r/mildlyinfuriating • u/isoaclue • 2d ago
Missing Peace Don't ask people questions about their body if you don't want to hear the answer.
I've had to have more than a few surgeries in my life, some of which involve parts of my body I don't usually discuss at work. I've gotten a bit irritated at people who press for more information when I respond "you'd probably rather not know" so the other day I decided it anyone asks "what are you having done" they get this answer:
"I have some scar tissue inside of my urethera that makes it difficult to pee and causes pain, so they're feeding a tube into my penis, then inflating a balloon covered in drugs to break the scar tissue up and hopefully stop it from returning. Then I'll have to wear a catheter home for a few days afterwards."
If they're still interested after that maybe I can describe how fun it is to piss straight blood for several days after the catheter comes out and how I can't have sex with my wife for awhile afterwards and even then we'll have to use condoms for a few weeks after that to avoid any of the drugs being passed into her.
Basically, maybe if it's not someone you're very close to, maybe don't ask about their body. If they don't volunteer the information, it might just be something they don't want to discuss.
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u/nicemarmot47 2d ago
Bahahaha I enjoyed reading this (not your suffering obviously - I hope you have the best possible outcome!) I had breast cancer in my 30s and unfortunately ended up with lymphoedema in my left arm after my double mastectomy. I have to wear compression sleeves for the rest of my life.
I found a company that makes pretty compression sleeves - some look like sleeve tattoos, some are just pretty patterns.
Well lemme tell ya elderly strangers find this so offensive that they will tap me on the shoulder to ask what is that ugly thing on my arm? Or, as one Grandpa asked at a five year olds birthday party, "WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT UGLY SOCK ON YOUR ARM? ARE YOU STUPID?"
I tell them with no small amount of internal glee - and as loudly as possible - that I need that medical sleeve because of swelling that happened after I had both my titties chopped off so I didn't die of breast cancer.
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u/Notsewcrazee13 2d ago
Of course itās elderly strangers. And they are often the first to huff and puff about how āpeople today donāt have manners.ā
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u/Soft_Noir 2d ago
I wonder if its a generational thing, like, this nonsense was just common when they were younger, or if we just loose all common sense and notion in how to behave around others when we grow old
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u/nicemarmot47 2d ago
I'm now in my 40s, so the middle aged people I knew as a kid are elderly now. It's aging - it gets rid of your filters and lets all the nonsense out. I know people who say and do things in their 70s and 80s that they NEVER would have said or done when they were my age
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u/Emoooooly 1d ago
Oh im so fucking screwed, im not quite 30 and my filter is awful.
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u/nicemarmot47 1d ago
If you're not going up to cancer patients demanding to know why they're wearing a sock on their arm you're doing okay
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u/RuncibleMountainWren 1d ago
Agreed, as a fellow 40yo Ā person. We all care less about what others think as we get older - and it is truly liberating to stop being worried about whether I am trendy or is someone thinks I was xyz etc - so many teenagers and young adults are naturally still finding their way and are entirely too stressed about putting on the right performance for the world and donāt have enough self-esteem to sail through awkward or uncomfortable social situations unscathed - so it is mostly a boon to find yourself hit āmiddle ageā and having the confidence to not let those things ruffle you so much. But the flip-side is that I can totally see that if that confidence and laze-faire attitude to others keeps growing then it would be very easy to turn into a rude and awkward oldie who blurts out the most ridiculous things.Ā
Also, early stage dementia definitely lowers inhibitions around social nuances.Ā
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u/Fun-Telephone-9605 1d ago
I'm 47 and I already forgot what we're supposed to be angry about in this thread.
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u/Melenduwir 2d ago
The executive functions associated with self-restraint and remembering politeness contexts often decline in old age, especially in people never had much executive function in the first place.
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u/Ambition_Long 2d ago
Iām sorry to hear about all that and people are so rude! The way the world is today is just sad. I have lymphedema in both feet and ankles. And canāt wear regular shoes. Summer time my feet swell way worse. Iāve done shots in veins in my legs, Iāve got a machine that squeezes your legs like a blood pressure cuff to try to get blood flowing in them. But so far, NOTHING has worked besides taking water pills daily & proping them above my heart at night. My feet and legs always feel so heavy. But DRās donāt seem to care. He just said shots didnāt work.& Itās depressing because I canāt do the things or enjoy my grandson like I used to. People at work are understanding about it. Just wish I knew how to fix it. If anyone has any tips or suggestions about this. Would be greatly appreciative.
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u/GarmieTurtel 1d ago
First, let me congratulate you on your successful recovery, even with its complications. Secondly, if I may ask, what have you found to be the most successful way to apply your arm sleeve? I, too, have lymph issues(they can't be sure of its direct cause, so refuse to diagnose it.) on my right side, but my right arm is where it started and is most prominent. I have great difficulty getting an arm sleeve on and none of the suggestions have been successful for me.
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u/nicemarmot47 1d ago
I was taught to fold them in half, pull them up to my elbow, then unfold the other half over my upper arm.
It works, but it's not uncommon for me to punch myself in the face the first few times I put a new sleeve on
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u/GarmieTurtel 1d ago
Yeah, punching myself in the face is all that I accomplish using that method. Maybe one time out of ten works, but my stress and irritation levels are through the roof. Lol The rolling method never worked either, it just seemed to train the sleeve to roll back down.
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u/Remove_My_Skin 2d ago
Recently had a surgery to remove a cyst from my balls and I'm really feeling this. Some people can't take a hint.
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u/PhosphoFred8202 2d ago
I fractured my arm and never went the doctor.
I stepped on a broken sewing needle and walked around with it in my foot for two months before seeking help.
I had a weird bump on my sack and was ready to cancel my flight to California for a vacation the next day as I desperately sought medical assistance. It turned out it was just an ingrown hair. The urgent care doc sorted it and had me out in like 30 minutes.
There are some bits guys, even dummies like me, will stop the world for to get treated š
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u/Squee1396 2d ago
Unless you are my friends dad who let an infection get so bad his penis fell off.
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u/TzanzaNG 2d ago
He probably had Fournier's Gangrene. It is an infection of the genitals and perineum that progresses rapidly. It can start off with a lesion a person can mistake for a pimple or boil but the tissue in a large area can die off within a couple days. Even with aggressive treatment, large areas of tissue need to be debrided (surgically removed). Fournier's Gangrene is seen most often in diabetics and is an actual listed side effect of certain diabetic medications.
He absolutely could have had his penis fall off as a result of rapidly spreading infection. Poor guy.
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u/PhosphoFred8202 2d ago
I read the first part as ear infection which was quite confusing considering the consequences
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL, WHY????
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u/Squee1396 2d ago
I have long wondered why. He has passed away now from other health issues. My friend said that day he heard his dad screaming from the bathroom because he went to go pee and it just fell off. I donāt know how he could have let it get that far, i donāt have a penis but i know i would notice something long before that happened!
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u/Single-Kangaroo1180 2d ago
As a paramedic (who has seen things š³), I am going to make an educated guessā¦this man was probably a diabetic, who did nothing to control his blood sugar. Elevated glucose levels can cause neuropathy, while typically in the feet and hands, it can affect other peripheral areas. Diabetics are also more susceptible to infections, so he probably had a festering infection that he did nothing aboutā¦until gangrene set in and it eventually rotted offā¦
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u/Squee1396 2d ago
He was not a diabetic actually but he definitely had a festering infection
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u/Single-Kangaroo1180 2d ago
Still a possibility he was diabetic and never diagnosedā¦it does sound like he wasnāt too keen on self health or seeking treatment and maybe not the most observant person š³
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u/DialynnLA 2d ago
Or like my niece's MIL who let a foot infection go until they had to amputate below the knee.
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u/ItsTheDCVR 2d ago
For people wondering, I definitely recommend you don't Google Fournier's Gangrene.
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u/SarahPlainNShort 2d ago
My very first patient in nursing school was a man with gangrene ballsā¦the things looked like cantaloupes and Iām not exaggerating at all
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u/ItsTheDCVR 2d ago
Day one of clinical was a guy in his 30-40, looked healthy, but balls fully flayed open. Looked pink and healing but still raw. He wasn't my patient: my classmate was in the iso room, looking partially terrified, and he saw me in the hallway and flagged me down to find the primary rn lol
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u/LongWinterComing 1d ago
My first clinical pt had a pretty severe rectal prolapse but was admitted for a small MI. Heart problems are why they weren't able to get surgery for the prolapse. It was a sad situation, for sure. Now I work in urology and see all sorts of unexpected things.
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u/Soft_Noir 2d ago
Being very honest, I've met so many people who would be sad/offended if people wouldn't ask questions when they say they are having health issues or are going to have a surgery. It's like they offer an info first, like "I'm going to have a surgery tomorrow" and will think no one cares about them if they dont ask more questions about it. And there are people who are totally the opposite, like OP.
But truly, I've worked with a lot of people like that, and I'm the kind of person who will only ask more questions if I feel like the person is offering more details first, so it has been a pain lol
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u/Temporary-Snow333 2d ago
While I definitely would not be offended if someone didnāt continue the conversation, I love talking about shit like that and being asked personal questions, so I understand these people. I recently had a very major and distressing life event and really wanna talk about it with people in the communityā¦ so long as people actually wanna hear it lol.
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u/purple-paper-punch 1d ago
I've met people like that too. My usual response is "oh, hopefully nothing too serious. Hope it goes well!"
Simple response that can either be the end of the conversation, or something that lets them spill all the deets. Literally just leaves the ball in their court so I don't accidentally offend by not asking for more info, or seeming like I'm digging for info.
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u/werewolf013 2d ago
Shit what made it get the attention of surgery? I got one that hurts on my epididymis but the doctor has a "it's not cancer and won't cause damage" approach. I've considered getting kicked in the nuts to try and pop it.
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u/Remove_My_Skin 2d ago
My doctor basically said it was benign and surgury was my choice. The cyst was causing deferred pain in my abdomen, and shooting pains up my spine and down my leg so I told them to cut it out as soon as they could.
The cyst I had was a spermatocele (on the tubing on the back of the testicle), your cyst may be in a slightly different place.
Ā I would go to your urologist again and tell him its really bothering you and see what your options are.
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u/stormycat0811 2d ago
Not quite the same, but at one point I had 3 kids under 3, and 1 was a different race. I am a Foster parent for the record. You wouldnāt believe the number of random strangers in the stores asking- are they all yours, do they have same father.
I would just stare them straight in the face and ask them why they were asking such a personal question and especially in front of my children. If they asked - You do know how that happens right? I would reply - Yes my husband and I like to do it, do you want any tips?
People are just going to be rude.
I hope you feel better and have a speedy recovery
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u/jentheyam 2d ago
Along with this is random people in the grocery store thinking itās okay to touch your pregnant belly or babies without permission. Like unless you helped make this kid, keep your dirty fucking hands off us.
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u/macarenamobster 2d ago
Were they asking if you knew how children were made when you had 3ā¦? What?
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u/Medical-Resolve-4872 2d ago
I love that answer. I have a Catholic friend with 5 kids who used to say the same thing! āIād be happy to give you some tips, I love talking about sex!ā Sheās a pretty religious catholic so people would be shocked!
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u/AsleepHedgehog2381 1d ago
People are extremely weird, in general, but also when it comes to children that arent theirs. As a mom of one, I cant tell you the amount of times someone told me I HAVE to have another child so he has a sibling (even when I was still pregnant with my son). On days I'm fed up with it, I have gone into detail about my infertility struggles. That shuts them up pretty quickly.
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u/JellyfishFit3871 2d ago
I have butt cancer. And an ostomy.
Some dude on the band's communication app fussed at me the other day. (Basically, another parent threw out a "crap, I signed up for a volunteer shift and now something has come up." Completely understandable.) I asked whether it was the one specific thing I can do, if so I'd cover.
And along blunders Mr. Hasn't Been There to tell me "oh, it's just walking 10 feet!"
Yes, for several hours. I physically cannot. If you'd been at any parent/booster meeting in the past 3 years, you'd be aware. I haven't kept any big secrets. I'm a stick figure, wore my little knit cap half of last year.
Between my daughter and dude's wife, SOMEBODY learned about staying in his own lane.
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u/isoaclue 2d ago
Literally don't want to imagine what that's like and hope I never find out myself. Hope you have a good long term prognosis in your future.
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u/DarkSkye55 2d ago
I hear you! I had vaginal cancer. They ask me what kind of cancer I had, and then I get to watch their face try to maintain some sort of expression while they process the va jay-jay information.š
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u/LaRoseDuRoi 2d ago
My husband had testicular cancer a few years ago, and yes, people absolutely drop their eyes to his crotch when it's mentioned.
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u/All_Work_All_Play 2d ago
I mean... Actually probably. If some tells me they had war cancer, I'm probably looking at their ears. If they had foot cancer, I'm probably looking at their feet. If they've had a knee replacement, I'm probably looking at their knees. Monkey brain and all that.
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u/flagshipcopypaper 2d ago
I asked my uncleās wife what kind it of surgery she was getting. She paused and said āyou know, I never expected to get oldā. It was a good lesson for me to not ask invasive questions, itās rude. Iām still shocked how often people do ask invasive questions.
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u/macarenamobster 2d ago
I donāt understand her response, I feel like Iām missing something.
Was it just avoiding the question or is there some joke / dual meaning in there
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u/flagshipcopypaper 2d ago
I was confused at first too. The answer was evasive and I initially assumed there was a subtext of āIām not going to answer your question.ā Either she or I changed the subject after that but her response stuck with me. I had to think about it and it took me a while to understand what she was saying.
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u/Soft_Noir 2d ago
Yeah, after that I think I would be really confused and ask her to explain hahahaha
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u/pinupcthulhu 2d ago
I'm sorry about your narrow urethra Mr. Hill, and I hope your surgery goes well!Ā
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u/LowestDimension 2d ago
I feel this. I just had to have surgery on my uterus and have dodged questions about it from my 65 year old male boss. Itās not something Iām comfortable discussing with him!
But now Iām pretty sure my vagueness has left him believing that I made the whole thing up to get out of work
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u/TaroFearless7930 2d ago
I had cervical fusion and the surgical scar is on the front of my neck. Someone I didn't know asked what happened and I told her I was running with scissors. She almost threw up. I'm guessing she doesn't do that again. And no, I didn't correct the story.
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u/Exhausted-CNA 2d ago
I hope everything goes well OP and the procedure works I can't imagine how painful this must be.
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u/Jammin_neB13 2d ago
I fucking felt this. As someone who also has scar tissue in the urethra. Got put under for alif surgery a month ago, and the surgeon couldnāt get the catheter placed. So I was woken up and sent home. Went to urologist last week to have the urethra dilated and a foley placed. That was worse than the alif surgery I had two days later, which was two days ago now. Hoping this round goes better for you my dude.
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u/isoaclue 2d ago
Also no fusion yet for me but I've had some back surgery too, super fun! Dilations are no joke. My first cystoscopy was absolutely horrible especially since I had no idea what was about to happen.
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u/Jammin_neB13 2d ago
The nurse told me she had been working with the urologist for 10 years and had never seen someone need to be dilated the way he did to me. I hope to never have to experience it again. Wishing you a speedy recovery homie.
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u/isoaclue 2d ago
Look into Optilime if it's a candidate. Mine is bulbar and under 3cm. They DO NOT get better left untreated. If it's bad enough just do the urethroplasty and get it over with. I'm a bike rider so I'm worried about the perineal muscle dissection making it too difficult to ride. A lot of people do very well with Optilume and the recovery time is weeks not months.
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u/landlocked67 2d ago edited 1d ago
I schedule these kind of surgeries. I have lost a lot of social filters with it since I talk about it so much at work. Keep answering their questions and make them uncomfortable. They asked.
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u/Mediocre-Response-24 2d ago
I assume you mean you schedule them as part of your job not that you schedule these for yourself regularly š
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u/landlocked67 2d ago
Having these surgeries personally is a favorite past time of mine.
Yes youāre correct, that is my job. Shoulda clarified that, whoops.
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u/Repulsive-Box5243 2d ago
I've had the catheter in, for kidney stones. MAN that shit hurts. Would not recommend.
I wish you the best of luck.
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u/isoaclue 2d ago
Yeah it's my second time around so I hope this is easier now that I have a better idea of how to manage it. Thankfully I can remove it after 72 hours.
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u/sldavis102907 2d ago
I know a young man who was born with his right arm ending just past his elbow. He is constantly asked about it. My two of his favorite answers are; Jesus just didnāt love me enough or shark attack.
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u/ChrisRiley_42 2d ago
I have a visible brain surgery scar. More than once, I have had people walk up to the table in a restaurant and ask me about it in the middle of a meal.
I now give obviously ridiculous answers. Things like "I dove on a thunderflash (hand-grenade simulator) when I was in the army", "Bitten by a baby shark in Lake Superior", etc.
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u/KPinCVG 2d ago
I was in a bad accident more than 20 years ago.
I've had untold surgeries. I just started writing them all down and stopped trying to remember all the details.
When I still worked in corporate America, I would send an email out to my co-workers that I had survived surgery and would include any surgical photos or just regular photos. I would warn people what the attached photos contained.
You definitely get two different responses. One is of course, "why would you include these photos?!?!!" The other of course is "OMG! I absolutely loved that you attached these photos!!!!"
Over the course of time, my next door neighbor in the cube farm revealed me that they were one of the people that would never under any circumstances open any of the photographs attached. They quietly wondered why I included this kind of detail. But because they sat next to me in the cube farm, they got to hear all kinds of responses once I was back in the office. Including the people that I didn't work closely enough with to be included on the email updates. Of course, these are the people who come into your office and absolutely ask every single invasive question ever invented. No topic too personal.
So one day we were chatting at lunch and they said that they absolutely questioned my sanity on sending these email updates. But time had softened them with the realization that some people have absolutely no boundaries and that I was saving myself a lot of time and grief by sending email updates.
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u/isoaclue 2d ago
In my particular case I feel like photos might be crossing the line...š
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u/KPinCVG 2d ago
You can include pictures from the scope. A lot of times those were the only age-appropriate photos I had to share.
The amusing part is if you're not a doctor, I don't think you know what you're even looking at. This one is mostly white. This one is mostly red. This one is mostly white again. My doctors knew about the emails and would share all kinds of pictures of stuff that I had no ability to recognize or identify what they were pictures of.
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u/shadytaskmaster 1d ago
When the surgeon called me to let me know my husband was out of surgery I asked if he had any pics. He sent me a pic of hubbyās spleen and I showed it to everybody!
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u/Crane_1989 2d ago
When news of my cancer broke containment some people would ask me "Where?" the deer in headlights look on their faces when I said "Testicle!" was priceless
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u/isoaclue 2d ago
Just tell them you might need an orchiectomy and let them Google it for themselves! (Hope you don't need that by the way).
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u/ArtemisLi 2d ago
I walk with a cane, and I'm young, which naturally means many strangers think they get to ask "what happened to you!?", as though my disability is some temporary amusing story they want to enjoy.
I usually reply along the lines of "my goodness, what a delightfully personal question." And then just don't say anything else to them.
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u/metdear 2d ago
Honestly, I'd be interested but I'm nearly 50 and likely not neurotypical.
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u/CapitalInstruction62 2d ago
Same. Got a degree in Fixing Critters because I think What Goes Wrong with Bodies is fascinating. Happy to answer medical curiosity questions when they come up, myself. Personally, I'm curious what topical meds you can use for a urethral structure that have leave long-term residues that put others at risk. I'd guess 5-fluorouracil but who knows.Ā
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u/isoaclue 2d ago
Would you still call it topical when it's being placed with a balloon internally? Anyway it's paclitaxel, it halts the cell division that can lead to scar tissue accumulation. Commonly used as part of chemotherapy for some types of cancer. Residual amounts can stay in the urethera for 30-45 days but if there's a chance of pregnancy they recommend waiting 6 months for any sexual activity without using barrier contraception. Thankfully not a concern in my case.
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u/JustHereForCookies17 2d ago
Hey, Paclitaxel Pals!Ā I'm getting it in chemo for Stage 4 cervical cancer.Ā 2 more rounds, then I switch drugs & start radiation.Ā If everything goes as planned, I should be all better(ish) by Thanksgiving. Fingers crossed!
I have yet to find a way to put off some people's heath questions without coming across as "rude".Ā Happily, I'm in my "Fuck It" 40's now and that plus this new cancer bullshit means I have NO qualms answering inappropriate questions with more details than the asker could have wanted.Ā
Like you, I give them one "It's a little graphic" or "You'd probably rather not know" and when they persist, they get a full medical school-level talk about the female reproductive system, the finer details of Brachytherapy (internal radiation with needles), my nephrostomy bag (drains from my kidney), and so on.Ā Ā Also like you, I've found that tends to shut them down very effectively.Ā
I hope your treatments go well, and I hope fewer people feel entitled to information about your health.Ā
Ā
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u/Oi_Nander 2d ago
Instead of wasting all that energy, perhaps you could just look them straight in their eyes and say it's a penis thing and then just don't break eye contact.
Also sorry about your penis thing, hopefully this shitty treatment works and your recovery is as smooth as possible
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u/freebaseclams 2d ago
"It's a penis thing"
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u/Oi_Nander 2d ago
Yea, like that.
OP, can you do the 1 eyebrow thing?
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u/isoaclue 2d ago
I can actually, I should totally go practice to make it as dramatic as possible. I can also independently wiggle each ear. It's quite the talent.
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u/Oi_Nander 2d ago
Look, I would never tell you how to make rude people uncomfortable, but I might gently suggest that the eyebrow plus ear thing while you're maintaining eye contact and telling them it's a penis thing would really go a long way
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u/Joubachi 2d ago
Ngl, with that in mind I'd also mix in some "you'll regret asking....". It's none of their business and, honestly, I bet they will actually regret asking and not ask again.
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u/isoaclue 2d ago edited 2d ago
Nah, I've reached the point of deciding that being a bit shocking is more fun for me and more effective at correcting their behavior in the long term. If they're super interested we can discuss a hemmorohidectomy I had a few years ago, that's another really fun one. Nothing will ever prepare you for the amount of blood...
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u/PhosphoFred8202 2d ago
Would it be more uncomfortable if one used a childish colloquialism instead?
Imagine a grown man looking in your eyes saying āIn involves my tallywacker and the peepee holeā
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u/weebles_wobbles 2d ago
I totally get you manā¦as an otherwise ānormalā looking (under 40 year old) person who requires oxygen 24/7, the fucking questions people ask are WILD.
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u/PhantomPharts 2d ago
Ah, being different, how attention grabbing. Don't you know, these people NEED to know unless, ya know, they don't want to know!
I'm disabled, OP. It unbelievable how many people think it's alright to ask me about my body, as if it is our body.
You may get hit by HR, but you can use it as an opportunity to voice that people should mind their own busy-bodies.
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u/SaltInternational538 2d ago
I tell them I'm having a testicle removed and ask them if they want to see pictures of it.
I've had 6 testicle removals.
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u/Purple_Chipmunk_ 2d ago
My husband was hospitalized for a few months when he was a kid. He ended up with a lot of scar tissue in his urethra due to the catheter that made it so it was very difficult to urinate.
He had the Roto-Rooter surgery (as I like to call it š¹) and now he is doing great! He loves it because now he can pee off the side of the boat when he goes fishing š£ haha (men lol)
I hope your surgery and recovery goes smoothly!! ā¤
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u/isoaclue 2d ago
That's likely what caused mine as well. I don't recall any injuries and I have a zero percent chance of STI's since my wife and I have never had another partner.
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u/cupidsavedpsyche 2d ago
People would ask me what surgery I was having done and I didnāt know how to professionally say that my hymen was the width of maybe a pencil (probably smaller) and I was getting it surgically opened to get dick
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u/KindHabit 2d ago edited 2d ago
I know it's not what you are complaining about, but I think it may be due to cultural factors. In the culture I grew up in, we usually tell and ask each other about personal problems because we are all trying to raise awareness, support members of the community that are ailing, or need some level of basic therapy we are unable to access for whatever reason.Ā
I almost died of sepsis because of a double kidney infection, the result of holding in urine because I was overworked at my professional role and relentlessly dragged into long-ass meetings.Ā I spent two weeks at the hospital, and two months with a PIC line where I'd inject hospital-grade antibiotics directly into my heart.Ā
I will tell anyone who is curious because it's such a common and easily preventable outcome.
- Do not overwork yourself. Just ghost people at work.Ā
- Do not hold in your urine and take plenty of breaks.Ā
- Go to the doctor when you feel sick, even if that is prohibitive for you. If you are American like me, it's better to just challenge or dodge the hospital bills than it is to end up severely disabled or dead.Ā
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u/lightttpollution 2d ago
This is absolutely the answer nosy people deserve. Hope youāre doing okay.
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u/Jwn5k 2d ago
Idk if its just me, but id rather know if someone i am friends with is hurting, idc how awkward it is, id want to know so I can understand how they are doing better. Hope youll be able to get everything fixed OP, and wont have to deal with this extremely irritating thing more than twice now.
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u/isoaclue 2d ago
Friends sure, coworkers not so much. In my career I sometimes mistook the two, but after leaving a job for a new one and literally never hearing from them again, I learned the difference. Friends are people I see outside of work. Sometimes those are also coworkers but not usually.
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u/Jwn5k 2d ago
I guess it depends on how close you get with a coworker, sometimes it straddles the line, but my god, might as well tell them the truth about it if they REALLY want to know, maybe they will leave you alone and not ask questions like that again hahaha
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u/ima_little_stitious 1d ago
I dont think its just about making it awkward for the question asker though. Most people dont want to discuss their sensitive medical issues with people they arent close with. Asking questions when it is not your business is selfish and puts the person dealing with an uncomfortable situation in a more uncomfortable situation. Now they either have to share info with you that they might not want to or look rude by refusing to answer. How about we let the person with the medical issues decide with who and how they share the information.
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u/EyeSuspicious777 2d ago
Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry you're going through this and hope that the treatment helps.
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u/PickledBrains79 2d ago
I've had people say I look good and ask my weight loss plan: ulcer and vomiting. Others asked what happened to my arms: bad mental health day. Each time the asker gets really embarrassed. Don't ask if you don't want a real answer.
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u/Nice_Rope_5049 2d ago
I had a coworker who was born without a femur. She had to endure several major surgeries so that she could be fit with a leg brace to allow her to walk. She always had a very noticeable limp. Strangers would ask her, āWhat happened to your leg?ā My favorite response was, āwhat happened to your face?ā
Anyway, good luck with your surgery, that sounds like a load of fun. :(
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u/BluelunarStar 2d ago
Hey, I donāt know if this is helpful, but I would be happy to hear about this IF you wanted to tell me. I donāt care about āTMIā. You have EVERY right to answer truthfully if someone asks.
BUT if you donāt want to answer? DONT! You donāt owe anyone your medical history!!
Now most importantly? Iām so sorry you have to go through this, it sounds painful, distressing & awkward as heck. I really hope it works SUPER well for you & your pain management is incredible.
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u/ringobob 2d ago
Well, first of all, I wouldn't press because gross, but if you told me all that I wouldn't regret asking. It's just a body.
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u/Teanutt BLUE š 2d ago
Ouch! I don't really know what else to say about your painful experience.
I don't ask people for details about their health because I assume they would tell me if they wanted to and if they don't; it's a private matter they prefer not to share. I leave it at, "Let me know if there's any way I can help."
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u/IsopodOk6079 2d ago
I hope you feel better soon! This post did remind me of Hank Hill though hahahaĀ
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u/ZanderZavier 2d ago
A narrow urethra? Do you also sell propane in Texas. Haha. I'm brutally honest about this stuff. Yep, I'm having some infected blood vessels removed from my asshole tomorrow. Gonna be a real pain in the ass. Damn hemorrhoids.
Best of luck with everything friend.
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u/go-for-Banjo PURPLE 2d ago
Honestly, this is the kind of stuff I want to hear about. Better than boring, empty small talk. That being said, if I asked you and you replied āyouād probably rather not knowā Iād take it as a sign that youāre not comfortable sharing and drop it.
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u/Macaron1jesus 1d ago
I'm a part of the Mama Bears (an international group of mothers of LGBTQ kids. Many of the parents of Transgender kids (actually young adults) constantly get asked about their kids genitalia, asking if they have had specific surgeries. The best answer that I've heard is to respond with "why do you need to know about that?".
It nearly always leaves them unable to answer, and hopefully they realize how intrusive they are being.
Not many people realize that not all transgender people have "bottom surgery", but it's an individual decision, and nobody's business š)
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u/Sinnakins 1d ago
I often answer with "Why do you want to know about a child's genitalia??" They back off pretty quick.
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u/Bortron86 2d ago
I've had five surgeries for an anal fissure over the last three years. Every time I've dreaded going back to work because I knew someone would ask what the operations were for.
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u/natsugrayerza 2d ago
Itās so bizarre to me that someone would ask that question. It seems so obviously too personal.
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u/humboldtHue 2d ago
I think you need to switch your approach from, āyouād probably rather not know,ā to, āIād prefer to keep that private.ā
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u/skippybefree 2d ago
That sounds absolutely awful for you, I hope it goes well
But also, that was fascinating to read about. I've had so many surgeries that my last few they couldn't do as keyhole surgery anymore because of all the scarring so that extra info wouldn't put me off. But I also don't ask people invasive questions about their procedures, I prefer to leave space for them to mention it if they want to
My grandfather and I bond over our medical tales and both find it entertaining when it makes my uncle squeamish
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u/General_Luck6573 2d ago
As a doctor who isnāt a urologist Iād be fascinated and go home and look up info about the procedure
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u/WhimsicleMagnolia 1d ago
Iām sorry youāre having to go through this procedure and so many difficulties. Iāve had sensitive issues myself an know well what youāre talking about with nosy people. Itās nothing to be ashamed of even though I know you prefer not to share. I hope it goes well for you and you heal quickly
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u/RawrRRitchie 1d ago
Your private medical information is private. You literally don't have to tell anyone you don't want to know. It's none of their business.
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u/zarya-zarnitsa 2d ago
Are they still asking if you say that would rather not share things about this or are you just saying the "you would rather not know" bit? Because these are different. First one is asking not to press for more questions, the other one sounds like a dare.
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u/isoaclue 2d ago
Yep. "Oh I've heard all kinds of things, nothing bothers me!" Well that's great Fred but I don't usually talk about my penis at work...
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u/usernamesarehare 2d ago
Oh you r having an optilume dialtion.
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u/isoaclue 2d ago
Yup, second one, hopefully this takes care of it for the long term or until they have an even better option. I really don't want to do the plasty.
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u/thisremindsmeofbacon 2d ago
If they don't volunteer the information, it might just be something they don't want to discuss.
man, this is something people really do not figure out sometimes.
I feel like we need a second pre-school or kindergarten or something after you turn 30 that reintroduces concepts of stuff that's rude like: prying into people's business; staring; interrupting; ignoring; being smelly etc etc.
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u/LavenderMarsh 2d ago
What's that bump on your abdomen?
That's my colostomy bag (gone now) It's how I poop.
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u/Lucas1006 2d ago
I had this same kind of surgery 4 years ago to get rid of scar tissue in the urethra, how long did it last before your scar tissue started coming back, I'm having some pains in the area if I'm doing activities like bending over to pick things up etc or just generally being active, and was wondering if yours went from 0-100 or it slowly got worse over time.
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u/Ok_Cauliflower_3007 2d ago
Sending you good wishes and hoping your ice packs never melt and your painkillers stop working precisely when the next dose is due.
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u/Kielbasa_Nunchucka 1d ago
the whole "passing drugs to your partner via your penis" part might be cool if they were fun drugs, but no... this whole situation sucks, sorry gotta go thru all that.
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u/scarletrain5 1d ago
This is an HR issue, no one should be pressuring you to disclose any health issues and you could file a complaint against them for making you uncomfortable
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u/No_Trouble9808 1d ago
Good girl. Stupid people sometimes need to be shocked back to reality.
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u/Mysterious_Detail_98 1d ago
I agree with your second sentence,but uh, maybe read the second paragraph carefully again lol.Ā
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u/minikin_snickasnee 1d ago
Oh, I'm so sorry. My (now ex) husband had this problem ages ago. His urologist called it a straddle injury, like maybe he had fallen on the crossbar of a bicycle or something?
He had the procedure, the balloon thingy broke up his scar tissue and he was SO relieved at how much easier it was to pee once it healed.
I hope your procedure goes well, and provides the relief and comfort you deserve.
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u/werewolf013 2d ago
You sound Pissed about this. Sorry some people are being Dicks and making things Hard for you.
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u/mordecai98 2d ago
Had a catheter for a few days after a surgery. This sucks. Hope you get better soon.
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u/TricellCEO 2d ago
In a similar vein, I had to take time off work to care for my mom when she had her hysterectomy.
I'd tell people it wasn't due to cancer, and that they probably don't want to know the real reason.
It was due to prolapse.
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u/Rooney_Tuesday 2d ago
This is mildly infuriating.
But also, maybe instead of turning the focus onto them not wanting to know (which they actually might), turn it back on yourself. āIād rather not talk about it, to be honest.ā āSorry, but I like to keep my medical information private.ā
That gives them no door to continue to pry unless theyāre straight jerks.
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u/LilDanglyOnes 2d ago
Had a friend with similar-sounding issues: chronic urethreal strictures that needed like a dozen surgeries - I wouldnāt wish that on my worst enemy. Good luck, OP.
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u/Southern-Ship6327 2d ago
You have to wear a condom to not pass the drugs to her? Neat. Thats crayyyzyyy I hope it goes well and you have a super speedy recovery.
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u/Bennington_Booyah 2d ago
I fully understand and support your "tell it like it is" solution. People seem to feel that they are entitled somehow to know extremely personal things. I dealt with that when I retired. I had so many women questioning me intensely as to what I "do all day". No response seemed satisfactory and it was tiresome and annoying.
My solution was to say I watch porn all day. That I was stunned by how much I did not know and I am furthering my education and interests. I then change the subject. So far, this has stopped them in their tracks. I rarely get asked a second time. My husband supports this response because he has been present during some of the info-probing question seshes. Feel better, OP!!
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u/AustinBike 2d ago
Kinda like when people would give me shit about not having children. I gave up on trying to justify and instead started saying āwhat do you mean by ānot wanting to have kidsā?ā
Generally it created a really awkward situation and they end up apologizing profusely.
Oh, and I never wanted kids.
I find that when people ask you very personal questions that they have no right to ask, all bets are off and you can respond any way you want. Bonus points for pulling out your phone and saying āI know I have a picture of this somewhere.ā
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u/Liberwolf 1d ago
I'm sorry that your co-workers are being so rude. I hope you have a swift recovery.
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u/Empty-Advantage9040 1d ago
Jokes on you. I also have urethral/bladder issues and I would ask SEVERAL follow up questions followed by my own medical procedure horror stories.
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u/burblebeezus 2d ago
Had a patient w/catheter & he'd beat his meat all the time. When you gave him breakfast, he be beating it. When you went in his room he'd be beating it. We were pretty sure he bet it when his sixty-year-old daughter visited daily.
Just letting you know you can self-gratify with a cath in.
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u/Mediocre-Response-24 2d ago
Thanks for sharing friend, hope your urethra feels better soon.