I went to my first retreat this weekend. It was all-women, led by a doula, and attended by ~12 women in birth work. They shared that two moms in attendance would be bringing one of their children. A boy and a girl.

I'm not a mom. Was a nanny throughout college, babysitters are expensive - I get it. Also, "it takes a village" right? Cool. We were just gonna be doing group discussion circles about womb healing, eating vegan food, and having solo integration time in nature right?

First night, I was taken off guard when I learned there would be psychedelics (mushrooms) that would be readily available on an open plate at all times throughout the weekend next to a full jar of shrooms. The children were present during the sessions where the adults were microdosing.

During "intros" one night one, one of the mom's shared she had just ended a lengthy custody battle for her son. Every other attendee (who attended the inaugural retreat the year prior) seemed to be happy for her. She later shared that she'd let her son consume mushrooms in the past. He was on his iPad all weekend and I didn't talk to him but he sounded ~9 years old.

The other mom (leader) laughed while she shared a story about her daughter opening the mushroom package and almost feeding her pet fish with it. Her daughter sat in the middle of the blanket during every "discussion circle" and was ~12.

Much of the weekend was rooted in "tapping back into Indigenous practices" and challenging western medicine and I was around many conversations between birth workers talking about the challenges of doing human-centered work within the health care system...and how Black and Brown women are targeted for having their children taken away by the government.

The day after the retreat, the host sent a voice memo to the group chat reminding everyone of the "confidentiality" we promised into the first night as "sisters in healing" ... "even if you have good intentions" that sharing anything that "happened" at the retreat can break trust.

That message made me feel even more icky and guilty and complicit in a child's potential endangerment. I'm struggling with this and don't know what to do, besides not associate with them again. I'm struggling with "am I being judgmental? Is what I observed and drew judgement from considered neglect? What good would l be doing to act or not act on what I know? What action is even necessary here?"

I just wanted to go stay in a cabin in nature, journal, drink herbal tea, plant-based meals, meet other women, and meditate. But I left with a whole new perspective on the dangers of wellness / spirituality-based collectives, which really sucks. And furthermore, just sympathy for these kids.

I live with my grandparents and they have a senior dog. The Dog is disabled and can’t walk so she lays in one spot all day and pees and poops staining the carpet. My grandparents will always clean it up but never bothers to buy diapers?

The reason why they don’t take her outside often is because their house is split level so you must take the stairs every time the dog needs to poop. An old person with bad knees carrying an obese Labrador is just asking for trouble. So I always help out of course but it’s starting to get really frustrating.

The dog lays right next to the kitchen and I’ve been having trouble eating because of the smell. No matter how much you clean it the house still stinks and the stains are awful. My grandparents aren’t bothered because they’ll “just buy new carpets” when she passes away.

I would help out more often if it weren’t for school and work. I just don’t have time to deal with this, and I feel awful for thinking she is better off being put down. The dog seems pretty happy so that’s why I feel guilty for thinking that.

I was asked this the other day & did I choose the right answer

A man has a awful car crash & is going 2 die in 5-7days time he is also brain dead

He has an organ donor card there is 8 children that are desperate 4 transplants & 2 blind children 3 will die in next 48hrs if don't get transplants

Do they choose which option you think is best

A they turn off life support & although he still has a heartbeat they harvest the organs & save the children

B they wait the 5-7days till he dies

C they turn off life support although brain dead & completely paralyzed he sum how breaths do they harvest his organs regardless

Also bit of back story on this 45yr old man

this man is pure evil he had slaughtered his ex wife her current partner+ the 4 children 2 were his & he then robbed a store killing the young girl working at register he then shoots & kills a woman & her young son just to steal her car & he was trying 2 get away from the police when he crashed the car

He had bin in & out of prison his entire life

He kept himself fit & healthy didn't drink smoke or take drugs

He is pure evil & had hurt people all his life this is the only decent thing he had ever done was signing the organ donor card

I choose option A

before reading about his back story if he was going 2 die in 5-7days anyway & all those children had chance to live & 2 would have sight them children could do so much good in the future & live long happy lives there parents get to watch them grow up & hold there grandchildren walk there daughters down the isle

Be there when they leave college & university with certificates diplomas degrees

I wonder how many people will read this & answer it

You can find different variations online & there's no right or wrong answer

& Yes there was a doctor who did harvest the organs from brain dead patients he had done it atleast 30 times & he saved so many lives he was found not guilty at trial & he never regretted what he did & would do it again he was called a saint by some angel of death by others

I asked my dad & he said A bit he did say when our mum died he was asked if he would sign consent for her organs to be donated he did & said it felt awful but knowing she gave sum1 sight & others the chance at normal life that made him feel better & mum was cremated he wanted to meet the people who had mums organs but they cud only put a note on the system & the girl who had mums eyes agreed to meet dad & he met her with her parents she was only 18 & got 2 see 4 the 1st time they chatted for abit but that did help dad alot knowing that him doing that had helped several people & knowing mum gave another person sight is amazing there are so few doners in the world

How much weight should we really give advice from strangers on Reddit when it comes to major, irreversible life decisions?

Something that bothers me (or the moral dilemma I often find myself confronted with), is how easily strangers online can encourage someone to make a life changing choice.

They can applaud it, validate it, and confidently tell you that you won’t regret it. But what happens if, ten or twenty years later, you do?

Those strangers won’t have to live with the consequences. They probably won’t even remember the advice they gave you.

And no one is likely to come back years later and say, “I’m sorry. I encouraged you to take a path that turned out to be wrong for you.”

Then there is karma. Life may actually end up presenting the same situation you gave someone advice on to you.

Reddit can be useful for hearing different perspectives, but where should we draw the line between considering other people’s opinions and allowing strangers to influence decisions that will shape the rest of our lives?

At the end of the day, they can give you the advice, but frankly, you’re the one who has to live with the consequences.

What’s y’all think?

I’ve been attacked so much because I posted this and people have been calling me a homewrecker, even though I haven’t even pursued him lol I enjoy a little bit of chaos, I’ll admit… I support women’s rights, but I also support women’s wrongs, kind of thing. I’m a little messy, but my morality draws the line at infidelity. So here I am. I’d genuinely love to know what you think.

When I was in high school, I was pretty avoidant when it came to relationships, and I didn’t really grow up having crushes. But there was this one boy I liked. He was attractive, didn’t do very well in school, but he was smart and sweet and we shared so many ideals. He wasn’t really shy, but he was with me. Everyone knew he liked me. We had a college prep class together and he used to walk me home. One day I finished early and left, and he run after me to catch up… but he. never. made. a. move. on me.

However, there was this crazy girl in class who was obsessed with him. One of his friends, who was mine too, told me to not worry because he was not into her, only for them to show up together later. My ego was crushed, and we didn’t really talk during our last year of school.

It’s been 10 years, and somehow he’s still in the back of my mind. I have him on Instagram, and I know him so well I know exactly which stories he’s going to like, and he does it a lot. He responds sometimes, but I never know what to say back. He’s a pretty reserved guy. He only posts his girlfriend (who’s a little bit younger than him, I must say), but it feels like he truly loves her. I even think they’re going to get married. but there’s a part of me that simply needs to tell him, at least, or I’ll never be okay with myself.

Is it not respectful to his relationship? am I being unfair? a bitch because I think I have a chance? lol. I need advice, please.

Long story short, I got a parking ticket. Someone left $100 on my windshield next to my ticket. I paid for my ticket and ended up donating the $100 to Palestine, but admittedly, I did ruminate over what to do. What would you have done?

I am 23m and I have a good amount of exes and situationships, nothing really lasts that much. The thing is I connect to people easily. I give them reassurance, make them feel safe, doesn't ask for any nude stuff and I respect them. If they get harsh to me, I even cry. But after a while when everything is going well, I get fed up and confess them. They cry, I cry and I move on. Its been a pattern for a good while. What tf is wrong with me?

Hi,

Well so my last partner has gotten pregnant after a month in a relationship with a new guy.

But has taken contact with me, and told me that of I want her back she'll get an abortion and leave him.

I left her after she crossed my boundaries with the guy that she is now with. Two years later he finds a way back in her life, and she figured "let's give it a go". But it's not the same as me and her, and she would give it up for a life with me.

I don't feel like I should be involved with the decision at all, as it would affect any relationship we try and build afterwards. And that she should decide if she really wants it with him or not. And then only come to me after and ask if we should try again.

But she will not do it, unless I tell her I want to try again.

So I feel that my decision is the deciding factor. Where she claims it's all hers.

i (23m) have never been in a relationship or had sex and there’s just somethings i want to get off my chest so bare with me as this might be a long post. i also apologies if i sound arrogant or egotistical in this post, but i’m trying to strip myself to my bare bones so before making judgements i just ask please to read and understand, if you just call me names i would know you just read this part and no further.

as the title says i’ve never had sex or been in a relationship, or even on a date for that matter. and there are many factors why that is.

one of the factors is i have never taken action. never. i have no problem talking to girls when the stakes are low. the problem is when there are tension there with girls i find attractive and they. and do you know what haplens to me when that happens? i get stuck in a limerence phase. i build a routine off of seeing these girls who i get a scense that they like me, (a girl who i see all the time at a shop i always shop at, a girl who i see working at a cafe i’m a regular at), i fantasize about them, sit at home in my head thinking about us laughing, how our date goes, when we have sex, when we meet eachothers parents, when we argue, when we break up. i’ve lived an entire relationship before i’ve even spoken to her. and when i get the courage to talk to them, it’s late at night and it becomes “when i see her tomorrow i’m going to do this and say that and we’ll go one a date and it’ll be good and we’ll do…” rince and repeat. everytime. every single fucking time.

i’m also an attractive guy. i’m not tooting my own horn, this is what many people, men and women, have told me. my assistant manager at work (36f) has told me the most (i get on with her very well so don’t take this work ethic seriously). she’s told me i’m gorgeous, that i’m intimidating to younger girls, that girls only come in the store just to stare at me. my other female colleagues have told me that i could get a girlfriend like that. they also asked me if i was gay simply because i don’t fluster around attractive women, nor have i been in a relationship or asked a girl out. i always come up with a shit excuse like “never been a priority” or “never had the time”. in reality i have had time to make it a priority, but deep down i’m a little bitch who won’t take action.

i’m insecure too. i’ve dodged this for a while but i need to admit it. i’m insecure about my looks, how there are better looking guys and if a girl gets with me she will leave me for an even better looking guy, how i don’t have a chest, how i’m skinny, how i have acne and acne scars, how i have bacne, how i have a double chin. i compare myself to others but i just find myself in that loop constantly. and when i talk to girls, these things have never been an issue, i don’t even think about it when i do, i’m laser focused on the conversation i’m not insecure. i grew up around judgemental parents, who also judged girls i liked back at school. one time i said i liked this girl around 9-10, no joke my mum said “she’s fucking ugly, why would you go for her? why not go for that girl?” my older sisters and brothers do it to random people too. and living at home with just my mum, why would i bring a girl to a judgemental enviornment like that? why date a girl when my depressingly misrable mother is gonna find some flaw to poke at me and her about. but as much as i say that i am inherently like this. there have been genuine nice girls who have talked to me and looking back who were really pretty, but i said to myself “no she’s not all that, i can do better”

but the one thing is how repetitive this all is. go on my account and just scroll abit, i talk about the same subjects, seeking validation from people on reddit or chat gpt, get good advice, think about it and do nothing. rinse and fucking repeat. i’m stuck in this cycle of validation and not taking action. i’m in a constant tug of war with opinions. for example it will be things like this:

“there’s this girl who’s been eyeing me up at asda everytime i go there and i’ve been eyeing her up. i can’t wait to talk to ber and finally get over this hurdle of initiating”

\**days comes*\*

“oh she doesn’t look like she’s in a mood today” or “actually i’ve got alot on my plate and need to focus on myself, why would i get into a relationship right now” or “actually she isn’t that attractive, i’m just going to wait abit” or “i’m actually going away for a few weeks, why ask her out now if i’m gonna leave soon?” or “ what if i show my bulnerable side and do something stupid? why would i want to get hooked onto a girl? i’m not ready for committment and don’t want this girl on my cv or spend the rest of my life with this girl” or even best yet “wait i haven’t actually had sex yet, what is she gonna think of me if i do something awkward during sex? or act like a total virgin? she finds me attractive, what will she think if she finds out i’m a good looming 23 year old virgin. will it ruin this fantasy she’s probably built up about me? best to just leave it”

*\*walks past, acts normal, leaves*\*

“damn it why didn’t i ask her out or talk to her. next time i’ll do it better” or “next girl i find it will happen” wvery single time.

so yes, i’m stuck in an overthinking, insecure, validation loop and don’t know how to get out of this. i’m in a comstant tug of wars of my own thoughts and both sides to every story that has been said to me. for example i have been thinking about booking an escort just to get it out the way. here’s what goes through my head:

“i’m going to hire an escort, just get it out the way so atleast girls will know i have had sex, it will expose me in a vulnerable state that i’m afraid of” then comes “why the fuck would i hire an escort? i’m paying for an hour just for sex? also promoting pimping? what’s the point that’s fucking stupid”

so yes, this is the loop i’m in constantly. i don’t know what to do. and if you read this, you would know i mentioned i skim through the advice people give to me, but i really want to change. i want to take action and not just read and think about it. i’m an impatient person and i want to be patient and take your guys advice in. i want to change and do something about this. thank you.

If hurting others is normalized as a method of controlling bad behavior, why can't it be perceived hurting others as a method of controlling bad behavior, like how criminality is an individuals way of achieving justice and arose as a response, is also obviously a good thing worth normalizing?

So hurting someone for doing something bad is extremely normalized. When you can reward good behaviors or disregard bad ones rather than doing bad things to stop bad things. It such an obvious oxymoron but half the world doesn't pick up on this. Its normalized with politics, crime, even franking couples normalize hurting each other. People won't listen the first time so we need to use excessive force.

Do we have to rely on excessive force for the leaders or top of society to get their way? They are very aware of what I said, they just earnestly believe they are more right than others and point to their work to provide for others to show their inherent 'greater' value. Which results in some hypocritical, backwards behavior where the mind isn't aware it is making itself ill and insane doing circles in the ground.

In life were trying to stomp out criminals. For good. Once and for all. But its never happened, well cause I guess everyone can be a criminal, anyone can lie, so we just need technology to catch up to capture, document, all aspects of life and track the wrongdoers so no one will disagree or hurt the system that is trying over! You guys want to criticize what's in place, but its in place for a reason ya know. (alright I am the critical guy where, enough with that mockery no one initially understood)

look we just want good ideas in the world to win, proliferate. The system does the best that it can and it captures people who I hate, who you'd reasonably hate if you were in my position. And its easy to find others to agree and stick with mob mentality that hurts all individuals, despite the mod is comprised of individuals so hurting them is pointless, antithetical to what we set out to do. I think this is why even when someone gains traction and moves on their mountain, slowly we realize we keep creating limiting circumstances for our own lives, cause we want to avoid chance, luck, the wheel of fortune, cause luck and chance are either on your side or not. They are not always nice concepts despite big wins.

Well so, at the end of the day. We all wanted the same thing. Good ideas to win, individuals to be honored while the majority isn't forced to act how a select few or an tyrannical individual may dictate. Reasonable actions to win out. But it does not always win out

Its not reasonable to be upset someone hurt and victimized someone so now you victimize them to show them how it feels. The weird thing, its like an eye for an eye. Its leaving everyone blind when we let our basis for attacking someones eyes if they did it to us or to someone we care about or just people in genearl. So cops with guns to stop shooting, secret crimes that are OK so long as someone is santioned to do it, means people have a right to fight back. Now we all know what happens is slowly we move to a totaliarian state to fix this. but the thing is that doesn't happen like it does in the movies. Cause not one single person wants to force others to live like that. But controlling behaviors is still common. I think decency can be taught, not enforced. I think that's the only way to stop crime. Those movies about government controlling all aspects of life could prove true for a bit, but realistically it would be dismantled by even the people fighting for it. No one wants to be controlled in life. Even managers, CEO's, wise leaders. Only if crime proliferated more would this happen and right now numbers are down. Even if there was an influx no one would enjoy that life. It would be over quickly.

Why do we engage in hypocritical methods to make it in the world? Is it possible were all stuck around unthoughtful actors posing as thoughtful and wise, when even as a wise person you are an individual with individual desires and concerns, so honoring what you feel is right is most important?

I said 'nothing' because this topic is about people who go in circles. The motivation to start a circle is the problem, then no one would go in circles all day. The mental disturbance, illness it takes to make you want to start going in hypocritical circles just to do something, is the same thing as sitting around not doing much cause both people go nowhere. Can we all realize this? its not the person sitting around who doesn't realize this (that's me) its the person going in circles putting themselves on a pedestal when all they did was move in a circle. Can we honor this obvious, reasonable truth somehow? I'm feeling very lonely in this analysis and observation. Knowing the world is built around people going in circles so they can feel better but those circles hurt others and I have to accept working with people who accept these never ending circles.

I'm 24M and in recent years, I am getting attracted towards my elder sis who's 36F. It is getting intense.

I’m 17 currently, and my parents got divorced when I was 14. For the last couple of years I’ve been living with my dad, I barely ever see my mom in person

Obviously since I’m a girl I need to use pads, and my father buys me them when he goes grocery shopping. Sometimes I tell him when I’m running out or if I want the normal or the night ones. At first it was a bit of a change since from the first time I got my period my mom always handled it

Anyways so I was talking to two of my friends and I mentioned this in the conversation. They both had really visceral reactions and said how that’s so embarrassing and they could never imagine asking their dads to do that for them, etc etc

I didn’t say anything in the moment but now that I’m thinking about it it’s actually making me really sad 😢😢 and I can’t stop thinking about it. because yeah it is embarrassing but my mom calls like once a week now, i don’t really have another option

I just wanted to ask if it’s like weird or if anyone else has the same situation?

So here’s the thing. I’m a Northern European based guy and the company my spouse works for has a work training event (all paid for) in San Francisco.

Ordinarily this would be great, and I’d be there with no problems to tag on some days for a cheap trip - but I’ve already booked the week off work beforehand and there isn’t much scope to use any additional leave at such short notice. (It’s at the end of September). It would be 4 working days total

Here are my options:

1. Ask for the vacation days above board but risk getting them denied and therefore making any absence look very obviously like me going on the trip.

2. Keep quiet, come into work for a couple days after my trip but build a pretext to having a decent few days off sick and then go off for a week with a “virus”.

3. Lay myself at the mercy of my employer - explain there’s a once in a lifetime trip that I’m willing to make happen even it involves unpaid days, making time back, working weekends etc. but still risk being denied.

Additional context - I’m applying for other jobs and am not in the greatest standing with my work at this moment in time.

I had some personal issues, losses in the family and cancer surgery which has severely impacted my ability to work at the highest level where I was before, and it’s been difficult to ‘get back on the horse’, so to speak. And I think my credit is running out in terms of how much more i can ask of them.

They have been cool so far, but for the sake of a few days in a job for a company which i may no longer work for by the end of the year, am I overthinking this?

Last bit of context. The job is fully remote and I plan to not share any social media about this trip! So less chance of slipping up.

My girlfriend loves her cat, Oreo, she spoils her, claims shes a good cat and whatnot and is very emotional about her. I dont see the hype for reasons ill get into.

But first I want to say, I do like pets and cats, I had a cat named Sage from my age of 9 till I was 23 and loved him. He was a very good cat who would lie around lazily all day, purr and let anyone pet him. He never clawed anyone, broke anything, etc. The worst thing sage ever did was get his big fluffy hair on everything, which I didnt mind.

My girlfriends cat is a different story. First of all, my girlfriend doesn't take care of pets and is the type to use them for photo models. She doesnt clean up her cats litter box, feed her usually, or anything. For water, my gf is so lazy shes trained her cat to jump up on the bathroom sink and meow at people to fill the sink up for her to drink, which makes it annoying if you have to brush your teeth or anything because youll be told youre not allowed as itll contaminate her water. Which is a good beginning segway to why I get annoyed by this cat. Its not even all necessarily the cats fault, a big chunk is just how my gf has trained her / allows her to be.

So, anytime you go into any room and close the door, especially the bathroom where her water supply is, she will claw and meow loudly at the door. She will not stop no matter how long. Ive lost nights of sleep over it. If you let her in, she will start destroying things. She either scratches it, knocking it over (she broke my lava lamp by just hitting it a bunch of times and has clawed up the screen part on my guitar amp), etc. She likes to eat plastic and tape and every single day I deal with the sounds of it and my gf screaming at the cat to stop. It usually goes, my gf inconveniences me to let her cat in the room, she lasts about 5 mins until she destroys things, she gets kicked out, then she returns to clawing at the door. It never fails. I do not understand how my gf says she is a good cat. She has no chill ever and is constantly a nuisance.

She also likes to pee on everything and pees in the bathtub. Our bathroom constantly smells like pee from either that, her peeing in the sink, or on the towels or clothes my gf leaves on the ground. My gf gets upset that I wont allow her in the bedroom closet, where I keep my favorite stuff and clothes. She acts as if im being over the top of rude or something, but I take care of my stuff and dont want anything else ruined. She has not treated my stuff getting ruined (or anything oreo does) as a issue and continues to spoil her.

This cat has weird quirks.. like you have to watch her eat or she wont and she acts cute but as soon as you go to pet her she claws the ever loving shit out of you. My gf constantly says, and tells others, she is such a sweet loving cat, but she absolutely is not. She attacks her constantly too. As I write this, my right hand is scratched up with dried up blood.

Ive told my girlfriend that, I dont really like her cat and she said that broke her heart because its like a loved one to her, which made me feel bad. But genuinely, ive never met a cat so annoying and mean in my life and, if she were mine, Id have gotten rid of her a long time ago. Its not just the annoying things she does, but how my girlfriend treats her as this entitled ruler of the house who gets to do things like block up our bathroom sink. Im constantly being told to get up and open doors for this cat, to get herself kicked out in 5 minutes being bad, to fill the sink for her, I dont get to brush my teeth if she has reign in the bathroom for a while, etc. And it feels a tad bit ridiculous.

My girlfriend makes me feel hateful and stuff about it, but am I really? I know its, for lack of a better term, "controversial" a little bit but this cat has definitely made life feel worse for me. Who else has a similiar scenario?

He: early 40s, divorced single dad with 2 preteen kids, in the U.S. on a work visa but kids are US citizens
She: mid-late 30s divorced woman, US citizen, no kids of her own

Both met, she told him she wants more kids. He hasn’t told her that he doesn’t want any more kids and is continuing to date with intent to marry as a fast track to securing a green card. I cannot just sit here and watch them both date. He is my friend and I want him to be happy but my heart breaks for her as she runs out of precious childbearing time thinking he wants kids.

I don’t know what to do. I know it’s not my business but I deeply care about this guy and I’m going to be privy to this almost-certain train wreck.

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post

I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well and I did have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum. She has been fairly good lately but sometimes I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 she during a sleepover at theirs she turned my grandparents against me and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A couple of days ago in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. For about half my childhood it's just been me living with her since her divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she was carrying on and her serious lack of empathy.

I'm starting to think that maybe she bent the truth about Dad a bit during their split as i was a child and didn't know much better. My mother often calls him a narcissist and talked about all of the marital and grown up problems they had etc which to be honest I don't appreciate been burdened with. Granted he's not a saint either but has been good to me (well I'd say) most of the time.

One time last year when my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos for something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying and accused me of been selfish and trying to manipulate her. I only asked just to give me a few minutes. When I explained to her how upset I was about that weekend she said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down. What just absolutely astounds is how can she feel that yet emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't comprehend that.

A few days after that weekend one of my teachers checked in and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother while I was already upset by been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who exactly said what to him and that's something that I've also wondered. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the truth now. He was sympathetic and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. It actually baffled me a bit. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc).

I must admit I do feel quite down sometimes that I have a strained relationship with my father (He's got money issues and also smokes pot) and my mother often used me as an emotional punch bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable.

On the bright side though my Dad and I have been in contact lately and we spent the weekend together a while back and went for a pub meal

Her latest meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?"

I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her. I'll admit I snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. She then called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a couple of times before). I wish I had just walked away and not played into her hands.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so unshameably and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me, she seems to feel that she always acts in my best interests and does seem to genuinely care for me and love me, she doesn't seem to remember any of it or feel her behavior was justified and genuinely doesn't seem to believe she ever did me any harm and she thinks she did her best. She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She unshameably tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. I can't get exact clarity on it but they both went through some stuff before I was born and I think that's contributed to the way they are.

As I've said before I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things might've gone differently for her. What do you guys think?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different I feel to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've been isolated with her a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

My mother does help me get on my feet and encourage met but I think she just loves to lord it over me. Whenever I've tried standing up for myself she puts on the guilt trip and carries on about all of her sacrifices and everything she's done for me yada yada yada. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered?

I can't help really resenting her (also my father) sometimes for all of the mental anguish she has put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job and making friends etc because my mum is pretty much most I've ever known. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known.

So to begin I am a fuck up and the word No is not in my vocabulary, like I always go for it if it’s possible like real talk. So get a call from my mother who informs me that one of my favorite uncles has a week of not long left. They’ve stopped treatments and it’s just a waiting game, so me being myself, thought would help, well I got him a bay of mushroom gummies and went and seen them ,so at the very least give him a good day or 2. His family hasalways been there for me and seriously been like a family is supposed 2. What do you think ? Is that not the bad ass way to go ?

Moral or Ethical Dilemma?

A friend of mine from my pervious university. She's in another uni in another state now taking Law School. She shared something sensitive to me. During our chitchat last week, she told me that there's this guy who started to send messages to her. This guy apparently is one of her childhood acquaintances. I said acquaintance and not friend because as far as i understood, he is a friend of a friend of hers. Also they joined the same club in their highschool years. Anyway, some time last month, apparently, he messaged her. And they still are trying to connect to each other to this day. Now, all throughout that time, the guy seems like showing interest to her. Like the time that the guy apparently give her a gift from his vacation because all he thinks "apparently" during the vacy is her and only her. JEEZZZZ!! THESE KIDS. Haha Sorry i cant help but smile from their story. That time, he actually started to develop feelings to my friend. You might be thinking, "so what's the issue, then?" Okay, i have said that she is taking law school in a uni, right? One of her professor is the guy's mother!!! Again, "so?" Believe me or not, i asked the same thing to her too. And? What's wrong with that? She just told me its not right. Coz she's the son of her teacher and she's afraid of what people might say if they knew. I don't know how to give an advice to her. Can someone help me?

Hello one and all. I'm new to all this and I've always thought a strangers advice is generally best.

I m36 have a niece in her 20s with a wee daughter around 6 here is the dilemma. She's really let go of everything and all things life. and word through the family is, her flat is worse than a complete tip she also has a flea ridden cat she refuses to do anything about all she does is sleep all day and night and does very little. She doesn't work either so very little to look forward to in life other than her kid

So a while ago apparently the school has said to another family member who works at the school I believe to be off the record. about social services may be involved in this whole mess she's barely at school she's my niece doesn't get up to take her and even worse a few occasions she's not even collected her and one time apparently stayed at the school till near 6,30 UK time school closes at 3-3.30 because the other family member works there and takes her home. Now that is infuriating enough like how can anyone regardless of the situation. (The school isn't that far of a walk)

As this has slowly came out more recently and I'm sadly only getting bits and pieces from my sister

There has been an intervention of sorts where my mum and other sister and other members have gone to help her clean her flat and try getting through to her that it could be worse than it is.

My dilemma is do I call for a welfare check and risk blowing a family apart even if it were anonymous

My niece screamed at everyone to leave her flat and she doesn't want any help.

The wee kid is the light in the room so happy to just be a kid doing what they do best she's really sweet which is why this is hurting me.

Sorry for any grammar/ spelling was never my strong suit

Any advice or thoughts is welcomed

Thank you

I’ve had a couple situations where I’ve had to call the cops on people driving under the influence. I know I’m doing the right thing but I feel like I should mind my own business. I just don’t want to see them or others get hurt but tonight this girl probably my age early 20s drove up on a median in front of a gas station was nodding out and another girl ran up trying to get her to put in parking with screaming at her. I came up very calm and asked her to put it in park and open the door and she did. I’m not sure what she used, but it wasn’t weed or alcohol. She got out of the car. I tried to talk to her, but she was very mad and I didn’t wanna escalate the situation but I stuck around until the cops came to make sure she didn’t drive away but in talking to her, she just looked so sad and scared.

I know that if I didn’t step in, she could’ve hurt herself or others and still would’ve ended up in a bad situation. But I just feel so bad. She looks so sad anybody using drugs has gotta be in a rough place in their life and if they get arrested, it only makes things worse. Sometimes people are able to get help but usually that’s not the case I just wanted to hear from some other people of what do you think? Should I mind my own business in situations like this? Did I do the right thing? Why do I feel bad that they’re facing the consequences of their own actions?

​I remembered a conversation I had with a long-lost friend as we were slowly getting to know each other again. He said, "I miss you, man. If I was at your house right now, I would bomb you. If we were much closer before, I'd rape you." This made me think about the factors that decide which crimes are acceptable for light jokes and which are sensitive. I don't know why a killing joke seems like a casual gesture, whereas a rape joke feels so predatory and carries significantly more weight.

My parents live on the same roof, my sisters have their own families and so does my brother. We live separately, but whenever there are occasions and celebrations, we go home to our province-my parents house. The day of the car accident, when I received the call, I felt kinda worried but not too much, thinking that he is gonna be okay soon. But he’s not, 2 major brain surgeries. A big chunk of his skull was partially removed . A month in the ICU and 2 weeks in a private room. He is now bedridden. He cannot move his body voluntarily, but he has reflexes specially when coughing. He often dozes to sleep. He had tracheostomy on his neck. A peg on his stomach. We all decided to move in, except for my brother. My oldest sister left her family to help take care of papa-though her family often comes home. My other sister lives 6 hours from us but she makes all the effort to help.

We are financially struggling. So a caregiver is off the table coz we can barely afford his medical needs and not to mention all the debts we have to pay that was incurred during his stay on the hospital.

We were really dedicated to taking care of him. Rolling him every 1-2 hours to prevent bed sores. Getting in and out of sleep sometimes fully awake to make sure he is rolled. Cooking and feeding him every 4 hours, I also have to clean up the mess and wash the dishes. Everyday, I have to clean his trachea and the thing that has to go in so he can breathe. I have to make sure that his peg is also properly monitored for it not to leak.

It has been 3 months. I was all in at first, taking care of him out of love. But now I don’t know anymore. I get stressed every time I think about going into his room, and I see myself avoiding him but then I push myself to do the things I have to do. I am also mentally unstable, so sleep is important to regulate my mood but I was willing to compromise that. And now I am thinking when is this going to end. What would be the future look like. Am I going to take care of him for a long time and miss the life my partner and I planned for? Same cycle everyday. Something bad has built up in my head and heart. What if I just leave them and let them take care of him? Now guilt is washing over me coz i wish he died in that accident.

I know people will continue to have kids either way, but is it actually justifiable in a moral sense? Of course there’s all the arguments for people PERSONALLY, like their own finances, emotional and relationship stability. But what about the global stance, too? Over population alone is driving some of the biggest world issues, not to mention the high percentages of unwanted children enduring emotional, physical and sexual abuse in a broken child care system (that is USA specific, I can’t speak for other countries, I’m sure some are better, and many are probably worse).

Annnnnd, go !