r/kolkata • u/StockPossible8522 • 21d ago
Miscellaneous | বিবিধ 🌈 Feelings of hatred and resentment
Jadavpur resident. My parents got me admitted in a private english medium school in childhood and couldn't afford tuition so I studied hard and became above average which all other guardians knew. But since my family was brainwashed by a religious institution and my parents have personal history of suffering, they neglected tours, outings and even grooming. My grooming was also neglected as I was influenced by them and as a result I became target of severe bullying by bastards in school. They behaved in a very very bad way with me and kept on spreading rumour that I smelled bad even after I had started grooming after initial bullying. I rarely retaliated since they were in hundreds. Before leaving that filthy garbage school I scored 92.4 percent in board exam and my photo was displayed in billboard as well as school website which they most probably saw. Today I have become a postgraduate from Presidency University as a MSc Mathematics candidate with 7.5cgpa.
I only have hatred inside me for that school and all those so called classmates. If any one of you reads this, remember you will get a terrible life.
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u/DecentRadish9323 21d ago edited 21d ago
I feel like most people have faced some sort of bullying in their school. You lucky only the student bullied you here once my teacher bullied me infront of whole class and everyone was laughing on me. Bruh now i have forgotten most of the things which happened to me. Now i do not try to connect with people ,neither try to get close to anyone, so chances of getting bullied are gotten near zero.
Maintain a Good grooming, gentle and honest manners and you are good to go. You owe anyone nothing Forget them move on. Remmember you are sole responsible for your happiness and certainly hanging on past will not make you happy.
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u/StockPossible8522 21d ago
Yes there were some instances of teachers too body shaming me.
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u/DecentRadish9323 21d ago
They do not deserve your time or energy. Thinking about them is disrespecting yourself. Put yourself above anyone practice selflove.
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u/PauseRecent99 প্রাণবদ্ধ বাঙালি 21d ago
I had similar classmates. But I never thought of revenge, because it was useless. But fun fact, most of those guys, some went to foreign, some are doing a job, believe me, I am in a much better state than they are. Those foreign guys are deep in loan, job guys work like cows to earn less than farmers, those who took up their fathers business are failing. Those guys used to call me an atheist. I don't know if I am, but I surely believe in "karma", the cycle of life. So keep working, not to please, but to be pleased....
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u/mangolectable 21d ago
"The best form of revenge is a life well lived!"
They may have already forgotten you... But you haven't, you are still harbouring that hatred. Any action you take against them, will only be retaliated by either police action or by further more severe forces.
It is you who is suffering, the only way to not keep on suffering and ruin the paths and opportunities that you have opened up by working hard and going through that struggle, is to forget them. Not forgive... But forget and move on as a better person who deserves more than getting beaten on street, or being in prison for assault.
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u/StockPossible8522 21d ago
I am not that fool to get myself into illegal activities when they are the real criminals
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I meant other ways of revenge
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u/mangolectable 21d ago
I'm sorry if I got the wrong idea, but the post comes across exactly like that. Please try to move on, the only person who you can hurt by this vitriol is yourself.
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u/IndependenceUpset914 21d ago
Badla:The revenge
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u/Moist-Permit507 21d ago
your anger damages you, it does nothing to your bullies. As someone who was bulled extremely in school, and as someone who is much much older than you, move on. If possible, speak to a therapist or simply explosre trauma related material online to help yourself. Your pent up anger will damage yourselves and your existing relationships, which presumably matter to you.
Forget your bullies and move on.
There is no revenge which will satisfy you, There is no revenge which will not consume you. Dont burn your house to light the village!
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u/Glum-Sherbet Non-Bengali 🙏 21d ago
As someone who has also been bullied a lot. The best advice I can give you is you should try to stop thinking about them , stop giving them a free space inside your head .They don't deserve it.
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u/cosmicAbyX 21d ago
You can't try to force yourself to "stop thinking about them." That is about as useful as telling yourself not to visualize a pink elephant. Yup, what did you picture in your head right now? A pink elephant.
The key is to acknowledge it, then let go. Simply acknowledge the thoughts, label them, and let go without attaching yourself to them. This is for the overthinking part. If this is trauma...take everything I say with a grain of salt. Everyone's responses to it are different, but what I can say is to reach out to a therapist. Therapy is a game-changer. The aftermath of trauma is a lot more than just "don't think about it," though.
And damn. Bullying seems kind of normalized in India. I did not realize just how privileged I was until I read all the comments. Hoping you too find peace along with other bullying victims.
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u/Glum-Sherbet Non-Bengali 🙏 21d ago
I didn't mean it like that 😅 what I meant was don't get too attach on past things . Btw Thanks for your kind words .
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u/Visual_Bit7913 21d ago
Living your life, succeeding and moving on is the best form of revenge OP. Good luck!
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u/LearningAtMyPace 21d ago
শোনো বাংলায় একটা কথা আছে পাগলে কিনা বলে ছাগলে কিনা খায়। তাই লোকের কথায় অত কান দিও না। নিজের দিকে মন দাও, ওটাই সবচেয়ে বড় থাপ্পড় হবে তাদের গালে যারা তোমাকে ছোট করেছিল।
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u/Debjyoti_23 21d ago
I can relate to you bro, my story is also almost the same only , but I haven't graduated yet (I am in 4th year now) . But now you are in a better position and you are more powerful than before, do what you love, ignore the unnecessary and always do the best things that you like ❤️ More power to you ❤️.
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u/RedJohnDC 21d ago
I can relate man, passed out of an 'elite' school almost 15years ago. Was bullied for being poorer than my classmates and peers as they all belonged to ultra-rich families. My lower middle-class family absolutely had no reason to put me in that school, but it was their dream that I study in such a fancy school, thinking I could make something out of myself. The bullying and shaming was so so horrifying, that I'm seeing a therapist at present - who was able to attribute this phase to me being extremely introverted, in constant state of panic and suffering from bipolar disorder. My relationships and friendships beyond school suffered because of this, as I couldn't really ever open up to anybody. And to this day I blame my misfortune for being admitted there and harbour severe rage and anger against those fucked up classmates and seniors. But I've learnt to live with it now, despite not making anything out of myself. So having been in your situation, I can assure you that you will absolutely overcome this and find stability in life. This will simply turn into an annoying scar which eventually takes a backseat in your life. But please make sure to end this cycle, be it in your own family, corporate or academics. And practise mindfulness when you can. Good luck
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u/StockPossible8522 21d ago
I wish you happiness in your life and a terrible life for everyone who bullied you just to hide their own insecurities. However, one thing which helps me distract myself from them is that why should we see therapist or undergo medication when they are more deserving of it.... May you overcome these scars.
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u/cosmicAbyX 21d ago
Hey, man, I'm sorry you went through that. It's completely understandable why you feel that way. No one deserves what you endured in school. But holding a grudge and avenging your sick bullies are not key to peace and healing.
Have you considered CBT therapy? Know that you deserve your peace of mind. Childhood trauma takes a long time to heal. I recommend seeing a therapist to address this. In the meantime, take care of your mental and physical well-being, know that you're definitely not alone in navigating this, and try to surround yourself with actual humans, not the baboons you had for schoolmates.
I'm not from Kolkata, but your experiences are much more prevalent than you might think. Everyone untangles trauma differently. I hope you find peace.
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u/StockPossible8522 21d ago
Thanks mate. After I left that school my classteacher accepted my merit and even told to visit that school sometimes( lol). I had to involve her since I had taken revenge from some of those. Actually those garbages come in mind only when I am idle. When I was enrolled in Uni and surrounded by my equally or more talented classmates with similar life goals I rarely thought of those. Also it's them who need therapy and counseling why me.
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u/Mimi_luna 21d ago
As a person in her mid 20s, the best revenge is success. Trust me, people check up on everyone. And everyone compares.
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u/StockPossible8522 21d ago
True. One eunuch bastard who used to fail in mathematics was one of those. On last day when I said something salty to him that idiot garbage replied if I had studied for the board exam, lol.
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u/Bbutcher1234 21d ago
Unless you let this hatred go, you won't ever find peace. I accept what happened to you was heinous but it's for your own peace. You have achieved much in life and yet to achieve more. Trust me they are keeping tabs on your success, only resenting as you keep growing...
More power to you brother. All the best
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u/u_found_sam 21d ago
I understand this. Even I was bullied severely in school, and while I passed out with 96%, I felt that I couldn't rub it in their faces enough. I will forever despise them and wish them every ill in life. The bullying was so bad i used to come home and cry every day, I was seriously considering becoming a school sh00ter. So I understand you completely. Maybe these feelings never go away, but they sure as hell are motivating to me. Fuck those people. Jara nijera kichu korte parena, onnoder byapare mukh chaliye din katay. Useless worthless pieces of shit. Good for you OP, keep doing better than them in life.
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u/StockPossible8522 20d ago
Exactly. Oi garbage school theke beronor por onno school, college, university te ami khub bhalo somoy katiechi ar karor sathe amar kharap relationship chilo na.
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u/Prestigious_Drink655 20d ago
You already have your revenge that you're better in life that they probably are. Yeah I get how much hatred you got, and trust me I still hate my school bullies too, but don't become a psycho and murder them or something.
Or worse, spend the rest of your life thinking about revenge, but not taking revenge, but destroying your own life anyway because hate and revenge becomes your life. Remember the movie Badlapur? Even revenge has an end, but what'll you do after that?
Don't be that person. Become so rich/happy/positive/well-settled, that in the end you'll neither hate them or pity them. When that time comes, those stupid bullies will become irrelevant in your life.
And making someone irrelevant is the best revenge.
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u/StockPossible8522 20d ago
Nope I am not the kind to stop my success car and focus fully on them. Infact when I am busy I do great.
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u/vocid91 20d ago
Don't let the past consume you buddy. You will become exactly what you hate. You're far better than them, your potential is infinite, go on build your life and chase your dreams. Please, don't let the past ruin you.
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u/StockPossible8522 20d ago
Absolutely bro. I have my future plans ready and ofc my board exam score was my first revenge in itself which they saw while I left that shit school.
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u/the-one-who_laughs 21d ago
Why waste energy hating idiots when you can deploy that energy towards something productive and useful?
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u/Additional-Topic-581 21d ago
Forgive, resentment is not good for your health and I think you are in right path, posting here, it's all part of process
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u/StockPossible8522 21d ago
I can never forgive them.... But I want to forget for my own peace and keep achieving success side by side
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u/Additional-Topic-581 21d ago
Good luck my friend, look at videos on self compassion, therapy all that, explore wherever the healing journey takes, there are many ways, just don't sit on it, ruminating.
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u/SafaiWala6 21d ago
MSc in maths makes me feel that you are a logical person who can calculate the probability of consequences against action. Think logically and choose what makes you happy. If you want to beat those Aholes, we can team up but the consequence is you’ll have to treat my gang of goons at ITC Royal Bengal or You could just go to ITC have a nice meal with your Family, forgive them all and see how amazing you are doing in life.
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u/amethyst_witch2112 21d ago
As an ugly fat kid who glowed up in early 20s if you want non judgemental help, I am here. 😬 I get you. I got bullied as a kid too. But I loved books and had a couple of friends and it got me through it. I am still socially awkward and that’s something tougher to work on, everything else I can.
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21d ago
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u/StockPossible8522 21d ago
Absolutely. Forgiveness is out of question. However I do wish to eliminate these garbages and their thoughts for my own productive time.
And yes, whenever some old school mate(not bullies) sees me now they acknowledge my talent.
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u/Suspicious_Chance482 21d ago
Get a job and be kind.
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u/StockPossible8522 21d ago
I have higher ambitions of higher education and kindness is bogus. I will be kind to only myself.
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u/Suspicious_Chance482 20d ago
Dhurr emo, probably gonna end up being mediocre and in his own pit of mental issues
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u/tipsydevo 21d ago
The past bullying does not define you and definitely does not matter now. You should prioritise bigger and better things and try to build a beautiful life. Peace out