r/nairobi • u/Slow-Plan1901 Level 2 • 14h ago
Rant It Never Gets Better
I am tired of the daily struggles just to live. Especially if you come from a poor family. I have been struggling the longest. And things are only changing for the worst. Everyday passing is a missed opportunity, and you end up wondering how you got here. The worst part about it all is,
You are aging.
I don't even have the energy to keep going. You try talking to people. Not directly, but subliminal messages. The last time I tried opening up, it ended horribly for me. People look at you weirdly.
Burying family members from as young as 7. I wish I offed myself the time it crossed my mind at age 9. The Dostoevsky quote where he says you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing hits hard.
U am partly to blame for all this, coz in life, ignorance is no way to defend yourself. I'm really gone so far. I don't know how to turn back or where to go. I shielded myself to avoid getting hurt. The walls were a prison I jailed myself. I got contented by solitude and it is a catalyst for misery. Mid 30s no friends, no family, no kids. Just me with not much to show for.
I am greatful for good health but I feel like the body is giving up already. Just ranting. Don't feel sorry for me, keep your pity and your sympathy.
Thank you for reading .
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u/Front-Past-5443 Level 2 14h ago
I just saved this lol
Don't worry OP
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u/Slow-Plan1901 Level 2 14h ago
Accurate 😂
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u/Front-Past-5443 Level 2 14h ago
But the funny thing is that even though it seems like it doesn't... It always kinda stops being so bad if you think about it
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u/MkenyaMroma 14h ago
Sounds like my brother. Never seen a more fucked up nigga than him. Sorry
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u/Slow-Plan1901 Level 2 14h ago
What happened to him
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u/MkenyaMroma 14h ago
He is in the pits. 36, jobless, unmarried and rotting in the village with a degree. He is always drunk according to information I get.
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u/Slow-Plan1901 Level 2 13h ago
Life hits hard. All the stuff you thought was so important was meaningless and you feel cheated. I hope he finds footing. Indulgence in drugs will make it worse
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u/wanne_ijae 13h ago
Your health is your greatest wealth - physical, mental and spiritual. Take care of them with all you can. Everything else can be gained and lost and gained over and over.
The way to overcome that fear and blame you hang over yourself like a dark cloud is to go out and live in full. Get out there and live coz life is about experiences, ask those questions, shoot your shot, ukipata, sawa ukikosa ni sawa pia. Usiogope and don't give up.
Nobody knows when their breakthrough will happen. Even those that have made it, there's always more and farther they can go.
Just as long as your giving it all. Ukichoka, take a break and then get back up again. Na hakuna deadline. Usikubali pressure.
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u/Slow-Plan1901 Level 2 13h ago
I feel like making it will be the end of me. Maybe hope is what is keeping me alive
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u/youngbosy 14h ago
It never gets better,you just get used to it.
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u/Slow-Plan1901 Level 2 14h ago
Getting used to it is an overstretch. You get numb.
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u/youngbosy 14h ago
But try to be positive sometimes life is also beautiful among all this chaos
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u/Slow-Plan1901 Level 2 14h ago
I swear I really try
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u/bumweezy 14h ago
OP what do you like doing that makes you happy? Like me, i like going to the gym or gaming or chilling with a good book. And it helps me keep my mind of the bad stuff
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u/Slow-Plan1901 Level 2 13h ago
I used to love technology and computers but the enthusiasm has faded of late
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u/Lost_fixing_myself 13h ago
Bro we shall all die, now or in 90 years, it doesn’t matter. Naelewa hii hali vibaya sana
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u/Slow-Plan1901 Level 2 13h ago
What is the meaning of life. There's no winning
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u/Lost_fixing_myself 13h ago
I know there’s none, just suffering even it you’re crazy rich you still stuff things like death of loved ones.
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u/hishebatman2 11h ago
Nas said, "Life's a bitch and then you die, that's why we get high, coz you never know when you're gonna go".
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u/Makaveli_45 14h ago
I know you dont care, but a quote I live by: "until death all defeat is psychological!"