It goes back to my personal gripe with him...the very first day I started Calabar High school. I've mostly blocked my memories of that place from my mind., but when I heard of his passing I had to reflect a bit.
See, the very first day of Calabar, an overgrown boy , probably 13yo while I was 11,started picking on me while walking to the school, like at 7 am, so b4 my actual first day of school even start. He was heckling me and I didn't respond much. When we got into the class (I was surprised that he was actually in my class) he started pushing me, so I started pushing back, and so there was quite a hub hub with all the other students making noise.
So who should come along at that point but none other than Dervan Malcolm, the headboy (who was extremely speakey spokey even back then)...and his back up Adrian the deputy (a story to himself when I was almost done with C-Bar). Dervan settled the situation but instead of finding out what happened he gave the entire classroom detention, and as they put the blame on me, lead on by the overgrown boy, Dervan sent me home, which I am now sure was beyond his "headboy powers". However being a little kid I just went home. The next day I came back, the other boys despised me. I was the pariah of the class, including being newly titled with a terrible nickname...AND the overgrown boy was now the most popular kid....AND my sworn enemy. (Luckily he stayed the same size, and I was a head taller than him by 9th grade. He was also in the dumb class and I was in the smart class)
This event pretty much set the tone for my next 7 years of hell at that place. It was one of those things where the causative agent forgets all of that by the next day, but has the effect of being a life changing experience for the other person.
As I left school and grew up and lived life, I would see Dervan's success milestones in the public arena. I resented the shit out of him. But over the years my views softened a bit as I came to appreciate what he bought to the table, as would I turn on the radio as I drove and happen upon his show every now and then. His concern for matters and for people experiencing then seem sincere. Not too long ago I seriously considered calling his show and airing my grievances with him. But I'm the type of person who forgets to do stuff as soon its not immediately in front of me.
When I heard of his passing and what might havs transpired to cause it, I could feel a bit of "a good" popping up in my spirit, but that didn't transpire long.
The other voice in me asks, who knows...based on who I think he became...I would have probably gotten some closure.
And so it is that that call will never happen. And that makes me sad.