I feel like being autistic really delayed me finding out my sexuality because of how hard dating can be socially. I've always been exceptional at masking and in an effort to fit in with social scripts I dated men. This overlapped with my autism because I believed my awkwardness with dating was due to that, and not ALSO my sexuality. I never dated in school like my peers, which was a mix of social issues (I was quiet and barely talked to anyone but established friends) and attraction (I struggled to find any guys attractive and only 'picked' one person).

I guess its just wild it's taken me this long to parse out WHY I act in these ways when a lot of people I grew up with didn't

hey, im having a crisis with myself. How did you know you were into girls? I think I’ve always found women so fascinating and beautiful. I’ve never kissed a girl or tried dating one. I enjoy having sex with men, but my eyes are constantly attracted to women. I just don’t know what to do. Ive been in a long term relationship and something just isn’t right. He’s wonderful to me and the sex is great. I can’t break up with him because “I think I might be gay,” right?

So, for as long as I can remember, I have not enjoyed sexually interacting with men. It's always felt empty or gross. So I've recently come out as a lesbian and am living so much happier. But I'm still in the process of finding out who I am. I'm confused because I liked kissing guys in the past. But just kissing. Once the guy wanted to take it farther, it made me feel gross and I didn't want to.

It's like I was kissing platonically. There was 0 arousal that I felt on my end. And it was fun as long as the guy didn't take it farther. Is that possible? Sexuality feels so complicated. I get aroused when kissing women and want to take it farther. But not at all with men. I'm just kissing someone because kissing is fun.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? I still feel like I'm a lesbian since I only have sexual and romantic urges towards women.

What If

I keep asking myself

What if?

What if I make a mistake?
What if I’m wrong?
What if this changes everything?
What if I ruin everything?

See, the thing is,
when I daydream,
I only picture my nightmares.

But what if

What if this is what I want?
What if I’m right?
What if this changes everything?
What if I finally feel love?

-Kay Mae

How can I fall out of love?

So I (39) came out later in life. I was married to a man for 8 years, and realized I was a lesbian. We worked it out with a lot of therapy and time, and are good friends now.

A few years later I tried dating, it was a lot of first dates, rejection, and casually searching for someone I would click with. Eventually I met an amazing woman (41) and we fell in love. We dated for about 7 months, and made it official 4 months ago.

When she told me she loved me, I was elated, and realized that I was in love with her too. She quickly became someone that I didn't want to live without. And things seemed to be going well.

We both ride motorcycles, one of the reasons we first connected, and she planned a romantic getaway for us, a long weekend in a cabin in the mountains, and we were to see the sights and enjoy some alone time together. The first half of the trip was the happiest I had ever felt in a long time.

But about halfway into our trip I noticed something was off. In pictures we took together, her body language changed. When she would normally have her arm wrapped around me, she kept as much distance as she could, and didn't touch me. I wanted to let it go, but I worked up the courage to talk to her about it.

I asked her if everything was okay, despite being on this romantic trip, she seemed to be keeping me at a distance. She admitted that she felt the spark had left, and that when she first told me she loved me (she said it first) it was because she was happy about a gift I bought her, but when she'd say it after that, she felt like she was lying. I was everything she wanted on paper, but she was afraid she can't love, is avoidant, and only wants to be friends with me.

It was devastating, and even worse, it was the middle of the trip, and I was trapped in the middle of nowhere, with no way to safely leave. All I had was my motorcycle, which is very unsafe to ride when emotionally distraught. So I had to wait, for hours, for a tow to arrive for my bike to get me home. Thankfully she paid for it.

My heart is broken. Before I met her, I thought I had loved someone before, but after unpacking all the comphet I went through being with men, I made the sad realization that she was probably the first person I ever truly let into my heart.

Despite everything, I still love her. If she asked, I know I would run back to her in a heartbeat. But I know that's not what she wants. I don't know how I am going to recover from this. She lit up my life in a way that I never thought possible.

I don't know how to move on, I want to hate her, to be angry, but all I can feel is a numbing pain.

What can I do to let her go? All I can think about is her.

Any advice, comfort, anything would be appreciated. Thank you for reading this.

Not sure who needs to hear this. Posting it as a PSA. Most of us are in late 30s/40s. Dating apps are chaotic. Meetups are filled with college kids or people looking for random hookups.

For the LUCKY ones here that found someone - love/companion or whatever label,. hold them close. Prioritize them. Cherish and VALUE it

Fight your inner wounds, heal, communicate. What you have is rare. Don't let opinions of others derail you. Grass looks greener elsewhere but it is greener where it is watered.

Love/companionship is rare. Don't let fears hold you back from your wonderful place. Work through it, talk and communicate. Trust and Believe. Don't numb yourself with distractions. Nurture and water your grass. It is hard & scary but I promise it is worth it.

Friends are amazing but can never replace or fill the void of a romantic partner.

Find a good therapist, work on your issues, communicate together and grow together. What you have is rare. Don't waste it.

I like many women on here, crave to have this. I'd rather have this than have all the richness and wealth in this world. It is sad to see so many that have it but don't value it. Also sad how Universe rewards those that don't value it.

I'm craving for a deep friendship among women. A space where we can share, talk and have meaningful conversations. DM me if this resonated.

I hope it's OK to post here. This isn't a typical late bloomer story. But I've read through some stories and there's a resonance . . . the way I hid myself, the fear of destroying relationships, worries about being misunderstood or even mistreated. Just over a year ago I came out to my spouse as transgender. Not long after she came out to me as straight. And that's been tough. We're still together, doing our best to put our kids first and take care of them. She's a beautiful and amazing person, and I still love her. We have a great friendship, spend time together. She has some chronic health issues, and I do my best to take care of her needs. And somehow we're both still lonely even in each others company. I want to be her girl. I want to dress up for someone, make myself pretty, and be seen as a woman by a woman. I have female friends and relatives who see me. But I want something more; I want to be held. I don't want love to come despite being trans, but to be seen as beautiful and loved for all of me, including being trans. I'm just not sure what comes after this.

I know Heated Rivalry came out a while ago now, but I was recently reflecting on just how much Shane's character means to me as an autistic lesbian who came out in my mid-20s and dealt with a ton of comphet before that. I think it was incredibly validating for me to see the way that someone of a different gender could still have so many of the same experiences as me, like thinking friendships with someone of the opposite sex were romantic, high masking creating even more pressure to fit into boxes, initial denial of one's sexuality.

Especially since you hear the argument that lesbians are "just confused", or people invalidating lesbians who have dated men in their past sometimes, I think it has been helpful for me to remind myself that I don't think that about his character, and maybe I internalized those messages purely because of internalized misogny/the way society assumes everyone desires men. I'm curious if anyone else found themselves relating to his character like I did, or in other ways!

I am 52 with 3 teenage kids, living with their father (my husband), East Coast. AuDHD and cPTSD. I feel so dim, but it has taken me catastrophically crushing (secretly; nothing is happening outside my head) on a specific woman for me to reevaluate my whole life. I thought I was asexual. I am now feeling the full fruit salad of feelings, looking back over my love life and all the telltale signs: how the fuck did I not realise? Anyway, I am now scared, excited, elated, euphoric, *** relieved***, proud, sad, and full of both dread and excitement for the future. Having worked out over many months that I am a lesbian, I am now left to wonder, does this mean I am potentially not ace? What is it to be a lesbian, when you don't have a love interest? I am terrified of telling my partner because of fears of how he will emotionally react, but I know I will need to. Thank you for reading. Aware that lots of lesbians are very wary of late bloomers.

TL DR: I know what I feel. I know what I want. I’m finally putting all of myself on the table. Now I need to know what you want and what you are willing to do about it.

Let me say all of these so I can get it out of my system.

I am tired of understanding you. There. That might be the most honest way to start this.

I understand you all the time, I understand that you need space and process things differently. I understand that words are harder than actions. I understand that you don’t naturally initiate texts, that you could be thinking about me even if you don’t reach out. I understand that you weren’t ready for a relationship and that you never promised me one. I understand your resistance to labels. I understand that school is exhausting, and you don’t know what your capacity is. I understand that we are different. I do understand all of that.

But sometimes I want to ask, do you understand me? Do you understand what it felt like to be the person who wants you this much while constantly trying not to want too much from you? Do you understand how many times I have wanted to text you and stopped myself? I see something funny and I want to tell you. Something happens at work and I want to tell you. I hear a song and think of you. I see something you would like. I have some completely stupid idea that I know you would laugh at. And my instinct is to tell you. But typically, I don’t, not because I don’t want to talk to you but because I want to know if you will come looking for me. Do you know how shitty that feels? I don’t want to run experiments on you. I don’t want to sit here thinking, don’t text her, let’s see how long it takes. I hate that. I hate that I even think that way. But what else am I supposed to do when I want to know what happens to us if I stop creating momentum for both of us. So I stop and then there is silence. And I told myself: She’s busy. She’s tired. This doesn’t mean anything. She told you this is how she is. Give her space. Don’t be needy. Don’t make this bigger than it is. Meanwhile another voice in my head is saying, why is it too hard for her to reach for me? And I hate that voice because I know it isn’t completely fair. But it is there and I am done pretending it isn’t. Sometimes I want you to fucking miss me, not privately, not somewhere inside your head where I am supposed to trust that I exist. I want you to miss me enough to do something about it. I want you to think, I haven’t talked to her today. I want to know what she’s doing. I want you to send me the stupid thing. Tell me the boring thing. Ask me the unnecessary question. I don’t care what it is. I just want to feel you reaching for me.

And yes, I know you have. Believe me, I know. I remember every one of them because apparently, I have become a person who remembers the days the woman she wants texted first. Think about that. I notice it because it still feels exceptional after all these months. Then there are the moments when I give you something vulnerable and you just ignore me. I told you I missed you. You know how easy that sentence would have been to answer? I miss you too or maybe I know you do. Four fucking words. That’s it but you didn’t. Maybe you read it and smiled or thought it was sweet. Perhaps you didn’t know what to say. I can come up with several more explanations as I have become excellent at explaining you but underneath every explanation was that it hurts. I told you I missed you and you left me there. I know that sounds dramatic for one text, but it isn’t one text. It is everything underneath it. It’s months of sometimes feeling like I am standing in front of you with my heart in my hands while you quietly decide how much of it you are comfortable touching.

I have tried so hard to make this comfortable for you. I have tried not to pressure and rush you. I have tried to respect every boundary. We agreed with this We’re Not Dating universe because somehow that was the only place where we could have each other without having to call having each other anything. Honestly, for a while, that worked for me too. It was fun. It was weird but it was ours. We got to discover each other without forcing an answer, but we are 40+ fucking dates into this now. Forty. At some point I need to be allowed to ask: What the fuck are we doing? Because this does not feel casual. This does not feel like friendship with benefits. This does not feel like two women killing time until January. You are woven into my life.  I know the little ways you show me you care. I know how present and affectionate you are when we are together. When you are kissing me, laughing with me, holding my hand, and pulling me closer, I experience you as wanting me even though it took me a while to believe that you want me. That’s part of what makes this so goddamn confusing. Because when I am with you, I don’t doubt you. When you’re touching me and kissing me and laughing with me and pulling me against you, I am not sitting there wondering whether this is real. It is fucking real. I feel it. And then I leave and somehow, we turn back into two people who are “not dating.” We turn into people who can go on for days without communicating. One is really not communicating, and the other one is refusing to communicate to not pressure the other. That difference between who we are together and who we become apart is becoming increasingly painful for me. Sometimes I want to look you straight and say: Look at us. Just fucking look at us. What exactly do you think this is? And maybe you genuinely don’t know. Maybe that is the answer. But I am allowed to say that being loved or whatever word you are comfortable using for what you feel for me by someone who refuses to name what is happening can be incredibly lonely. Because I am living it. I am not hypothetical about you anymore. You are not an experiment to me and not a woman I am casually exploring.

You are S. And I fucking love you. There. I LOVE YOU. I have known it for a while now. I have carried it around. I have almost said it. I have thought about when I should tell you and how I should tell you and whether you’re ready and whether it would scare you and whether it would make you feel pressured and whether you would think I suddenly expected something from you. Do you understand how crazy that is? I am in love with you and somehow, I have spent more time worrying about whether my love will inconvenience you than simply being allowed to feel it. I don’t want to do that anymore. I love you. You don’t have to say it back. You don’t have to feel the same way but I am not going to act like my feelings are smaller than they are just because the truth might make you uncomfortable.

And here’s another truth I hate admitting. There have been moments when I have been ridiculously happy because you initiated something that I would consider completely normal if I were in a regular relationship. You texted first. You suggested the date. You picked me up. You asked what we are going to do tomorrow. And I am sitting here internally going: Oh my gosh, she is here. And then another part of me thinks: C, what the fuck? Why does basic reciprocity feel like Christmas morning? Why am I keeping mental receipts every time she moves toward me? Why does it mean so much? Because I have been longing for it. That’s why. I don’t need you to become me. God knows two of me would be fucking exhausting. I don’t need hundreds of texts a day. I don’t need every weekend or every evening. I don’t need constant reassurance. But I need something more than this. I need to be wanted. I need to feel pursued. I need to feel like you are capable of being the person who says: I want to see you. I miss you. Come over. Are you free? I was thinking about you. This reminded me of you. I want you here. I want to know what your wanting looks like when you stop being afraid of it. I want some agency from you. Not because I want control. Because I want a partner. And I know, we’re not partners. Fine. Whatever. Then I want the woman who has spent 40+ dates building something intimate with me to take some responsibility for whatever the hell we are building. Because I cannot do September through December exactly the way I did March through August. I can’t. I know too much now. I feel too much now. I am not asking you to know whether you want me forever. I am asking you to show me that you want me now. Actively. Deliberately. Without me always having to create the opportunity.

I need you to take some emotional risk because I have taken so much of it. Risk texting me first and wondering whether I’m busy. Risk asking to see me and possibly hearing no. Risk telling me you miss me. Risk saying something tender without knowing exactly what I will do with it. Risk wanting me where I can hear and feel it. I need you to look inside your heart, ask how much you want this and what you are willing to do about it.

And I need words sometimes. I am tired of doing emotional archaeology, collecting tiny clues and reconstructing your feelings from them. I can handle imperfect and messy words. Tell me you want me. Tell me you are scared. Tell me you don’t want to lose me. Tell me you’re confused. Tell me you’re falling for me. Tell me you aren’t. I can handle the truth. What is exhausting is constantly having to interpret silence.

I know there is a possibility that I will tell you all of this and you will say: C, I can’t give you more. That terrifies me. Because then what? What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? I love you. I don’t want to walk away from you. I don’t want another woman. I don’t want some hypothetical emotionally available person who texts every morning and communicates perfectly. I want you. I wanted this to be you. I want your stubbornness, your independence, your resistance to labels, and your strange little ways of showing affection. I want the teacher with the dog, the cat, the house, the routines, and her guarded fucking heart. I want the woman who makes me laugh. I want the woman I cannot stop kissing. I want the woman whose body I know and whose mind I am still learning. I want my friend. I want you.

That is why I have been patient. That is why I have stretched and tried to learn how you love instead of demanding that you love exactly like me. You have taught me that quiet love can still be real and that difference does not automatically mean incompatibility. And I am proud of that because that tells me I am growing inside this relationship.

But I am also teaching myself something: understanding you does not require abandoning me. I matter too. My need for communication matters. My desire to feel wanted matters. My need for acknowledgement and reciprocity matters. My fucking heart matters.

Sometimes I have negotiated against myself because I was afraid of losing you. I don’t want to lose you but I also don’t want to keep losing pieces of myself to keep you and I think I have done that sometimes. Every time I wanted to say something and decided it was too much. Every time I needed reassurance and told myself to self-soothe instead. Every time something hurt, and I immediately defended you to myself. I made myself smaller and accepted less because less from you still felt better than losing you completely. That is mine to take responsibility for. You did not ask me to do that, and I do not want to resent you someday for sacrifices you never asked me to make.

So I am telling you now.

Underneath all of this frustration is the simplest truth: I love you. I love being with you. I love our romance, our intimacy, and friendship underneath all of it. I love who I am when I feel safe beside you. I love you enough that I desperately want to find out what happens when we both truly show up for this. Not just me. Both of us. I don’t need you to become someone you are not. I need you to want this enough to reach for it too because I cannot keep carrying both sides of something that is supposed to belong to both of us. So please don’t hear this as me leaving, it is the exact opposite. This is me fighting like hell to stay. This is me finally putting everything on the table. This is me saying: Here I am. All of me, with all my big feelings and big questions. No filters. No pretending I don’t need anything. No weird project names to hide behind. Just me. I love you. I want you. I want this to be you.

I’ve largely identified as queer and bisexual for most of my life. I realized I was attracted to women at 7-8 years old. But I cannot say if I’m genuinely attracted to men or if its comphet. I’ve only dated one person, a guy, during my late teenage years.

I was a raging tomboy as a child when I had more autonomy for my clothing and interests (before that my mom treated me like a "girly girl"). I currently identify as a trans man, and I am using he/him pronouns. I don’t know if my gender feelings are really just internalized misogyny and internalized homophobia. Which is weird for me to admit, because I don't think in a way that promotes misogyny or homophobia when it comes to other people.

I am pre-transition (no HRT or surgery). I initially came out as transgender when I was 14 years old. But my family wasn't supportive. I shoved myself very far in the closet with both gender and sexuality when I was 18 and dating my ex, a bisexual cisgender man. In regards to sexuality, I came out as bisexual at age 15. And I feel like my parents didn't take it too seriously and its clear they want me to be a straight cisgender woman. There's always been a message of "we support LGBTQ people but as long as it's not our child/family member" in my family, although they are getting more vocally anti-LGBTQ with what they see on social media lately.

When I became single again in the last year, my questions surrounding my gender and sexuality got louder again. I then quickly came out again to some friends as a trans man and bisexual 6 months ago. And I'm starting college in a week but now I'm freaking out about using my preferred name there and going by he/him pronouns.

I want to explore my sexuality and relationships with women but I'm scared to since I'm attempting to present as male. I honestly don't know if I want to be seen as a man or a woman when dating women. I don't know what I'm comfortable with as I've never let myself explore relationships with women.

And I feel very uncomfortable being seen as a woman when dating men (but maybe that's comphet?). Basically, I want to explore dating women as a woman and try the lesbian label before I make any decisions if I should medically transition to male or not. In the last 6 months, I really feel like I've rushed things with coming out to friends and changing my preferred name and gender info at my college.

(Side note: childhood/family-related trauma makes me not want to use my birth name ever anyway. So name issues have nothing or very little to do with my gender). And it doesn't help that I live in a rural, conservative-dominant town.

TL;DR: How do I know if I'm a trans man and actually attracted to men, or if I'm a lesbian cisgender woman who is struggling with comphet + internalized misogny + internalized homophobia?

I'm mostly just venting here. But I'm open advice and hearing others share their experiences. I will be seeing a therapist soon to help me unpack all of this. I have to fill out the intake forms and submit them still.

Since I was little everyone accused me of being lesbian

Even in school

This BOTHERED me

So naturally I got defensive about it.

I didn't like people just talking about me like that.

Around 2015 all my friends, siblings, family, etc started coming out. Supposedly

We were young and some of that didn't hold up.

I didn't wanna feel like I was jumping on some sort of trend with them. Especially since I didn't even know anything about myself. So I said I was straight and kept saying that.

Over the years I've kissed girls. But I was drunk so It didn't count.

Had crushes on them. But I must be confusing admiration and attraction.

It wasn't until I started getting involved with men.

I don't get excited like I did with other girls. I don't feel anything at all. You'd think it would be lack of attraction but I've felt at least something with the women I wasn't attracted to. I like the IDEA of romance and men. But in practice it just falls flat.

I have a date tonight and I was outside for a smoke.

Feeling incredibly anxious.

I randomly thought "maybe I just don't like men."

I've been spiraling for a couple weeks on this topic.

I'm 24 now and have I'm still confused.

So just some background information before i get into my story. I am a teenage girl and came to the realisation that im a lesbian about 2 years ago. Ever since then ive been doubting this revelation even saying i could be bisexual or pansexual or maybe just straight. Now id like to take u into my mind and what i constantly think about: i enjoy attention from guys i once had a situationship with a boy that made me feel safe but im not sure i was truly fulfilled i always find girls to be the more attractive gender i always have the thought “i think i might like girls but im scared to admit it it cant be true im a muslim” but i also don’t think ive ever truly liked a girl or had a crush on one (remember this ill come back to it later) ive always been “boy crazy” but never wanted anything romantic and intimate with them i just like the idea of them finding me attractive or worthy. I always have thoughts of having a boyfriend but only for getting attention and the typical romantic straight relationship appeals to me so much. Im constantly scared to come out because of my religion and what if im “faking it” and the thought of “being bi means i have a chance to be normal ”. Im never able to picture my type in a man. Im constantly unsure if im attracted to masculinity or femininity. I get fan girl crushes on fictional men and celebrities but at the same time i yearn for the female costar. I always wonder what it would be like to have a girlfriend (remember this for later) i also have EXTREME internalised homophobia.

Now onto the parts i told u to remember a few months ago on the comment section of a video about queer muslims i saw a girl saying she was a queer Muslim. I reached out to her in hope of some advice. We soon then became friends. And then we started some kind of romantic relationship we weren’t dating. But i don’t know if i felt anything i really don’t know it definitely didn’t feel like any of the situation ships ive had with boys. Then i became so unsure of my feelings and i didn’t want to lead her on and i blocked her i sent this message on how i wasn’t ready for a relationship like ours it was so cliche. I also want u to keep in mind im a people pleaser i want someone’s satisfaction over my own so i was at a cross road lead her on stay in the relationship and make her happy leave the relationship and let her find someone who would make her happier. The entire time we where “broke up” i constantly thought about her and became so obsessive constantly stalking her accounts. Then a week or so ago i unblocked her and we started talking again. I dont know if i love her i say i love her all the time but i don’t know if i truly feel like i love her i don’t know what love feels like not even in a romantic or platonic way. I say i love my parents but i don’t know what that feels like i know i don’t want any harm to them and i want the best for them i pray for them i constantly go crawling back to them but is that love or obsession can i even feel love or so i just like obsession and attention.

I do find myself being more attracted to women and craving a relationship with a woman. But i also love the idea of a conventional life. UHHH I DONT KNOWWWW

advive anyone please leave it in to comments or dm me PLEASE

I’m writing this because I see a lot of posts in this sub with women saying things like “I only watch lesbian porn, does that make me a lesbian?”. If you don’t know, most porn, particularly heterosexual, is catered towards men, so yes, even straight women might be not be turned on by it and prefer lesbian porn as at least it focuses on showing women’s pleasure and is typically less aggressive. Porn can also make people get turned on by things they wouldn’t normally find exciting, so I don’t personally think it is a good way of telling your sexuality.

I always say that only you can know what you are and no one else can tell you otherwise. However, here are a few pointers that can actually be helpful in figuring out if you are a lesbian, bisexual, queer, etc. Feel free to comment other pointers that have helped you in your own self discovery journey!

- Can you recall experiences where you felt attracted to, or had crushes on women in your personal life?

- If you picture yourself settling down with a woman, how does that feel to you?

- Have you had any romantic or sexual encounters with women, and how did that feel? (If you haven’t and you’re in a position to, I would highly recommend putting yourself out there, as the best way to know for sure is by experiencing it for yourself!)

- If you’ve had romantic or sexual encounters with men, how did those feel? Were you ever attracted to them, or in love? Did you ever feel turned on by them and desire sex with them?

PS: It’s more than okay if you have, being bi/ queer etc doesn’t make you any less valid and you still have the right to break things off with a current male partner (if applicable) and date women.

Heteronormativity can make it harder to understand whether you’ve truly wanted to have experiences with men or you were just ‘going through the motions’, but try to really focus on how you’ve felt throughout your life, with no judgement either way.

Sorry for the delete, posting, and deleting again. I did it because I had huge anxiety after my husband found out I was lesbian after going through my messages with a close friend. Since then, I wasn't sure how I could talk to my friend anymore...I was even afraid to vent on here. I mean, I was not ready to come out the closet. I was (and still) discovering myself at 29, and learning more about me. So when that happened, it felt like life came crashing down...fast. i say fast because when I told my friend about it, he went snooping a week later. So yea, fast.

It's been about 2 weeks, things are very different between us. All he does is play his video games, and i'm not surprised because that is all that he does anyway. I'm not sure when he will be ready for a conversation, but I won't rush him about it. I won't let it stop that from still being on this journey of mine.

So no, no more being scared. No more posting and deleting on here. No more avoiding talking to my closest friend about this just because i'm afraid he will invade my privacy again. It is what it is...and I want to live in my truth.

Gonna try to keep this short and sweet. I went out with this girl I am just head over heels for earlier this year a couple of times and now she doesn’t talk to me. She slowly tapered off after the second time we went out and said she was having difficult feelings and mental health struggles. AKA she got back together with the girl that keeps hurting her but is familiar. I have my own struggles like mental heath difficulties after a bad divorce several years ago, coming to terms with not liking men, and currently living with a man that I have not been sexual or romantic with in almost a year. (Hes my best friend, my animals love him, and splitting finances is helpful in this economy. I already know something huge will have to happen for me to be my full self, I’m just so so afraid of losing my current somewhat stable living.) Anyway, she avoids me like the plague but I keep catching us making eye contact and I feel like I feel something intuitively, and I frankly can’t stop thinking about her and how cool and funny and awesome I find her. Do I tell her? Even if she does hate me, should I just get it off my chest? What do I do and how do I do it? We’ve been awkwardly avoiding eachother since spring and the not knowing or understanding is killing me.

Recently I (25) have been coming to terms that I may be a lesbian and not bisexual. Mostly because I always think that I don’t think I could ever fully trust a man with my body because of past bullying trauma. I’ve never been intimate or in a relationship with either a man or woman and have been on one date in my life with a man. I think I enjoyed my time but only because I felt male validation from it. I’ve had a weird homoerotic friendship where neither of us could make the first move and we’re not even friends anymore (for other reasons).

With all that being said, In trying to put myself out there on the apps, I have had little to no success with women. I think it’s partly because I have a hard time making the first move (both on the apps and IRL), but also because i’m a fat femme and there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of women who are into that? Is this just me or can anyone else relate? either their own experience or something they observe. Also how can I put myself out there as a submissive fat femme woman?

I’m in the typical late bloomer situation, married to my best friend with 2 kids. I’m in therapy trying to figure out if I’m a lesbian after thinking I was bisexual my whole life. I’m pretty sure I am but part of my processing (as suggested by my husband, and therapist) has been trying to put myself in wlw environments to see if I feel more myself/aligned. My therapist suggested I go to some local events, the first being this week. I’m not looking to date or start a relationship, just to see how I feel in these spaces and make queer friends. The problem is, I’m so nervous. I’m going alone as I don’t have any friends who could join me, and I’m very nervous about women judging me once I mention my husband. I don’t want to go into detail about my life at this event I just want to have fun, but I can’t talk about myself without mentioning my husband and kids in conversation. I’m anxious about it to the point where I don’t even know if I should go. I don’t even know how to approach the topic of me being a late bloomer. Any advice?

I'm looking for a virtual therapist who is very open to the topics that are discussed in this subreddit. Please let me know of any names and I'll see if they take my insurance.

Thanks for helping me take this big step ❤

“i prefer guys with no facial hair” / “i hate facial hair”

“i don’t like big muscles”

“i want my man to be shaved” “hairy pits give me the ick”

“i don’t want princess treatment, i want us to be equals”

“i don’t like mens voices”

“i don’t have any celeb crushes”

“girls are just prettier” “girls are just nicer to look at”

like how did i not realise i was a lesbian sooner.. 😂

Afternoon

I'm genderqueer and 26!

I have always identified as bisexual, but with a preference for men. My attraction to women was there, but mostly "she's hot holy fuck" and not "I *want* her"

This all changed about three months ago when I developed a proper crush on a woman for the first time in my life. This seems to have thrown open the gates, because I am feeling ways about women that I never have before. I can see myself having a woman as a partner for life now; I didn't feel that way before. The way I'm attracted to women has grown, like, I'm magnetized.

That's all fine. Wow I'm "more" bisexual" than I thought. Here's what I'm afraid I'm making up or fooling myself into.

As I've charged into this attraction to women and explored it, I've noticed something ... shift. My interest in men has diminished. Severely. I've never been all that into men physically, but I felt like only a romantic relationship with a man would be fulfilling to me. I've casually dated women before and it didn't light my fire, I wanted to date men. I don't know what's happened, but I don't feel that need. Like, most men are not nice to look at sexually right now. I've been sleeping with this guy as a fwb for a few months, and as of the last two weeks the sexual appeal of fucking men has been so low that the idea of fucking this guy is off-putting. I don't even like the idea of kissing him. I have previously been excited to have sex with this man, even despite the fact that I'm not like, capital a Attracted to him.

This is where I'm afraid there's some OCD thing happening? Am I tricking myself into not being attracted to men because I like the idea of just being into women? I'm afraid my interest in women is somehow fake because it feels so different to my past attraction to men. My attraction to men is one of the only things about my queerness I've not really doubted, so this lack of interest is unprecedented.

I have felt for years that whatever god make me forgot to turn on the "lesbian" switch when I was created. So maybe I'm trying to shove myself in a box I wish I fit. I dunno.

I'm a genderqueer person and I've been taking transition steps to feel more like myself the past two years. I like my body and how I feel so much more now than I ever did. Idk if there's something there.

Ich (21, weiblich) habe mich von meiner Freundin getrennt, die an einer Borderline-Persönlichkeitsstörung leidet. In letzter Zeit war ich beruflich oft unterwegs (manchmal auch). Vorher hatten wir ständig Streit, aber was sie dann sagt, ist einfach nur schrecklich. Sie wirft mir ständig vor, ich würde Männer lieben und ihre Aufmerksamkeit wollen. Sie will, dass ich sie ständig anrufe, und wenn ich nicht rangehe, nennt sie mich eine Schlampe. Sie behauptet, ich könnte in der Zeit, in der ich nicht rangehe, mit anderen Männern schlafen. Sie erzählt mir immer wieder, wie einfach es sei, mit anderen Frauen zusammen zu sein und mich zu betrügen. Ich kann mich an vieles nicht mehr erinnern, weil wir zwei Jahre lang zusammen waren und ich es jetzt einfach nicht mehr kann. Ich kann es einfach nicht verkraften, dass sie Schluss macht. Ich hätte es in Kauf genommen, dass sie mich mit Füßen tritt, solange sie es tut. Sie hat über 200 Mal Schluss machen wollen, aber jedes Mal, wenn ich an ihr festhalte, kann ich nicht mehr in Ruhe ausgehen, und am schlimmsten ist, dass sie mich jedes Mal als „Schlampe“ beschimpft. Ich gehe mit anderen Leuten aus, aber wenn es um mich geht, gibt es Millionen Gründe, es nicht zu tun (ich gehe mit ihr aus, seit ich über 38 bin). Das heißt nicht, dass ich perfekt bin, aber egal, wie oft ich euch das schon erzählt habe … sie hat mir gesagt: „Ich hoffe, du wirst vergewaltigt.“ Dann hat sie mich beschuldigt, das Problem zu sein, dass ich diese Ausbrüche verursacht habe (ich mache gerade eine wichtige Phase in meinem Leben durch und meine Familie hilft mir überhaupt nicht). Ich habe mich so schlecht gefühlt, weil sie immer wieder sagt: „Ich habe dich verletzt, also will ich mich nicht selbst verletzen.“ Und sie nennt mich egoistisch und rücksichtslos (je mehr ich mich von all dem überfordert fühle, desto mehr möchte ich einfach nur Serien schauen, ich bin einfach nur müde). Irgendwann hat sie Probleme damit, mich zu schlagen und sogar in der Öffentlichkeit ihre Stimme zu erheben. Manchmal sage ich mir, dass ich das Problem bin, dass ich sie wütend gemacht, sie provoziert habe und … Es ist wirklich viel passiert. Wir haben jetzt keinen Kontakt mehr und ich möchte einfach nur anrufen, um nachzufragen … aber ich sage … Ich bin einfach nur noch so erschöpft, und egal wie sehr ich sie anflehe, damit aufzuhören, sie tut es einfach nicht. Ich bin völlig am Boden zerstört.