – or even things like backyard chicken coops – that I find ethical and I do want to uplift ethical and humane animal farming in the fight for humane animal treatment/animal rights.
I started feeling like my impact would be more positive and less wasteful if I didn't draw such strict lines, but instead just focused on making ethical choices. I told those close to me that I was no longer strictly vegan, and used the term “ethical eating” to describe my diet, which was mostly vegan but also prioritized reducing food waste of some non-vegan items and, in theory, would include some humanely-farmed eggs/dairy. I still did not include any meat or fish, as I have never eaten them and don’t feel comfortable with including them in my diet. Although I made this official switch to myself and told those close to me, I still eat 99% vegan, use the vegan label, associate myself with veganism, and don’t buy any non-vegan items, and do still find myself drawing a lot of arbitrary lines based on strict veganness.
Recently, I have been becoming more attentive to my health, nutritional, and relationship with food, and am feeling unhappy with some of the impacts that my veganism and the vegan label has on me. I am currently trying to eat high-protein to aid in building muscle, and have been really wanting to include more protein variety and not need to lean on pea/soy protein isolates as a crutch to add more protein to my diet. I am really wanting to be able to just include more high-protein whole foods, like yogurt or eggs or cottage cheese, as a part of my diet. Similarly, I have been wanting to switch out a lot of highly processed vegan substitutes for the whole food animal version. I’m finding myself wanting to have some ethically-farmed cheese over a starch-and-oil-based vegan cheese that costs about the same price anyways. I am also aware that I can just not include these things, and like I mentioned above, I do often just forgo a cheese substitute in cases where I would otherwise use a vegan cheese. Still, in cases where I do use them, I would prefer to make a choice that feels more aligned with my health and nutritional goals.
Finally, while I am in generally good health, I do experience some things such as chronic tiredness that I have been trying to address, and am wondering if adding more variety and nutrients that come from animal products would help with that. I am also recovering from losing my menstrual cycles after a period of disordered eating relapse and am trying to help my body restore hormone function through my diet, which I have also been wondering if including some animal products would help with. I’m also really trying to create a sustainable, healthy diet and mindset for myself so that I don’t fall back into disordered eating again (I worked with a therapist a few months back about this disordered behavior but never addresses the veganism aspect of my diet). I am wondering if a less restrictive mindset would help me with this.
With all of this, I want to include some animal products in my diet again. I’m just having a hard time pulling myself away from the vegan label and allowing myself to buy and eat things that don’t align with the vegan label. With going vegan so young, veganism became a huge part of my identity. As I have gotten more interested in nutrition and cooking over the years, this identity has only intensified. It feels like a betrayal to myself – to who I am – as well as a cop out, in some ways to stop being vegan. Even if I still make vegan choices the majority of the time and eat as ethically as I can, I still feel like I’m giving up by stopping.
If you’re reading this far, thank you for listening to my rambling. I suppose I’ve already figured out what I would like to do, I’m just looking for some perspective and thoughts on actually doing them. Has anyone else struggled with identity or the reintroduction of animal products?
Thank you for reading :)