Besides my anger at God, which is a whole other post, there are at least three pregnant moms in my church right now, one due right around my due date.

They also all recovered from their previous pregnancies remarkably quickly. Meanwhile I’m still 40lbs heavier, exhausted, ugly. And on top of a gross body, it’s a body that lost two babies.

Not to mention the families of 3, 4, 5 children. No issues.

On top of that, there’s a strongggg crunchy culture in our community, and our church is no exception. Bullshit about all natural products, superiority around food, clothing, and traditional medicine, etc… I am nauseated by it. YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOT ALIVE AND HEALTHY BECAUSE YOU WERE PERFECT IN YOUR CRUNCHY RITUALS. I DID NOT MISCARRY BECAUSE IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. No one says this stuff outright, but their conversations ooze with it. And their cliques that I’m literally kept out of (like, backs physically turned to me and not allowing me into the conversation) tell me they believe it.

I told my husband I’m going to start attending a different church by myself, or just stay home. I don’t want to lose my faith, however much it may already be lost. But I’m so angry being among these women. My hatred for what they believe about themselves and disgust that they have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about or what loss feels like makes every Sunday a huge emotional drain. They gross me out. They’re a physical manifestation of my internal shame. It’s not worth the toll each week.

End of my vent.

Today is the due date for the baby I lost in February. I feel so alone. I felt like I needed to put their existence out into the world somewhere, so I guess that lead me here. I waited so long for that baby, and here I am waiting again. I’m scared. Even still…I want the baby I was suppose to have in my arms today.

I know pockets of peace are hard to come by, but I hope you’re all able to find some in your days.

Am I sick enough?
Are my boobs still as sore as they were yesterday/last week?
Am I sleeping too well?
Are my symptoms ramping up like they should at this stage?
I feel good today…did I lose this one, too?

It looks very likely that I’ve miscarried at five weeks… going to check my HCG tomorrow after it was checked today and very low

I’ve also had cramping, bleeding and blood clots in the last 2 days, with a very large clot today

My partner has been good, came to the ER with me and said everything is gonna be OK… however he said a few inconsiderate things as well like “ you’re not the first woman this has happened to” and “you can’t get emotional every time something happens with a pregnancy”

What really hurts is today he’s decided to go to a rehearsal dinner instead of staying home with me when I’ve been texting him all day that I’m struggling

It’s making me question everything about our relationship…I know I’m very emotional and hormonal right now so I just wanna know if this is normal? And if one of us may be overreacting? I’m open to the fact that it could be me

We just found out this morning that our identical twin baby boys are no longer viable. It’s been a rough 20 hours. Yesterday at our regular OB appointment the OB was using a handheld ultrasound, and saw one twin but couldn’t see the other. Ofc the ultrasound techs were gone by time this was happening, so we had to go home and come back today. Last night was hard enough to not spiral but we thought we just had one baby in question. Then this morning we had our scan, I saw the tech measure two babies but she was quiet and her demeanor definitely changed. I knew something was wrong. We then had to wait an hour and a half, which seemed like eternity, to meet with the dr. She came in and told us both babies were no longer viable.

I am heartbroken and sad and frustrated. This was a pgta tested embryo, I know things can still happen but it was a lower risk twin pregnancy.
We found out at 7w3d that both babies had strong heart beats and growing perfectly. We were in absolute shock! We have a 15m old and never imagined our life with 3 boys, we are almost 40. But we were so excited and I was dreaming about a life with 3 boys. Ive said forever, when I thought i would have kids younger in life, that I dreamed of 3 boys. I told our ultrasound tech the day we found and she said you manifested this! It all seemed too perfect.
I feel like its a double hit, the family of 5 life we started to get so excited for will no longer happen (we don’t have enough embryos left, and I’d be early 40s if not mid 40s by then). Twins are so rare, I’m grieving the actual babies and the life we imagined. Why give us twins to have them both taken away?
I also feel like I’m grieving more than my husband? I guess that’s normal? It’s also hard to tell, bc he has been great and taking care of our 15month old all day since I’ve been in bed crying. But it’s hard to hear them downstairs laughing, but I guess he’s just being a great dad? Idk, idk how to process all of this.

Trigger warning, might bring up strong emotions.

I had my first miscarriage today. I wrote a poem in a raw state which I want to share with this community.

Unwritten

We had a list of names for you,
We wondered if your eyes were blue,
We guessed the day when you’d be due,
As your small body grew and grew.

You were a twinkle in your father’s eye,
You were a soft whisper inside my mind,
It was far too soon when we said goodbye,
And what was left? A few papers to sign.

Relationship to the deceased?
“Mother”, I scrawled, and was released.
I walked outside into the sun,
A life finished before begun.

New member and first time poster in this subreddit… 8+2 today and had my first ultrasound. Baby came back measuring at 8 weeks but there was no heartbeat. This was the first time I met my new OBGYN and she just hugged me and held my hand and let me feel all my feelings. I’m so sad. And I’m terrified of what the miscarriage will look like (bleeding, cramping, duration etc). Any words of wisdom or just support would really be appreciated. This is my first pregnancy, so I have never been through anything like this before. It has definitely been a roller coaster of emotions today going from being so excited to see my first baby for the first time to losing that baby.

Trigger Warning: dealing with the remains of a lost pregnancy

I know this might not be everyone’s cup of tea, or accessible to everyone, but I wanted to share my experience memorializing my lost pregnancy because it really helped me heal. I miscarried twins at 9 weeks. It was confirmed 4 days before my actual miscarriage that the pregnancy wasn’t viable, so I knew it was coming and knew I wanted to do something. When I did miscarry, I was at home and was able to collect the remains in a jar and put them in the freezer (that might sound weird, but it felt like the best option because I didn’t want to just flush it and didn’t know when I would be ready to deal with it).

My partner and I bought a beautiful bright pot and a plant. We had a special evening outside-  added soil to the pot, added the collected remains, and planted the flower. We’re not religious, but we’re both spiritual in our own ways, and this felt like the perfect way for us to do something ceremonial. I was nervous at first that having a reminder of the babies might be a negative, but now the pot is sitting on my porch, and I can’t help but smile at its beauty and life. If we owned our home, I probably would have opted to bury it in the yard.

This is such an intense thing to go through, and I hope everyone is able to do whatever works for them to grieve and honor the loss. Has anyone done something similar? What ways have you all memorialized your lost pregnancies?

I don’t even know what I’m feeling. After ttc for 2.5 years my husband and I found out I was pregnant after our first IUI. We were so surprised and elated and couldn’t wait for our first ultrasound. Last Thursday we had a placement ultrasound and were told I was measuring 4 days early, and the gestational sac was empty. Told to come back Tuesday (today) for a repeat ultrasound, and the gestational sac had grown but was still empty, and measuring a week behind. Our fertility doctor called after she reviewed the ultrasound and said it wasn’t a viable pregnancy/not progressing/blighted ovum. The whiplash of the joy of a first IUI success, to finding out today that we’ll lose this pregnancy is killing me. Supposed to stop my progesterone treatment, and wait to start bleeding. If I don’t, then I have to do the pills or a d&c. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing or feeling or what to expect or how to move forward. I feel robbed of a first pregnancy.

A bit of context:

My first ever pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 7w and 5 days. I never got a first scan with a heartbeat to listen to, or even had a doctor’s appointment to discuss a pregnancy plan.

I ended up miscarrying back in October 2024, even though it has almost been two years I’m still struggling to this day.

I have my ups and downs where I think I’ve finally moved past the worst of it but no matter what I always end up having episodes where I just breakdown and feel like I’m drowning.

It seems like since the miscarriage everyone I have known is getting pregnant and having babies left and right. Sometimes I feel fine knowing other people are pregnant but other times I just feel so envious and angry at the fact that mine failed. I’m still happy for them but I just can’t seem to push past feeling alone.

It feels like a part of me died that day but it was a part of me I hadn’t even known had existed. Children weren’t something I had ever wanted. I was known as the person who was going to grow old with cats and dogs, but now I don’t know who I am anymore.

I feel like I’m failing as a partner and a person. I just feel lost.

Has anyone else felt like this? What’s helped you move past it or at least what has helped you feel better?

i’ve muted this subreddit, and i have been working hard to recover mentally. it’s been 9 weeks since my surgery and it’s been very hard. but the last few weeks have been easier. i’ve been happier. but i got my second period this week, and now im crying again. this time the pain feels temporary. i know ill be better by tomorrow. but right now, im gonna cry for my baby. i just needed to tell someone they would’ve been 19 weeks and that i cared about them.

Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.

Anyone have a D&E done around 16-17 weeks. What happens to the baby if anyone does not mind sharing. Just want to know what to expect. TIA 🥺

Hi guys,

Just wanted to vent and ask how you all coped with this. I’ve had a complicated and short first pregnancy- I kind of dreaded from the start that it would end in loss as I bled on and off since 4 weeks and just felt something was wrong.

At 6 weeks the miscarriage finally happened, it’s still ongoing and I honestly thought I was ok- it felt like I’d already grieved, I never really expected this pregnancy to result in a healthy baby because of all the problems. But then I saw my Flo app and saw all the days I was pregnant it was like it hit me all at once. I just feel really sick and sad- I just want to do something to fix it but I can’t.

I’m so scared of this happening again, any advice on how to cope would be appreciated. I’ve taken time off work but I’m torn with wanting to move on and try again as soon as possible and letting myself feel the grief. I’m just scared I won’t get through it for some reason.

I lost him in March, and it hasn’t really gotten any easier. It comes in waves but the grief is always there. Now that we are in the month he should have been born, the wave is more like a tsunami. I just want to cry. I feel so exhausted. Trying to be present for my family uses up all the energy I have, and I know I am not doing as much as I should be doing.

I just really want to be pregnant again. It won’t replace the little boy I lost, but I feel it will take away some of the aching emptiness. My husband doesn’t fully understand, as the boy we lost was unplanned and a surprise. He is trying though, and he has been supportive of me through all of this. But the omnipresent desire to have another isn’t in him, he would actually prefer if we didn’t. But he is okay with leaving it in fates hand. Conception doesn’t come easy for us, we both have factors that make conception difficult. I fear I never will have another shot at another baby. I’m 38, my husband is almost 39. I feel that door closing more and more each month that goes by.

Even if I do manage to get pregnant again, will it really help? Will I be able to enjoy my pregnancy?

I miss my Elio. I should have been holding him in 17 days. My sweet boy, I’m so sorry. You deserved to live.

Anyone else going through this? It feels like I have to force myself to eat and it's getting worse every day. I lost 5 pounds during the miscarriage due to vomiting and not eating for days. 6 weeks later and I've lost 2 more pounds, nearing 3.

I definitely feel like this may be depression related since I'm having trouble sleeping too. I just feel a weight of sadness and am trying my best to stay busy and distracted.

When did you start trying? How long did it take to become successful if you were?
I had a miscarriage in 2018, a successful pregnancy in 2022 and just had a missed miscarriage with a d&c yesterday. 😕

Not bleeding today but the cramping is there. We are wanting to try again as soon as possible. A lot of people say to wait a cycle, two weeks etc and I understand the risk of infection. But just wanted to ask other people’s experiences. Thank you.

I miscarried a baby girl a few weeks ago. I was 8 weeks pregnant. I told her over text about it and this is what she said to me. Mind you she has nowhere to live so I’ve been letting her stay in my basement for the past few months.

Grandma: “Everything ok?”

Me: “not really I had a miscarriage. found out it was a girl then lost the baby a day later. But I’ll be alright”

Grandma: “When?”

Me: “3 weeks ago”

Grandma: “Well you best think about it before it happens again. You sure you want to be attached to him forever?”

I didn’t respond I was so mad. She keeps texting and calling me and I’m not answering. Am I overreacting? She was wrong for what she said right??

I posted in here before about my fall semester starting. Im on day 2, but I don’t think I’m gonna be able to power through it. On day 1- I cry on the bus before class, I get to class and a dude with the same name I picked out for my baby, sits right next to me. My body just feels so heavy and tired. I don’t want to talk to others.

All last night I kept waking up and having crying fits.

Day 2- I wasn’t going to go but my husband convinced me and gave me a ride to school, I cried on the way there. The class wasn’t bad, the professor seems very nice. But my body still feels heavy.

I called my healthcare provider to set up a therapy appointment because I don’t know what to do with myself. Part of the routine questions they ask is “Are you pregnant? When was your last period?” That immediately made me start crying, and the poor lady on the phone immediately connected me with one of the mental health social workers.

I’ve had a headache for the past 4 days. I don’t want to keep going to class. I want my baby back.

I feel weird returning to some of the same medical providers and stuff and having to detail that I had a second loss, like my pcp, acupuncturist, endocrinologist, professionals you don’t see a lot.

I just feel embarrassed and ashamed and don’t want to have to keep seeing all of the same providers saying I am still not pregnant and miscarried again. Did anyone start over elsewhere?

This is my first pregnancy. Every scan since week 5 has been *slightly* behind. And now the baby's heartbeat has slowed and fetal growth is not as expected. Doctor thinks it is an impending MC, but since the HB is holding on, we can't call it. No one has answers, it's just wait and see. I don't want to wait, I want it to be over if it's going to be over. I keep getting pulled towards hope since there's still a little growth and a little HB, but it seems like the writing is on the wall. I don't want to be tricked into thinking everything is ok only to be blindsided. I feel nauseated and tired and emotionally exhausted. I resent that my body still feels pregnant while I have to process the end of the embryo's development and prepare myself for all the discomfort I have to endure to pass its tissue.

I don't know what to do with this sadness.

I had a positive result July 16th, my partner and I were so scared but excited. I was thinking about everything after pregnancy, this was my first and I’ve never been good with kids, I’m just awkward. We told close friends and his parents, booked an appointment and I was 6 weeks 3 days at my first ultrasound.

Everything looked perfect that first appointment, baby was there, 117bpm, took home our first ultrasound pictures that are now safely stored away. We scheduled our next appointment 3 weeks out.

I thought baby was still with me the whole time I was waiting for this appointment, I was singing to them, rubbing my “non existent” bump and my partner and I were realizing, this is happening! for real!

I was bleeding for about a week before the appointment and I was convinced it was due to my partner and I celebrating our 6 year anniversary but I kept telling myself a little spotting is nothing to worry about- I have an upcoming appointment.

We go to the appointment and I’m somewhat filled with dread, I have a feeling somethings not right- I haven’t been feeling right the last week. It takes us 30 minutes to get back to our appointment, they check and no heartbeat or growth, my OB wasn’t there yet so she called any available and it took even longer waiting for them to come and tell us it was going to be an unsuccessful pregnancy. Baby stopped growing at 6 weeks 6 days- 3 days after that first appointment. I just couldn’t believe it, my partner was in tears- the ultrasound tech, she was so unbelievably compassionate during the entire process.

We talk to the doctor and he explains everything, the reasoning behind it and next options- I chose the pills but ended up needing my blood drawn to find out I’m O- and got the Rhogam shot. I took my pills after that next appointment and my sister was there supporting me.

8/28 I was in so much pain; I was cramping, sweating, shaking- I was scared I’d get sick and then baby finally passed and there was instant relief but not in my heart I couldn’t even look I was so out of it. I keep thinking of that moment and regret it, I don’t even know what I should have done to preserve them, but I wish I did.

Now a couple days later, I’ve been cramping non stop in my abdomen and back- it’s hard to sleep, still bleeding and I feel like a part of me is missing, I cried so hard the last few nights and finally wrote in my journal what I’ve been thinking since the event.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story, I think my entire world has changed and I need to recenter myself in the coming months of healing.