I’m in my late twenties and partnered, and I’ve never really felt like I’ve found my place in the gay community.
I have gay friends but they’re mostly people who are similar to us ie busy with work, in LTRs and generally living pretty ordinary lives. I’m grateful for those friendships, but I sometimes wonder why it feels so difficult to actually meet people and form genuine friendships within the wider community.
A lot of the gay social scene seems centred around bars, clubs, hookups, circuit parties and pretty heavy drinking/drug use. Absolutely no judgement to anyone who enjoys that, it’s just really not my scene. Whenever I’ve gone to gay bars or clubs, I’ve often come away feeling more like an outsider rather than less.
When I was a teenager, I had this idea that once I came out, everything would fall into place. I remember people saying things like “just go to gay bars and clubs” and that eventually you’d find your people and live happily ever after, but the reality has been pretty different.
I feel like my sexuality is actually a relatively small part of who I am. I’m gay and I’m comfortable with that but I guess what I'm saying is it isn't the centre of my identity or my interests. At the same time, it’s still something I’m working through personally and exploring with a psychologist, particularly some of the feelings of being different or not quite fitting in.
I’ve also seen quite a few people say that this isn’t necessarily a uniquely gay experience. Apparently making genuine new friends in your late twenties/early thirties in Sydney can be difficult.
So I guess I’m mostly venting, but I’m also wondering if anyone else feels like this?
I have a job I enjoy, have financial security and a loving partner but is this it? I use Instagram way too much and compare my life and feel sad when I see people partying etc almost like FOMO but I'm not really interested in doing that. I feel unfulfilled. I don't know.
Did anyone else reach this age and find the gay community they imagined when they were younger doesn't really exist for them? And where did you eventually find your people?