Daddy has gone bye bye apparently to get some paper to trade for some treats, Mommy has a broke foot, my kitty fren just wants to sleep, but I wants to play! I whimper, I give them sweet puppy eyes...I even fake having to go potty, but Mommy lets me go outside, but she not follow... Mommy says "no go outside and play right now." Mommy says get my bone or get my rope...BUT I WANTS TO PLAY OUTSIDE! I not understand what that means, but I'm very sad now.

I, a precious baby girl who definitely doesn't stink or have a single atom of dirt on me, was betrayed by my mother and forced to take a bath. How can I punish her to the fullest extent of the paw?

So... here I waz walking with my found stick. People awh and chuckle at mehz. When dis Karen comes by saying I needs to move aside! Well I dids the math.. but the math aint mathing and the stick didnt want to move. So she got angries and yelled at mah hooman. Now am being sued by diskaren for carrying mah stick. What can Iz do?

I demolished da stick sooo theres no evidence.

Hooman STOLE my food. Diz was good food. I found it in the ditch. I was first to see it. Delicious bread, nicely aged and crunchy, with more tasty aged food stuck in. Hooman STOLE IT and put in in the trash, probably to eat it later.

We went home and I had DRY FOOD in exchange and a very tiny piece of cheese. This is not fair compensation for delicious hard bread with something in it. I got dry food everyday. Please help. Here are proof of hooman stealing my food and proof of me being a good girl. I WANT JUSTICE

So here’s the thing. I love food. I eat it. I like it. Mmm food.. treats… mm.. Ok wait. Let’s get back on track. So apparently mother says that dinner time is at 5pm. That I still have to wait more minutes for a dinners. Thing is I don’t know what time is and I am actually hungry now and it doesn’t seem like she wants to feed me like ever when I want it. Am I the butthole for asking for foods even? Like I’m actually starving.

Good Boi Freddie here. The lady comes home and then she sits on couch with the rectangle thing. She only can pet me with one hand. I think this ali..alien…taking away the lady’s attention from me. Can I sue? This is me pouting.

Fur many yers, I haz been made to liv outseyd while dog frens get to liv in big warm houz. I no iz understanding, becuz I iz smol enuff to fit in houz just like dog frens, but hooman still say no I must liv in the outseyd! No iz fair!!!!! Pleas halp dog frens!!! I iz needing advice on how I iz able to live inseyd like frens with paws.

Toby posted yesserday abowt how he didn't get to snuggle wif mama on hiz birfday eve, so we all no dat TODAY IZ TOBY BIRFDAY! Eberybuddy wish Toby a Happy Birfday, an offer him giffs like diss pikkul. An since Toby's username is Evelyn Baker Lang u/22219147 mai mama says to tell him "Josh Lyman is gesticulating wildly" or sumfing liek dat.

We three are very very good dawgs, why mommee worried about dawgs up on couch. She says no more dogs playing on couch!! With her angry voice. But why you say it mommee we never ever play rough here, there, or anywhere. Only snooze. Pawsitive evidence attached.

Herro biggos am wittle fur frens. I iz Bonhoeffer the iweegle smoll sooper woofer floofer. Iz did mai firs skare. Lemee splayn. See daddy do awai fur skool next hapee sunshine time. But ib won be hapee sumshime time wifiout daddy am lottso skritches, pets, am my favorite ICE CUBES. So my wittle catto broffer Phil/Tatter tot… oh he sai he sponsor by “GO CRIMEZ!” Tellz me “nom nom a snak wen i do imside swim. Daddy stay home wif you. “ HE SO SMORT! i found smoll smell gud snak (hooman here: .5”x.5” paper flat piece of old bar soap. Fucking soap…. Damn good thing he’s cute.) den I sooper woofer for daddy to make my swim swim timez. He sai no swim swim tooday! How roo!!! Ab happee moon nigh nigh timez i did majik twik. My bortholl turn to BIG firehose ebery two hours 10p 12a 2a 230a 4a 430a 6a. Brofer DID NOT tellz me dis part. ROOOOD! Daddy hand fed me ice and food den I did a BIGGO play dat I led. Wen I waz sik daddy look im my eyes for long time. Ib was weird. Why hooman do lomg stayr? I LUB DADDY SO SO MUCHHO- i don wan awai!!! (Hooman here: We lost our ShepardxMalinois July 26 roughly a year ago- my first thought was NOOOOOOO! He is eating and drinking normal unrestricted enthusiastically back to normal poopies, no pale gums, romping…. If he had one wish it would be to have a paw activated ice dispenser in his kennel)

Hi frens,

Pleez helpp mee, Toby, doo a soo agins Muma und brudder. Wee wuz inn ting wit wheelz gowen FASS! Papa nede stepp onn brakz FASS! Brudder loos balans. Muma sez, “Looloo” (dat brudder), “ewe reel oled und nede sitz wid Muma.”

Soh brudder git two sitz onn Muma inn herz seet und aiz stae bukkld inn bak! Aiz giv Muma stink I butt herz noh pollo jize.

Dis alsow reel meen cuz iz mine bird dae two moro! Dis bird dae EVE! Butt aiz inn bak und brudder wid Muma!

Noww wee iz inn houzz butt aiz ignowin Muma. Dat sho herz!

Fren Toby (whoo bee ate two moro)

Henlo is Me Yeti, back aginnnz wif BIGGEST SOO. Mommy put bad Pawty hat on me! Me Yeti luvs to PAWTY (translation: go to the dog park). But dis sqwweeek no good on me head! Yeti mussssss chew n sqwwwweeeeek n destroy!

THEN me mommay post pictuchers of me Yeti shammmed AND she add gif of Fatty Boi!!! Me Yeti sooooo for da shamez. No more dye it! So much more treats! Dye it so bad that me Yeti STARFFFF!

Hi frens iz I brave good boi Aubade. My momma is the smartest kindest pawrent around. She knows just how to help me be strong bwave pupper when the sky boomz are too loud. There is a special muzik she plays that helps me feel calm and loved. But last week she left me fur eleventy furebers at my grandpawents house. Iz normally good times there, lots of treatos and a special armchair just for meeeez! However, this last time there was lots of sky boomz and I got big scary feewings. Where iz momma? Why iz there no muzik?? Grandpawents are too dum dum to figure out da "spot fi". Iz this grounds to soo?

Mawmy is doin a werk from home today. Yay! Extra cuddles! Extra cheeses! Extra walks! Right? Wrong!

Mawmy took me to Great Outdoor Place to do my bizness. Such a nice morning. Perfect morning for sniff sniffs. But Mawmy sez “Cmon Ansel. You know Martha’s to werk.” Me no like this werk so I refuse to “C’mon.” I stead I slow down and make sure to sniff sniff every single blade of grass. Hehehehe

But then Mawmy get impashunt wif me. How can she do that when I’m so cute? When we get in house, Mawmy disappears. I’m scared she is calling hooman pawyer to soo me for not going into house fast.

Any defense pawyers willing to take my case?

Hello, it is Boss the orange (visiting from r/legalcatadvice). What is this "pokey place" of which the human tells me stories? Do they really poke you or just do "borthole violations" as you call it? Also why do some doggo frens have a donut on their heads after seeing the "pokey human"?

hallo is Archie-boy, hav post heer befor to ask about foster mom obligashuns, mainlee how to mek shor she gib lots and lots and LOTS of scritches. she getting better at dis.

well, dis hooman deside she want to keep me! she say she did the "adop" so i am her boy now foreber an eber!!! dis bery gud an mek me do lot of happee jumping and runn in sircals.

but now, i gets a littal nerbus becuz... do EYE hav addishanul obligashuns now that i am offishal dog of da house??? pleez avise!!

hai fellow doggy frenz. ai is roo. ai is seeking legal advoice from my fellowz dogz. today i do my walkz with my mom on my walkz i see a slice of pizza!! just for meez. finderz keeperz, RIGHTZ? my mom sayz NOOO. she pull MY pizza out of my moufs. she didn’t even eatz it for hershelf, she throws it ouf on the streetz. not only is that rawbery but that’s also food washte. what do you think my frenz, can ai soo?

Herro deer floofers biggo am smoll. I am Bonhoeffer the biggo sooper woofer floofer/ iweegle smoll. Today was mos hapee momee did my 2nd nom nom meal. She sai we doo pwactice fur wen daddy go to skoolz next week- he won be hom wif yoo. I go to my wimdow am do biggo woof. Biggo grwumpy. Daddy albso sai my therapee doggee skool start im 14 hapee sunshines am I haz to do clas too. I likee my teechur SOOO MUCH am my skool but no daddy all dai. DIS DEE WORS

Are you a small dog? Has your human ever broken a treat in half before giving it to you? If so, you may be entitled to compensation. Contact the offices of Cocoa Esquire and set up an appointment. We'll fight hard to give you the compensation you deserve.

Broken Treats = Broken Trust

Henlo furrends. Plz halp. Am heckin pawfessional pupper. I hab been to five of mama's balley classes. I now know eberyfing der is too kno abt balley. Howebber I hab notice treatos gettin less...

Mama say I mus be good boi, mus learn how to lie quietly while she shout at weird ppl dat kick legs around n stomp in noisy things she calls poyinte shoos (see pic #2.

Is mama sneakily tryin to get me to do all da works for her wifout proper kompensashun? Plz halp frens, need ur advice 🐾